Chapter 12

Milady

Why the fuck did she agree to this? Milady looks over her shoulder. Lucy plods behind her, watching the ground. They should be out looking for a solution. Not babysitting. For a week. And for what? To find harmony through “a good relationship”. What the fuck does Gullvi know anyway? She’s just guessing.

How can you even have “a good relationship” with Lucy? There is nothing there to have a relationship with, just gullibility and ignorance. It’s not like they are gonna stay friends when all of this is over. But now she’s stuck with her for a week. There has to be a better way to get rid of the Shadow Man than following Gullvi’s musings and some whacky old Wizard who ate too many mushrooms. For fuck’s sake, why is Gullvi even having a say in this anyway? It’s not her that the Shadow Man is after.

She glances behind her. Lucy is quiet, hasn’t said a word since they left Gullvi. Stupid shit... She could at least be grateful that Milady agreed; at least she’s making an effort. What is Lucy doing to sort this? Her chest tightens, and she stumbles. Her gaze goes blurry, her heart racing. No… Don’t… You only screwed up...

She falters and leans forward, forcing air into her lungs. I don’t want you. Go… Slowly, she feels her lungs expand with fresh air, and her vision clears out. She stumbles forward. Fuck, she can’t much longer. It’s just this week, and then Lucy will be out, and they will have fixed this. It has to fix, she wants her old life back.. She just wants to be Milady, not…

She wished she could get stoned, forget about the whole fucking thing. She stops. What if… What if that is the way? She’ll never be able to convince Gullvi not to do this whole babysitting thing. Better, then, to spend this week in the best way possible. If Gullvi is right, which she still doubts, they could find harmony through smoking. That’s the whole point of weed, to chill. And Lucy will be quiet, and the week will pass. Fuck, that’s not a bad idea.

She turns around and beckons for Lucy to come closer.

“I know how to sort this.”

Lucy looks up at her. Her eyes are… empty? Scared? Milady looks away.

“We’ll get stoned. That’s how we’ll create harmony.”

“Stoned?”

“Yes. You know, marijuana, grass, weed, pot. Have you heard about that?”

“The thing you smoke?”

“Yes, the thing you smoke.”

“But isn’t that illegal?”

“Who cares!? It’s not like they will catch us. They have better things than busting pot smokers. “

Lucy purses her mouth. Fuck, at least Milady’s trying to come up with something here. It’s not like Lucy wants to spend the week with her, either.

“I’ll go and score some, and I’ll get back to the basement. Go ahead of me.”

Lucy nods weakly and continues to shuffle down the street. The week will pass, and by the end of it, they will have a good relationship. Weed does that to people. Bonding. Or whatever.

She turns and heads down the street. Is that.. No, the air is still. The Shadow Man doesn’t show up during the day. But he told her he’s coming soon… What if they won’t sort it? What did she do in that alley? Did she make a deal with him in the end? Is that what he’s coming for? But she didn’t agree on anything, s; she asked what he wanted. It can’t have been a deal, could it? But why the fuck else would he come? Is she the price? Is that what he’s coming for, to take her?

No, they will sort it. They will sort it, and she’ll get back to her old life. Lucy will leave, and she’ll have the basement to herself. And she will leave too…

She finds her dealer, gets a variety of different sorts and bags them. Lucy should be thankful; she didn’t even ask her to pay for this. She should get some things to snack on as well. She always gets munchies when she smokes. She heads over to the supermarket. Popcorn, chocolate, bananas.. Fuck, they would be better off just finding another solution. They’re wasting a whole fucking week on crap! A freaking pendulum and some guesswork. So what if Lucy happens to have magical powers? What does that change? Babysitting her won’t change a single thing. How will that bring harmony? Fuck, stuck with her for a week. She adds a jar of jam and some sliced bread to the cart as well. Lucy should be happy that Milady is putting in some effort.

By the end of it, she has two full bags as she heads home. Lucy is sitting on the sofa, watching the floor. Fuck, why can’t she just try, at least, Milady is trying to make an effort here to find harmony.

