Ch-3: Desire Of Getting Bullied

Hey, Burrakumin.”

The voice was sharp, dripping with malice.

Utsuyo didn’t need to look up. He already knew who it was.

Harumi.

She was standing right in front of him, arms crossed, her polished nails gleaming in the afternoon sunlight. Her friends—Mai and Yuki—stood behind her, snickering.

Utsuyo kept his eyes down, staring at the scuffed tips of his shoes.

“Ignore them… just walk away…”

But his feet didn’t move.

“Didn’t hear me?” Harumi’s voice was louder this time.

“You’re not worth their time. Just—”

Before he could finish that thought, a sharp kick landed against his shin.

“OW—” He winced, stumbling slightly.

Laughter echoed around him.

“Walk faster. Don’t react.”

But he stayed rooted to the spot.

“Ugh, you’re so pathetic.” Harumi’s voice was laced with disgust. “It’s honestly sad.”

Another kick. Harder this time.

But…

It didn’t hurt as much as it should have.

As Utsuyo stood there, taking the hits, a strange warmth spread through him.

It wasn’t the pain.

It was the touch.

Girls were touching him.

“At least… someone’s touching me.”

The thought was disturbing, but Utsuyo couldn’t help it. His life had been so empty, so devoid of any real connection, that even this… this twisted form of attention felt better than the suffocating loneliness.

Harumi’s boot pressed lightly against his shoulder, shoving him down. He hit the ground with a dull thud, his cheek scraping against the gravel.

“Look at him. He’s like a dog.”

“No, dogs get treated better,” Mai added with a laugh.

Utsuyo’s face burned with humiliation, but deep down…

“At least they notice me.”

Utsuyo never defended himself. He never spoke up.

Why would he?

If he resisted, they might leave him alone.

And that was the last thing he wanted.

He’d rather be kicked, shoved, and insulted than be invisible again.

“I exist… to them.”

That thought alone was enough to keep him going.

Recess was the worst.

That’s when they had the most freedom to torment him.

“Here, Burrakumin. Eat this.”

Harumi dropped a half-eaten rice ball onto the ground in front of him.

Utsuyo didn’t move. He didn’t need to look up to know everyone was watching.

“Don’t make me say it twice,” she warned.

His stomach growled. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

Slowly, he reached out. His fingers brushed against the rice.

“Oops.” Harumi’s foot stomped down, smashing the rice into the dirt.

Laughter erupted around them.

Utsuyo’s hand hovered over the mess for a moment before retreating.

But even then, there was that warmth.

“She touched me again…”

It was wrong. He knew it.

But Utsuyo couldn’t stop the thoughts that crept into his mind.

“They hate me… but they notice me.”

“They touch me… even if it’s out of disgust.”

It was sick.

But it was the only form of closeness he had ever known.

And so, Utsuyo endured it.

Every slap. Every kick. Every insult.

Because deep down…

“I’d rather feel pain than feel nothing at all.”

But not all the bullying was physical.

Sometimes, words hurt more.

“Did you hear?”

Utsuyo’s ears perked up.

“I heard Shanaya went on a date with some guy from Class B.”

“Seriously? Poor guy.”

“Yeah, he was hoping she’d even look at him.”

Laughter.

Utsuyo’s stomach twisted into knots.

Shanaya.

The one person he had dared to hope for.

But why had he ever thought someone like her would notice him?

“You’re nothing, Utsuyo.”

“Just a stain they can’t wash off.”

He clenched his jaw, forcing himself not to react.

As much as Utsuyo pretended he was okay, the voices in his head were louder than ever.

“You enjoy it, don’t you?”

“They touch you. They notice you.”

“Without them… you’d be invisible.”

“Shut up…” he whispered under his breath, but the voices didn’t listen.

And the worst part?

They weren’t wrong.