I’d be a nutter if I wasn’t scared

The auction would be at 8 in the evening, which meant we only had the afternoon to plan our assault. We’d have to pull it off early, too, since it was likely that attention would be drawn towards the church as early as 7 o’clock. We wanted to be in and out by 6:30 if possible.

The race against the clock was on.

“þe dor to þe sellar be’þ here, in þe bakk storaje room of þe church behynd þe confession erea. þe only way to aksess it ys þrough þe mane dor, so a hedd-on assolt be our only opshon,” Eleanor explained, indicating on the makeshift schematic she had drawn up. “However, þere be’ a hy window at þe very bakk of þe bilding. I have not seen þrough þe window, nor have I been to þe storaje room, so I cannot say definitively weþer ‘twill be an advantajeus point for us. However, yven if it be so, ‘tis too hy abuv þe graund to yuse as an entryway. ‘Twill serv as a vyuepoint at best, noþing mor.”

The rest of us looked over the floor plan, and her words seemed to ring true. The main door and the window were the only two points of connection the storage room had. If she was right about the window not being an option, that restricted us purely to one entrance and one exit. It was dangerous, to say the least.

“Dear Eleanor… correct me if I am rong, but þou hast traned wiþ þe yuse of þe crossbow, hast þee not?” Alice said, after a while of scrutinising the floor plan.

“Hmm? Aye, for many years. But I see not how ‘twill be applicable, ‘tis a small space we seek to fyte in. A sord or spear be’þ þe far superior choise.”

“Wert þou to face þe enemy head on, aye, ‘twould be þe case. However, wert þou to perch somewhere aut of reach, for eksample, wiþin a hy window…” a smile curled on Alice’s mouth as she lightly circled the window with Eleanor’s pen.

“þat… could werk… þough if one þrows a weppon, I would be rendered practically defenceless.”

“Barry and I would enshure þat þey be’þ unable to harm þee so. On þat, þou canst depend.”

I mulled over Alice’s suggestion in my head. Having a ranged fighter’s support would definitely increase our chances of success, no doubt, but one thing concerned me.

“If the window is so high, hows are you plannin’ to geddown afterwards? Or for that matter, hows you even gettin’ up?” I asked.

“þe rear of þe church bakks onto a lesser walked erea of þe commershial district. I should be able to leap from þe roof of a nearby bilding up to þe window if my leg strengþ doþ not fale me.”

“Can you guarantee it won’t?”

“Noþing in þis operæshon be garanteed, master Barry. But I trust in myne ability to do so. However, I will lykely need to pull myself up to þe window frame, wich could cost preshious tyme. Myte I ask þee to cause a diversion in þe meantyme? ‘Twould help immensely.”

“A diversion huh?” I failed to stop a grin spreading on my face. “I think I know just the thing.”

***

6 o’clock approached, and the sun was already low in the sky. Alice and I awaited our cue patiently outside the doors of the church, our faces covered with makeshift bandanas, and a sword on both our hips. If all was going to plan, Eleanor was hiding out on the rooftops of the commercial district, waiting to hear our voices.

I held my breath as we continued to watch the door, just out of public sight, hoping beyond hope for no random passers-by to notice us.

“Art þou fearful for wat’s to come?” Alice asked in a hushed voice.

“Of course, we’re aboutta put our lives on the line. I’d be a nutter if I wasn’t at least a bit scared.”

“My, I had ekspected þis not from þee, who haþ bravely saved my lyfe twyce now. I þought þee fearless,” she said, teasingly.

“Bein’ brave ain’t about not feelin’ fear. ‘s about not lettin’ fear stop you’s from doing what you gotta do, innit?” I put my hand to my heart, feeling it beat much faster than usual.

“A wyse choise of words. Perhaps þou art less simple-mynded þan I had þaut.”

“Simple min- oi, piss off!” I rebuked, trying to stay hushed. This earned a teasing giggle from Alice, to which I rolled my eyes.

“Come, let us speak no furþer. þe time draweþ near,” Alice said, stifling the last bit of her laugh. As much as I’d have loved to just sit there and chat with her all evening, she was right. The beginning of the mission was just around the corner.

In fact, it was just opening the church door.

“‘Tis a dreddful þing, I fear. þough I have my sympaþies for ye and youre family, þe word of our Gods be’þ law, it must be eksersised ekwally,” came the voice of the priest, stepping out of the church doors.

“Aye, I noe of þe Scripts, and þeir sanctity. I daresay I’ve noen þem longer þan þou hast been alyve, good man. But þat cannot stop þe hart of a grieving faþer from æking, such a weakness is all too hyuman.” Walking alongside the priest was Arthur, doing his part of the plan to remove the priest from the area. If we were to just waltz into the supply area in front of him, he’d sound the alarm and we’d have no way out. We needed him out of the church for a while, a job for which Arthur enthusiastically volunteered.

Content that the priest was far enough away not to notice, Alice and I snuck into the empty church and made our way towards the storage room door, where we quietly communicated our next move.

“Alright, when l bust open the door, we make our voices 'eard, loud as we can so Eleanor knows it’s time, yeah?” I confirmed with Alice.

“Aye, þat be’þ þe plan. þough I must say I have some conserns about þe... þeatricality of þis distraction þou hast concocted. ‘Tis… certanely a kweer þing…”

“It’ll work, just trust me. There was a group back on Earth that used it loads, and it kept my attention every time. You remember your lines?”

“A-aye… I believe so.”

“Perfect. We’ll infiltrate on my mark. Ready?”

I held up three fingers on my right hand, then counted from from three. Upon zero, I used my other hand to throw open the door, causing the men inside to jump with momentary fright. Three of the bastards. I was hoping it’d just be the two.

“Who trespasseþ þis sacred bilding? State þy bisness, heaþens!” Called the one presumably in charge, a gruff man with a poorly groomed beard and an even uglier face.

Alice looked to me, before letting out a quiet sigh and beginning her part of the plan.

“To protect þe world from devastation!”

“To unite all peoples within our nation!”

“To denounse þe evils of truþ and love!”

“To extend our reach to the stars above!”

“Emma!”

“Bazz!”

“Team r-rokkit? Blasteþ off at þe speed of lyte.”

“Surrender now, or prepare to fight!”

The three men stared at us for a short while, then looked between each other, before all bursting into laughter.

“Ye þinkest ye and yer little þeatre act scareþ us, boy? Ye honestly believest þat ye two can beat we þree? Wiþ yer pyuny arms and womanly stachure?”

“Nah, not really. Just needed to buy some time for our archer.”

The dull ping of a crossbow string rippled through the air for all to hear. The skirmish for the church cellar prisoners had begun.