Chapter Six

The boyhood friends

Hope

Bouts of hysteria and nightmares had happened every day and night, but with time they’d become a less frequent thing. During the days I’d spent in the healer’s abode I’d been under drugs and had not always distinguished dreams from real life. Lewis’s parents had visited me four times, and all those times I hadn’t been capable of saying anything intelligible because of sobs or meds. Jacob and Laura loved me as their own daughter. My mother-in-law had retired two circles ago and had now a lot of free time, so she’d offered to live with me for a while after the discharge from the abode until I could get used to living alone. A saint woman.

When I woke up, my head was splitting. The nurses were watching the television in the hall. The baritone of Jeremy Cloud–the governor of Ranita–broke the silence. Still half-sleeping, I heard him talk about the terrorist attack and the funerals of those who’d died.

… The funerals of four hundred people who had been killed during the university invasion were held today. I offer my most sincere condolences to the families of the victims. No one can imagine the horrors that they endured. This is the loss that leaves an enormous hall in our chests forever.

But we need to be strong at this difficult time. The Protectors have already established the identity of the attackers and started the investigation in the case of organizing a criminal group and committing a terrorist attack. One of the shooters who survived will be interrogated soon. He will be punished as he deserves, I can promise it…

Apart from the hissing speakers of the TV and the annoying sound of raindrops against the glass of the ward windows, there was something else. Light sniffles. I’d say female ones, but not Laura’s. She should be with Jacob at Lewis's wake now. The nurses never slept in the rooms with patients.

“Is anyone here?”

My question woke up the sleeping woman.

“Hope,” I heard her call my name and turned my head toward the familiar low voice.

“Ralody?”

“Yes, sweetheart,” she stood up from a chair or something like that with a creak, “Hope, thank Ranita.” She embraced me, which hurt me a bit, but I didn’t care. Ralody was alive. I sobbed and hugged her back. The slight luscious sillage remained on her skin. Something was wrong, but I didn’t know what exactly. She felt differently. She’d lost some weight and was now spindly, yes. But… her breast. I didn’t feel a touch of it like before.

“Ralody,” I gasped, “Lewis…”. I couldn’t say that.

“I know, sweetheart, I know.” A hot drop sneaked under the synthetic rob and immediately turned cold, running down my back. That was what tears felt like. I’d already forgotten it since I’d lost the privilege to cry.

“I…” I gasped again into her bony shoulder, “I couldn’t even bury him, Ralody. I’m stuck here for ages. They didn’t allow me to leave the abode.” My abdomen was on fire from the sobs of sorrow.

“Shh, my girl,” her hand was patting my head, “I know, it hurts so much.”

“I won’t handle it. I can’t. I don’t know how to live without him.”

“I’ll be with you, Hope,” she whispered into my ear, losing another drop. “I don’t think Lewis’s ever mentioned me, but we were really close once. I miss him too, sweetheart.”

The back of my rob had soaked up liters of Ralody’s tears before we two threw our grief out.

When our pulse stabilized, I pulled back a little, suppressing the pain, and groped her wet face with prominent cheekbones and wide jawline. I cupped it on both sides and brushed my thumbs back and forth. She smiled mildly, and it broke my heart. I’d been so absorbed by my woe that I forgot the last time she’d talked to me was the moment when the followers of the Reunification cult had taken her behind the plastic door of the assembly hall in the university.

“What happened to you?”

Nothing good, of course. It was clear.

Ralody hesitated. “It’s… it’s horrible, Hope,” the leader of Calire said bitterly, “are you sure you want to listen to my story?”

“If it’s hard for you, then I don’t.”

Her once smooth hands squeezed mine.

“When we exited the hall,” she began, “I was ready to die. I tried not to look at the disfigured corpses of my colleagues and acquaintances scattered here and there. I saw what they’d done to them, Hope, and I will never find words to describe all the horrors I saw there.”

The crack of her voice broke something inside me. I swallowed. Even though I’d lost my eyes twenty-three circles ago, I still had nightmares with my father’s bluish-gray hand, hanging from the tube in our bathroom. But to see so many injured dead people at once…

“Nevertheless, I couldn’t imagine what was waiting for me.”

“Ralody…”

She sobbed and I regretted asking her to speak.

“I was a kind of devil for them. That was why Strabin saved me for last.”

Strabin had to be the man with a nasal voice.

“But why? Just because of your position? For doing your job?”

Ralody hemmed, “There are a few people that know about… the changes. Lewis was one of them. I’ve been concealing any mentions of it, but the cult found it out somehow.”

“What do you mean?”

She bent over me and lowered her voice to whisper, “I was born a man, Hope.”

Oh.Oh.

