Chapter Ten - Monster

Only muted darkness clung to the edges of his vision now. He watched the pair leave in silence. Maybe it would be a simple reprieve after all. He wrapped his arms around his thin form, suddenly feeling so cold. A lot can change in nine years, true, but his eternity refused to allow everything to change.

He felt his vision spin. His heart beat crystal clear within his ears. But why was he so nervous? Everything was as it should be. He was awake; had his new Master to protect. And Charlie seemed so kind…

Adagium.

A chill erupted within him. Snow. Iron. Blood… The trembling increased as he slowly turned back, eyes roving over the thick shadows beyond where the light could reach. His heart thumped loudly against his ribcage, pounding in his throat, his ears, his soul.

Poor worthless creature.

A slender wisp of a woman stepped from the darkness, clad in the pale clothes of a Guardian who had passed into sagehood. A hood and shawl covered her entire head, except her eyes which burned an otherworldly hue of crimson.

Reiem tensed up, eyes wide. It was her…Marianne. One of the few who instilled such fear into him, back from the bowels where she so rightly belonged. Even now, he could feel the pain boring into his very soul, searching, reaching, burning.

"You are dead," he said quietly, shaking his head as she inched ever closer. He felt the pain becoming a little more tangible as it worked its way through his soul. He could feel his heart pounding in his ears as the woman stepped forward, continuing to speak as if he'd said nothing.

You never left my service.

He couldn't tell if what he saw was real or a hallucination. The pain—he knew—felt real. Where was Charlie? Where was the tower? The world was black. He hadn't even had a chance to taste the outside air. It was like that suffocating blackness was swallowing him up once more and locking him away—this time forever. Everything was so dark. And it was only Reiem and Marianne that were standing.

There, Adagium. Good monster.

Marianne smirked. Her voice was so loud, though it was barely above a whisper. It was a knife cutting through the intense black, leaving it frail and tattered, fall to nothingness. He took a step back from Hell. Marianne was Hell.

And the black was becoming white…then red. So cold. So…sharp. Was he bleeding? Yes, it was the day of his end; of eternity, the peace he'd lost. Frigid rain, red snow blossoming, swallowing up the ground at his feet at he took another step back. The marks across his body were burning. No peace, no light. She stood there, smirk growing, eyes burning. Burning his skin and melting his bones like the seals that bound him.

In the bloodied snows he saw himself. He turned his head away, wrapped his arms tighter; the shivering wouldn't stop.

Friends? Ridiculous. You'll never know that kind of peace, Adagium. Come. Stand at your true Master's side.

Reiem felt his body burn again, the ferocity of the heat clashing hard with the sharp cold that sent him quivering to his knees. His mind screamed; his skin boiled; his soul shivered. He'd have to give in to Hell, quickly, before he fell in too deep.

"Reiem?"

"Help me," he gasped. He didn't know where he was anymore. In the black abyss with Marianne? In the bloodied snows taking his final breath? In the tower with Charlie and Griff?

Marianne's face appeared before his. Reiem was so close to Hell; he would only have to stretch out his arm to beg for the pain to stop; for him to be released from his burden, but he didn't. It would only take a single, swift motion.

And the pain. It would end…wouldn't it?

"Reiem!"

The face before him flashed to another, to one much kinder. Miss Charlotte. She knelt in the bloodied snows, unsullied by their taint and oblivious to the frigid cold. And yet, she looked pained. She felt the same pain. His pain.

"What's wrong? C'mon, look at me," she said.

He reached out his hand, grasping at the darkness past Charlie; reaching to beg to Marianne.

"I can't…" Reiem started but couldn't finish. The snow was fading, the flames dying. His dark eyes searched hers. Something bound him—even now—to Hell.

Don't be afraid. Give in.

"I…"

"Focus on me, Reiem… Please!"

Immediately, he felt the cold disappear. The burning in his core was gone. The redness faded first, then the blue and black until he saw the sky.

Twilight sky. Early evening…or was it dawn? The world was so quiet. Why was the world so quiet? And he was laying down on the ground, staring at the violet fire sky, and there was no Marianne, no darkness.

Charlie's hand found his.

"Are you alright?"

