Black and White - 3

3

What happens after such an incident?

Well, everything goes to shit... But I did not really understand that. My understanding began and ended with the fact that Dad would not be coming home, and I did not like that.

At school, everyone knew what had happened, and every time someone saw me, they would put on this look of pity, and then wonder for a few seconds if there was anything they could help me with.

I am grateful for that attitude, because many things became more complicated in my daily life. But, at the same time, it saddened me to see them constantly worried about me. I always saw the same expression on the face of my teachers and classmates.

So, I made an effort to keep my head high and set myself the goal of being able to return the favor in the future. To all of them, but especially to the person who was suffering even more than me.

Every day, when I saw Mom, it was obvious that something in her had changed.

When she returned from work, she would sometimes put on a face filled with pain, unable to hide her exhaustion. On those days, she would go out into the garden to take a break in the fresh air. Each time, she would return with the smell of cigarettes permeating her clothes.

Her voice would also often crack, and sometimes it was accompanied by a tear or two falling from her eyes, but she did not want me to see that. That is how I stopped hearing her voice so often.

Whenever something like this happened, she tried to stay strong. If she was alone, she would get angry for crying. But if I was there, she would hug me and smile.

Over a period of just over a year, we visited many buildings and offices I would never seen before, and I did not know why. I only accompanied Mom when she asked me to, and I sat and waited mostly in silence.

After a while, one of the offices became a regular fixture. It was a room where I would often have conversations (most of which I did not understand) with Mom and another woman who spoke softly and empathetically.

One of those days, when we had already left the room and were on the first floor of that building, Mom said she had forgotten something. She told me it would be better if I waited outside, but she could not help but worry because it would take a while.

I told her everything was fine by giving her a thumbs-up, and after a few seconds of standing still, she hugged me tightly. She bought me something to drink from a vending machine near the entrance and then went back to talk to the woman.

As I had done several times before, I sat down and waited in silence…

But that day, unlike any of the others, I got really bored.

I felt like there must have been something more interesting to do, especially with the sun as bright as it was outside.

I got up and walked around a bit, looking at every corner of the building in search of something interesting. And, when I looked out the window, I spotted something that caught my attention.

In the middle of a square, there was someone dressed in a clown suit. And, instead of makeup, he was wearing a cheap plastic mask.

For a moment there was a crowd of people watching him, but soon the group dispersed and the clown handed some balloons to the children who were saying goodbye to him.

He then went to rest on the seat where his things were and took off his mask so he could drink some water. However, as he did so, I could clearly see his face, which revealed how exhausted he was.

As he sat down, he placed a hand on his forehead and looked up at the sky, spending a few seconds turning over ideas in his head, denying some of them.

Seeing him there, many questions popped into my head, but I was not able to answer them on my own, so I decided to go out and ask him directly.

The clown, seeing another child approaching him, quickly put his mask back on and inflated a balloon, so that he could greet the child with a comical sword in his hand.

???: Hey, little one! What's up? Are you looking to have a battle?

Twen: No… I just wanted to ask something.

???: Oh, well, then I don't need this sword.... Here, you can keep it. Now tell me, what do you want to ask?

He acted confused at my lack of enthusiasm and then gave me his makeshift balloon weapon. Not knowing how else to react, I simply accepted it, but then went on with my business.

Twen: Mr. Clown, why did you become a clown?

Apparently, he was not expecting a question like that. He stared at me for a few seconds, then responded with a long, exaggerated "huh?"

???: Well, it wasn’t because another clown bit me or anything like that... I like to make people laugh when they walk through this square, because I see a lot of tired and bored people. If I can cheer them up, I'd love to do it, and that's why I'm a clown. Ha ha!

Twen: But you look very tired… Do you really like it?

???: Oh, don't worry. The real problem is this awful heat lately. It's hard to spend so many hours standing under the sun, but I can handle it if the audience cheers me on.

Twen: But, Mr. Clown, the lady says that people wear masks to hide what they feel.

???: That… Where did you hear that, little one?

Twen: Talking to the lady who lives there… I don't know what floor she's on, but we have to take the elevator.

