The Department of the Occult

Immediately After:

“Agent Tammie Spirit,” the woman in front flipped open an FBI badge as the partygoers gathered around her, “we’re just here to check something out.” Her two partners stood behind her. On one side was a rough man with a pegleg. Towering over him was a stick-thin man with tiny, circular glasses.

Terrance waltzed over to them, “Well, it’s an open invite! I knew nobody would want to miss a party hosted by the chosen one.”

“Hah,” the rough man’s back arched forward slightly. He made a laugh like a creaking door, “guess ‘ats about right.”

“Crest, keep it together,” said the woman in front, “there was a Lincoln High School student who went missing. His father found this address written down in his room. Since this might involve Ledoric’s Students, the local police handed the case over to us. Does anyone here know one Theodore Silver?”

“Spirit,” the tall man flipped over a notepad in his hands. He spoke through a thick, German accent, “it says here the boy goes by Teddy.” I saw out of the corner of my eye as Ms. Snowfox and Bruno came into the backyard.

“Limerick, his name is Theodore.”

“I saw Teddy yesterday,” I offered, “he was at the Maple Mall.”

Limerick wrote something down in his notes. Spirit rubbed her hands together. She smiled at me, “See, Crest, I told you there wouldn’t be any fighting.”

“What a chore,” he grumbled.

“These are kids,” Spirit said, “you’ll have your chance to rough somebody up another day,” Limerick whispered to her. She gave him a nod.

“Bruno Stafford!” He called across the lawn, “It’s been years since I last saw you. Last I remember, you weren’t on such good terms with your classmates. Now, you’re here, and somebody has gone missing, how tantalizing!”

“Bruno wasn’t there with Teddy, yesterday,” I said firmly.

Spirit fiddled with her badge, “Alice, right? I’ve heard about you. If you know anything, I think you really should say it. Wouldn’t it be bad if someone else got hurt? Can’t you relate to that?”

“She just said he didn’t do it,” Mina flew in front of me, “clean out your ears, Agent.”

“Spicy, spicy!” Limerick flipped over another page in his notebook, “But, this is the Alice Sparrowbane we’re talking about, isn’t she? What a creature for her to protect. Someone might get the wrong idea, wouldn’t they?”

“What are you saying?” Mina protested.

Crest snickered, “Young love.” Limerick and many of the surrounding students also laughed. Mina’s face scrunched up as she watched them, but she didn’t respond.

Spirit grabbed them by their shoulders, “How many years has it been since you were both in high school?”

“Sorry,” Crest mumbled.

Limerick smiled, “Just one more thing, Alice. Did you see Teddy again before he got home? Did you see him later that night?”

Ms. Snowfox ran forward, “Enough, Karl! I don’t need you speaking to my students in this manner.”

He looked down at her, “Bianca, I see you finally graduated. I remember when you were in grade school. Nice dress.”

Crest fell forward, clutching his belly as he wildly laughed, “Nice dress! Ha! Nice dress!”

Spirit sighed, “Ms. Snowfox, this is in my jurisdiction now, I implore you not to make yourself an obstacle so I don’t have to obstruct any of your classes. I’m sure you teach very, very important subjects that these kids will use for their entire lives.”

“I’m not getting in your way. I am redirecting you to something productive.”

“You’re speaking to a federal agent,” Crest blundered toward her.

“I teach at Ledoric’s,” Ms. Snowfox said coldly, “that given, I am an employee of the Department of the Occult. Should we get a friend from the Department of the Interior also?”

“This isn’t within the Department of the Interior’s purview,” Spirit folded her hands behind her back. She knelt down to Ms. Snowfox, “A non-magical person has gone missing. Even Secretary Sharp would agree this belongs to the DOJ.” The Secretary of the Occult was Parzival Sharp, the son of Mr. and Mrs. Sharp.

Ms. Snowfox nodded, “As you were,” she stopped, “are you going to Mirandize them before you keep asking questions? I’d hate to jeopardize your investigation.”

Limerick frowned, “I thought my old mentee would be more mature than this by now.”

“I’m doing my job as much as you are doing yours. Are we free to go, Karl?”

“You are free to go.” Spirit made a cutesy smile, “But, do allow me to scratch you behind the ears first, Ms. Snowfox. You work hard to look the part. You act as Principal Gray’s dog even better.”

Bruno stepped forward, “Shut up. Just, shut up.” Mina glared at him. She put her finger over her mouth.

