Commit To Your Mistakes

July 1, 2019

Shizuka was working on the new storyboard for the August chapter of Break The Ice, while Chieko was at her own desk finishing up the coloring on a book cover Shizuka had drawn, when she got a call on her computer from Daichi. She hesitated for a few seconds, reluctant to answer it due to what had happened on Saturday before taking a deep breath and clicking on the green answer button on her screen. “Hello?”

“Hey, Hiratai-sensei, uh… I talked to some of the higher-ups in the company earlier today…” Daichi clearly felt bad about something when he talked to her. “I brought up what you proposed, and they said that perhaps you could go ahead with it.”

Confused, Shizuka asked him, “Go ahead with what?”

“The sex thing,” he sighed. “As long as you don’t actually show them having sex or have any nudity, you can mention it in dialogue or show them waking up in bed together. Nothing below the shoulders for Ichigo, and nothing below the waist for Kazuya, though.”

Shizuka was stunned, staring at the screen in silence. Chieko noticed this and turned around, asking her, “Hiratai-sensei, what’s wrong?”

“I…” Shizuka looked down at her storyboard and realized what she had done to the old one on Saturday. “It… It may be too late…”

Worried, Daichi asked her, “Hiratai-sensei, what did you do to the storyboard on the Saturday I called you?”

“Oh my God… I ripped it up and threw it away… It’s gone…”

Daichi sighed, realizing she had made her work a lot more difficult for herself. “Ugh… You really should have saved it.”

“But you told me not to go ahead with the sex plot,” Shizuka pointed out in somewhat of a raised voice. “What else was I supposed to do? As far as I was aware, it was useless anyway!”

“Calm down,” he told her. “What have you been working on since then?”

“Since then? I’ve been working on a different storyboard for August. It’s too late now.”

“You gotta be kidding me,” Daichi said in annoyance. “Just discard that one and make a new storyboard based on your old one.”

“Nope,” she replied, now getting petty with him. “It’s too late. Not happening.”

“Wow. I came here to tell you what I thought would be good news, and you’re reacting like this?! Really?!”

“If you want, I can delay it to November’s chapter, but I’m not going back and doing it for August when I already have new plans for the next three months.”

“You really should.”

“I don’t have to.”

Finally having had enough, Daichi then put his own foot down with her, similar to how she had done with him on Saturday. “I want you to do the sex chapter either in August or not at all! I told you it was okay, now do it!”

Shizuka paused, mimicking what he had done on Saturday, before telling him, “I don’t think they should have sex at all at this point. It would ruin the plot to delay it by that much.”

Having heard her mimic what he said to her, he finally gave up and told her, “I’m hanging up now. Call me back when you don’t feel like acting like a child, Hiratai-sensei.”

With Daichi ending the phone call, Shizuka sighed and looked down at her art, telling herself out loud, “I committed to this. I need to go through with it.”

“Uh,” Chieko said to her in a worried tone. “Hiratai-sensei, what… Why can’t you just go back then?”

“I had planned the lead-up to Ichigo and Kazuya having sex for a while,” she explained to her. “It would not work unless it happened in August, so now it can’t happen at all. Even if it hurts, I can never go back.”

“Oh… Okay…” Not wanting to argue with her boss on the matter, Chieko turned back to her work and thought to herself, “Even if it hurts, she can never turn back… Who would think like that? Is she saying that even if she makes a mistake, she would stick with it?”

…

July 2, 2019

Shizuka was by herself in her apartment, with both Chieko and Akari having gone home after working with her. As she was checking her emails, she saw one from Kyosuke that was titled ‘I Am Concerned’. Confused about its title, she opened it up and began to read its contents.

Hiratai Shizuka,

I have been talking to Obuchi-san about what had happened in regards to your plans for the August chapter of Break The Ice. In particular, I was concerned about how you acted when he called you yesterday on July 1. Despite Obuchi-san telling you that I had given the go-ahead for the proposed plot you had for the August chapter, you insisted that you wanted to scrap it anyway.

I urge you to reconsider, or else we may have to reevaluate our relationship with you. Your actions were unprofessional, and even though you were given the opportunity to do what you wanted, you instead chose to mock one of our editors, someone who has worked tirelessly for you to make Break The Ice the success it has been from the beginning of its serialization in Monthly Girl Step. You chose to punish yourself, if anything. I cannot allow such behavior in my company.

