Like a complete pillock

It wasn’t long before we were back in town, where we split off and went our separate ways. Elis and Alces left with the stolen goods, with plans to return to the inn later. It seemed that what we had pilfered was mostly foods like cheese and meats, but we didn’t care all that much what we stole. To leave half of it at the church as a donation for the poor and keep the other half for provisions, since we were likely to need a lot of food for hostile takeover of the Edelweiss territory.

Alice and I left shortly after to return to the inn, with Eleanor taking the horse with the cart back to the area near the smithy where she’d been taking care of it.

Technically speaking, the mission was a success. The raid was conducted exactly as I had hoped, so the idea should now be planted in their heads that there were raiders in the area. Of course that meant everything from now would be more difficult, but it also meant less suspicion would be raised if a few of those raided transports happened to be slave transports.

Our goal was achieved. But I couldn’t help feeling like I had failed.

“I was careless. I bloody well mighta compromised the whole damn mission,” I lamented.

“I dautt it ys so catastrofic. ‘Tis… less þan ydeal, to be shure, but myne associæshon wiþ an oþer-werlder was not well noen, ‘tis unlykely þey will surmyse my servaival from þis alone. þou hast not ruined all wiþ one slip-up,” Alice reassured me. The two of us had returned to my room in the inn, since Alice wanted to talk over things before we went to bed.

“Maybe so, but my mere existence now puts us in danger. If word gets around that an other-worlder is raiding Edelweiss shipments, it’s gonna paint a massive target on my back. I’m supposed to be doing what I can to help you get by while you’re in hiding, I can’t so bloody well do that if I force myself into hiding too.”

“þat be’þ… true, I cannot deny… but ‘tis only þy manner of speech þat so kwickly gives þee away. If þou wert to lern to speak as one of us, such suspishon needeþ not aryse.”

“I… obviously I’ll have to try from 'ere on out, but I just know I’m gonna slip and bugger everythin’ up. All because I couldn’t keep me bloody mouth under control. Idiot.”

Despite having been there for a couple weeks already, I still didn’t feel I had a solid grasp on the way people spoke there. I understood it well enough, but mimicking it was something else entirely. Not to mention my clearly different accent. Honestly, everything about me just screamed ‘suspicious’ and I can’t believe I hadn’t considered that earlier. For all the hot air I blew about ‘lighting the flames of revolution,’ I clearly didn’t have half the mind for strategy I thought I had.

The situation was far from unsalvageable, but one more careless slip up from my loud mouth could just as well spell the end of us. I had to be careful from here on out. I no longer had the luxury of acting like a numpty.

“þou be’þ harsh on þyself for any perseeved transgreshon. To aknollej one’s own flaws be'þ an admirable trate, but þou cannot let þyself styue on þy faleyures. þou hast yet many chanses to see þy mistake corrected.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I won’t let it keep me down if I can 'elp it. But, man, it’s just a reminder of 'ow serious this shite really is. One moment a' carelessness, and I could end up costin' the lives of the people I cares about. I think I’s been livin' this out like it’s some sorta fantasy, so I guess I just needed a bit of a kick in the arse to remember that this is reality, and me actions have serious consequences. I can’t just act like a prat and expect things to go my way.”

Honestly, I was starting to realise how much of an idiot I was to act like this was some merry adventure and not a genuine do-or-die situation where any mistake could spell the end of the lot of us. Especially now that our numbers were starting to grow. I cared a lot about Alice, and Eleanor too, but I also couldn’t stomach the idea of Alphonse, Arthur, Elis or Alces getting hurt at my behest either. I really had to pull my finger out and stop being such a numpty.

“I þink þou sellest þyself short. A careless mistake it was, I will deny þat nautt. But none are infallible, myself least of all. Our situæshon ys a difficult one, a paþ set to be bumpy and jagged. þou canst hardly be looked down upon for a mere stumble along þe way,” Alice said softly.

“Sure, but it ain't just about bein' looked down upon. I can’t afford to make cock-ups like that. One wrong move and it could cost the life of someone I lo-”

I froze, and averted my gaze. Honestly, I surprised myself for that. Half because I felt it was a weird thing to freeze up over, and half because I realised I had never actually had to use the ‘L’ word before. Back home, who did I even have? My mum? Fuck that, I could hardly stand the bitch. My dad? Dead for most of my life, barely knew the tosser. My friends? What friends? I was practically an outcast.

No, I had never had never felt that one particular emotion towards anyone before. Maybe that’s why I found it so hard to say…

“Love.” I looked back up. It wasn’t me who had said it, but Alice. “I love þee, Barry Mackay. I love þee true. Yven if þou strugglest to speak it, I will have no reservæshons, and I shall say it wiþ myne entyre hart. Wiþ þee, I am in love.”

If I was frozen before, I was now completely completely static. Though I obviously knew Alice had some level of feelings for me, I had hardly expected her to so boldly declare it like that outright, and in response to me freezing up on the same word, no less. To say I was caught off-guard would be like saying the arctic was ‘a bit cold.’

“Wh-uh-I-uh-I… thought we was gonna talk about this tomorrow…” I said sheepishly, well aware of the steadily growing redness in my cheeks.

“Aye, we had agreed as such. But I have þautt upon it relentlessly þis past week, and I noe þat running one day afoul wilt hardly chanje my conclueshon. Perhaps I hæsten to such a strong ekspreshon, but ‘tis þe only way I may convey þe depþs of my feelings for þee. I need deliberate no longer. To þe depþs of my hart, Barry Mackay, do I love þee true.”

She took my hand in hers, and though her face was flushed red, she had a wide smile and didn’t avert her gaze. The sight of her was enough to make my very heart leap from my chest. The dull light of the room took nothing away from her immense beauty. If anything, it only highlighted it. There was nothing in my eyes but her, and it was a sight that took my breath away.

“I-I-I-I…” I stuttered, like a complete pillock. I’ve been spouting cringe-inducing one liners since I got to this world but this is where I forget how to speak?

“þou needest not anser yet,” she said warmly. “If þou feelest þat mor tyme be’þ needed, I shall wate as long as it ta-”

“No.” I cut her off, perhaps more sharply than I intended. “No, I… I don’t need any more time. I already know. Alice, I… I love you. I love you... so much I hardly understand it. I love you so much it hurts my heart. You… you’re my everything. My whole world. I love you, more than I ever knew it was possible to love another person. Would you... please, be mine?”

I had expected it to be difficult to express my feelings to her, but to my surprise, every word I said flowed from my mouth naturally, as if there was never any doubt that I would say them at all. It all felt… so incredibly right.

“I am þyne,” Alice replied after a short silence, stepping in closer, until I could feel her breath tickle my skin, “and þou art myne. Henceforþ, and ever more.”

With no words left to say, she once again sealed my lips with her own. Only this time, I had no reason to pull back.

Finally, I was truly with the woman I loved.