454. Radiant day, 7

(Nightmare)

I was feeling better than in the past with the humans outside.

Still uneasy, as they step into me.

They are piles of transparent layers. I look through them as they enter. And they see my mind, in their dreams.

My children and friends are showing some signs of unrest. My toys are reactive to this change in the scenery and winds.

Blume is one. The humans are a bigger one.

I’m focused for a while into reading the layers that makes them whole.

Blume flies by their side, to reassure them.

She is an odd one. Casting away her natural right and instinct, to live along them.

Now, since I met Rose, I can sense the presence of blind spots inside my thoughts. Corners I couldn’t notice before. I can’t see them exactly still. But I have begun noticing their impact on my thought processes and logic.

How a part of me longs for some humanity is the main dark hole in my mind. I want to deny it exists, but its effects are too manifest.

Language to process thoughts, and affects, are not as innate as I believed they were to me.

Consciousness and awareness of me, and them.

Hatred. Indifference. Tiredness.

Somewhere... I hate seeing inside humans these parts I recognise from myself as well. It ticks me off to notice them clearly now. Rose brought that painful mirror and reversal of aspects to its paroxysm.

In order to survive, I took shelter in a body for a short while. It felt like jail.

I’m feeling better without a constricting and complex body. I’m more free to think and create. I’m more me.

As the pretty bird called me.

Reading minds and bodies, and reshaping blood into life.

I enjoy that.

~

Their presence keeps bugging me like an itch that makes me fear something worse.

Blume and them now entered my place, to look at the floating islands together.

One of them asks where I am and if the awaken nightmare they feel will pass.

I don’t reply to Blume’s request to show myself to them. I’m thinking.

I’m thinking a lot about something.

An idea. Another itch.

Something rolling inbetween my blind spots and turning to abstract obsession.

Philosophy...

I forgot to ask for her blood.

Because my mind is busy elsewhere.

And I currently have enough materials to play with new life for a reasonable while.

It bugs me.

Rose bugs me still.

She threw me out of myself.

I keep thinking about that time.

I’m obsessed about it lately. What it meant and opened.

Because a year has passed, but I haven’t changed.

They have evolved more than I’d like to believe, all of them.

Am I envious? I’m feeling shady now.

I am envious. It itches so much it’s becoming all I can think about now.

The place I was born is a short flight away, on the other shore.

My own satisfaction has always been fulfilled through my actions... And I’ve been safe all this time while everything died.

But now I feel like I’ve missed something all that time.

Something big, but inside one of my mental blind spots.

Maybe it was that you’ll encounter more things to nourish and challenge your evolution, if you move.

The more you go out of your way to discover things for yourself, the less likely it becomes for something you’re not aware of, to come and blow you apart suddenly another day.

You need to know what’s out there to be safe... It’s not just safety, and I feel that annoyance rising inside of me.

It’s about reaction, transformation, finding more power to grow and evolve.

I can see it as a strategy, a way to learn and transform.

The conclusion of that terrible and terrifying itch is very hard and painful to accept for something like me.

~

While a good part of my processing abilities was focused on reaching the conclusion of my reflection, the rest of my attention followed Rose’s friends.

Blume wasn’t planning to stay for long.

The younger one wanted to follow her. She wanted to take the opportunity to travel right away to a known, trustworthy destination.

This one just clearly desired what I was yet unable to admit to myself and process.

The older one was very reluctant. But slowly and surely, she was bowing to the younger one’s will.

I looked at their exchanged with renewed attention. With sheer curiosity, I looked closer at their every thought, muscle shifts, emotions and metabolic changes as it went on.

Their array of emotions as they had this exchange kept changing in a very interesting manner.

Colours, smells and sound waves kept flying around their inner solid body, and their outer diffused presence.

For the first time I recall, I was too curious and amused by something to recall my instinctive hatred for humans.

I like to play with life. And now I find one or two who are already amusing as they are, in a very new way to me.

Not that new. Bleue was funny trying to debate with me.

That’s a part of it I link these elements to.

A wider understanding emerges for me.

Feeling human can make me feel awful and I can’t stand it. I have to vanish.

