13 ~ October 1921

Melancholia was lingering somewhere around, when there was nobody else to pry into it.

It had mostly vanished lately, but it never was entirely gone. Blue called it melancholia, but it was more like a shade in her head, that would always be around and close to her.

Rosemary described it more as forgetfulness of sickness.

Blue could feel it still deeply anchored within her. When heartbeats could turn hurtful, piercing something.

When happy memories were flushed and fading away, leaving the entire room for tiny regrets, petty moments and sadness. Sometimes this bittersweet scent would crawl back into her mind, from every nook of the room and her body.

Blue woke up with the vague recollection of a dream where grey shades of water were pouring into a room, from countless fissures on the walls. It was falling all around her, and not only threatening her, but also entering her, through all cuts and scars of her frail body reopened.

She had seen her own juvenile silhouette on the ground as if she was dead. A great flow of sad water suddenly broke the back of her skull to fill her head. And feeling the morose water filling her lungs now was soothing, as she then felt she was back to a cooler normal.

Returning to her melancholic true self, without more emotions nor memory than one would keep in any dream...

Blue was sitting in her bed, holding her head, feeling unsettled and puzzled by the recollection.

That melancholia she had left behind in the train, some bud of it appeared to remain in her head.

The room around her was quiet and peaceful, her bed warm and cosy. She had to ask herself for a second whether the normal self was her current self, or the previous one...

When she was walking through dreams while being awake, and that her memories followed that sensation easily.

When she wasn’t exactly living in society, but only daydreaming reality...

No, that was just her troubled youth. She had no desire to return there.

Now she was a being, living a life she couldn’t even have properly dreamt before and did enjoy a lot.

However scratching the back of her head, feeling the scars, she understood there would always be other more insidious scars along with her self. She would always have some of that fear returning to haunt her, from time to time.

The scar of melancholia through an existence where time, memories and communication were hollow.

That was a morning where that anxiety rose to higher levels of unease than usual, but nothing more.

She could still tell her full name of Blue Mary Herson and where she was, without the shadow of a doubt.

She stood up, her empty face finally starting to awake and show warmer emotions.

Somewhere in the depth of her mind, sadness would continue to hide, beyond the fissures in the walls it could find.

It was fleeing the lights of a nice new day.

~

It was a chilly morning in fall.

Isha politely welcomed Blue in the dining room. She was always early and ready.

Blue couldn’t help but liking her heartily, more than she properly should. It was a little hard to see this girl younger than her only as a dutiful employee. But Blue still felt more comfortable around her than she would have around most adults that would have taken the job in her stead.

Isha was polite, hardworking and pleasing to her eyes. Not that she was a genius at her mission, just that the sisters’ standards were possibly a little lenient. But Blue could only admire and appreciate Isha nonetheless, and tease her a little from time to time. When Isha was there and had a thin smile, Blue recalled how she chose her name.

Perhaps someday they would find a way to make their relationship and the situation evolve a little. Until then however, Blue felt that her daily life was too sweet to risk spoiling it for more.

Blue was grinning, eating a breakfast with little taste. It wasn’t Isha’s best display of cooking, but her lady didn’t mind at all. Isha couldn’t be perfect all the time obviously.

She was still a few more times more productive than she ever was herself Blue thought. Her work as a seamstress had improved, but she was still more a skilled hobbyist rather than making a living out of such work.

She knew there were some tailors’ workshops in town, doing mostly plain and labour clothes. She had yet to apply for work by them, and maybe it was time.

Blue couldn’t remember that she already worked as an apprentice in one of those places a few years ago.

Rose told her about this experience that didn’t amount to much when they exchanged about the idea a little later.

That was a little sad a truth that Blue already had failed by one of them before, but Rose continued and smiled ever so gently.

R - I know they’re always looking for skilled hands, so I’m sure they wouldn’t mind at all what occurred in the past. You should definitely try it out.

Blue couldn’t resist this squeezing feeling when her sister was so kind and motherly to her. She could only bow her head and agree, without words. What could she have said to her?

She would try.

~

The sky was grey, the forest path was dark. Nothing unusual to notice, beside how the cold morning winds rolled around, making the fog rise and twirl sometimes.

Blue walked protected by a heavy mantle and a long scarf, leaving the property.

She walked at her nice pace, enjoying the subtle and soft sounds of nature when the sun was feeling late to work.

That picture of a late sun made her chuckle, happy of imagining this cute metaphor for how the morning felt. Quiet and high in contrasts, but muffled still with mist.

The cold light of morning. The huge world awakening under the autumn clouds. She loved it.

She enjoyed very much that morning time on her own, along the rocky or muddy road leading to town in a gentle and very long curve.