Reiem turned his head and looked at her. She was sitting beside him, looking down at him.

"I saw…her," he said, barely recognizing his own voice for how hoarse it was.

Charlie didn't say anything. Reiem barely felt his heart now. It was like he was succumbing to the long sleep all over again.

"Why have I awakened?" Reiem wondered, turning his eyes toward the sky again. "Why?"

"I'm…I'm sorry," she whispered.

Reiem closed his eyes and felt something hot roll down his cheeks.

‡ † ‡

"Reiem, can you hear me?"

I can hear you, he wanted to say, but his voice wouldn't come out. Forgive me, he wanted to say, but all that came was silence.

"Forgive me, Master…"

"Reiem… Stop. You've done nothing wrong."

"Done nothing wrong? I'm a monster…"

"According to who? I'm certainly not afraid. But just promise me something."

"Yes, Miss Charlotte…"

"Please take care of yourself, okay? I remember…"

The scene changed, glitched like a corrupted video. They were standing in a forest, thick canopy coloring the filtered sunrays a deep green. Trapped within a dream. It was only Reiem that took notice. He saw Charlotte, too, standing ahead of him, her face turned up to the sun-dappled canopy. The shadows danced strangely across her face, falling into the lines of her smile and tinging her eyes with a brilliance that looked to be the lifeblood of the planet itself.

"Deepwood?" Reiem asked.

"Oh, so that's what it's called? Grandma's journals mentioned a place hidden in Ruinwood. She described it like something from a dream."

Reiem snorted. "'Nightmare' is a name more befitting."

"Only the Guardian and her protector can enter, right?" She smiled at him. "Guess that means us. I think I'll be okay. You'll be with me when the time comes, right?"

She stood, and Reiem tried to do the same, but the ground fell out from beneath him. Charlie, and the brilliant light of Deepwood, disappeared as he fell deeper and deeper, swallowed once more by frigid, writhing shadow.

Charlotte, help me, he tried to say, but his voice was gone again.

Always a monster…

"I'll protect you if you can't do it."

Just give in…

‡ † ‡

Reiem blinked a few times to adjust the faint light. He wanted so very badly to simply close his eyes and return to blissful darkness. Soon the swirling ceiling came to a standstill. The ceiling fan, the faded floral patterns on the edges of the wall, the pale blue curtains… They were all familiar. A room in the farmhouse?

Reiem hung onto this like it was the most important thing to find out. He squeezed his eyes shut. How long ago was it that he'd last been in here? Nine years… His eyes snapped open.

"You looked like you were having a nightmare, dude," a voice said, the same some as before. Reiem turned his head, feeling his neck move stiffly, and found Griff leaning against the wall and peering into his face like he was observing some mildly fascinating phenomenon. "You okay?"

"I will manage," he finally said.

"Well—how do you feel?"

He didn't know. He had no feelings; he was all out of feelings. More like they'd been forced out of him and locked away; it wasn't a novel symptom, but it disturbed him a little, nonetheless. Wait, there was a feeling.

"Disturbed."

"Uh, I guess that's something." Griff seemed to want to chuckle, but gave up the effort. He instead lifted a bag in his hands. "Dad's the only one with your build, so he's letting you borrow some of his clothes for now. Your stuff is all…kinda motheaten."

This seemed to spark something in his chest. He tried to hold onto it.

"Yeah, you didn't really have much aside from what you're wearing."

Reiem sat up, slowly. He wasn't under a blanket, or anything like it, but it felt like the whole of time and history—and what was left of his sanity—was pressing down on him. Still, he sat up, fighting the urge to flop back down again. It was very important that he sat up. It was very important—he couldn't remember—Master—gone—something…

"Miss Charlotte," he said, suddenly remembering. "What happened? Where is she?"

"Not sure what exactly happened, but she's cool. She's downstairs with Iggy."

Reiem watched Griff ramble on about something and felt a vague wonder at how easily the young man seemed to feel comfortable around him. This was wrong. Everything was so wrong.

"You should go to her," he heard himself say. He waited for the boy to act, but he didn't. He wished he could tell him that something was just so wrong, but he didn't. He couldn't. Instead, Griff walked up and put a hand to his forehead.

