The Third Wheel

Splashes of water echoed against the rough cream travertine tiles of the washroom as rivers of murky rust-colored water streamed from the tips of thick golden locks, serpentining between soft curves, and down tight pale skin until it pooled onto the floor waiting to be swept away by the next torrent.

With each bucket of water she splashed over herself Yssa's body shuddered, scraping her knees, shins, and feet against the stone floor. Then, as her body trembled in the cold between each interval, the scrapes vanished with a soft glow of light.

How many buckets had she poured so far? She wasn't sure. She barely remembered the trudge from Lady Venna's office back to her room or when she had stripped her ragged robes off. It wasn't like it mattered; it wasn't like monsters were known for their cleanliness anyways.

Empty. Hollow. Vacant. She tried to think of other words to describe how she felt by flipping through her mental lexicon. It was either that or confront her new reality. After leaving the Headmistress's office rationale had fled her mind. Her chest had tightened into a knot that brought her to her knees, but the pain had faded as quickly as it had come leaving nothing but tears behind. "I can fix this." "I'm still me." "Why me?" "It'd be better to just end it now." But was that even possible anymore?

It's not fair! she thought. All I've ever wanted was to help people, to bring justice and equality to the world. So why am I being punished? It's not fair! Why should I have to worry about turning into a tree or a demon when I've devoted my entire life to fixing this shit world?

The thoughts left a sour taste in her mouth and she spat onto the floor. It was unbearable, it weighed down on her until she could barely bring herself to stand even though she was probably ten times stronger than a veteran knight. She wanted nothing more than to stay there, dumping bucket after bucket over herself until her body and soul were cleansed. But the barrel of water was dry and her wand was broken.

She was clean enough.

Without bothering to dry herself off, she pulled a spare red robe and hat from her armoire and clothed herself. She glanced at her white vanity table, her eyes lingering on the assortment of beauty products. The gold plated ashwood brush. The silver lined mirror hanging on the wall behind it that forced her to choke down vomit when she thought about her reflection.

Who cared how she looked.

Moving as softly as a ghost, she made her way through the tall marble halls of the upper class dorms. They were mostly vacant, and the few students and faculty she did pass wore somber expressions. She passed the entrance to the Grand Sorcerer's Cathedral where stone golems controlled by tight-jawed faculty piled stone chunks of debris twice their size.

"It's all my fault! If I hadn't asked him to get dinner," a girl with short blonde hair screamed at her friend. "Ian would still be... If he'd just stayed in the library with me…"

There were several others gathered around the small memorial that had already been erected in front of the dining hall's entrances. Some wailed like the blonde, others sobbed silently in their friends' arms. Again vomit threatened to escape, but she managed to choke it down until she rounded the corner out of sight.

It's my fault. If I had taken my studies and training more seriously instead of childishly playing around with Remmi and Alva…

She hesitated at the thought of Alva. In Lady Venna's office she had been quick to defend her, but now that she had been given time with her thoughts, she could feel the tinge of resentment gnawing at her heart. Venna was right; Alva had been partially to blame for this. 

For distracting her from the dream she'd worked so hard for, for turning her into… it didn't matter. What was done was done. The only thing she could change was the future.

Ten minutes? An hour? Yssa wasn't sure how long it had taken her to arrive at the shabby boarding house the common students resided in, but the sun had long set. The inside of the boarding house was lively, with students bustling around, gossiping about rumors, reenacting what they thought the attack had looked like. Her name came up several times, though never with a positive tone.

"…Those two were there, but my friend said they only cared about that girl, Alva."

"Figures. I guess it helps to be a favorite of the rich and powerful."

Shut up. If you're so confident, you fight next time, you put your life on the line. You become a demon. Yssa's lip twitched as she continued to walk. None of you would sacrifice what I have. Instead you'll just complain and pretend you could have done better and spit on my name when I don't meet your expectations. Maybe they're right. Are commoners even worth protecting?

"Let's just leave, MiMi. Your parents keep writing about wanting to see us. We should just go home."

Yssa's raised fist paused just before she knocked.

"If I didn't think those rich assholes would drag us back, I'd be all for it."

They want to run?

"Fair. Lady Venna would probably drag us back and beat us to death. But I hate this! I don't want to deal with all this, that's why I said we should have never come here."

The sound of Remmi and Alva's laughter through the shabby wooden door made Yssa grind her teeth. How could they? They wanted to abandon their responsibility, abandon her? A part of her had always known — she was the third wheel of the group, an outsider.

"Do you think Yssa would come?"

"Psh. You know Miss Hero Complex would just lecture us about responsibility. She'd probably drag us back before that hag Venna got a chance."

So this is who Remmi really is. Of course it was all a facade. Why wouldn't it be? I've probably just been the punchline to their jokes since we met.

Yssa's jaw clenched and she could see the shadows of the hallway receding as her hair illuminated. She should break down the door and grab them by the hair. Or better yet, skewer them like she had the dragon. That would — She shook her head. It was fine. She didn't need them.

She didn't bother knocking before opening the door and as much as she hated to admit it, her heart froze when she stepped in. The laughter had cut off immediately and both Alva and Remmi were sitting in Alva's bed like teenagers caught by their parents tumbling in the hay. No one said anything. Remmi turned away, her verdant eyes refusing to meet Yssa's. Alva's locked on, her soft brown eyes sunken with guilt.

"Lady Venna says we're to have the audience with the King in a week. Until then, Remmi and I will be doing private training."

There was a clatter of metal and glass objects tumbling to the floor behind Yssa's back when she turned and closed the door behind her, and a moment later a hand clamped around her wrist.

"Yssa, stop."

Alva's touch, the touch that usually made Yssa's heart sing. The touch she had come to desire most in the world. It made her skin crawl. She balled her fists and focused on keeping her golden aura from leaking out. "I'm fine. I just came to deliver the message. Go back to whatever you two were doing."

"What? I don't know what you heard but just let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain!"

Yssa yanked her wrist free, her hair betraying the calm she desperately fought for, and Alva tumbled onto the hallway floor. A twang of guilt bit at Yssa's heart, but she snuffed it out. Whatever relationship she had with Alva and Remmi was over, no matter how sincere Alva's pleading expression was.

"Please stop and talk to me," Alva begged, grabbing Yssa's fist. "Did something happen with Lady Venna?"

"No. Nothing happened at all. I just don't want my 'Hero Complex' to ruin the fun you two were having." Yssa could see Alva's throat tighten at the comment, whatever words she wanted to say caught inside. Unjustified guilt feuded with the angry tempest of barely understandable thoughts in her mind. Part of her knew Alva and Remmi hadn't been being malicious and that they weren't actually going to run away. But right now when everything… when she needed…

"Please, Yssa, I'm sorry! Just come in and we can talk this—"

"I don't care. So let go before I do something we'll all regret."