“Got it, we’re all ready to go.”

Lucy looks up at her, and Milady looks away.

“Have you smoked before? Or, never mind. Of course, you haven’t.”

She dumps the bags by the stove, sits down next to Lucy and takes out the weed she got.

“I’ll show you.”

She rolls a light spliff for Lucy and hands her. She takes it hesitantly, and Milady gives her a lighter, careful not to meet her eyes.

“Now, you just light it and inhale. Hold it for as long as you can, and then you blow out, okay?”

Lucy takes it and hesitantly puts the joint to her mouth. As she lights it, she takes a deep breath, and Milady realizes she forgot to tell her not to inhale too deeply. She caws and wheezes.

“Try again", she says as Lucy calms down. "This time, don’t inhale into your lungs.”

Lucy tries again, and this time, it works. She exhales a puff of smoke and leans back. It’s working. They’ll pass this week, and they’ll have harmony after that. She rolls herself another joint, lights it and leans back. Long time no see. Why didn’t she think about this earlier? Lucy is slumping on the sofa, watching the wall with a slight smile on her face. Well, that’s her day gone, at least. She should have done this earlier. Skipped all the Shadow Man and shit… What will she do once she’s out of all this? Get back to her old life, have her basement for herself, just have her life. It will be good.

She gets up and takes out the chocolate. It comes from nowhere. Her hands start to tremble, and her breath hitches in her chest. No, not again... Cold sweat runs down her spine as her heart races. Her gaze blurs. The air is thin, making it difficult to breathe. She stumbles back to the futon and sits down. Breathe, just breathe. It will pass. It’s not dangerous; it will pass. The roaring beat of her heart throbs in her ears. Don’t… I became Milady for a reason…

The room slowly clears up. Lucy has tipped over and is asleep on the sofa. Milady stumbles to the bedroom and lies down, staring up at the ceiling. Don’t come. I don’t want to go back.. She pushes back the tears. Don’t.. It’s just a week, don’t come back. It takes her a long time to push her back, but in the end, she drifts off to sleep. The dream takes shape slowly, and when she sees the black cape, it’s too late.

“What do you want!? I didn’t make a deal with you!”

“Oh, but you did. You did. And I will come and claim it soon.”

“What is it!? What do you want from me!?”

“You’ll see, but it’s not long now. Get ready, my dear. “

She wakes up with a jerk, her face wet from tears. She huddles up against the wall, cradling her pillow. She did make a deal with him. She won’t be able to get out of this. She looks around, but the air is still. How long until he comes? They need to get back to the Wizard; he needs to help them. She touches her face. She’s crying. It was a long time since she cried…

She still sits there, huddled up against the wall, as the first morning light finds its way through the window. She struggles out of bed, stumbles and falls to the floor. Her hand shakes as she writes a note to Lucy that she’s gone to Gullvi, and she clambers out the window.

“Is everything okay?", Gullvi asks as she opens the door.

“No.”

Gullvi frowns.

"Where’s Lucy? What’s happened?”

“She’s sleeping, she’s fine.”

“So what’s happened?”

“I did make a deal with the Shadow Man. He’s coming.”

Gullvi frowns, chewing her lip.

“What do you want to do?”

“Go to the Wizard. I’m not gonna sit around waiting for the Shadow Man to get me. “

“But we need to have harmony?”

“Does it look like we have time!? Maybe it’s enough, we got stoned, we chilled, no hard feelings. “

Gullvi chews her lip.

“Okay, I have a friend; we can borrow his car. We’ll get there faster.”

“I’ll tell Lucy. We’ll be outside.”

She leaves and hurries home. Please let this be enough. Please let this be enough so they can have harmony.

Lucy is already up, sitting by the table and eating chocolate.

“We’re going, get ready.”

“Where?”

“To the Wizard.”

“But aren’t we waiting until the end of the week?”

“No.”

She grabs her backpack and climbs out the window.

“Hurry up!”

