Leaves from the Vine falling so...

Dear Diary

Date November 25th 2024

Water, Earth, Fire and …. Air. A long time ago…

“Max! Maxxy!”

…everything changed when the Fire Na…

“Max! didn’t you hear me calling you?”

Daphne stormed into the living room, an apron tied around her waist wielding a wooden spoon.

“Huh? Didn’t you hear me?” she repeated, hands on her hips.

I blinked, clutching my ear dramatically. “Sorry, my ear is still not fully healed.”

She gave me her sneer of death. “Mschew! You can’t hear, but you can hear the TV just fine, huh?”

I dared not answer. Being the youngest of three, I learned from an early age to choose my battles wisely. Who knows what she would say…or worse, do…if I pushed my luck? I still get chills just thinking about the time I jokingly told her to “chill” when she was mad. Spoiler: SHE DID NOT CHILL.

Anyway, it’s been a few days since my ear infection, and to be perfectly honest, I don’t feel any pain anymore. But why would I let anyone know that? Being doted on is amazing. Like seriously you have no idea.

How I Milked My Ear Infection for All it Was Worth

1. Lily, My Loving Caretaker (Light Bulb: A manga idea!)

Lily, bless her heart, was the first to fall into my trap.

“Max, you need anything?” she had asked, standing at my doorway looking concerned.

I sighed deeply, making sure to add a pained wince for effect. “Maybe… a hot cup of tea. But only if it’s not too much trouble.”

“Of course!” she chirped.

Fifteen minutes later, I had a steaming cup of tea, plus cookies. COOKIES. I should get sick more often.

The next morning, I pushed my luck.

“Lily, can you grab me a blanket?”

“You already have a blanket.”

“Yes, but my left foot feels… cold.”

And that’s how I ended up wrapped in two blankets, sipping tea while she did the dishes. AMEN.

2. Daphne, the Overly Invested Caretaker

I never knew how much Daphne "loved" playing nurse until she decided I was her newest patient.

"Max, I made you soup," she announced, handing me a bowl.

I peered at it suspiciously. "What’s in it?"

"Good things for your immune system."

"That’s exactly what a witch says before poisoning a king."

She did not laugh.

"You’re eating it," she said, sitting across from me with the intensity of a mafia boss making a deal.

I ate it. It was NOT good, and my immune was the same after.

Later, she caught me playing video games.

"If you’re well enough to do that, you’re well enough to take out the trash."

I fumbled for my ear. "Huh? Sorry, my hearing is still a little off—"

Next thing I saw was a pillow aimed at my head. Thankfully… it did not connect. Safe to say she wasn’t buying what I was selling.

3. Stephen’s Guilt-induced Generosity

Stephen, my dear, gullible friend, has the attention span of a goldfish. But for a solid day, he was convinced my ear infection was a near-death experience.

“Hey, buddy,” he said, patting my shoulder, “I feel bad I couldn’t see my best friend was in so much pain. I promise to make it up to you bro.”

"Wow, Stephen. That’s so thoughtful," I said, already plotting my afternoon nap.

I mean, I would have felt pain even if I was by myself in the office. But he has so much on his mind, its best to just relieve him of the burden of honesty. He is lucky to have a good friend like me.

"And here, take this." He handed me a gift card to my favorite restaurant.

Lily’s birthday is coming up soon, I think. Score! God bless that man.

Everything was going perfectly… until I got cocky.

Daphne walked in earlier and caught me humming while making a snack.

“Oh,” she said, narrowing her eyes. “Your ear infection is so bad that you can’t hear me yelling, but you can sing the Avatar theme song?”

I froze.

"Uh… muscle memory?"

“Wow! You must have some spider senses. Is that how you dodged that pillow I threw at you?”

I gulped. The jig was up.

Daphne crossed her arms. "You’ve been faking, haven’t you?"

"Faking is a strong word."

“What word would you use then?”

"Listen, let’s not get caught up in the details. What matters is that we all grew as people through this experience," I said, slowly inching toward the door.

Daphne raised an eyebrow. "So you can take out the trash."

"...I can supervise someone taking out the trash?"

She grabbed a wooden spoon ready to attack.

I ra….

Signing off,
Max Harvey: Master of Avoiding Work, Currently on the Run from an Angry Sister