My little kitten

The rain came early this year, but I didn't mind it. When the dark clouds covered the sky and the cold rain poured down onto the grey streets, I had another reason to stay at home. Not that I was going out even if the weather was good, but the autumn rain took away my guilt for staying inside.It’s not that I didn't want to go out… I just didn't have any friends who wanted to spend time with me. The rain made it easier to be alone. I guess most people spent their weekends at home in this weather, watching movies or reading a book. Autumn made me feel almost normal, like everyone else.

I looked out the window as the cold droplets fell onto the dark street. I loved when it rained and the whole city drowned in grey tones, bringing a sense of sadness and loneliness. It made me feel that I, too, belonged here, and it helped me accept my feelings. In weather like this, I wasn’t the only one who felt lonely.

I sat down and opened the book I was reading, trying to find comfort in a story that took place in a better version of our world, a world where everyone was happy and kind. The rain drummed against the window and my mind slowly drifted to the place where I could feel happy, even if it was only for a moment.

I heard the door open and I put my book down and sighed. I didn’t like being caught sitting in the living room, but the light was better here, and I liked the view from the window better than in my bedroom. Not that we spoke a lot anyway, we kept to ourselves most of the time. You were out when I got up, and I always tried to be in my room when you got back. I didn’t really know anything about you except your name. You must be a student, I thought, but I had never managed to figure out what you studied. You probably had a part-time job as well. Your returns were erratic enough to indicate that you did something else than study but regular in a manner that excluded spending time with friends. You lived in my art room, not caring for the old bed, the dried paints and the canvases covered with a layer of dust.Me, on the other hand, didn’t mind that your rent payments were irregular at best.

We lived like two stray cats who had found shelter from the rain in an old cardboard box, knowing that when it cleared up, our paths would go separate ways. We wouldn’t even remember that we once sat next to each other and waited out the storm.

So that’s why I was taken aback when rather than going to the kitchen as you always did, you came to the living room, even if you knew I was there. Your hair was wet, and you held a grey kitten in your hands. I looked at you, surprised, but you avoided my gaze.

“Someone threw her away!”, you said with anger in your voice. “I found her in a box next to the rubbish bin. She was...alone, you know.” Your voice lost its normal harshness when you said it. It sounded soft and gentle, not at all fitting with your rough appearance.

I made space on the sofa and said quietly with an invitation in my voice, “She must be cold…”

You took a few careful steps and sat down awkwardly on the sofa, and I shared my blanket with you. We sat in silence, watching the kitten slowly crawl under your jumper in search of warmth. I had no idea what I should say, but you didn't seem to mind the silence. At least that’s what I thought as you slowly relaxed under the warm blanket, not indicating in any way that you wanted to go somewhere else. We sat quietly, listening to the rain outsideand the soft purr of the kitten, who finally felt warm and safe. I could feel the water dripping from your wet trousers and slowly soaking my leggings, but I didn't mind it. Not enough any way to move and scare you into to your room.

Had the two stray cats decided to keep each other warm during the storm? Is that what was happening?, I wondered. If so, was it really silly for me to wish that the storm would never end…

It was late when you got up, at least for you, and you held the kitten close to your chest. “I need to get up early,” you said.

I nodded and watched you go, hearing your footsteps slowly disappearing in the corridor.

I got up too, and tried to push away the wave of loneliness that flooded me as I made my way to my bedroom. I lay in the cold bed, listening to the rain. It was too early for me to fall asleep, yet I knew I wouldn’t find comfort in any of my books. Was I really jealous of a little kitten who had found someone who cared for her?

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It was still dark outside when you knocked on the door and woke me up. I wrapped myself in a blanket and got up. The cold floor underneath my feet woke me up enough to make me wonder what you wanted. You hadn’t come into my room once since you moved in, and most of the time we interacted with each other through the notes we left on the kitchen table. It was enough to cover all the things we needed to speak about.

I opened the door and saw you standing there in your rain jacket, holding the kitten in your hands. “Could she stay with you when I am gone?”, you said quietly, without looking at me. “She… doesn’t like to be alone”, you added softly.

I nodded and took the kitten into my arms, letting her claws dig deep into the blanket.

She meowed, and a soft smile appeared on your face as you turned and left. I went back to bed, letting the kitten lie next to my chest and purr quietly. Had she really accepted me so easily?, I thought.

You came back late. I could hear you putting your bag on the floor and going into the kitchen to make yourself some food. Maybe I should start cooking for you?, I thought. You must be tired after the whole day out.

The kitten had kept me awake that morning, and I’d got up earlier than usual. Noteven I could spend that much time reading, no matter how much it rained, so I had to find myself something to do. I had cleaned a bit, and then sat on the sofa with the kitten sleeping on my lap and ...waited? I guess I would have to find myself more to do. Trying to sleep through the day, as I used to do, would not work any longer.

I glanced at you when you finally came into the room. Your hair was wet again, and so were your trousers. Didn’t you have a hoodie on your jacket? Or an umbrella?, I wondered as you sat

down next to me.