Sometimes, an automobile was passing on that road, but it was still a rare sight around here. A fox however making his way along the road on morning was common. The cute animal didn’t look at her and just went his own way to work in the nearby wheat field.

Blue thought she could enjoy having a fox pet perhaps, but that was quite a dream. Maybe she should ask for a hawk or an eagle instead?

Then her thoughts wandered elsewhere, enjoying the pleasant morning along her candid way to town.

The small city itself was already long awoken and busy. The streets were noisy.

Blue made her way to the shop that never sold anything, or barely. The strangers shop. Now even Blue was using that nickname for it.

Her key unlocked the glass door to the dark shop. Her stepson the wooden floor made it creak a little.

In the back office, a soft blue glow came down from the workshop roof window.

A dim turquoise glow in a place where a ghost or two could have been hiding behind every tool and machinery.

The smell of fabrics and papers was softly floating around.

That place was filled with memories she did not have.

But she still was charmed; as one would like to read a book that had been read countless times before by other peoples, bonding in a way with them... Through time and a little more.

That place felt a little similar. There was a rich past there, no matter how much was lost to time, and she was now within the same room.

It was a nice feeling to her, about life, that she was in a way related to some history and other previous beings. Something hard to describe when you only lived in a newly built house. A sense of wider continuity.

Something she couldn’t get enough off, to compensate for her shortcomings in older memories.

And yet... She could still wish something more would occur.

More... A whisper in the dark. A forgotten note falling from a hidden spot. Something more... whimsical.

Not as finite as a treasure chest, nor a testimony or a specific call to her; but something a little more... unusual.

Something that would be as thrilling as reading a good book, when you get hooked up.

Something that made you wish a story could start from it. An adventure perhaps, though it didn’t need to be too epic nor occult.

It was a little too quiet and still for her, without more surprises to feed her imagination. So she daydreamt of ghostly faces whispering some important things to her, from behind the windows.

Like a warning, or a lament over their unknown stories.

But nothing of the like ever happened for real.

Blue waited a little longer in the shade before switching the lights of the place.

Just in case it would finally be the right time for something odd to happen. Nothing appeared, and she made most hopes for thrills vanish by turning the lights on.

Waiting for Rose to come in the afternoon, Blue worked a little on sewing first.

The stuffed animals from her long dream, more or less all she could recall about her mother, they were getting fuzzier every passing day. She wasn’t sure now that what she tried to craft really resembled any of it. There was her attempt at the spider with ridiculously large and heavy legs. The kind of bird too. They were lying there on the workbench, but she couldn’t quite recall how they had looked now...

She spent a few hours crafting and sewing a few shoelaces and ribbons for sale. Sometimes they could sell a few of the later to children. She tried to make roses patterns on them, but that quite difficult to do properly, so she focused on simpler and generic flowery shapes.

~

The door opened and the floor creaked. Blue raised her head and put her work down.

She went to the counter, expecting to see Rosemary arriving early. She managed to hold her surprise and arbour a good business smile when she discovered a potential customer.

She welcomed the man, just reaching the counter herself and softly laying her hands over it. She was smiling as best she could.

The man appeared on the young side, and a little puzzled. He saluted her politely, looking around as if unsure of what to say.

He was taller than Blue but nearly as thin. She gauged him to be in his twenties, albeit a little hollow and pale. He looked like a cousin to Rose she thought in that slightly feeble complexion. However Blue could read some mixes of fear and embarrassment in his attitude. He still had not said a word, but he was acting nervous and a little lost.

He was giving her the impression that he had just woken up there inside this shop and was confused as to where he was and how this happened. She felt some sympathy.

B - Is there something in particular you might be looking for, sir? Or please do look around if something ticks your interest.

Blue moved her hands accordingly, inviting him and being as welcoming as she could.

After a nervous moment of silence, he simply replied with a rather cute voice that he would rather take a look around by himself.

Blue nodded and tried to stop glaring at him with curiosity. He seemed uncomfortable with her gaze, even on the verge of crying.

As he was looking around more randomly, sometimes picking up a book to flip through some of the pages, Blue relaxed herself. She left him to read as that seemed to be his main interest. She noticed he had been cautious and respectful in the way he was putting the books back on their shelves.

Blue went in the backroom to pick up the work she had left on hold and brought it to the main counter to continue it there simply.

The young man with plain clothes spent some time looking through the books and reading some of them. Book after book, he was getting more at ease, and reading more pages each time, down to nearly entire books over time. Maybe he had thought this also was a library, but Blue didn’t mind.

~

Time passing, the lights of day were still as grey as ever. The weather was cloudy and the mist didn’t seem to quite fully go away on this day. Some of it still lingered along the pavements.