As the chief executive officer and chief financial officer of Shimizu Publishing House, I am not asking you to make Ichigo and Kazuya have sex in Break The Ice. I am now telling you to. I do not care if it occurs in the August issue or the November issue. Make it happen as you had planned it, and do not throw out your unused storyboards again just in case something like this occurs in the future. I read what you write every time it gets submitted, and I can tell that you were building up to it. Not only am I doing this for the sake of ending this petty argument between you and your editor, but I am also doing this for the sake of your story.

I want to see Break The Ice succeed, and given we are still in the process of negotiating a live-action drama adaptation of it, I would rather not have to order it be canceled when it is obviously not even close to being finished. If this nonsense continues, however, I will have no choice left but to cancel the series and terminate your employment with Shimizu Publishing House.

I am terribly sorry that it has come to this, Hiratai-sensei, but you have left me no choice. Please, do not take this personally. If I do not get a response back by Friday, I will assume you will not follow this, and I will make good on my threat.

Hagino Kyosuke

CEO and CFO, Shimizu Publishing House

Shizuka read the email with a look of horror on her face. “I… Oh my God…” She realized that by punishing herself and refusing to write what she had originally planned out of spite for Daichi, she was also punishing everyone who read Break The Ice, as well as her two new assistants, both of whom would be out of work if the series got canceled over this matter.

Despite all of this, a part of her wanted to take it further and get fired, again, to punish herself for her actions.

“Maybe I should just end it,” she thought to herself. “Maybe this really is the end for me. I’ve made up my mind so far, and I can’t go back now. Perhaps cancellation is the only way forward.”

…

November 1, 2004

A younger Shizuka was walking in the hallway of her middle school, reading a volume of manga as she slowly walked along the wall when she set the manga down and saw that three girls were standing in her path. As soon as she saw them, she took a deep breath, preparing herself for something she knew would be coming.

“Hey there, Hiratai,” said the leader of the trio. “What are you reading?”

“Nothing,” she replied, clearly not wanting to interact with them.

“You gotta be reading something,” the leader replied as she took the manga from her and began to read its contents. “Hmph, an old one.”

“It’s from 1998. It’s not that ol-“

The leader then dropped it on the ground and stepped on it. “Oops, sorry. I must have not seen it. What are you gonna do about it?”

“What am I…?”

“You barely speak up in class,” the leader pointed out with a confident grin. “You just sit there and look like you’re about to say something, and then never say it. It really pisses me off, so why don’t you do something about it?”

Shizuka thought to herself, “What do I do here? Should I just walk away or…?” As she thought about what to do, she remained silent, unable to make a decision.

“Come on, Hiratai. Make a decision.” The girl then stepped on the manga volume again.

This act seemed to finally make something inside Shizuka snap as she took a deep breath and asked her, “Do you want to find out?”

“Find out what?”

“My decision.”

“What deci-?”

Shizuka then landed a hard punch against the leader’s nose, knocking her down to the ground and causing her to start profusely bleeding. This shocked all of those who were witnessing the event, including the other two girls. Shizuka then kicked the girl once in the stomach, screaming at her as loudly as she could, “Fucking bitch!”

“Agh, fuck!” The leader coughed as she held her stomach with one hand and tried to stop the bleeding from her nose with her other hand.

“Holy shit,” said one of the other girls as she bent down to help her friend by pulling out a tissue to help her wipe up the blood. “Your nose is bleeding a lot!”

Her other friend then called out, “Someone get a teacher! Hurry!”

Shizuka quickly grabbed her manga volume and ran away from the scene, not looking back as her peers all raced over to help the girl she had punched. As she rounded a corner, she thought to herself, “That was my decision! I’m not gonna hesitate anymore! I need to stick to my decisions when I make them from now on!”

…

December 20, 2008

“Shizuka,” her mother pleaded with her as she argued with her parents. “Why did you break up with your boyfriend over that argument?! You just told us you’re still upset over it, and it’s only five days until Christmas of your last year in high school!”