“When I turned fifteen and my mom gave me her concealer to cover teenage acne,” she told me, “I liked using it, so I started buying other cosmetics with my pocket cash. My collection was epic, even my mother didn’t have that much. With time I realized that the body I’d been born in wasn’t mine. I was in love with fashion and makeup while my peers were playing football and doing judo. My mother knew that and had nothing against it. She understood I didn’t choose it but had been born who I’d been born, unlike my father. When he noticed my ‘morbid fascination’, he attempted to whip this shit out of me. I still have scars on my back,” she took my hand and led it to the smooth scar tissue on her body under the cotton shirt. “Thanks to my mom I managed to escape from that house of horrors to Mavrony. She gave me a great chance. There I entered the university and started saving some money for the surgery, working as a cleaner in a nightclub at night only cause the study wouldn’t let me have a job like a waitress or cashier who have day shifts. I know your question, and the answer is yes, gender reassignment surgery was banned before it got known, however, there were underground clinics that were dealing with it. The risks of irreparable damage and even death were high, but I didn’t care. I’d rather die trying than live like that. Two circles of surfers and wakeful nights, and the sum I needed was in my bank account. As you can notice, it was successful, and I wasn’t injured much more than it required. The trouble would meet me next when I found out that It was too problematic to get the documents for my new identity. I don't want to talk about it right now, that’s why I’ll shorten this part, telling you that in the end, I had a new ID and driver's license.

“Circles were passing, but I didn’t dare to come back to Calire in my new body. Only when my father died would I climb into my car and drive back to my motherland. ”

Then, if the leader of the town trusted my husband enough to tell him her darkest secret, it could only mean…

“Roady,” the name thundered in the air.

I thought I’d stunned Ralody for she kept silent for a long time. I even wanted to ask if she was still here when her lips divided, “I haven’t heard this name for ages. It’s so strange, you know.”

My hands slipped down her arms and nestled on her lap, “He talked my ear off. Roady this, Roady that.”

“Are you kidding?”

“No, Ralody, I swear,” I slightly giggled so as not to cause another painful ‘punch’ in my stomach. “Lewis was talking about your adventures constantly. My favorite story is when you two had listened to too many myths and legends and went to the swamps where you lost your boots, running from the Red Drowneress, who, as it turned out, was just the owner of the house, adjoining the marshland.”

“Oh my Ranita, my ass was violet from my father’s leather belt for two weeks after that day because I’d left a new pair of trainers in that damned mud.”

We laughed. Both of us. Her body shuddered, and I lost balancing stability, grazing Ralody’s chest accidentally. She whined piteously.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” I asked the leader.

She rubbed the place I’d grazed, and the cotton fabric of her shirt rustled. “This is the answer to your question, Hope,” Ralody tucked a strand of my hair behind the ear. “As I said, I was born a man. And men aren’t supposed to have breasts.”

Oh, Saints.

“They cut the implants out of my body.”

Holy shit.

“Sick bastards.”

“I know.”

“But… I…” I hesitated to ask her that.

“Don’t be afraid, Hope. It’s just a question.”

I pursed my lips, “I didn’t hear you cry.”

A prolonged pause was accompanied by dripping drops of rain outside the building.

“I didn’t want you to hear it. You were so scared. And Lewis… he was crazy enough to rush to save me, even though it cost him his life.”

Another bitter laugh flew out of me.

“Sounds like my husband.”

I couldn’t believe that. She’d been silently enduring such a…. I had no words to describe it.

“I’m so sorry, Ralody.”

“I’ll go over it.”

I was sure she would. Ralody Brine was the strongest woman I’d ever happened to meet.

The click of the wide heels appeared in the hall. I knew that sound.

“My healer is coming.”

“What?” Ralody asked, confused.

Someone knocked at the door of my ward and entered with no offer to come in.

“Good morning, Hope.” I see you have a visitor. How are you, Leader?”

“Please, call me Ralody.”

It seemed like Lucy nodded, considering that I caught the sound of a movement and falling hair.

“Hope, I need to examine you.” The healer started rubbing her hands together fast to make them warm before they reached my skin.

“I’ll leave you alone,” Ralody said, standing up from the bed, “Let me know if you need anything. I’ll be in the hall.”

“Thank you.”

The leader of Calire exited the abode ward and shut the door wordlessly.

“She’s so lucky. Ralody, I mean. She’s the one of the officials who survived,” Lucy Farrole stepped closer to the bed, “I’m going to palpate the area as usual.” Despite her tries, the healer’s hands were freezingly cold, and I flinched too suddenly even for myself.

“Sorry for this. It’s abnormally chilly even for the beginning of Subtle.”

“That’s okay. I can handle it.”

I felt her fingers on my skin around the stitches.