Not that Blue minded this either. Lifting her eyes, she saw the young man now entirely focused into whatever he was reading. She could see how he was entirely absorbed and didn’t want to bother him in that travelling moment.

Blue finished her craft and another on longer ribbons. She had a focus on making these lately.

She laid her finish work along the counter to make a last overall check of it, and then rolled it up.

Putting it aside, she had a look beneath the counter at the current ledger on which Rose had been working.

She had never quite used it herself, and pulled it out to have a look.

Opening what was essentially a huge book, she couldn’t understand why her sister kept so tidily so much information about every customer past or present, or even potential customers.

Rosemary had been putting everything inherited from their parents in that one huge document of queer value. Every customer and every friend, met or gone, she had recorded there for unclear reasons.

To keep track and connection she would repeat at will, but it still felt a little hollow and meaningless to Blue.

Still, she would respect that mission. Thinking she might try doing things from Rose perspective this time, she bothered the man’s peaceful reading.

B - Our house prides itself in keeping records of customers and visitors for upmost services... Would you mind reminding me of your name?

The young man looking at her with a little of a sad expression, still holding the book he was reading, replied softly, with a little of a mournful voice.

D - My name is David Rethmeier...

B - Thank you sir... Let’s see.

Blue found the right page and what record had been kept by her sister. They both glossed over the right guess that he had showed up before.

Next to his name, Rose’s handwriting revealed that he had come on multiple occasions over the years, buying a few books every time, with titles Blue didn’t recognised.

He was a regular, but likely they had never met in person, or Blue couldn’t recall.

Blue used what information she had to start a friendly chat with him, but his answer always went a little sideways, always looking a little embarrassed.

D - Actually, this evening I’ll be leaving town with my child and... I wanted to come by here a last time. I’m looking for good mementos that would... Sooth everything that happened around here.

B - Oh. I understand, I think... So something for each of you to remember this town and possibly shop by? I think you’ve already found quite a few good books to enjoy. As for your child, perhaps I could offer a nice stuffed animal? And for your wife...

D - I... Please, that’s okay... She passed.

Finally understanding what had been behind his every moves, Blue kept a minute of silence before expressing her sympathy. She really was sorry. She could now tell how his movements and behaviour had been meant in the past to have someone by his side. The silhouette was no longer there, but he had come a last time to repeat that nostalgia.

The young man looked at her again a little puzzled and then only sighed silently away.

D - Please don’t feel sorry for me young miss... I...

He whispered only that he was glad he had the chance to meet the love of his life, and brushed a tear away.

Blue only felt sympathy.

He picked up three of the books he had read moderate extracts from, and picked one of the ribbons rather than a doll for his child. When the deal was settled and as he was about to leave, Blue asked the painful question.

B - Sir, would you mind telling me what your lady’s name was?

He looked at Blue with so much sorrow that she regretted asking the question entirely.

Then he smiled as kindly as Rose would have. A charming smile in spite of overflowing sorrow.

D - You’re kind miss, I can see that... But you didn’t know her. It’s best for me now to leave this town where she passed, and I believe it’s best for you to move on as well... Also, I’d rather be the only one now praying for my lover’s salvation...

He gave her a polite farewell, and left the shop on this, leaving Blue a little troubled.

The man had been kind, but sad from a recent loss. Blue sighed and wrote in the ledger a few words to signify as such. Lost his wife. Left town with his child.

Blue wished she had been able to talk with him a little more, but the man had his own life and story going on. He didn’t stop for Blue, leaving her as a witness of just a passing phenomenon she couldn’t handle.

His train was passing by and he wouldn’t extend a hand just for her in his life.

She thought with some regret that not every ghost brought thrills of excitement.

~

When Rose arrived, Blue went for a hug to forget the previous event and emotions.

That was rare for them to embrace each other like that, so Rose was startled and surprised.

Rosemary listened to the story, while being kind and caring for Blue as usual. Soon enough she managed to have the hints of sadness tinting Blue’s heart fade a little away. She had that quiet but precious talent.

Then they had their lunch with what Rose had brought. It was another peaceful moment then, while they were quietly eating next to each other. A nice moment for Blue with only Rose beside her.

The grey weather outside was turning to rain softly, and still they were simply happy inside, sharing their lunch in that old shop together.

The moment of bliss eventually over, they went back to hold the counter and work as usual.

Rose would kill time with her attempts at writing. She also wasn’t expecting many customers to come, especially as the weather was turning unamiable.

Blue was looking outside now considering seriously she should look for another job outside. Maybe as soon as the rain would stop?

