Prologue - First Day Of School

Why is nobody talking to me?!

...Is what I was thinking. The classroom is filled with pleasant conversations between the other students as they introduce themselves to one another, meet up with their old friends from previous school and making new friends. All the fresh energy of the first day of high school is filling the air around me.

And yet, I sit in silence behind my desk.

I tap my polished nails against the desk, restless. I take out my pencil case from my bag and open my pocket mirror. My blonde hair with pink inner highlights cascades over my shoulder. My makeup is perfect, my skin is shiny and healthy looking. Everything should be perfect...

Then why, why is nobody paying attention to me?!

I had imagined this moment dozens of times at home. I imagined walking into the classroom, all eyes on me, the day I would finally be noticed. The day I would make tons of friends, laughing and chatting just like the protagonists in the shoujo manga's I've read.

But I guess real life is nothing like that.
No one is talking to me.
No one is looking my way.
I'm all alone, once again.

I bite my lip and glance around again. Groups have already begun to form, students chatting in small clusters. Some were even exchanging their contact info with each other and making plans to go to the convenience store after school. I shift in my seat, stealing a glance at the girl sitting next row, hoping for a casual greeting or even a curious look.

Nothing.

She was talking to someone else, completely ignoring my presence.

Why... why is nobody talking to me?
Why is nobody noticing me?
Why is nobody looking at me?

I begin to fidget with my hair and just stare at the surface of my desk. Did I do something wrong? Was there something off about my appearance? I thought I would stand out, to be approached, to be noticed. But instead, I felt invisible and small... just like before.

A dull thud echoes in my ears—my own heartbeat. Maybe it is my fault? Maybe I should have tried to speak up, to reach out to others. What should I say? My throat feels tight, my mind is blanking. My chest tightens and it's suddenly harder to breathe. I look at the girl sitting in front of me. 

She seems nice. 
Maybe I should say something.
But what?
I want to say something, anything. But my throat is clogged.

Just as I was starting to panic, the classroom door opens. A tall woman enters the room. Her hair is tied in a neat bun. The cold and strict look on her face made the entire classroom quiet. She glances around the class with her sharp eyes. I subconsciously straighten my posture, my heart still pounding in my chest.

"Alright everyone, go to your seats, homeroom is about to begin."
She waits until everyone is seated before continuing.
"My name is Fuwasaki sensei and I will be your homeroom teacher. Now that you're all fresh high school students, let's begin by introducing ourselves. We'll go row by row."

My chest hurts. I tried my best to prepare for this moment at home. I practiced for days. One by one, my classmates stood up, said their names and a little bit what they like to do, or wish to do during their high school years. Some spoke with confidence, others were a bit shy and few even managed to make the class laugh.

Then, it was my turn.

I slowly stand up, my legs are shaking, my chest feels tight and my hands are sweaty. I try to calm myself down. I got this. I practiced days for this moment.

You can do it, me!

"A.. My.. My name is—" My voice cracked slightly. I clear my throat and try again.
"M-my name is.. K-Kikuchi Mikako.."
I managed to say my full name. I grip my skirt tightly and continue.
"I-I'm from.. Shizuoka.. Um.. I like—"

Before I could finish, I heard few students whispering to each other.
"Whoa, look at her hair..."
"Is she a gyaru?"
"She doesn't act like one at all..."
Few students giggle while looking at me. Heat rushes to my face. I want to go home...

"Alright, thank you Kikuchi-san. Everyone, be quiet in the class." The teacher cut in.
"Next one."

I quickly sit back down, my hands are sweaty, my heart is pounding and my face feels hot. That was the worst...
I sit quietly, focusing my gaze on my pencil case, trying to calm down.
Just as I was recovering from the embarrassment, the teacher calls out to me.

"Kikuchi-san, could you step outside for a moment?" she asked.

My stomach dropped. Slowly, I stand up and follow her into the hallway. I could feel the looks from the other students.
She closes the door behind us, shutting out the classroom noise.

She turns to me with a calm but firm expression.
"I want to talk to you about the school rules." she said.
"In our school, makeup, dyed hair or any accessories are forbidden. Students must wear their uniform neatly and keep their hair in order." she continued.

My heart sank.
"B-but..." she cuts me off before I could continue.

"I understand that you may have put a lot of effort into your appearance, but the school has its own regulations." she hands me the school rulebook.
"I'm afraid you have to dye your hair and stop wearing makeup or accessories to school."

I could feel myself on the verge of tears. This isn't fair. I worked so hard for this.
My heart keeps pounding in my chest and my stomach churns. I swallow hard, but the lump in my throat won’t go away. My breathing grows faster as I grip the rulebook in my hands.

"That's all for now, let's go back in the class." she said as she opened the door.
I walk back in and all the eyes are on me now. This isn't how it was suppose to be...
I could hear other students murmur something but I couldn't hear clearly. As I sit down at my desk, I press my forehead against the cool surface of my desk.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.