I pointed at the building I had just left, which was very close to us. And apparently, the clown recognized it, because he thought hard about what he was going to say in response.

???: This mask... It makes sense to use it. I couldn't wear makeup today because the sweat would ruin everything, and I'd look more like a monster than a clown. I couldn't entertain the kids like that!

The truth is that his answer did not convince me, but luckily he was not finished yet.

???: And, you see, I need to use something on my face to look more like a clown. If an old man you don't know comes up to you with a balloon, you shouldn't just accept it. No!

Yes, he was not wrong about that. I had heard before that I should not talk to strangers, much less accept anything they offered me.

???: But if that man were a clown, then maybe it would be something different. Because clowns are just trying to make people laugh... And that's why I want to be one!

Twen: You want to make people laugh...

???: Yes, and I'm pretty good at it. Seriously! I've been a clown for years and I've learned a lot, but I'm still not the best... Look, being a clown isn't as easy as it seems.

Twen: It’s not?

???: Of course not! I have to go to school too, but for clown… And, as I said, I always have to look good so that people will be happy to see me. That's why I wear a mask, because I'll look like a clown even when I'm very tired.

Twen: Mr. Clown... Lying is bad.

???: You're wrong! I don't use it to lie to others, it's for me! Because I'm the one who wears the mask to be a clown. It helps me be what I want to be when it's difficult. You see? Masks are great!

That…

It was true. Masks are definitely great.

I was already having a little trouble following the conversation, but the clown was right about that. Masks are great, and they always will be. It is not like I could forget something like that.

???: They can be so simple and say so many things… Don't you think they're great too, little one?

Twen: Yes, they are!

???: Right? And they're so fun, always full of color and with such expressive faces...

Twen: No, not always.

???: Oh? I see you've thought of something. Could you share it with this clown?

Twen: I had a black mask… My dad bought it for me.

???: Oh, I see... Completely black? Nothing more? Wouldn't it be better if it had lots and lots of colors?

Twen: I can't do that. Black is death, so it doesn't match with emotions.

???: Why do you know these things, little one…?

Twen: And also, it's broken now. I can't use it.

???: Broken? What are you saying? Broken things can be fixed, and if that mask is important to you, then it wouldn't hurt to do so.

Until that moment, I had not considered it. Repairing the black mask that accompanied me that day and that broke to preserve my health. It was certainly an interesting idea, and also possible. It felt like a great discovery.

The clown turned around as he spoke and searched for something among his things. A long, red balloon. He began to inflate it, all the while talking and not taking his eyes off me.

Twen: I can fix it?

???: Of course, you can if you want. There are a zillion ways to do it, maybe.

Twen: My mask…

???: Or, if you want, you can get a new one. You could buy it or make it from scratch. Then paint it and decorate it with whatever you want.

Twen: Decorate it…

???: Yes!

Like a master balloon twister, the clown folded that red balloon and even added a white balloon to the figure. He ended up with a funny figure in his hands.

Twen: A mask.

???: Masks aren't that difficult to make, actually. And you can use many materials, give them many shapes, decorate them in a thousand ways... The most important thing is that you go for it, little one. You just have to do it... That's all!

Saying that, he popped the balloon figure and made it explode.

It made such a loud sound that it took me by surprise. It scared me a little, and even made me jump.

But instead of screaming or anything, I stayed completely silent, thinking… It was as if my brain had been rebooted. Although, actually, it did not go back to where it was before…

I got an idea.

A great idea that there was something I could, and for some reason wanted, to do. I really wanted to do it.

A strange emotion surged inside me, and without knowing exactly how to react, I started moving. I wanted to run away immediately and start as quickly as I could, even though I did not know where to start.

Twen: I have an idea... Mr. Clown, I have an idea!

???: Oh! Something fun?

Twen: Yeah, I think so. Thank you very much! I don't need this sword, though. You can keep it… And here, I'll give you my drink… I have something to do, so bye!

???: Ok then…

That idea that had come to my head, an image, a meaning heavier than I could bear, took hold of me. Although I could not fully understand it, I felt like letting myself go and listening to my instinct was the right thing to do.

