Chapter 4 - Running Away

I ran as fast as I could without looking back and without stopping. I continued, and continued, feeling like my heart was about to explode any time soon. But I didn’t stop until I was able to exit the cemetery.

And in just a matter of a minute, I was able to exit the gate, panting and feeling sluggish after running with all of my strength. “Hah… Hah…”

I can’t breathe…

I stopped, and tried to steady my breathing. “There’s no way that it was real…” I whispered as I kept on breathing heavily. And in a one final desperate breath, I looked back at the cemetery.

Shade…

I shook my head. “Am I crazy haha…” I tried to laugh it off, noticing that there was something about the skeleton I just saw earlier. “No. What am I even talking about?”

He died already! Why am I expecting that it was possible!? Am I crazy? I lashed out at my mind, trying to deny my thoughts.

I turned back again, and walked away from the gate. But as I walked, a thought still lingered in my mind.

What if… It was really him? I thought as I walked and looked straight at the road. Thinking about what seemed familiar to the skeleton.

That voice… I know I wouldn’t be mistaken, but it shouldn’t be possible for that voice to be in the skeleton… I don’t even know how can he stand like that and even more talking like a human.

I shook my head again, trying to erase my thoughts. But no matter what I do, the thought that Shade became a skeleton still lingers in my mind. Although I knew how absurd it was, there was something about the skeleton that made me remember Shade—it was his voice.

A skeleton with the voice of Shade.

No, that might be too far-fetched. There’s no way he became a skeleton, that’s simply impossible. No, no, no. That’s too much even for a wish. I might be hallucinating such a thing.

I pinched myself, feeling the pain in my cheeks. “This proves it, I’m not in a dream.”

That’s right. I shouldn’t disrespect his death like this. I should visit him at another time.

With my thoughts finally controlled, I continued walking so I could get home early. But then I noticed that I was still holding a flower from earlier, “I didn’t notice I was still holding this.” I whispered.

Bringing this to our home would be probably bad right? But… If the skeleton is still there… I hesitated, because I might come across the talking skeleton again. Despite thinking that I probably hallucinated, I still find it creepy, so going back right now would be no.

I should come back tomorrow after school.

Since tomorrow is Monday, I can’t go back early because of morning classes. The only free time I have tomorrow is after classes, and that’s like 4:30pm, which is I think the best time to visit the cemetery since it’s about sunset.

I turned my head to the flower in my hand. “I wonder if you can still last a day.” I muttered, wondering how I make it live a bit longer.

I guess I could put it in a glass with water, that should make it last a bit longer. I thought, as it was how I remember they do to flowers to make them last longer.

“…” I looked at the surroundings, seeing how the color of the sun now looked orange. It’s the best time to go home as sunset is about to start.

━━━►◄━━━

After 10 minutes of continuous walking, I finally reached home. “Ah… So hot outside…” I muttered as I reached for the door, only for the door to suddenly open. “Ah—?”

And what greeted me was my mom’s face, who seemed as startled as me. “Didn’t know you were there.” she said.

“I was surprised the door suddenly opened.” I chuckled. “Are you about to head out?”

“I was about to buy some ingredients for tonight.”

“Hoping for something good tonight!”

“You bet!” she smiled, but then suddenly her expression changed. She frowned at me. “What’s that?”

“What?” I asked in confusion.

She pointed at the flowers in my hand. “The flowers…” she paused then turned to me, “Where did you go?” she asked in a serious tone.

My eyes widened, realizing I made a mistake not hiding the flowers in my hand. I froze at her question, trembling and couldn’t answer. “…”

“Did you visit the grave again?”

I nodded meekly. “Y-yes…”

She sighed. “I told you to tell me about it right? I thought we already had a conversation about it?”

“Y-yeah… We did…” I answered in a low voice with my head down.

“Then why? Why did you visit him again?”

“I…” I whispered, unable to answer her clearly.

“I told you to focus on your studies, right?” she asked in a soft tone.

“I was!” I retorted. “I am focusing on my studies! It’s his death anniversary today and I just visited him!”

“It’s not like he’s your family right!”

“Why can’t I visit him!!!???” I protested. “It’s not like I was skipping my school again!” I shouted as a tear fell in my eyes, unable to control my emotions.

My mom took a deep breath, and her expression softened. “I’m not saying you can’t visit him.”

“You always say that!!!” I lashed out and ran towards inside, leaving her behind.

“Amara!!!” she called out, “Get back in here!!!”

Tears started to fall from my eyes uncontrollably, which started to blur my vision. “Again. Again. Again.” I muttered as I headed straight to my room and locked the door.

As soon as I closed the door, I collapsed to my knees as I felt the sadness build up inside of me slowly. The pain once again came back to me.

Shade…

Losing someone I never even had, why does it hurt this much?

The burning hot tears continued flowing down my cheeks. I gripped my chest, hoping to ease the pain, but it was useless as the emptiness slowly started to swallow me again.