Real Eel!

James fell gracefully as a sakura blossom to the ground. He dropped from the lowest branch and landed majestically, pounding his fist into the ground.

“I look good doing just about anything.” He grinned crooked his arm around Jiro’s neck. He was right but Jiro would never say so out lout.

James Kawasaki was a fairly handsome boy with a sharp jaw and short spiked hair. He was a head shorter than Jiro but he still somehow stood out above him.

Girls would go crazy for James. He was the cool guy. Ever since puberty, and even before, he was popular. Unfortunately, it would be harder for them to get to him from now on. Jiro and James were heading toward Togashi Boys High School. There was real heartbreak as we proceeded down the curving suburban path toward the bus stop.

“You certainly attract a crowd.” Jiro commented at the group of girls across the street.

“And I am very grateful.” He winked at one of the girls who seemed like she might feint on the spot from the sudden attention.

“Do you think they even notice I’m here?” Jiro whispered.

“What was that?”

“It was nothing.” Jiro didn’t want to burden James with his insecurities.

“You need to learn to speak your mind a bit more.” James and I sat down on the bench where the bus would pick us up, “High School is a time for reinvention. It’s a new world for us, man.”

Jiro wasn’t sure it was so easy to change.

“Aren’t you going to be lonely without-”

“Them? Naw, it’s a new era for me, and for you, right? I don’t need all of that to feed my ego.”

Jiro stared at his friend in disbelief, “You have a girlfriend don’t you?”

“That is insulting… I have two.” James smiled and hopped off the bench, “Three if I’m counting you.”

Jiro laughed. The bus pulled up and they marched in high spirits into their new school life.

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This certainly is a new world. A large creature crashed through the canopy of trees. Lightning flashed off the thing’s dark, slimy skin, striking the foliage and setting it ablaze. I had been expecting to be confronted by a dragon or wyvern of some kind, but this was somehow even more terrifying.

The creature was a giant, winged, electric eel.

It’s mouth gaped open and shut, rows of hundreds of tiny teeth glistened in anticipation of it’s upcoming snack. I shuddered at it’s massive size; the eel must have been almost as long as the cliffs were tall. I could have handled handled a dragon but an eel was too much.

You’re on your own Barry. He let out a weak whimper. “You dug your own grave.”

It was an empty threat, I couldn’t live with myself If I just left him to die.

“Roar!” The eel’s dull yellow eyes focused down on me and a charge travelled across it’s body. I saw it coming and jumped. The blue lightning exploded just behind where I’d been standing.

“Not fair. You can fly and shoot lightning!” I’m a freakin’ cow, I don’t have any cool powers like that. Land already and I’ll give you a fight, I’m playing with a handicap here.

It let out a slightly more guttural growl that sounded a lot like Jabba the Hut laughing at Luke Skywalker.

It fired another shot and I dodged. It was obviously just playing with me. The fire slowly crawled down from the top of the trees. The entire area was slowly being engulfed in smoke. Another few minutes and It would start interfering with my breathing and a few minutes after that I’d lose the goddamn bet. I could just picture those angel bastards laughing at me. I’d never really gotten worked up before and I’d certainly never been in a real fight, but that image was inciting something within me. I wanted to go out on my own terms and this wasn’t it.

“If I can’t get up to your level, I’ll bring you down to mine! Fish!” I didn’t really know what I meant by that, it sounded cool, though.

I ran over to Barry who was attempted to get up, “Don’t get the wrong idea.” I picked him up by the scruff of his neck and waved him around.

“I’ve got a nice snack for you!”

Barry tried and failed to crane his neck around to bite my hand, “Quit that or you’ll be cow food instead of eel bait.” I whispered menacingly.

As the eel lunged I jumped with as much force as I could muster somehow I collided with the eel’s forehead. I slammed my fingers into it’s slimy skin and to my surprise they went in.

“Roar.” I climbed, tearing out lumps of flesh as I went. The eel roared in anguish.

“I think my ancestors used to eat these things.” I yelled over to Barry. He seemed to read my mind. “I’m going to kill this thing and whether you’re next or not depends on the next thing you do.”

Eels and a lot of other animals had gone extinct or were near extinction by the time of my passing.

Barry hesitated for a second then bit into the eel. “Good choice.”

I accidentally inhaled some smoke and coughed. The trees were burning downward like candles. I internally apologized to the poor girl I was inhabiting.

“Those trees look like they might be brittle enough.” I thought out loud. “Keep it distracted for a minute.” Barry nodded.

Blue light surged across the eel’s back like Godzilla powering up his atomic breath. I jumped off his back and onto a nearby tree. “Hot! Hot! Ochie!” My hand grasped the burning wood. No matter how thick ones skin was it still hurt to stick your hand into a roaring fore. I began rocking back and forth. The tree shook and groaned. The eel looked like it had very limited vision, so I was crossing my fingers that it had no idea where I was or what I was trying to do.

It was also focused on trying to zap Barry who was running around taking nibbles and dodging lighting.

Do your namesake proud, buddy! Run, Barry, run!

I heard a small rip in the trunk and jumped to the next one. I felt like an anime protagonist jumping from building to building like it was no big deal. I shook the tree until I heard a crack and moved on.

Barry yelped, I looked over to see him glaring at me while running, I guess he was telling me to hurry up. If we didn’t get a move on the eel would change attack patterns or try to run away.

“I gotch’ya, I gatch’ya!”

I finished setting things up. A full grown cow weighed about 550 kilograms. I hoped I didn’t weigh that much but it would be helpful about now if I did. This body was incredible well rounded in a lot of different areas, but NOT fat, I swear. From my tests I realized that my bones must be incredibly dense and/or there’s some magic at play that’s working to strengthen my body. In other words…

I leaped off the tree and plummeted down to the eel below. My feet collided with the enormous beast sending out a shockwave. I felt the eel sink to the ground. I need to be heavier! Heavier! The eel suddenly lurched downward even faster and hit the forest floor with a rumble.

Barry and I jumped off just in time for it to keel backward like a horse bucking but from the head down instead.

“Timber!” I ran at full throttle and jumped fist first. “Grit those teeth!” I yelled for no one’s amusement other than my own. I threw an uppercut at it’s jaw causing it to fall against one of the trees I’d snapped. One by one all the other ones followed suit collapsing on top of the eel.

Landing back on the ground with an earth breaking thud, I observed my handiwork. The eel had been crushed. I waited for almost two minutes before definitively announcing my victory.