So I ran around, still confused, listening to almost everything my conscience was saying without taking the time to reflect. I just wanted to act.

The clown, for his part, stared at me. He was even more confused than I was and did not seem to know what to say or do.

???: Goodbye, little one… Take care.

Twen: Yes!

I gave my last word to that clown, who watched me as I sped away from him toward the building I had originally come from. He seemed to be thinking about something, but I could not tell what it was.

He was wearing a mask, after all.

I re-entered the building and scanned the entire first floor, hoping to spot Mom, but I did not. Or at least not immediately, but it only took a few seconds for the elevator doors to open.

Mom had just finished her job and was ready to go home. And from the look on her face, I knew she did not want to do much more.

Upon seeing me, she came over and apologized for keeping me waiting, speaking in a voice that made me think she was going to fall asleep right there.

I, on the other hand, felt completely the opposite.

Twen: Mom! I want you to help me, please. Do you know how to fix a mask? I don't know, but I want to! I just had an idea!

Mom stared at me, expressionless. No one could have told if she did not care, was not paying attention, or if her mind simply had not fully processed what was happening.

Twen: I don't know how to do it, but I want to. Please! Do we have the materials at home? Or do we have to buy something? Mom? Hey…

Slowly, the muscles in her face began to move. And, similarly, her gaze changed, as if she had just noticed me standing in front of her. She seemed surprised, confused, as if she had just woken up, as if she had discovered or remembered something important...

Maybe I am wrong, but I would say that at that very moment, her life was filled with color again. Because colors represent emotions, and it had been a long time since I had seen such emotion in her, nor she in me.

Twen: Mom, I think I have some brushes we can… Mom?

She hugged me.

With great force, making me lose my balance a little, and giving me so much of that maternal warmth that I had not felt in a while.

It did not feel normal to see Mom in that state, but it did not bother me at all, because it felt like everything was okay.

When she let go, Mom took a deep breath and, with a big smile, adjusted to the overwhelming emotions that were building inside me. My overwhelming desire to get moving and try something new spread to her.

And then, she spoke to me in a loud, clear voice.

Milia: Let's go!

Twen: Really? Nice!

She grabbed my hand and we ran out of the building, got in our car and drove around the city looking for what we needed.

I vaguely explained what I wanted to do (something like a model or artwork) and she immediately knew where to look, although we did not know exactly what, so we bought a lot of things we did not really need.

When I got home, I ran to my room to grab the black mask that had been hidden in my closet, broken, for over a year. Then I grabbed a pencil and paper so I could start sketching a new mask, and finally returned with Mom.

She set up the kitchen table by placing an old tablecloth on top of it, along with the paints, brushes, glue, and wood sandpaper. She also carefully read the instructions for one of the materials we had just purchased.

This is how I found it when I arrived. I did not know what that material was, but I knew it was good quality for its price.

Twen: Okay, Mom, can we get started?

She nodded with a smile, then shifted her gaze to the black wood I held in my hands. She had seen it before and understood its origins somewhat, though she still had questions.

However, understanding that it was something important to me (especially if I was so excited to work with her) she had no reason to complain.

And so we started working on my mask.

I made multiple sketches of the mask I wanted. Mom sanded some areas of the mask that needed it. I glued the mask pieces that were coming apart. We molded a light-colored clay to add details.

We were not able to finish it in one day, but that was not really a problem. The excitement continued until I was able to hold it up to my face again, and we were both delighted with the result.

A black and white mask, with a simple design of light, zigzagging lines on a dark base.

It earned a place in a very important part of our memory. And, from that moment on, it became an essential part of my life.

It became the reason why a masked boy could be considered a protagonist .

…

Twen: We were so happy when we finished the mask, and Mom took lots of pictures of me with it when the paint dried… It was years ago, but every time I look at those pictures I remember everything that happened and can't help but feel nostalgic.

Lani: Mhm …

Twen: Lani?

I was so caught up in my thoughts about the past that I almost forgot about the present. I was still at the X-Café talking to Lani, who had taken the time to listen to my story in an attempt to offer me some help.