"Man, you're burning up. You sick or something?"

Reiem started to shake his head but paused. "I…perhaps. I don't know. I need to think." His head was throbbing again.

"A nice, hot shower always helps me," Griff urged, trying to keep his voice calm. "Go take one and catch up with us when you're ready, okay?" He gently patted Reiem's shoulder as though in support. "Take your time, big guy."

Reiem didn't understand just what he had awoken into. Griff dropped his hand, gave him one more grin—an honest expression of friendliness—and walked through the door. He closed it behind him but it didn't stay closed, the old door, and creaked open again a little bit. No one ever closed it properly…

He couldn't remember how long he'd stayed that way. The heat was disappearing, slowly at first and then abruptly it was gone. If he had ever had a fever, it had been trampled on by his immortal immune system.

What will you do? a low voice asked from behind him—no, inside him. Reiem didn't care who said it, but it didn't matter. He answered aloud without looking around.

"Do I have a choice?"

There is no one to tell you 'no'.

Reiem stared blankly ahead for a moment. He dragged his legs across the bed sheet, listening for the faint voices in the room below. He knew he was stalling, trying to figure out the hurt and old fears, but Charlie was Master now. And Charlie was kind.

He stepped down on the floor, stood up with legs that shaking a little, and grabbed up the bag left by Griff.

‡ † ‡

Charlie had emerged from her shower feeling drained, but that was a good thing sometimes. She didn't have the emotional energy to be upset or scared right now, so the only thing she could do was breathe.

Determined to at least have a normal dinner, she put a little extra effort into cleaning the kitchen and setting the table. She pulled her hair into a messy bun and dug into the cabinets for plates. Ignis jumped from the couch to help, keeping silent as he took whatever he was handed and set off. A stack of pizzas sat on the counter, cooling as the moments ticked by.

The evening's events replayed yet again in Charlie's mind.

Seeing Reiem collapse for the second time cemented the idea that, perhaps, it really was a bad idea to have woken him up. Charlie wasted no time in screaming for help, and Griff called both his dad and Ignis. They arrived quick and asked no questions when Charlie practically begged them to help Reiem to her house.

Looking to Ignis now, Charlie couldn't help but feel small under his pale gaze. She let her own drop to the floor as she handed some cups to him, and there was a long silence before Ignis's voice cut into her mind.

"Couldn't you guys have called me or something before just barging in there? I mean…what were you even thinking? You could've gotten hurt."

She looked up at him, eyes wide with shock. "Excuse me?"

Ignis paused, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. "I mean, the last time you even saw the guy he was butchering some fucked up shadow monsters, your dad died, and then he…he…" He screwed his face up, flashes of anger and fear crossing his pale features. "I can't believe you'd just go and wake him up."

Charlie ran her hand through her hair, balling it up in her fist with frustration. Why did the astrals seem to hate her? Nothing she did was met with approval. She'd lost one of the orchard's biggest plots to a freak thunderstorm. She didn't know her ass from a hole in the ground when it came to taking on the family job. And now she'd practically made a fool of herself in front of the only people in town that seemed to actually care about her. How in the hell could she be the last of this all-important and ancient bloodline?

She gave a self-deprecating laugh. "No choice. Everyone else is dead, and I'm all that's left. So yeah, I didn't have a choice, Ignis."

He stared at her, expression inscrutable, so she barreled on, not stopping to think if she was doing the right thing or not…or if Ignis was the right person to vent to. She just needed to get it all out.

"I know you remember that night. The demons, the soldiers, all those people that died. Guess what! They're still here, in the mines, and Astrals know where else. And I'm the only person left that can keep them at bay. I don't know how to swing a sword or use magic or even what they're called or what's keeping them from swarming us all right now, and that shit fucking terrifies me. And the only way I can learn—" She jabbed her finger towards the staircase. "—is that man up there."

Charlie watched desperately as Ignis processed everything she told him, letting the truth of her fear show in her eyes. She had no idea if he was still as good at reading her now as he was when they were kids, or if he even cared at all to think it over…but she hoped to whatever was listening that he was. He had to know she wasn't lying. He had to believe her.

Ignis clenched his fists.