Lucy comes out as Gullvi pulls up with the car. The journey there takes too long. The car is cramped, and it coughs and spits as they come out on the highway, but slowly, it picks up speed, and Gullvi gently strokes the steering wheel, murmuring soothing words to it. They will arrive late in the evening. But they’ve done it; it must be enough. Please say it’s enough.

Gullvi parks by the road as they arrive. Milady glances up at the house and takes hold of her trembling hands. She hurries ahead of them as they climb out of the car. May it be enough. Please say they’ve done enough. She knocks on the door, and just like last time, it takes a long while for the handle to turn.

“So you came back, Jenna.”

“Yes, I think we sorted out the harmony now. Please, can you help us? This is Gullvi", she adds, gesturing at her. "She was the one who became the price.”

The Wizard looks at Gullvi for a moment before nodding and gesturing for them to come in. He leads them to the living room and sits down.

“You have more harmony between you, you say. I can feel that.”

Milady pushes back the tears. They did it, they sorted it. They got harmony.

“But not enough for me to tell you.”

Milady blinks. What? What does he mean? She went stoned with Lucy, for fuck’s sake. What does he want them to do? An acid trip?

“But what else!?”

The man goes silent for a moment, weighing his words before saying, “For this to work, the harmony you need to have between each other is one of trust. And it's one of understanding each other and working together and not against each other. And just being stoned together will not sort that.”

Milady stares at him. She didn’t tell him what they did. How the fuck does he know that?

“I know more than you think.”

Before she has time to ask him, Gullvi says, “So how?”

He glances at Milady.

“Trusting is difficult for someone as cynical as her. “

He’s pushing his luck. She’s not cynical; what the fuck does he mean? She’s realistic, if anything.

“But is there any way we can do this?", Gullvi asks. "The shadow man visited Jenna again last night; he’s coming for her.“

“You need to become friends.”

Oh, no, she’s not going back. Not a chance she’ll be letting her out again. Hell no…

“One of the reasons why Shadow Man is here is because the world lacks balance, lacks harmony. And you made a pact with him; you offered him something, not knowing or understanding what you offered him. Somewhere deep inside, you made a deal with him.”

Fuck.. I know…

“Creating harmony will not only help you in ways you do not see yet, but it's something that will protect you. And something that, maybe, if you will be in more balance, will break the deal you made. “

“How? We smoked. What else do you want me to do?"

“You need to start to care about her. Because when you began your spell, you didn't care about her. You didn't care about anything else other than yourself and what you decided to do. And this is a part of the problem. Now, you need to start to care. And this will create harmony, which will protect you. “

She shifts on the sofa. You don’t need to care if you have deals. Anyone working with magic knows that’s how it works. You give something, you get something. Simple as that. And anyway, caring has never led anywhere good. She’s tried it in the past…

“Yes, you're on the right track. You're on the right track."

She looks up at him.

“Life is more than just transactions. You can go a long way with transactions in magic, but it will never be sustainable. And it will never take you where you really want to be. Where you wanted to go and what you did when you opened the portal was doing it in a way that has a lot of flaws. It was not meant to be a transaction deal. You can fight your way through. That's fine. But you can't make transactions with the Guardians. Not like this.”

She stares at him, momentarily forgetting the grudge.

“But it's in the books. Everyone knows it; that's what you do. It says so everywhere. “

“Yes, but do you know what happened to those people who wrote that? “

“What do you mean happened? They didn't die because they could write the book, obviously. “

“But do you know what their end looked like?”

She knows. Everyone knows what happened to their most famous adepts. And it wasn’t pretty. Some became crack-heads, others homeless, and one had her whole fortune wiped out. But that happened years after they wrote their books. They kept being practising adepts long after they opened the portal.

“You mean crossing the worlds caused it?”

The man nods.

“But they closed the portal? Otherwise, they couldn’t have written about it. “

“The Shadow Man has many tricks up his sleeve. Not each crossing of the worlds is the same.”

He continues, “If you choose to live this way, doing magic this way, there will always be a bigger price to pay in the end. They found out the hard way.”