Spirit stood up. She cracked her back loudly. She cleared her throat, “Boy, be careful with your words. I used to be a student, also. Your… ability… may earn you a position in a similar agency to myself someday.”

“Whatever,” Bruno sunk down, “I just can’t listen to you, anymore. It’s pitiful. I hate pathetic things.”

Crest cackled, “This boy! ‘Ats a goodie! A goodie, boss!” He limped after Spirit as they all left.

Mina flew over to Bruno, “What was that? They could have arrested you!”

“You hate me. What’s it to you?” He blinked, “it’s not okay what they were saying. It was just… Mina, you heard them!”

“This high school student is missing,” she stressed, “he could still be alive. I can’t have them wasting their time on you. They can do that later.”

“That squad is all Ledoric’s graduates,” Ms. Snowfox thought out loud, “Karl was my tutor when I was in grade school. The others were also in his graduating year. Why would they send a team of magical agents for something non-magical?”

“It’s Teddy. You met him yesterday,” I said.

“I’m saying he could be in terrible danger, Alice. They’re out here looking for something magical, or someone. This could be bad.” Ms. Snowfox looked around, “All of you go back to your apartments, immediately. I’m going to speak to Principal Gray.”

Most of the partygoers slowly filed out of Terrance’s house. He watched them go sadly, “Ms. Snowfox had to just ruin the party, didn’t she,” he complained after she left. Those of us still around were myself, Mina, Bruno, Pippa, and Terrance himself.

“We should get home, too,” Bruno said.

“At least hit the piñata with me, first!” Terrance whined, “It’s full of eggs!”

“Eggs?” Mina raised an eyebrow, “Eggs?”

“I thought Bruno would like them,” Terrance nodded.

“You’ve set it up over a carpet!” Mina yelled, “Think, Terrance!”

“I bet they’re yummy,” Pippa’s tail flicked back and forth.

Bruno watched her carefully, “Ah, but, you don’t want to try and lick them up out of a carpet or something, do you?”

She smiled broadly. Bruno backed away slightly, “Do you?”

“It’s just food, Birdbrain,” she shrugged.

I flew between them, “Pippa, did you see what direction Teddy went when he left yesterday?”

She shook her head, “That nonmagic kid? Was I supposed to care about him?”

Mina took a deep breath, “Who cares where he went from the mall? We know he went home, since the note with the address was found at his home.”

I landed on a countertop and let my legs dangle off the legs. I kicked them back and forth, feeling my tiny flip-flops tapping against the soles of my feet, “But why did he disappear at all? It’s not like someone nonmagical just wandered into Maple Forest and found a monster. They know there’s monsters there.”

“Alice, ya decided to hang around a monster once, didn’t ya?” Pippa sneered, “How’d that end up?”

“That was different!” I leaned forward.

Mina scratched her head, “Alice, what point were you getting to?”

“What if he met someone between the mall and his house, and that had something to do with him disappearing later? Where he went from the mall isn’t totally irrelevant,” I said.

Bruno stretched his wings out, “But, why would anyone want this person? He’s a high schooler from Lincoln, right? If someone was going through all the trouble to kidnap someone in Maple, why not one of us?”

“Cause we’d blow their head off?” Pippa scratched her chin.

Mina looked around, “Alice, how did he get the address at all?”

“Ms. Snowfox gave it to him at the mall,” I said, “she was telling him all kinds of stuff about magic. That’s when she mentioned Mom’s project.”

“God, Alice, what if he told someone?” Mina covered her mouth, “We have to find him!”

Terrance glanced between us, “You mean, we’re saving this guy?”

“Oh, you should probably stay here, Terrance,” Bruno put his wing around his shoulder, “it was a huge party, so you probably have a lot of cleanup to do, right?”

“Yeah, it’s impressive you put all of this together!” Mina nodded rapidly, “I wouldn’t want to take you away from this right when you need to get everything sorted out!”

“It’s no big deal, really,” Terrance saluted, “I’ll just hire a cleaning company to clear everything. You guys need my help, obviously.”

“So, who could he have told?” I asked, “He doesn’t really know any magical people.”

“You don’t know everyone he knows,” Mina tilted her head side-to-side.

“He told me he only moved her a couple weeks ago. He didn’t even realize Ms. Snowfox was a person without her telling him. He came here for his Dad’s work, he said.”

“His Dad’s work?” Bruno paced around, “His Dad isn’t a teacher, or else we’d know. Where did they move from?”

“San Diego!” Pippa stretched out, “He said San Diego is expensive!”

