Volume 1. Chapter 18: Lily’s Thoughts

Ah… what an incredible day! In the endless string of days drowned in routine, where everything blends into monotonous shades of gray, I suddenly found… myself. So many vivid, unforgettable moments! I never thought I’d feel something like this again. Since the day my father left me, I’ve rarely found a reason for genuine joy. Honestly, have I even once been truly happy this past year? When was the last time I laughed freely and without restraint, like I did today? It feels like all that joy vanished with his last breath. And now, this day - like a flash of light - has shattered the darkness I had grown used to.

Ken. He just appeared - like he fell from the sky - with that smile of his and an endless energy that pulls me out of my cocoon of sorrow and solitude. How did he manage to bring so much joy into my day so effortlessly? Every step he takes, every glance - there’s something so light, so effortless about him. All the feelings I experience with him are so sharp, so bright. Even the frustration that rises in me when he teases me… somehow, it warms my heart instead of leaving me empty. I can’t even remember the last time someone made me feel this way.

Thinking back on today, I can feel my face start to tingle from embarrassment. That Ken - with his boundless curiosity and all those amazing things from his world - he and his habits are so strange! And his world… oh, it must be vast, filled with wonders just like Ken himself. Those photos he showed me… massive buildings, cities glowing with lights like stars ignited on the ground. His stories awaken something inside me - a desire to know more, to see more. The phone he showed me - it’s like a tiny world in his hands. The music he played filled our room so gently, and I had this strange feeling, like I was touching something distant and magical.

And those treats… the chocolate and the biscuits he gave me - they were nothing short of a miracle. I’ve never tasted anything like them in my life! At first, I couldn’t believe something like that was even edible. The chocolate melted on my tongue, the taste so rich and deep that I nearly closed my eyes from the pleasure. And Ken just smirked, watching my reaction like he’d been waiting for it. His eyes sparkled, and the corners of his lips twitched like he was about to laugh. And somehow… It felt nice.

Why did his teasing make me feel so warm inside? We’ve only known each other for a day, but I feel like I’ve known him my whole life. Where does this sense of familiarity come from? Like he’s the one person I’ve been waiting for, without realizing that what I was missing all along was this light, this spontaneity, this ease that now fills my once-shut-in world.

I hadn’t even realized how long it’s been since I’ve felt warmth and happiness around me. Ever since I lost my father, I shut myself off, convinced there was no more real joy left for me, that I didn’t deserve it. But today… Today was a storm of emotions and sensations. It was like I’d taken a breath of fresh air - one I wasn’t used to but now feel I can’t live without.

Tomorrow we head to the Western Temple. The journey won’t be easy, but with Ken, I’m ready for anything. Ah… what a day it’s been. How can I possibly sleep now? I need to step out onto the balcony, breathe in the cool night air, and calm myself.