“I made my decision,” she yelled back at them with tears flowing down her face. “I can’t go back, even if it hurts to commit to it! Me and him are done!”

“You just said it hurts you,” her father pointed out. “Why don’t you just apologize to him and get back together?!”

“Because I can’t be indecisive! I’ve been indecisive for too long, and I can’t do that anymore! I need to grow up and live with my mistakes, and this is one of them!”

“This isn’t growing up, Shizuka,” her mother angrily replied back. “Your acting like a fucking child! Apologize to him!”

“If I will, I’m not gonna get back together with him!”

“At this point, I don’t give a shit! Just apologize to him if you won’t even give him another chance!”

Her father then grabbed her by her arm and pulled her in, sternly telling her, “I talked to his parents, you know, and he’s still extremely upset about this! He wants to get back together with you and tell you he’s sorry, even if the two of you said nasty things to each other! Apologize to him!”

“I’m not getting back together with him,” she yelled. “I won’t! I made my decision, and even if it hurts me, I have to live with it!”

Her father then screamed, “That’s bullshit, and you know it!”

…

June 26, 2009

Shizuka, who was now going to college, was sitting in her dorm late at night after a long day at classes followed by a few hours of part-time work at a maid cafè. She had collapsed onto her bed and was about to fall asleep in her street clothes when she heard her cellphone ring with a text nearby. She got up from her bed and looked at it, seeing that it was one of her friends from high school. She answered it and said in a groggy voice, “Hello?”

“Shizuka-chan,” replied her old friend. “I, uh… I have some bad news from home.”

Shizuka sighed, a bit annoyed that she was getting a phone call this late at night. “What happened?”

“It’s about Nogi-kun,” she said in a sad tone, referring to Shizuka’s former boyfriend. “He…”

“What happened to Nogi-kun?”

“He killed himself today,” she told him, clearly upset by the news. “He hasn’t been the same since Christmas last year, and something just…” She then took a deep breath to collect herself emotionally. “His family’s devastated, Shizuka-chan. We’re all heartbroken.”

Shizuka was also upset over the news. She set her phone down and took a deep breath as she began to wonder why he had done it. “Why… Why did you…”

“Shizuka-chan? Shizuka-chan, are you there?”

She then sighed and picked up the phone again, asking her friend, “Are there any clues as to why?”

“That’s the thing… He said he was lonely. That’s really the only thing he said on the note he left, aside from an apology to his family and friends… And you.”

“And me?” Shizuka began to cry as she realized the most likely reason, or at least one of the reasons, why he had done it. “Oh my God…”

“Shizuka-chan… Even to the end, Nogi-kun still loved you, even if you weren’t together anymore. He told me that himself the day before he did it.”

As she began to cry, Shizuka said to herself, “Hiroto… Why…”

“I’ll… I’ll leave you to process it. I’ll send you an email of more details if you’re invited to the funeral service. I’m sorry.”

Her friend then hung up with her, leaving Shizuka in grief all by herself. She set her phone back down and closed it before burying her head in a pillow, unable to stop herself from sobbing. “Why… Why did he do it… No…” As she continued to cry, she thought to herself, “Even if it hurts… Even if it hurts… Even if it hurts… I must commit to it. Once I made my decision in December, there was no going back. I would just have to live with it, even if he couldn’t in the end. It hurts, but life hurts. That’s just what I have to live with.”

…

Present

Back in the present, Shizuka looked over her artwork and began to realize that perhaps committing to every decision she made, even the ones that were mistakes, was not the best idea. At the same time, though, she wondered how she could possibly come back from what she had gotten herself into. She had four days to decide how to proceed with Break The Ice, and she had no clue where to go from here.

She picked up her phone and texted both Akari and Chieko, telling them both to take the rest of the week off on the grounds that she was taking a break and going to meetings instead.

SHIZUKA: Take the rest of the week off, guys. I have some important meetings to go to, so I need to take a break from making the manga. I’m sorry for how sudden this message is.

CHIEKO: A break? Like a hiatus?

AKARI: Hiratai-sensei, are you okay?

SHIZUKA: I may be going on hiatus, yes. I’m okay, guys. I just need some time to myself.

Once she sent the texts, she dialed Michi’s phone number and waited for him to respond. When he did, she told him, “Michi, I need to see you tonight. I want to talk to you about something.”

