Whack

My consciousness slowly crept back. The chair beneath me creaked as I shifted around.

Wait. Chair?

I cracked one eye open, immediately regretting it as fluorescent lights stabbed my retinas. Through blurred vision, I spotted a tiny skeleton sitting on a stack of books behind an oversized desk, dressed in a perfectly pressed suit.

Oh. This is the Headmaster's office.

"Abandoning your partners! Causing chaos in the Woods! Making me fill out incident reports!" The Headmaster's bones rattled with each word as she alternated whacking Akane and Shion's heads with… her detached arm bone?

"But Headmaster, she started-" Akane began.

Whack.

"I don't care who started it! And you, Miss Kuragari-"

Whack.

"Using your pheromones on school grounds is strictly forbidden!"

This had to be some kind of fever dream. Maybe if I closed my eyes and stayed very still, I could slide back into unconsciousness and wake up somewhere that made sense. Like my bed. Or literally anywhere else.

"KUSUNOKI!"

My eyes snapped open at the sharp voice. The Headmaster's empty eye sockets somehow managed to glare straight through me.

"Don't think playing possum will save you, Kusunoki."

Whack.

"Ow!" I rubbed the spot where her bone had connected with my skull. For someone barely three feet tall, she had impressive reach.

Whack.

"Irresponsible!"

Whack.

"Reckless!"

Whack.

"And your tie is crooked!"

"Not to mention-" Whack. "-taking a werewolf as a mate!"

"That-"

Whack.

"Don't interrupt! I've been running this school for three hundred years, and I've never seen such idocracy!"

"But Ryou didn't know-" Akane leaned forward in her chair.

Whack.

"And whose fault is that?" The tiny skeleton jabbed her bone at Akane. "You should have explained everything before claiming her as your mate!"

"Well, as Headmaster, you have a duty-" Shion spoke up.

Whack.

"Don't lecture me about duty, Miss 'I-seduce-students-with-pheromones.'" The Headmaster turned her empty sockets back to me. "Let me be perfectly clear - I will not be helping either of you navigate this mess. If the Akatomi family decides to... resolve this situation their way, I'll be looking the other way."

"But-" Akane started.

Whack.

"No buts! You made your bed, now lie in it." The Headmaster's bones rattled as she settled back in her chair. Her skull suddenly tilted. "Speaking of which - Kusunoki, where are my herbs? These old bones are killing me today."

My stomach dropped. The herbs. Part of my admission deal - regular herbal remedies for the Headmaster's joint pain in exchange for letting me attend Nebou. The same herbs that were now...

"They... got soaked. In the river." I shrunk down in my chair as the Headmaster's jaw began to chatter.

"Soaked?" The bone cracked against her desk. "SOAKED?!"

Whack. Whack. Whack.

"First with the mate thing-" Whack. "-then you three traumatize innocent creatures-" Whack "-and now my HERBS are RUINED?!" Whack.

I winced as the bone found my head again. At this rate, I was going to need those pain remedies myself.

"Wait - what exactly happened with the slugs?" I asked, rubbing my sore head.

"That whale slug hunt wasn't even an official school activity! That scatter-brained flower wanted to protect some herbs in the Woods, and had his students doing his dirty work on top of it."

"So... we're not actually in trouble for that part?" I ventured carefully.

The bone tapped thoughtfully against her desk. "Well, I suppose you three aren't entirely to blame."

Her jaw suddenly snapped shut with a sharp click.

"But that doesn't excuse your other behavior! Inciting violence!" Whack. "Abandoning your partner!" Whack. "Improperly bonding!" Whack whack whack.

After a million more whacking sessions, we finally escaped the Headmaster's office. Between the bone assault and my empty stomach, the hallway seemed to tilt and spin around me. The bell rang, its sharp tone making me wince.

I looked at Shion, who'd been unnaturally quiet since we left the Headmaster's office. In all the chaos with Akane, I'd completely forgotten about her ordeal with the drunk slugs.

"Hey, are you okay after-"

"Don't." Shion's eye twitched. Her usually perfect hair still had traces of silvery slime. "Not. Another. Word. About. Those. Things."

"But-"

"Everything is absolutely wonderful!" Her smile stretched too wide.

"Ok then…"

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to clean up in the bathroom." She turned on her heel and strode away, her usual graceful gait somewhat hampered by the sticky residue on her shoes.

"Wait, don't you need help with-" I called after her, but she'd already vanished around the corner.

"Good riddance." Akane's ears flattened as she glared after Shion. "Spider woman needs to learn to keep her webs to herself."

My stomach let out a loud, angry growl, reminding me why I'd passed out in the first place.

Akane's ears perked up at the sound, her yellow eyes lighting up with an almost predatory gleam. "You're hungry!"

"I'm fi-" Before I could finish protesting, she'd already scooped me up in her arms. I sighed, too drained to fight it. At least she was warm. Maybe I could just close my eyes for a moment...

But as we rounded the corner, Akane slammed into something solid. The impact sent us tumbling, and I found myself sprawled on the floor, my head spinning worse than before.

Through my dizzy haze, I made out a tall figure looming over us. The first thing that caught my attention were the ears - gray wolf ears, just like Akane's but tipped with black, twitching with apparent annoyance. They sat atop a mess of matching gray hair that fell across sharp features. His lip curled into something between a sneer and a snarl.

"So the rumors are true then, Akane? You've actually bonded with a vampire?"

I tried to sit up, but Akane's arm shot out protectively in front of me.

"And if I did?" Akane's tail bristled as she stared him down.

"Because the Akatomi name-" The gray werewolf took a step closer.

"Oh please." Akane rolled her eyes. "You're just mad I didn't pick you."

I couldn't help but interject. "Fascinating as this territorial dispute is, could we please get food?"

They both turned to look at me like they'd forgotten I was there. The gray werewolf's expression darkened further.

"You think this is funny, vampire? You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into."

"You know how many people have been telling me that today?"

Akane's lips twitched, fighting back a smile, while the gray werewolf looked like he'd swallowed something sour.

"Akane, what exactly do you plan to tell our families about this... situation?"

"Tell them, Ginji?" Akane's tail swished. "I figured we'd just show up to the next gathering holding hands. Maybe make out a little in front of the elders."

I choked.

"The families had plans, Akane." Ginji's ears flattened. "Years of careful arrangements-"

"Oh please, you're just mad because you were supposed to be my mate."

"You were supposed to be her what now?" My head snapped between them so fast I got dizzy again. Oh. This must've been what Akane wanted to tell me before I passed out.

"It's not like that!" Ginji's composure cracked. "Our families simply thought we'd be compatible given our histories and-"

"And the fact you've been following me around like a lovesick puppy since we were cubs?" Akane smirked.

"I have not-" His face flushed red.

My stomach let out another angry growl, cutting through their bickering like a knife. Both werewolves' ears twitched at the sound.

"We can continue this fascinating conversation later." Akane's eyes gleamed. "My mate needs food."

Before I could protest, she scooped me up in her arms again. My head spun from the sudden movement.

"This discussion isn't over, Akane!" Ginji called after us.

"Yeah yeah, whatever." Akane's tail swished dismissively as she strode down the hall. "You can lecture me about family honor after I feed my human."

"Don't just announce that to-"

"Relax." She adjusted her grip, cradling me closer. "He was too busy being jealous to actually listen to what I said. Now, let's get some meat in you before you pass out again!"