"I don't care about your training, Charlie! I care about you! Fuck all of this and just…live a normal life where you don't risk fucking dying! Is that so hard to do!?"

She felt her stomach drop into her feet. Looking down to hide the frustrated tears that pricked the corners of her eyes, she walked away from him and into the pantry. She didn't even acknowledge Griff as he descended the staircase, nor did she care that he grabbed Ignis and hauled him out of the kitchen.

"How can you be such an asshole right now?" Griff hissed. It did little to keep his anger from carrying out of the front living room. "Charlie's inherited her family's job, and she needs our support!"

"I'm not being an asshole. I'm being realistic. Look around, Griff! She's gonna get herself killed!"

Griff snorted. "You look about as supportive as Bolin when Masae came out of the closet."

Ignis narrowed his eyes. "I support Masae," he stated firmly. "And I do support Charlie. There's just one little problem I think you're forgetting." Griff looked at him expectantly and he frowned, like he couldn't believe he had to state the obvious. "Uh, that guy's a fucking monster?"

They stood in silence for a long while, each lost in their own boiling anger. Despite how hard her heart thumped against her ribcage, something told Charlie to keep quiet and listen. She didn't know just how long this confrontation had been building up, and while she'd rather it not happen now—or even at all—she kept her silence.

Griff suddenly balled his fists. "You know, you really need to get your shit together, Ignis."

"Me? I'm sorry, but it's not me that needs the head check." He pulled out his phone, pretending to scroll through it.

"Yeah, you really do," Griff argued. "So, I'm just going to lay it all out for you, because you've been a fucking dick ever since you found out Charlie was coming home."

That got his attention back. Ignis lifted his gaze to meet Griff's, anger reignited in his eyes. "Great. Tell all about how I'm supposed to worship the ground Charlie walks on despite the fact she fucking up and left us nine years ago. Or maybe how you're so fucking stuck up her ass that you can't stop talking about how excited you are to have her home?"

"That right there. That is you being an unsupportive dick! You're so caught up in 'oh woe is me poor Iggy all alone' that you don't see how you're hurting someone who didn't even do anything to you," Griff said, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "You think her leaving didn't hurt me? Or Dad or Masae or your own fucking mom? Because it did! That night fucked us all up, Ignis! Charlie lost her fucking dad, had to leave the only place she'd ever called home, and all you can do is play the fucking victim because you lost your best friend!"

"Oh well, excuse the fuck out of me! I didn't realize I wasn't allowed to feel shitty for my best friend for going through the worst possible night of her life!" Ignis snapped back, the dullness in his eyes finally giving way to a spark of anger.

"Don't be stupid, dude. You can feel shitty sometimes. But you don't feel shitty sometimes—you feel shitty all the time, and then you go and push it off on the one person you shouldn't feel shitty about. You trade out all the good in your life for bullshit mediocrity and then use it to feed this inferiority complex you have."

Ignis opened his mouth to argue, but stopped short, clenching his jaw shut. Griff pressed on.

"And you know I'm right. So why? Why are you so set on being miserable, Ig? Why can't you just let go of that shit and just accept that she's finally come home where she belongs? Why can't you support her?"

"Because I'm scared she's going to die again!" Ignis shouted, voice wavering with emotion. "You're right—I'm being an insufferable asshole. I can't feel any joy at her coming home. Because the last night I saw her, she had her fucking heart stopped by that…that monster, and then magically she's all healed and then she fucking leaves? Griff, open your eyes! This isn't normal, he's not normal, and Charlie's not safe here. She should've just stayed in the city."

Ignis began to pace.

"You have no idea what I saw that night. There was so much…fucking blood. And those soldiers? And then Adagium…or Reiem or whatever his fucking name is… He just…killed her! Stopped her heart right there with some fucked up magic bullshit! I saw the light fade from her eyes, and then…they both glow and she's suddenly alive again?" Ignis rounded on him, grabbing him roughly by the shoulders and shaking him. His voice shook almost as violently, and Charlie had to hold back her own tears as she tried to hear what he whispered. "That's been the past nine years, Griff. An endless cycle of guilt and blame and soul-crushing depression at the fact I let this…freak kill my best friend…"

Griff stared at him for a long moment. He'd never seen Ignis explode like that before. He always brooded alone since that night, kept it bottled up, tucked away. Now the emotions were just spilling out of him—fists balled up, hands trembling, looking like he was about to either cry or kill something. Griff couldn't deny what Ignis was telling him was the truth, but he didn't know how to handle it.