…

At Michi’s apartment, he got up from his work desk upon hearing the doorbell ring. When he walked over and opened it, he saw Shizuka, who was clearly depressed as she said to him, “Hey there.”

“You don’t look too good, Shizuka,” Michi said to him as she walked in.

“I’m not doing all that well,” she explained. “I… Are… Are you aware of what’s going on between my editor and me, Michi?”

“I’ve heard a little bit,” he admitted. “Something about you two arguing over a plot issue.”

“Well… I got an email telling me to continue with my original plot or get my manga canceled.”

“Canceled?!” Michi was shocked. “What the fuck do you mean by canceled, Shizuka?!”

Shizuka sat down on a chair in his kitchen and began to explain what had transpired to him. “So… I wanted to include Ichigo and Kazuya talking about having sex, and then cutting to the next day, with both of them confirming they had sex, right? Obuchi-san told me I couldn’t even do that, so I had to scrap everything for the next few months.”

“Alright, but how does that lead to a potential cancellation?”

“You see, he then called me a few days later and told me that the executives at Shimizu thought my idea was actually acceptable, and told me I could do it, but… The thing is, I had already committed to just throwing it all away and starting over from scratch, and I was really pissed off at Obuchi-san, so I told him to basically go kick rocks and that I would just scrap the whole sex thing altogether since that’s what he originally wanted.” Shizuka was embarrassed to admit what she had done to her boyfriend. “I… I feel like I fucked up, but a part of me wants to commit to this decision…”

“Commit to the decision… Why? You know this is bad!”

“Worse still… Hagino-san emailed me and told me to either go through with the sex plot or Break The Ice is getting canceled.”

Michi was perplexed. “Shizuka, why wouldn’t you just go ahead with it? You clearly have a choice here! Make the right one!”

“You don’t get it!”

Frustrated with how she was behaving, Michi grabbed a hold of her shoulders and told her firmly, “What don’t I get?! Tell me, Shizuka! I’m your boyfriend! Let me help you!”

“I… I want to commit to the decisions I make, Michi.” Shizuka began to cry as she recalled her thought process behind everything going on. “When I was younger, I was so indecisive. I could barely come to my own decisions on a lot of things. Then… Something happened in middle school.”

Concerned that something traumatic had happened to her, he asked, “What is it? What happened to you?”

“I was bullied in middle school a lot,” she explained as she wiped away her tears. “And I got told that since I couldn’t really think for myself, I was basically a giant doormat that any kid could walk on. One day, though… I just snapped.”

“How did you snap?”

“I beat the shit out of a girl who threw my manga down and stepped on it. I punched her across the face and then kicked her in the stomach. I got suspended for a few days, but I didn’t care.”

Michi was surprised. “You beat up a girl?”

“Yeah…” Shizuka looked down at the floor and explained further, “Ever since, I just… I vowed to never be that indecisive again.” By now, her crying had slowed down.

Now getting a better picture of what she was going through, Michi sat next to her and told her, “I get it… I really do. That said, you really should know when to fix your mistakes. You don’t need to commit to everything. It helps to recognize when you’ve made a bad decision and correct yourself.”

“How… How do I do that?”

“I would send Hagino-san an email about this and do what you originally wanted to do with Break The Ice. I think you have enough time to make it work.”

Looking up at him, she asked, “You really think so?”

“Of course. You’re a great artist and writer, Shizuka. You can do this.”

…

July 3, 2019

Shizuka was typing up a response to Kyosuke, having decided to go through with what Michi had suggested, when she heard a knock at her door. She quickly finished the email as she said, “Just a minute!” Once she was done and hit send, she ran up to the front door and opened it, being greeted with a visitor she had not seen in quite some time. “Takeo?!”

“I know it’s on short notice,” her ex-boyfriend, who was wearing a formal business suit, replied to her as he held up the crumpled remains of one of her storyboards. “But I was given this yesterday. I want you to have it.”

“You…” Shizuka then took the crumpled paper and looked it over, seeing that it had several stains, but was still legible and recognizable. “How did… How did you find this? I threw it away!”