However, unlike before, her eyes were full of tears and she was using napkins to wipe her nose.

Twen: Are you okay?

Lani: Yeah, I'm sorry... I just didn't know you'd been through all that... Do you want another chocolate? I think I can get some-

Twen: No, no. I’m fine! Please don’t worry so much about me.

Lani: You can’t just say all that and then tell me not to worry…

Apparently, that much information made her feel conflicted, as there were many thing she could not fully understand and even more that she could not help with.

Lani: I have so many questions now. Like… I don’t want to be disrespectful, but… That day, when your body randomly teleported across Copihual...

Twen: Does it remind you of something?

Lani: Not far from Novadía something similar happened, many years ago.

Twen: That was the same day, at the exact same time.

Lani: What?

Twen: It's a complex and mysterious incident... The only thing clear is that t was the work of someone with an OV, whose power spread to seemingly random locations around the world, but the culprit was never found.

Lani: Wow… How horrible…

Twen: Yes, without a doubt. A lot happened, I can't deny that... But at least they say that's why I got a bond to my mask.

Lani: Really?

Twen: Yeah. In fact, the morning after I finished it, I woke up with it on my face and couldn't get it off. I was also accidentally using my powers and caused some damage... And you can't even imagine how horrible it was when I had to go to the bathroom!

Lani let out a small giggle and then blew her nose again.

Lani: You know, at first I thought you were sad about failing a test or something. I didn't imagine anything like this...

Twen: It actually went pretty well for me. And so did Isak, who was a little worried about his results. And what about you?

Lani: I did well too… Very well!

Twen: Great!

She seemed quite proud of her results, which made me feel happy for her. It was nice to be able to feel that way after a while of thinking about nothing but tragic stories.

Lani: So tell me, Twen... What are you planning on doing now? Are you going to order anything else to eat?

Twen: No, I'm fine. What I have to do now is deliver my gift, and I guess I should be leaving by now.

With that, I stood up and grabbed my things. Lani did the same.

Twen: Anyway, I'm glad I got to talk to you. It's a strangely effective help, having someone to listen when you need to vent. Don't you think?

Lani: Yes, you're absolutely right. I hope I've been able to help.

Twen: Of course! Thank you very much!

I felt much calmer after talking to Lani, there was no doubt about it, so I was grateful to her.

As I said before, I did not like making others worry, but I was glad that there were people who did, so I wanted to be able to return the favor once I had the opportunity.

Then, I wondered if Lani would think the same way, because, looking back, it seemed like she did. That made me feel calm, for some reason.

We left the X-Café together, but we parted ways in front of the entrance. I said goodbye to her again, and she to me. And then, I was left alone again.

…

By that time, night was already beginning to announce its arrival. It was darker, but not particularly cold. The air did feel different, fresh and slightly salty.

The cemetery in Copihual, a small oceanfront town surrounded by mountains in almost every direction, was a peaceful, lovely place.

It was so quiet that the footsteps of a person and the trees swaying in the wind could be heard perfectly.

Among the many gravestones there was one with the name "Lyan" inscribed on it. At its base was a stone platform for the flowers his relatives frequently gave him.

However, that was not all there was to it, as there were also ten small clay masks arranged around the tombstone.

Due to the quality of the techniques used to create each one, it was possible to deduce that they were arranged chronologically. Some were quite simple designs, others more elaborate, with different shapes and colors...

And the one I was holding in my hands at that moment, although quite simple, reflected another improvement in my skill. I stood there, silent, for a few seconds, until I turned the clay figure over.

There was a phrase written inside.

Twen: “I'm making good friends in my new home, just like you did. And they'll think that masks are great too, I promise!”

It was strange reading it aloud, but it was true. I bent down and placed his gift in the space I had assigned it.

Then I let time pass while I thought about the mountains, the sea, the food, that dance…

In Dad, Mom, the clown, my mask…

In my new home and my new life in Novadía…

My heart raced, my throat burned, and my eyes watered.

And after a few minutes, when I was calm again, I left the cemetery. It only took one step for me to disappear from the place, quickly leaving that grave in a silent and calm solitude.