"Dude, she's…alive now, yeah? Why couldn't you have just talked to her…?"

The fight seemed to drain from Ignis, shoulders slumping and face dropping in defeat. He looked like he'd aged ten years right before Griff's—and Charlie's—eyes.

"It's not going to matter," Ignis whispered. "She's home. She's not going to leave, not that Adagium's awake again. I guess we have no choice but to…to watch."

Griff broke his silence and pushed past Ignis. "Watch all you want, then. I'm not letting all the shit I've done go to waste. Not again."

Charlie took what precious seconds she had left to focus on just what it was she was doing. She needed something from the pantry but couldn't remember what. She didn't want to face this—not now. Griff's steps faded into the house. With a deep breath, Charlie left the pantry and stepped into the family room in time to see Ignis give her one last look before walking outside to the porch.

Cautiously she rounded the stairs to see Griff hunched over on the couch. He looked up as she entered, a small smile appearing on his face before it vanished just as fast. He didn't seem ready to talk about it, and Charlie wasn't going to bring it up. She couldn't.

Instead, she swallowed the lump in her throat and said as playfully as she could, "The pizza's gonna be frozen again before we eat it, you know."

The smile she got this time was honest, and thankfully, it lingered.

‡ † ‡

As they bickered over pizza toppings, Griff was much more reserved than he should have been, yet Charlie understood, given what just took place. He stared down at his slice, distant. Feeling she was going to regret asking, Charlie nudged him playfully with her elbow.

"Hey, big guy, what's going on in that fluffy head of yours?"

With furrowed brows, he turned to look at her fully. "Be honest with me. Do you…you know, have to do this?"

Charlie blinked. "Do…what?"

"This whole Guardian thing. I mean, just waking Reiem up was… I don't even know. I'm scared, Charlie. He seems…unhinged?" He fumbled over his words for a moment before growling slightly. "Can't you just run the orchard and be normal?"

"You and I both know that I can't do that, Griff." She shrugged, avoiding eye contact and taking another bite of her slice. "It doesn't matter what anyone else wants. I have to do this."

"It matters when you risk fucking dying, Charlie."

She blinked at him, more to hold her tears back than anything. "Ignis said that exact thing to me."

"I'm serious. Didn't you ever think of having a normal life? Dating some idiot guy, settling down, and having a bunch of annoying kids? Why do you have to become Guardian?"

How could he ask her that? She didn't even know what she was going to do. Her emotions were a frazzled mess, and frankly after witnessing Griff and Ignis go at it like they hated each other, she just couldn't deal with being interrogated. She knew Griff cared about her, but this tactless way of showing it was so uncharacteristic of him.

"I don't have a choice," Charlie snapped. "And hearing two of the people I care most for arguing over it like they have any idea what's going on just makes it harder for me. My house is covered in magic sigils. I died but came back from the dead. And my own bodyguard is some immortal guy, and I… I'm scared, too, Griff. I want to do this…I really do…but I'm scared that I'm not strong enough."

Her voice cracked on the last words as the lump in her throat grew. Swallowing hard around it, she ducked her head to hide the traitor tear that had begun to slide down her cheek. She'd already promised herself she wouldn't cry anymore. Not until she was alone, anyway.

A moment later, however, Griff reached out and pulled her close, wrapping his thick arms around her and squeezing. His large form was solid, sturdy, and warm, with the faint scent of Tal's shop clinging to him just underneath his usual cedarwood cologne. And he was like an anchor grounding her, holding her through the storm raging inside.

"I love you, Charlie," he mumbled, tightening his grip slightly. "I'd do anything for you, but…I'm so scared."

She shook her head, pressing her face against his chest. "I know, Griff… I know."

"Don't think for a second that I'm going anywhere, though. But…can you make a promise for me, baby girl?"

Charlie pulled away, looking skeptically at him. "Yeah?"

