Serious Smiles [Scene 5]

Director's Cut: Series Edition!

Did you know that the first Space Cowboy Robot Love was an accident? The original director, Zim Adler was set to travel to Germany to work on a pilot-TV series when he found a script for Space Cowboy Robot Love in the trash at the airport. The budget for the first film was 700k and box office ended up grossing 20 million first week. He has not directed any of the later movies.

Action!

***

Today, Ben decided he wanted to have a "casual" meeting between the two of us. We're right at the halfway point of production and there's still so much ground to cover. A lot of the pivotal scenes have yet to be shot and word from above is that they don't want to regret shelling all of this money for a half-assed project. Space Cowboy Robot Love a half-assed project? No, no. Who spends 75 million on this? I'm sure you could turn a better profit gambling. 

I waited outside a sleezy bar on the Eastside of Los Angeles, near Koreatown. The grey stoned cement smelled of old beer while all the stragglers who just got off work in the afternoon flooded the entrance. Pulling out a cigarette seemed to fit the mood and as the smoke blew across my face, I wondered. There were still so many questions I had about the movie. Actors that actively improvised at every turn. Script supervisors that kept changing the lines. Producers that implemented stupid ideas but expected me to take the fall if the film nosedived. Directing seemed almost impossible. Every turn it felt like I was being sabotaged unironically. 

Then there was Yunaria. Her name was even similar to the main robot space woman protagonist, Yunari. Who spends 10,000 dollars in a matter of a week? She was starting to learn too fast. It'll get to the point where I can't smoothly lie and hoped she believed it. This morning, she showed me a scene from a vampire romance about a date where the woman offered blood as a token of love.  

Clearly, I had some time until she began to ask more serious questions. 

I politely asked her to look up jobs for people that had no 'work experience' and were 'urgently hiring'. At her age, I'm sure it was concerning but there were places desperate enough. As long as you had a brain, even an ape could wear a suit.

"Glad you made it," Ben greeted me with four other executives, including Carla. 

"I had no choice. So... casual meeting?"

"Casual meeting," he motioned with his hand towards the door, "After you. Me and my buddies used to drink here all the time in college."

Right...

We walked in and waded through the afternoon rush of people. This seemed like the opposite of a place where you would hold a meeting. It was loud and rambunctious. College kids and corporate workers sat along the bar singing and clanking glasses. I almost wanted to grab a wooden mug and a hat with horns on the side and join them. I felt like a Viking. A booth revealed itself in the back with a folded paper on it that read, "Ranter". I slid into the booth on one side and the four of them sat side by side on the other. Way to send a message.

"These are a few of the executives at Skyline Studios. We, or they wanted to check on the progress, see how things were going with filming. I don't know if you're aware, but a lot of money was invested in this movie. It's also so that the hype for this film has been quite high being that Ryujin Haruka is directing it."

"Right..."

They all stared at me with such serious smiles. It was ear to ear. It'd be a little creepier if my job wasn't on the line. It reminded me of those mascots at those kid parks that emotively waved all day. Those types of things should be investigated.

"Ahem, uh, well production is about on schedule. I have the next three weeks planned for the rising arc of the movie, also some costume changes I would like to make. I worked with lighting to fix some of the filters on the shots we did and how we will proceed going forward. The romance angle, I wanted to do something a little different than the other SCRL's. I'm working an angle, but-"

I paused. I noticed a younger white man with blonde hair put his hand up. "Yes?"

"It's not really necessary. Space Cowboy Robot Love is a franchise for a reason. There's a formula and it works. I think at the pace you're going, it'll work great. Deadlines aside, Ben told me you're quite the visionary. He said you've come up with some great ideas." He pulled out his phone to show me a picture of all the executives, including the CEO of Skyline Studios in banana suits in front of the main office. Idiocy apparently was contagious.

"Sure, I understand that. But I think a fresh approach to the franchise can give a different vibe that may improve on some of the other movies. Some callbacks, running jokes, new romance dynamic." They all continued to smile and stare with beady eyes. At least Carla had the decency to look away. 

"Ultimately, you're the director," Ben spoke, "We chose you for a reason. But money is money. Do keep that in mind." He called the waitresses over and whispered something in her ear and slid her some money. That didn't seem appropriate. 

"Okay! Enough of the serious talk. Ah, there it is!"

The waitress came back and brought us beer in wooden mugs etched with metal handles. She placed a conch horn on the table along with five Viking hats that had large horns sticking out the temples. I looked around and seemingly without me noticing, everyone was wearing a Viking hat. Supposedly, every Wednesday at Larry's Bar was Viking night. Ben, the executives, and Carla all put on the hats and raised their glasses in the air. 

I so badly wanted to put on the Viking hat and raise my glass, but I couldn't indulge in their buffoonery. 

"Haruka, c'mon!" Ben pulled my limp arm out of socket, "Lighten up, buddy!"

"I'm okay."

Ben stood up on the table and grabbed the horn and blew it from the wells of his stomach.

"DO-DOOOOOOO!"

Simultaneously, everyone in the bar chanted. "YEAHHHHHHHHH!"

No more Wednesday's at Larry's. At least not with these idiots.

***

When I got home, I almost felt relieved that the least of my worries was an alien robot that drank gasoline. It got to the point where I didn't even care about all the stuff she bought. I even made an arch of books at the entryway to decorate the house a little more.

"Hey, you're back," Yunaria was reading a book on the couch, "How was your day?"

She wore a red dress that slinked to her knees and over the edge of the couch. Small straps hugged the crest of her shoulder, and the dim light reflected brightly on her grey skin. I was caught off guard. 

"How was your day apparently, is a human response to when you see someone after a period of time, especially between girlfriends and boyfriends. Did I say it correctly?"

"Uh, ha, yeah. Very good." I motioned for her to slide over and joined her on the couch. I melted into the cushion. I could die right now. After all, Skyline Studios only needed a prop, not a director. What impact could I make on the film if I had not only a limited time to shoot and understand it, but was being told what to do and think about it at the same time? It was frustrating to say the least.

"H-how, uh, haha," Shit, she made it seem so easy. "How was, uh, your day?"

She picked up her book again and looked through it, Relationships 101 Coming from Another Planet, hm. That was...specific. "It was good. I found a job."

"What?! How did you find a job? You didn't have to give any information?"

"Actually, no. Here, look," She showed me the computer next to her and the email simply said, 'Show up at this location, we will train and provide materials. Start tomorrow.' It was a local tea shop.

I can't fault her. I did say to look for urgently hiring. I may have to go with her. Kidnappers have gotten quite creative these days and for robot like her, she may actually fall for it and not know what's happening.

"So, what now?" Yunaria asked.

"I guess you go to that location and work your first day. Welcome to human society. You'll get money and buy whatever you want. Just...don't use my machine anymore to purchase things...haha..."

I kept glancing at her dress, looking away all the same. I suppose I've seen worse things. 

"By the way, I realize that I've never called you by your name. I think in an agreement as this one, I should know what yours is, no?" She looked at me honestly.

I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket, but she stopped me. "Not inside, the smell makes me sick."

"Oh, and the smell of gasoline is lovely. You know humans can't be around that substance for long. We could die."

"So why not put it outside?"

Yunaria was getting too accustomed to human logic. It was interesting, yet so annoying. "Fine, I won't smoke. In my own house. Ryujin Haruka. That's my na-"

She fell asleep on my shoulder before I could look up. Oh well. I tried to get up but realized she was entirely too heavy to move so I laid there, sitting upright the whole night.

I forgot my girlfriend was made out of metal.

***