Were the two stray cats actually choosing each other's company willingly this time? I don’t think it was the storm that forced us to do it. Should I lean into you and share some of my warmth? Probably not. What if it would scare you away and make you run into the rain in search of another empty box…

The little kitten woke up and looked at you, stretching her paws. You smiled and hesitantly put your hand on her tiny body, making her purr. It was the second time ever that I had seen you smiling. It suited you better than the serious and angry expression you always had. I guess that deep inside, you were very different from what you showed to the outside world. But then, wasn’t I the same?Probably. I, too, had a side that I never showed to anyone. Was that the reason for my loneliness? No, every time I tried... I shook my head.

You looked at me surprised, caught off guard by my sudden movement. “Are you okay?”, you asked softly.

I nodded and looked out the window, happy that you didn’t push the question further and scared me into going to my room with some silly excuse.

So we sat in silence again, listening to the purring kitten and the rain outside. I wondered what

you were thinking when your hand softly brushed the grey fur. Were you aware of that some of your strokes finished on my leg? I couldn’t tell, and I would never dare to ask you directly. It could scare you away. In any case, would you have given me an honest answer, if you did do it on purpose? I probably wouldn’t have admitted to such a thing and would have pretended it happened by chance.

Not that I minded it in any way, but if you did it intentionally, I wondered why. Was it an apology for your wet trousers pressing against my leg, or something else?

You stayed longer than yesterday, even if you needed to get up early again. Did you do it for her? No, you took her with you when you went to bed. Then why?

I felt tired as I lay in bed, too tired to read, but it wasn’t surprising. I had got up early and done more that morning than I normally did in a whole month. Was it a good thing? I didn’t really know. My day-to-day routine had changed since the kitten began to stay in my bed in the mornings, but that was not a bad thing in itself. I wondered what else I should do with my time tomorrow, since I expected you would bring her to me again in the morning. She didn’t like to be alone…

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I woke up to your footsteps as you walked into my bedroom, carrying her in your arms. You only noticed that I was awake when you put her next to my chest.

“Sorry… I didn’t want to wake you up.”, you said quietly.

“It is okay”, I said softly as the kitten crawled under the duvet.

“Take care”

“You too”, I said as you turned and left.

I could hear it was raining again, and I hoped you would not get soaked. Maybe I should give you my umbrella?, I thought.

I got up and got dressed, wondering if I should go for some shopping. I could buy you an umbrella and get some food for lunch, but I didn't want to leave the kitten alone. She didn’t like it. I sighed and started to pull out the old boxes from underneath the bed. I knew I had a rain jacket somewhere. It would fit you, but what if you didn’t like it?

I spent most of the morning looking for it, watching the kitten play with everything I pulled out of the box, until I found it. Would you even consider wearing it?, I wondered. I had never seen you wearing anything else than black, so I guess a pink jacket was out of the question for you. I sighed.

I had spent so much time looking for it that I didn't have much time left to cook us some food. At least luck was on my side here, since anything I would be able to prepare in the short time I had would be better than the frozen lasagne you always ate.

When I was done, I put the pot on the kitchen table and wrote you a note. Funny, this time the small yellow sticker we normally used was too small, and I needed to write it on the back of a flyer, advertising carpet cleaning, that somehow had made its way to our kitchen.

I felt tired as I sat down on the sofa and picked up my book. The kitten jumped up on my lap and started to purr as I read. Did I really wait for you to come, or was it just the change in my regular schedule that made me so restless?, I wondered.

Finally, you came home. I could hear your bag dropping to the floor and your footsteps leading to the kitchen. You stayed there for longer than usual, and it somehow made me happy. I guess you ate everything I prepared for you.

Once you were done, you came in and sat next to me.

“Thank you for the food”, you said, looking at the kitten sleeping on my lap.

I smiled. Somehow, your simple words made me happy, but I didn't know how I should respond to them. I didn’t think the silence bothered you much. Maybe you liked to be quiet and listen to the rain drumming against the window.

I could feel your cold hands through my leggings as you petted the kitten, and I worried that she might get cold. I somehow had got used to getting my legs and socks soaked with the cold water dripping from your trousers, but she might not like the cold. She always searched for warmth before falling asleep, often burying herself in the pile of pillows that lay on the sofa.

Would I scare you away if I mentioned it to you?, I wondered. Would you run away if I took your hands in mine, and tried to warm them? Or would you understand that I did it only for her sake?

It seemed that you didn’t mind it, or at least you didn’t run away when I took your hand and held it between my palms. I rested it on the kitten. She didn’t mind the extra weight and to be honest, I don't think she even noticed any difference.

It was late even for me when we separated, and you left for your room, carrying the sleeping kitten in your arms.

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I woke up to the smell of the coffee as you put a steaming cup next to my bed and let the kitten jump onto my bed.

“She missed you”, you said softly.

Did she?, I wondered. I looked at the kitten curling up in a ball next to me. I guess she did have a habit now of staying with me in the mornings. And it seemed like you had learned about my habit of having a cup of coffee in bed and slowly waking up. I smiled. Even if you had only seen me getting coffee and disappearing back into my room a few times a month, you had still noticed it.

“I am going shopping, do you need anything?”, you asked, walking towards the door.

I shook my head, resisting the urge to get out of bed and see you go. You looked really cute in pink.

—-----------------------------------------------

I woke up as the cold draft froze my back and I saw you getting up, pulling the duvet from me in the process. I blinked. It was still early.

You looked at me with a soft smile.

“Misty is hungry. I will feed her and come back.”