She could hear Rose slowly writing or scribbling behind her. Blue wondered if that bliss would last, feeling nice simply hearing her writing in that otherwise quiet place.

Her wonder might have been spoken aloud, since Rose answered as if it was natural.

R - Sometime this will end yes. Things will transform, but that time you enjoy shall last...

Rose peered outside as well, as if an answer was moving within the rain.

R - In the future, you, I, and even Isha, we might move somewhere else and live differently, even separated. But these moments you enjoy now...

B - No.

Rose had stopped when Blue had cut her words short. She looked toward her.

There was a stubborn will in Blue’s eyes now, and something beside that made Rose feel a little happy, even though she wasn’t keen on admitting it.

Blue was apparently ready to accept many a thing, but there was one she refused to compromise. She would not be losing her older sister, and being separated felt unacceptable.

Rose was a little embarrassed and slightly flushed. That feeling she always had for as long as she could remember, Blue still shared it.

Blue on her side was a little amused noticing Rose’s embarrassment and blush. As if she had said something a little outrageous that was uncouth but which Rose would always have wanted to hear.

Perhaps if she were to whisper sweet honeyed words to her, she might manage to have Rose blush so much she would try to hide away in shame?

That was an amusing prospect Blue would keep in mind for later.

On that day, she was simply reassured, and she didn’t need more.

That rainy day was a happy one.

~

When the weather finally cleared up, Blue set herself to go. She had found some more courage.

Rose pat her hair to wish her good luck on her research for a better job elsewhere. Blue enjoyed the touch and smiled, before leaving.

Into the cold streets, a damp wind was still throwing small droplets against her face. That weather was full blown Autumn against her, but she intended to keep this day a good one.

Even though she hadn’t figured out where to go exactly right now and later then.

Going on her own way alone now felt a little frightening, however she knew full well where she would return in the evening. She knew who would be waiting for her return in their cosy home regardless.

With that safety in mind, everything else mattered less and the unknown was far less scary.

Maybe she was becoming a little stronger at her own pace she thought. Soon enough her growth would reach its end as a woman. And in a few decades, she would see herself becoming old.

Time was passing as it was supposed to she thought again.

And more importantly she felt that her life could finally follow the stream as well. She was already adult, if not in body at least in age. Now she wanted to work seriously.

While walking the streets toward the next workshop for cloth she could recall, she couldn’t see anymore whether ghosts were around. None could have reached her anyway, now that she was focusing entirely toward reality.

For just another normal day...

~

In the evening, as night was setting its shroud, Blue was walking home. She was tired and shivering a little from cold despite her mantle and scarf.

The music of dusk was surrounding her rather quiet and steady walk. Her hands were feeling cold even deep inside her mantle’s fur. Against her face her scarf wasn’t enough either.

She still smiled.

At the end of the forest tunnel, she found the house with gentle lights coming from behind the kitchen windows and the hallway. She stopped in the front yard, looking at her home.

She could notice Isha going and coming through the kitchen.

She waited a few minutes, just enjoying being there at night, watching this kind activity she’ll soon rejoin. When the trees and shades were mixing together into a whole porous and cold world of the night around her.

Another world she was crossing easily since it wasn’t an ominous one around there.

Blue went home, and enjoyed everything that was offered to her as much as she could. She was laughing with Rose at times, speaking about their separated afternoons.

Blue had spent hers trying right away to prove herself in possible works, to see if she was able to handle it.

It was in a small clothes factory as intended, with a grumpy artisan. There was about a dozen small hands and a little too much to do lately.

Blue didn’t prove herself very talented, but she did good enough so they would try her for a month.

That was a good piece of news. And it felt like the greatest of successes for Blue herself.

It had been a sudden shift apparently, but she had taken her time to process the idea and the choice. Now maybe more things would work out.

She was warmly congratulated by both Rose and Isha.

After the meal, while Rose was reading something, Blue went to take a hot bath as she still was feeling rather cold.

Her periods weren’t helping it unfortunately. She relaxed in the bathtub, letting herself float and rest for a moment.

Everything was warm around here. She could daydream about distant tropical seas, and yellow golden shores. Places where people were naturally tanned all year long, or didn’t know what snow was.

Laughs. Sun, sunburns, hot sand and sea water.

She had a little of everything she dreamt about at home she thought. Everything? Maybe not every little dream and desire, but most of what mattered to her, she realised she was achieving.

She still missed somewhere a little the friend she had abandoned, now some passing months ago.

Closing her eyes, thinking about her, seeing the face of a younger and dead scared self, holding her left arm up to her.

If there was one wish left Blue thought...

One prayer left...

It was to see her again.

The one she believed gave up her hundred years worth life, only to save hers.

At the end of the day that would be her final fantasy.

~