He fumbled for a second, looking for the right words. "If shit goes south again, like it did that night… If you ever think you're taking on way too much, just…reach out, okay? We're here for you, so don't be afraid to call out. We'll help share the load."

Charlie nodded against his chest, not knowing just how much she needed it until he squeezed her tight. She sighed when he finally let her go. A happy sigh. Like a thousand weights had been lifted from her.

"Did Reiem at least seem…alright?"

"As far as I could tell, yeah," Griff sighed. "He's a little less…uh, there, than I'm used to, but I seriously think Marianne did some fucked up shit to him. I mean, he's either gonna come out, or he won't."

"What if he gets worse?"

There was a beat of silence—one in which she felt a deeper panic. She remembered how Reiem had looked—barely alive, pale and broken and…scared. And she could understand…and couldn't help but feel like she was carrying his fears, his worries and doubts, within her own chest.

"He just…" Griff started, but interrupted himself, shaking his head.

Charlie knew what he had meant to say; they were both thinking it; they had both seen him, with a blank look on his face, stumbling away from Charlie with that look of abject terror on his face. And then—before they could really comprehend it—Reiem screamed in absolute horror and slumped down on the ground as if he had been burning at the stake for eternity. He cried out about 'Master'. He and Charlie spoke, but she couldn't remember what about. She could only remember the movements, the feelings—vividly.

"He just needs some time," Griff finally said, a strangely wise air about him. He was still the dork she knew and loved when they were younger, and despite clinging to that silliness, he was slowly becoming a kind and compassionate young man.

She couldn't help but let her eyes wander from his face, past him and down the hall. Griff followed her gaze to the front door. He gave a sigh of his own before getting off his chair.

"Griff?"

"Gonna check on him," he said with a grin. "Don't worry about it, okay? Whatever happens, I've got your back. You're my girl, after all, right?"

Charlie stared in wonder for a moment before smiling.

"Sure am."

‡ † ‡

Ignis couldn't help but shiver as he wove in and out of the trees, finding his headspace clear up only to be replaced with a gnawing anticipation as he went. He stopped, scanning his surroundings carefully. It was like his own inner turmoil had manifested around him, making the place seem particularly ominous.

It was a new moon that night, and even with his phone flashlight lighting the path ahead, the forest was smothered under a heavy, oppressive darkness. It hung like a mist, swirling over and around him, almost tangible but just out of reach.

"This feels…wrong," he muttered to himself.

From behind he heard steps—heavy and steady—coming his way. He whirled about, aiming his light just as the hulking form in the shadows before him melted into one he didn't really want to see at that moment: Griff. Eyes narrowing but still full of relief, he turned back around.

"I don't think it's safe out here right now," Griff said, confirming what Ignis felt inside.

Thinking back on it, knowing what he did and with the sinister atmosphere that had steadily darkened since Marianne died, a realization was starting to dawn. Nothing was normal anymore. He couldn't pinpoint what it was exactly, but something in the quiet stillness was making the hair on the back of his neck stand up. It felt oddly familiar though, kind of like…

"Hey, doesn't this feel familiar to you? I can hear voices in the trees."

Griff put his hand on his shoulder. "I said it's not safe, dude. Just…come back to the—"

"Be quiet."

Ignis turned off the flashlight. After standing for several minutes in dead silence and minimal light, he definitely heard something. No, not heard—felt. Like a slimy sensation in the base of his spine, writhing and squirming, struggling for freedom. The feeling had gradually intensified, and it wasn't long before he could almost taste it in the back of his throat. He'd never been afraid of the dark, but this—this was dark. If it hadn't been for the fact he saw Griff just moments before, he'd have never known he was there at all. That level of darkness set all his self-preservation instincts on edge.

"You feel it, too?"

"Yeah," he admitted, taking a step into the inky blackness. A few steps later, however, the anxiety had turned into full blown panic. "Griff?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are the apples glowing?"

All around them, the apples pulsed with an almost rhythmic light—faint at first, but then it started to grow. The light raced through the trees in a series of straight lines and sharp angles, forming geometric designs neither of their brains could comprehend.

"There's something out there."

The words had just left his mouth when a fiendish, warbling shriek sounded in the distance.