Gullvi asks, “You mean there is another way to use magic?”

“There’s always more than one way.”

“How?", Milady asks.

“First, you have to want it. You have to deeply desire to use this way of magic, and once you start to use it, you will never go back to how it used to be.”

Fucking riddles. She feels her chest tightening. No… Don’t… The hold releases, and an image of the Shadow Man flashes by. She’ll end up like them. She won’t be able to get out of this. This will be her end. But she can’t… But the deal…

“Show me.”

“I told you the first time when you came here. You need to create harmony; you need to take care of her. That’s the first step, but it's not the end. This is a lifelong journey. Nothing that can be done in just one night. This is another way of working with magic, and it's done differently. “

He continues, “But what I can do at the moment, because you've gone far enough, and you've shown enough desire, is I can try to loosen that bond with Shadow Man so he will not come straight away.”

That’s all she needs to hear.

“Do it.”

“But what is the price?", Gullvi asks.

“Her willingness is the price. “

Milady barely hears her. Who cares about the price if the Wizard can remove the deal from the Shadow Man? He takes her up the stairs and into a room. There is an altar by the wall, but no pentagrams drawn on the floor, nor any candlelights around the ritual space. He gestures at a chair standing in front of it.

“It will not hurt. Just sit still.”

He picks up a brush made of feathers from the altar and starts to chant in a high-pitched voice while fluttering it over her head. At first, nothing happens. Then, the images start to come. Lucy with Rat. Lucy happy to be given her first task. Lucy skipping behind her as they walk to Gullvi. Lucy on the ground, crying, throwing dirt at her. Lucy’s empty gaze as she followed her to the train station. Her hope as she asked the Wizard if he could help them.

And then it shifts, and everything comes back. Jenna wanting to protect Lucy from Rat. Jenna smiling at Lucy’s joy. Jenna worrying as they walk to the ritual. Jenna wanting to hold Lucy as she cried on the ground. Jenna reaching out to Lucy as they walked to the train station. The chant quiets, and the man puts the brush back onto the altar.

“You should be careful not to break this one. Because if you do transaction magic after this, I don't think there is any way back. I don't know any way that can save you after that.”

She nods quietly, and he hands her a card and tells her she can call him if she needs to. She takes it and, without looking at him, hurries down. They leave after that. Gullvi gives her an odd look but keeps quiet as they thank the Wizard and head down to the car.

They will spend the night in a nearby town; it’s too late to leave for home. They find an open hotel, and Milady heads straight to her room and lies down. She can’t hold her back any longer. She remembers seeing Lucy with Rat and how she, once she’d bought her, had realized how difficult it would be to keep Jenna out of the equation for a month.

She had never managed to fully close her out, despite her best attempts. Jenna always wanted to do stupid things, make friends, help people, and be kind. Just like Lucy. But she’d got enough bruises as she’d arrived in the city, and she’d shed her. She’d taken a new name and banished Jenna to the back of her mind. She could never have survived on the street.

It had stayed that way until she saw Lucy. And realized she stared down at a version of herself.

It had taken all the willpower she had not to let Jenna out. She’d sent Lucy on errands, trying to keep her busy and pushing her away whenever Jenna threatened to come out. But it didn’t matter how nasty she was and how much she was hurting her; Lucy kept following her around like a puppy.

And then the ritual happened, and she was taken aback at how happy she was that it wasn’t Lucy who was sacrificed. That she survived. That evening, as Lucy cried in bed and Jenna had told her too much, she had almost lost it. She hadn’t been sure she would be able to push her back in again.

She’s known what she has to do ever since the first visit to the Wizard. Harmony meant Jenna. She was always good at that. But she couldn’t go back. Being Jenna had never led her anywhere else other than to hurt.

She’d finally managed to make Lucy go away, make her stop talking to her. And a part of her had died then. But she can’t go back. She can’t let Jenna out. She can’t….

You can listen to the Audiobook version on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@maratellsstories