“Does it hurt?”

“Less than a week ago, but still does.”

“Good. And now?”

“A little.”

My healer finished the examination and covered me with a thick blanket.

“There’s no infection or inflammation. I’ll assign one of the nurses to take you to the ultrasound tomorrow. I want to look at the postoperative welts and whether they’re healing well or not.”

“Healer Lucy, do you… when am I allowed to go home?”

She looked through her notes. The ballpoint pen was waltzing on the paper, making a rustling and wet sound.

“Well, two weeks at a minimum.”

Another fourteen days, surrounded by a nauseating smell of chlorine and bandages.

“And it will still be necessary to be on a special diet and observe a surgeon to prevent any complications or deteriorations. Is there a healer’s abode where you live?”

“Yeah. Just across the road.”

“Sorry, but I have to ask you this. Are you able to get it alone? If you are not, I ca–”

“I can, healer Lucy. Thank you. My mother-in-law is going to stay with me for a while. I think we’ll manage it.”

I didn’t mention that I’d refused. Laura was a wonderful woman who loved me like my own mother, but I couldn’t let her carry my troubles on her shoulders, especially after her only son’s death.

“Nice to hear it. So, Hope, for today that’s all. I’m going to change the dosage of your medicines. If you feel sick, dizzy, or any changes in your organism, let the nurse know.”

“No problem. I will.”

“Then, have a rest, Hope, and stay hydrated. A bottle of water is on the nightstand on your right,” she pivoted on her heels and headed to the door. The knob squeaked, but Lucy froze. “Should I call the leader?”

Ralody was still here?

“Sure. Thank you.”

“No problem. See you later, Hope.”

“See you, healer.”

A minute later the door opened again, and Ralody rushed as a hurricane into the abode ward, bringing the freshly brewed sour notes of robusta and the coconut sweetness.

“Is that what I’m thinking about?”

Ralody chuckled snidely. “I didn’t know what you preferred, so I bought a coconut vegan latte.”

“Saint Ranita, I haven’t tasted a drop of coffee for ages. They drink me with that herbal tincture.”

“My poor girl. We have to fix it.”

She took my hand and put a warm paper cup into my grip. “Be careful, it could be hot. Do you need sugar? I have a sachet of brown one.”

“With pleasure.”

A plastic spoon hit the walls of the cup with a barely audible thud.

“Ralody–”

“Call me Ral.”

I smiled. Lewis had called her that.

“Ral,” I liked the way it left a blissful sensation on the tip of my tongue, “may I touch you? I mean your face.” My hands were my eyes. Only by touching, I could draw rough outlines of one’s features or a thing in my head. “It sounds ridiculous, I know… Never mind.”

Her big palm put my ones on her left cheek, summoning the ‘painting journey’ to have its start. “Don’t smear my mascara, please. It cost me a fortune.”

My fingers traced from the clearly delineated cheekbones to the ear and discovered short vertical scars on both sides of Ral’s face. She’d changed her features long ago. Then they headed up past temples and met her tall and broad forehead that was framed by the hairline. Going down, I reached her thick and coarse eyebrows. They were asymmetric–the left one was a little lower than the right one, which could be caused by a habit of chewing food on one side. My fingertips lowered to the unbelievably interesting eyes with slightly upturned corners, avoiding mascaraed eyelashes. Both of my hands slid to an artificially small elegant nose. Beneath her nostrils, there was a kind of tripe that usually remained after rhinoplasty. The nasolabial folds were not deep and I felt no fillers under the sleek skin. I brushed my thumb across Ralody’s natural plump lips.

“It should be prohibited to have such a great personality and be so striking simultaneously, Ral.”

She smirked, “Thank you, sweetheart. I’m happy to hear it from you. I mean… you know…”

“Because I’m blind. Don’t be afraid to say that.”

“Yes. Just because you… can’t see, you don’t judge by the appearance.”

Oh, Saint Initiatoress.

“Is that why you got plastic surgery?”

She said no words. I thought I’d fucked up.

“I’m so sorry. It was such a tactless question. Let’s change the subject to something more positive, okay? I really wonder how you got the position of the leader of Calire with no ties and prosperous parents.”

Ral laughed, and her laughter made my heart melt. “It’s a long story.”

“I have plenty of time. Do you?”

“Fine,” she said enthusiastically, “let’s start with the day I came back to Calire…”

I didn’t have the faintest idea how many hours we’d spent talking before her phone buzzed and Ralody had excused herself for a need to hurry to the office. Our conversation was a load off my mind. After Lucy had checked me in the evening, making me as cozy as it was possible in this situation, I had the sensation that I would fall asleep that night with no nightmares for the first time since the healer’s carriage had brought me here.