Surprise, Surprise! [Scene 10]

Contrary to popular belief, my job as a director was important to me. Despite the idiocy of the film set and scary banana suits, I truly did want to make something great. The very first film I ever made, Purple Lines, a crime thriller on the psychology of a murderer, got mixed reviews. Some said it was regurgitated garbage, others said it was a niche hit. It was the first time I noticed that people actually cared about my vision. I wanted to keep going, chase the high of that feeling I suppose. How I ended up doing a movie like this, was totally beyond me. 

"Ryujin," I heard a voice echo off in the distance.

It sounded like my name. I was positive that I was in a lucid dream. I just saw Jada, Ryan Ashley, Ben and the rest of the crew wearing battery-charged pinwheel hats that spun and spun while I sat in my director's chair. Not my preferred choice, but hey.

"Ryujin," the voice got louder and louder, more familiar this time. Wait, I recognized it.

"Ryujin!" I blinked a couple of times and saw Jada standing in front of me wearing a pinwheel hat. I shook my head and looked around to witness the sea of idiots all wearing the same, stupid hats staring at me. Well, at least I knew it wasn't a lucid dream. Because in those, I would have at least the slightest bit of control.

"Glad to see your back," Jada smiled, walking up to me. "What's gotten in to you? You've been spacing out all day."

She was right. I have been distracted all day. It was normal to experience stupidity on set. Seeing the email of the pinwheel hats, reading and ignoring it was relatively, normal. But the events of last night, had me thinking more than usual, or more than I would like to admit. And it was starting to affect my work. 

"Oh, right. Uh, Take 30. We'll resume after the break," I yelled. 

A loud bell rung and everyone dispersed on set, crawling to their corner of the location. Today was the scene where Jedd and Yunari went looking for his estranged rocket ship and decided to shoot the scene in the dusty area of Hollywood Hills. It reminded me that I promised Yunaria that we would look for her spaceship this weekend. It was hard to know which was more idiotic, the fact that this movie was being directed by Ryujin Haruka or that the events in a sci-fi parody were starting to mirror my waking life. I must've been a supervillain in my previous one to deserve this.

Before I left the house this morning and after Yunaria left for her job, I saw she left a note on the table next to a box. Apparently, she had found through the Internet or something of the sort, that girlfriends in the relationships made food before the boyfriends left the house. She expressed that she wanted to do that for me, and I told her she didn't have to, but she wanted to be an 'authentic girlfriend'.

 It seemed quite old-fashioned. I thought we were truly past the days of such gender roles. Nothing like the Internet reinforcing a woman's place, I guess. Anyways, the note simply read,

"I made a food for you. I hope you will enjoy its taste."

Admittedly, I didn't expect much but with her working at a cafe, I thought maybe her cooking wouldn't be horrible. Nothing in the kitchen burned down and my house was still intact, it was a decent sign. And she seemed to excel at everything in the realm of humans. 

Off to the side of the set, there was a small little hill I decided to sit on. Nervously, I opened the box, and it expected the worst but to my surprise, there were six, perfectly sliced sandwiches stacked neatly along the edges. Small cuts of ham, bacon, lettuce and mozzarella cheese laced the insides of the sandwiches. It looked edible! 

I picked up a sandwich and took the first bite. My hopes were crushed, yet I couldn't be surprised. She put mayonnaise on the sandwich. It was drenched in mayonnaise. The one thing I hated most. It wasn't her fault, it truly wasn't. She couldn't have known. They were horrible, but I decided to eat a couple and thank her later. The demons simply hated me and had influenced Yunaria in her cooking. It was always something. I'd come to accept that. 

I pulled out a cigarette and turned around when I heard footsteps behind me. Jada came walking down the hill, eating a bag of candy with something yellow in her pocket.

"Your teeth are going to rot," I turned to her and offered her a sandwich.

Jada chuckled, "Which will happen first: that or lung cancer?" She looked at me skeptically, "What's wrong with them?"

"Mayo," I sighed.

"Mayo?"

"Yeah, I don't like mayonnaise."

"Then why'd you get them?"

"My girl-" I corrected myself, "Someone made them for me, and I didn't tell them I don't like mayo. I'd hate for them to go waste."

She rolled her eyes and took the sandwich. From the looks of it, she enjoyed it. A co-worker liked my girlfriend's cooking who happened to be a robot. It felt like a weird step in a growing relationship. "For all the talk of calling everyone idiots, you really aren't very far from one."

"Wise words," I said distantly. 

I wasn't really in the mood to talk. A lone spaceship in California, to the vision of this movie. Yunaria and I even slept in the same bed last night and she made me lunch. I'll have to mention no mayonnaise next time. It felt like things were changing and I didn't like it. 

"This sandwich is good. You're picky, something my grandmother used to say. I guess I learned to stomach things I didn't like as I grew up," I saw her look at me out of the corner of my eye and stand up.

"I didn't mean to interrupt. I'll see you back on set,"

"No, no. It's okay. I could probably use human conversation. You can sit,"

"I saw Purple Lines," Jada muttered, sitting back on the hill next to me.

"Really? I thought it was some obscure Japanese film that no one saw in America,"

"It was bad-"

"Well...thanks-"

"I'm not finished," she cut me off, "It was bad, BUT I enjoyed it. You asked me why I would do a movie like Space Cowboy Robot Love, and I really thought about it. I find artistic value in things others don't."

"So, you're a contrarian?" 

Who would've thought that I would bond over my lack of talent with my crewmates?

"No, well, maybe a little. Who isn't? Anyways, my point is that I saw the movie while I was in acting school. They previewed it as one of the case study screenings. It was about how to evoke emotion with little effort. It taught me a lot,"

"Well, that sounds like more of the actors doing than mine,"

"You're so negative. I can see why you feel the way you do about this film. Many people would kill to get an opportunity to get a job like this, and you just shit on it. Here," Jada handed me something yellow as the pinwheels on her hat continued to spin.

"What is this?" 

"Put it on," She pulled another yellow thingy out of her back pocket and started to inflate something. Oh no...

"What are you doing," I tried to stop her, "You're embarrassing me, and where the fuck did you get that banana suit at? How'd you even know about that?"

No, no, no. 

"People around the set have been talking, and I agree with them. You're killing the vibe of the film. I'm not helping you for you, it's for the film. A good film is only as good as it's direction. There's a reason why people watch Purple Lines in acting school. And I want to stand out, I won't let you ruin that. Put the fucking banana suit on."

"No, why? Is this some sort of set up? To leak the stupid director idiot wearing a banana suit on the Internet? It won't help me direct the movie the way I want, so why should I do something so stupid?"

"Your name isn't the only one on the movie. It's to get over yourself. A good director will always leave their mark, and you're going to help me shine to be a great actress," She was now fully dressed in a bright yellow banana suit. 

"No," I said, but she simply stared at me, holding the banana suit. Waiting, and waiting.

I snatched the banana suit from her hand and put my legs through the holes, inflated it from behind and wiggled my head through the top. I was so mad, and humiliated. How had it come to this, I thought. It was then I felt a laugh sneaking up. I tried to quell it, but it ruptured and came out of nowhere. I laughed uncontrollably and so did Jada. I felt so embarrassed, yet it was hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing at myself. 

I was a monkey in a banana suit. It was ridiculous yet made me realize something I didn't want to. 

My life wasn't as bad as I thought it was.

***