“Huh?” Terrance glanced off, “Isn’t that weird?”

“Why?” Mina asked, “It’s just another city.”

“No,” Terrance shook his head, “usually when people move for work it’s because they got some job that’s better than what they’re already doing. If San Diego was expensive, they were making enough to stay there, and they’re making even more here. If they weren’t making more, it wouldn’t be a better job. What jobs even are there here? There’s a bunch of shops in the mall, there’s a few restaurants, and that’s it. Those are all jobs you could get anywhere without moving hundreds of miles for.”

“Terrance…” Bruno stared at him blankly, “That was incredibly insightful. Are you alright?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Terrance asked.

“Whatever,” Mina shook her head, “so what do people do here other than work at Ledoric’s or one of the other schools? Businesses to keep the town running. There’s the mayor’s office, a used car dealership, and then there’s DOO, DOJ, and army people in the government facilities on the highway.”

“You guys mentioned a project,” Bruno said, “what is it?”

“It’s a drug that supposedly gives magic to people who don’t already have it,” Mina muttered, “Ms. Snowfox thinks it was tested on Alice and me.”

“But you guys are already magical!” Pippa yelped.

“Thank you, Pippa,” Mina smiled, “so our guy tells daddy about this drug. Then daddy tells some organization higher-up. Does that sound right?”

“Why would the FBI be investigating themselves?” I asked.

“To make it look like they’re innocent, duh,” Terrance smirked.

“No,” I said, “we never would have known Teddy disappeared at all if they didn’t tell us. That leaves DOO if it’s really government.”

Bruno leaned his head against the wall, “And, we’re supposed to get him back from the DOO, how? They’ll be expecting magic, that’s their job.”

“Then we run in brute force!” Terrance put his hands in the air, “Blue, forty two, hike!”

“Yes!” Pippa nodded rapidly, “Ferocity! Justice!”

Bruno sighed, “Only I could even remotely stand a chance, and that’s if I wasn’t taking my pills. We’re kids. And if we were crazy enough to try that, there’d only be three of us, anyway.”

“Five.” Terrance corrected him.

“Fairies don’t punch very hard,” Bruno shrugged.

“How do you know that?” Terrance smiled.

“I just know it, Terrance,” Bruno exhaled, “it’s a long story, okay?”

Mina blinked, “Oh, Terrance doesn’t know that yet? He’s your only friend, and you didn’t tell him what you really are. What are you so scared of, Bruno?”

“I’m trying to be something else!” Bruno yelled. He froze, taking slow, deep breaths, “Just like you want me to be, Mina. I’m trying.”

Terrance grabbed Bruno’s shoulder, “Dude, you’re fine,” he scoffed, “I don’t even care what Mina thinks you are.”

Bruno covered his face in his wings, “She’s right. I’ve been lying to you. I’ve been lying. This is what I always do. If I just… If I just told people before.”

“Then, tell me now,” Terrance nodded, “I promise, I won’t be mad.”

“I’m a werecoyote.”

Terrance broke out in laughter, “Wait! That’s it? I thought you were like a dragon or at least a werewolf or something? Just a werecoyote?”

Pippa perked up, “Terrance, ya know it’s more than that, right?”

“Well, yeah,” Terrance nodded, “he has a huge crush on Alice. He looks at her all the time. Doesn’t everyone know that?”

“No. No, no, Terrance,” Mina flew closer to him.

Bruno looked away, “I killed her, Terrance. I lost control and I… It’s not a lovey dovey thing.”

Terrance blinked, “But, she’s a good person. And, you’re a good person. And, good people don’t… by good people.” He spoke quietly, “Bruno…”

“That’s why I didn’t tell you,” Bruno walked away, “I knew you’d hate me.”

Terrance ran after him. He grabbed him by the wing, “It’s a redemption arc!”

“You’re impossible!” Mina gaped at him.

“It’s fine,” I shook my head, “Bruno really is trying.”

“He could save the world, Alice, and it wouldn’t change a thing.”

I shook my head, “I don’t forgive that Bruno. The one that tortures him, and the one that stole his body from him to do awful things. I hate that monster for everything it did to him. This Bruno, this one is obsessed with being the opposite.”

Mina took a deep breath, “Fine, Alice. I just can’t fight you about this. Later.” She clapped her hands together loudly, “We need to get into the DOO, and then we need to get out alive. How?”

“What if he’s not in the DOO?” Pippa asked, “I mean, what if ya guys have the wrong idea?”