“A garbageman who happened to be my neighbor found it, actually,” Takeo explained. “He explained that his daughter is a big fan of Break The Ice, and he recognized it among the trash. He gave it to me, and I volunteered to deliver it to you after I handed it in to the office. I doubt it’s usable, but I think you should keep it regardless.”

Shizuka was amazed that somehow, her crumpled and ruined storyboard had survived at all, even if it was damaged. “Holy shit…”

“So, uh, it’s been a while. How are you doing?”

“Oh, me? I’ve been doing alright. I got a new boyfriend now, and things are going well with us. I’m sure you’ve already heard, given you work at the office, but I’m starting negotiations to get Break The Ice adapted into a TV drama. Aside from that, though… It’s been a rough week.”

Takeo nodded. “I’ve heard quite a lot about it. I feel really bad for what you’re going through, given that, well, it happened to me.”

“Yeah, I was thinking about that. I can’t believe it’s been so long since that bullshit with your editor.”

“I hate to say it,” Takeo admitted. “But it really sucked the fun out of writing for me. I really haven’t done a lot since then, especially since I’m more involved in the corporate side of things. I’m lucky they even let me do that, given the drama that went down when my light novel series ended.”

“Man, that sucks.” Shizuka then took a deep breath, remarking to her ex-boyfriend, “Have you found anyone since we broke up?”

“I had a girlfriend for a bit afterwards, but we broke up last year. Ever since then, I’ve been so busy with work that I really haven’t had time.”

“Sorry to hear that. By the way, can I let you in on a secret about my boyfriend?”

Curious, Takeo asked her, “A secret?”

“My boyfriend is Anzai-sensei,” she revealed to him in a whisper. “We began dating in June.”

“No way,” he replied in shock. “You’re going out with him?!”

“Keep it on the down-low,” she urged him. “We don’t really want anyone else knowing we’re dating each other yet. It may not look good for him to be dating a fan of his series, even though we’ve been friends for a while.”

“Ah, I see now,” he realized. “It could cause a bit of a controversy given you’re younger than him by about six years, even if you’re both adults.”

“Eh, I’m not too worried about that. I’m almost thirty anyway, which, uh…” Shizuka depressingly remembered how she was about to reach the end of her twenties and by extension her youth. “I’m not really looking forward to thirty.”

“I’ll be there in three years myself. I’m not looking forward to it either.”

“You know,” Shizuka then said, becoming more serious as she thought back to their relationship. “I know we’re not together anymore, and I know we’ve moved on to other things and all, but… I’m really sorry for how it all ended. I want to apologize to you for how I acted, Takeo. I was wrong.”

“I should apologize too,” Takeo agreed. “I acted like a dick.”

“We both acted like dicks, Takeo. Let’s be real here. Neither of us were innocent.”

Takeo then looked around her current apartment from the front door and nodded, admiring what he could see. “I like what you did with your current place. It’s bigger than the old one I remember.”

“Yeah. It costs a lot more but it’s definitely worth it.”

“Well, I gotta go back to work now. It was nice seeing you, Shizuka.”

“Same to you, Takeo. Have a good day.” As Takeo left, Shizuka closed the front door and looked over her ruined storyboard. “Wow… I’m amazed it survived.” She then looked over at her work desk and nodded, now determined to start where she had left off and redo the storyboard. “Fuck it,” she thought to herself, “I’ll do it this month and shelve the replacement storyboard for later.”

…

Meanwhile, Michi was working on another chapter for Uncontrollable Battle with one of his three assistants when he suddenly stopped in the middle of drawing a page. His assistant looked over at him and asked, “Anzai-sensei, what’s wrong?”

Michi took a deep breath as he began to feel some minor discomfort in his chest, which was not entirely unusual for him at this point and was probably heartburn. He then reached over and opened a pill bottle and took out two pills before grabbing a bottle of water nearby, opening it, swallowing both pills, washing them down with water, and then taking another deep breath. “It’s nothing. Just some heartburn.”

“Ah, okay.” The assistant then went back to his work, inking a page Michi had finished. “This past week has been rough, huh?”

“Yeah,” he admitted to him with a nod as he picked up a pen and pencil. “Between this chapter being a huge turning point in the story and the problems my girlfriend has been having, this week has been an interesting one for me, and I’m barely halfway through it.”