But on very rare occasions, it can be so much fun...

The older one is too aroused to simply give up and close the debate. She has already given up, but keeps the pestering exchange going longer for a surprising kind of pleasure or happiness. She likes these debates with the younger one.

Blume remains quiet. She probably sees it too like I do. I think she’s laughing.

I’m amused, but mostly I can feel envy...

~

The play ends. Different forms of pleasure fill their brains. They had fun arguing with each other. A lot.

They’ve decided to fly along an invisible track that Blume will lay out for them as she returns straight to Rose. A new aim for their travel they agreed upon.

So that one day later, they can catch up the four of them.

Somewhere so distant over the continent, I don’t have a clue what it could be like.

Meanwhile, my own brain has reached its conclusion after learning everything that happened right there inside of me.

My birds can feel it and are now acting a little strange. Blume is already gone on her way but I don’t care about her. She’s not the most interesting one. I only care about me and my enjoyment.

And now I’m decided.

I pull myself out of the islands and veins. I’m pulling myself out of myself.

My invisible wider existence begins to condensate where I’ve decided it will happen.

They hear a sound unlike anything else probably. Like a deep string vibrating out of nowhere.

Dark smokes are exhaled from the underground veins all around the landscape, and gather somewhere along the sunken city. It lasts for maybe a minute, where day light fades, and a massive ceiling of darkness floats above them.

I incarnate myself there as it rapidly condensates into a minute shape in space. A whirlpool cleanses the sky in a few seconds and my shape appears.

My body is a simplistic drawing, but with the full density of my existence behind it this time.

That teenager shape therefore appears with a lot of weight as the darkness that clouded the sky disappears as fast as it appeared prior.

My silhouette, my amorphous body of my condensed self, falls to the ground.

The ground breaks down under my huge mass and I feel gravity pulling me down even further. One of my knee reached the ground that cracked further as I recovered my balance of strengths. That new body of mine is very raw.

In front of me, I don’t need eyes to read everything they do and think. As they even say aloud, I’m still inside their head. But that sudden appearance and fall of a dark body ahead of them wasn’t an hallucination.

They’re on their guards now, as my black silhouette stands up in front of them, a few metres ahead.

I can better see their ship as well from here. It’s still the same. They will travel by flight with that...

Thoughts are processed and I make my call.

I command my favourite toy to come to me.

My best work so far lied not that far. It very rapidly is on its way, and reaches us before the two humans decided on anything about me.

My most massive of creations lands behind me like a high wall before the city. This one is a more perfected and ambitious version of the experiment that Yaelun was. An immense body with dozens of wings, large and powerful enough to carry anything into the air. My favourite creation.

The most perfected and powerful one.

I step toward them, while the huge beast behind me spreads its immense wings for a good stretch. They are dozens of metres high.

They’re stepping backward, weapons in hand as I get closer. They are funny.

I vanish before their eyes. I travel through the ground, while filling their eyes with more nightmares.

I solidify, reappearing right by their side. They’re terrified. It’s becoming exciting to me. They’re fun. I like that.

N - I think... I will be traveling along with you, for a while...

They don’t know what to think, shivering, shaking. I’m sincere though. I extend my hands for them to hold and shake even.

N - I’m pleased to meet you... Let’s be friend, shall we?

They timidly grip and shake my hands. One each.

M - I’m Myls... Hello again Nightmare.

Z - I’m Zeslinry...

I grin.

I think it’s going to be fun.

~

I’ve left them go on ahead. I’ll easily catch up with them on my own ride.

My masterpiece lifts its head like a huge snake above the cityscape. We’re almost ready.

I want to make sure the last eggs I was creating or hatching are being cared for properly.

Then I will say goodbye to all my birds.

I will see for myself what lies outside in the world for a little while.

My human looking shape, until I think of a better form to assume, will suffice.

I’m ready.

I hop onto my immense ride.

The dragon spread its numerous wings and then lifts off.

Ah... The wind, I can feel it now. It’s nice. I can enjoy that.

Far ahead, I see their ship.

I will learn things on my travel.

But I think I’m also going to have some fun.

~