“Then we rule it out,” Bruno stepped forward, “my uncle is a teacher. Bianca said teachers are technically DOO employees. Maybe his keycard could get us in.”

“Are you saying we just walk in the front door?” I asked.

“Site 84 and Site 91 are two of the most secure government sites in the country. That’s because they’re on the road in and out of Maple. It’s not like they’re just going to leave a random back door open,” Mina said, “Mr. Stafford’s card could work.”

“Bruno could use some kind of magic to make himself a few inches taller and dress like Mr. Stafford. They’re related, aren’t they?” Terrance asked.

“But what about the rest of us?” Pippa asked, “It’s not like a teacher would just, y’know, let us walk in.”

“Also transformation magic,” I said, “we could turn into animals like Ms. Snowfox does, and have Bruno, as Mr. Stafford, take us in.”

“No way!” Mina stopped, “I mean, could he really do that without getting something wrong? What if he forgets we’re not just animals?”

“He’s not a moron!” Terrance protested, “Look, he won’t forget. And, if he does, I’ll buy everyone ice cream or a sports car or something.”

“I want a Mustang!” Pippa cheered.

“You can’t even drive,” I laughed to myself.

“And, you can’t even reach the pedals, Teeny!”

Mina grumbled, “Transformation magic takes a ton of Dames before you’re used to it. If we do it, it’s possible we’ll have to wait hours before we can turn back, and we’ll be sluggish the whole time.”

“I could sneak you all in, then leave, then come back for you later,” Bruno said, “it just means more margin for error.”

Terrance raised his hand, “This Department of the Occult, can’t they detect magic spells or something?”

“I doubt it,” I shook my head, “people have been trying to come up with a way to sense magic for the longest time, and still the only way is to see it being cast, or to just deduce that something is impossible without magic.”

“So, what could we turn into that nobody would ask about, and that we could run around as unquestioned?” Mina asked.

“Tigers!” Pippa belted out.

“No.”

“I could carry in a cage of mice without any question,” Bruno said, “rabbits wouldn’t be questioned either, but seeing them running around would cause some suspicion. Try not to be seen as mice either.”

“Why would Mr. Stafford want to have a cage full of mice?” Mina cleared her throat.

“Don’t ask,” Bruno blinked.

I nodded uncomfortably, “Okay, so that’s perfect unless and until the real Mr. Stafford happens to stop by.”

“I need to distract him, then!” Bruno added, “I’ll invite him to go to the movies or something, and then just keep pestering him all day.”

“And, which site are we even going to?” I asked, “Teddy could be at either one, and if they saw Mr. Stafford dropping off exactly two mice at both different sites within the course of a couple hours, they’d be a bit confused.”

“Site 91,” Mina said, “I have no idea, but Mom used to visit there sometimes. If there was anything about her project, we may as well look there.”

“So, who knows how to cast transformation magic?” Terrance cleared his throat. “Anyone?”

“Do ya think the school library is open on a Saturday evening?” Pippa asked.

“It’s always open,” I blinked, “didn’t you know that.”

“I’m not a nerd.”

I’d never been inside a pet store before. All we needed was a cage, and then we left. We dropped it off at Bruno’s house before we went to the library. Mina had made a point of doing so, as she was afraid that we shouldn’t be seen with the cage before we went through with such a plan. We’d just gotten inside when we heard a voice call out to us, “I thought I told you all to go home.”

“Teddy’s missing,” I said.

“We’re looking into it, don’t worry,” Ms. Snowfox stepped in front of us. She was still wearing the skirt, but not the top hat, “where are you going?”

“We’re going to the library,” Bruno admitted, “I guess you inspired us a bit. A lot.”

She walked past us, then stopped in the grass. “What kind of a teacher would I be to stop you in the middle of honest, well-intentioned research?” She went on, “It’s called Fane’s Transmogrifications. You’ll want to start with volume two, volume one is all theory.”

“How did you know what we’re looking for?” I asked.

“I used to be a kid, too.” She laughed to herself, “When you’re all heroes, make Principal Gray give my hat back.”

Late at night, the librarian went home. Instead, Kork-Eleven, our robotic security officer, was idling behind the counter. His job was to keep out non-magical people, so he barely acknowledged us. The library was always perfectly organized, so finding Fane’s Transmogrifications Volume II was easy.

“Uh, who knows the exact centidames of a mouse?” Pippa looked at the page.

“We’ll need slightly different measurements,” Mina said, “it’d be weird if we were all identical.”

I flipped scanned over the text, “Guys, this will be dangerous. The bigger the transformation, the more Dames. So, it’ll be hard for Pippa and Terrance to turn back.”

“There’s a page about turning into an elephant,” Pippa flashed a toothy smile, “I can handle it.”

“There’s also a page about turning into a fly,” Mina hummed, “that might be easier.”

“Flies are ugly. Mice are cute!” Pippa’s head bobbed up and down, “Also it would be way more dangerous to be a fly.”

“Not way more. Just slightly more,” I offered, “also, flies can fly.”

“It says flying takes practice,” Mina shook her head, “you and I could, but not them.”

Terrance gasped, “Dragon- dragon! Dragon! We could turn into dragons!”

“Okay?” Mina shrugged, “And, how would that help us?”

Bruno grabbed the book out of our hands, and forcefully flipped the page back to mice and rats. He slid it back in front of us, “Just figure out the measurements. It can’t be too big of a prime.”

“Fine,” Pippa pouted.

Terrance scratched his head, “A prime?”

“Dames, Terrance. Dame’s Law,” Mina scratched her head, “the basic measurement of magic?”

He stared at her blankly, “How do I do that?”

“I’ll just tell you the measurements,” I offered, “I already figured mine out.”

“That was fast,” Mina nodded, “do you think you’re able to pull off the spell?”
I held my hands out as the book described. My thumbs reached out, pressing against each other, then I clasped my hands shut, my fingers interlocking in a specific pattern, as I mentally defined 2 centidames in length and 1 centidame in height. I further defined 5 millidames in tail length.

The world expanded slightly around me, as a bright, silvery light erupted from around me. As the light died down, everyone was bent over looking at me. Pippa reached forward and tried to grab me, but stopped at the last second, “Alice, you’re a bit too small,” she said, “you don’t look like a juicy mouse at all, you look like a little scrap.”

“Fine, Pippa, you go next,” Mina demanded, “Alice, you look great.”

“I chose an African Pygmy Mouse,” I instinctually tried to spread out wings behind me that didn’t exist. I still felt like I had wings, but I knew they weren’t there, “it’s the smallest breed of mouse in the world.” Walking on four legs was strange, and they wobbled below me. I felt my eyes shutting, I was suddenly very, very tired. My vision was blurry, and the world felt like it was tilted on an axis. My ears rang like I’d just stood up too fast.

“This is a stealth mission,” Bruno glanced at me, “nobody’s looking to see if you’re cute.”

“People will just think a mouse is a mouse. They won’t really think about the breed,” I spoke quietly, “and being smaller means being harder to see!”

Pippa tried it next. She turned out huge compared to me, a bone fide rat with a curving, wormy tail, “See!” She yawned. “It’s a bit… more realistic…” she fell flat on her belly, her eyes slowly shutting.

Mina ran over to her. She looked at her carefully, “Pippa, are you overexerted? Are you alright?”

“Just sleepy…” Her voice came out wispy and noncommittal. She hardly could stay awake. I fell down, just as she had, struggling not to fall asleep.

Bruno looked down at us, “Ah, I still need to get you back to my place! Come on, you guys have to walk!”

“You can carry us,” Pippa groaned, “we’re not that heavy right now.”

“I can remember the spell,” Terrance asserted, “Let’s leave the book here, and I’ll help you carry them back. Mina, you do it now.”

“Are you sure?” She asked him, “I thought you might need help with it, and if we’re all passed out.”

“He’ll get a new job. I need someone to look out for me anyway, right?” Bruno shook his head, “he doesn’t have a tolerance for magic exertion yet. If Alice and Pippa can barely handle it, this kind of spell will kill him.”

“Right,” Mina looked down at the page, “here goes.” She performed the gesture, and her form shifted. She turned herself into an average deer mouse. Unlike Pippa and I, she didn’t collapse. Mina buried her newfound claws into the carpet, tightly forcing herself upright. She breathed heavily, her legs quivering under her.

“Mina,” Terrance looked down at her, “are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” she tried taking a step forward, then fell on her side. She looked away, “damn, damn, this is hard.” None of us could walk to Bruno’s house. Mina demanded that Terrance carry me and her, something Bruno didn’t argue about as he took Pippa back in his wings. Bruno and Terrance went back to campus and snuck into Mr. Stafford’s office. They took a keycard from him and came back quickly. The rest of our plan, we decided to postpone until morning. It was clear that Pippa, Mina, and I were in no state to go on without rest. We fell asleep almost as soon as we knew we were allowed to.