Beaten Up...

“No!” Granny snapped, rapping me over the fingers. “Wrong. You must do exactly as I do.”

“This spell is so hard,” I complained, rubbing my hand. “I’ve never tried to learn anything even close to this before.” As soon as I said it, I regrated my words, but Granny spoke before I could take it back.

“Ho, you think it was hard for you? I had to invent this spell to control the portal to this place, Rakel.” Granny had none of her usual cheerful demeanor. She hadn’t even looked this angry when she confronted me about the time I spent with Shemman. “You’re dealing with ancient magic. One wrong gesture and anything could happen. You could do nothing, or you could send your still-beating heart back to reality while your body stays here! Is that what you want to do, hm?”

“C’mon, Granny, surely that can’t happen.”

“I do not know!” she exploded. “This is magic far beyond anything magekind has seen in generations! I have haphazardly put together a spell to get us to this place, but I barely understand the principles behind it. Nobody, least of all me, knows what could happen.”

The outburst was so loud and so unexpected from the kind Granny that I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes. Seeing those, Granny took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Rakel,” she said in a softer voice. “I shouldn’t have snapped like that. This is a spell far beyond a normal child’s capabilities. You are doing a wonderful job.” She rubbed her head. “Deary me, I think the food shortage is starting to get to me too.”

I wiped away my tears. Granny offered a smile and said “why don’t you take a break? Get a snack.”

“But the rationing…”

“Hoho, that’ll be over soon enough when you master this spell, hm? We can’t have you passing out from hunger. After all, everyone is counting on you.” She gave me an encouraging nod. My stomach picked that moment to let out a huge rumble, so I gratefully thanked Granny and walked off to the pantry.

Like usual, Old Man Hendriss loitered around the entry to the pantry. A few days after the rationing started, he had proclaimed to the group that he would guard the supplies to ensure nobody took more than their fair share. I still had my doubts about his integrity—I suspected he himself stole from the supplies sometimes—but if he did, he made it inconspicuous. My father had accepted Hendriss’s self-proclaimed job, stating that it was important everybody have a role.

As I approached, Hendriss watched me in a not-unfriendly manner. The pantry was adjacent to the dining hall, which also served as something of a hangout space. The dining hall had a few people loitering around and chatting. My mood was almost ruined by spotting Liah leaning against the wall, twirling her hair around her finger as she silently watched the goings-on. I deliberately looked away from her and approached Hendriss.

“Shouldn’t you be practicin’?” Hendriss said, although his tone wasn’t unduly aggressive.

“I’m on a break.” I hadn’t had any reservations about getting food before, but now, it felt like all eyes were on me. Still, I said “can I get a snack? Just a slice of bread is fine.” I felt eyes boring into me from around the room.

Hendriss replied “you ain’t forgotten about the rationing, have you?”

“We’re going to get more soon. And, Granny said I could….” As soon as I said it, the reasoning felt shallow; I wanted to apologize and leave. But Hendriss grunted, nodded, and disappeared into the pantry. He re-emerged a moment later holding a small loaf of bread. I took it with a grateful nod and took a big bite. The bread crunched against my teeth, but even stale, I still thought it tasted wonderful.

We stood there awkwardly. Hendriss cleared his throat. “Um, I hope the bread helps. I just want you to know that everyone’s counting on you to get us out of this mess.” He made a sweeping gesture with his hand to indicate that ‘this mess’ included everything around us.

I didn’t know how to answer that, and I felt awkward about eating my extra food in front of everyone, so I stepped outside of the dining room. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Liah push off from the wall and trail behind me. She stalked in the way she always did when she was in the mood to pick on me or Bekah.

I tried to double my pace to get away from her, but she was taller than me, and with her longer legs she soon caught up. “Hey, Rakel,” she said in her oily fake-nice voice. “How’s the bread?”

“Fine.” I tried to move past her, but she stepped in front of me, pinning me next to the wall. My only options were go back the way we came, or go through her.

I decided to go through. “What do you want?” I asked, doing my best to keep hostility out of my voice.

She glared at me, and our eyes met for a long moment. I had always known she was a petty bully. She had picked on me and Bekah plenty of times before. But for the first time I had ever seen genuine rage in her eyes.

Liah drummed her fingers on her thigh. “So. You get some extra bread.”

“I bet Granny would let you, if you asked.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that.” She smiled the most mirthless smile yet. “After all, I’m not the one everyone is counting on, right?” My stomach knotted. “It makes you so much better than the rest of us. Deep down, that’s what you’ve been thinking, right?”

“No,” I whispered, “that’s not…” but Liah kept talking.

“You really don’t want to acknowledge those feelings, huh? How you think you’re better than everyone else.” She frowned for a moment, as if she were thinking, then continued “and you don’t want to admit to yourself your feelings towards that boy, and deep down, you like that, too.”

“Shut up,” I said. I tried to push past her but her body blocked my way.

Liah was on a roll now. “Oh, you must think yourself the heroine of a story! Entangled in a forbidden love; so blessed with talent that everyone is counting on you and you alone. You make me sick.”

“I said shut up.” The calmness in my voice did not match the turmoil within.

“Well, Rakel, let me give you a fact check. You’re not a heroine in a great romance. You’re a girl with a prepubescent crush and a knack for magic that’s done nothing but cause trouble for our people. That is the person that ‘everyone is counting on.’ Do you really think that kind of person can handle it?” She scoffed. “We’re all doomed, and it’s all your fault.”

I slapped her, hard. It was a sign that she had won. We both knew it.

Liah started laughing, a laugh that was both cruel and hysterical. I pushed her away and ran around a corner. As soon as I was out of sight I slumped against a wall and started crying. I hated myself that I had let her get to me like that. But even worse, no matter how much I told myself she was just using cheap magic to mess with my head, I couldn’t honestly tell myself that she had been lying.

I don’t know how long it was before I heard my father by my side. He hugged me. “It’s ok,” he said, gently rocking me back and forth like he had when I was a baby. “It’s ok.” From my other side, I felt another set of arms embrace me. Bekah.

Sniffling, I said “it’s true, isn’t it. Everything Liah said.”

“I’ll talk to Liah later,” my father promised, holding me as I cried.

After a moment, I pushed him away with one hand while I wiped my eyes with another. “I’m fine, father,” I said. I had to be strong.

“Are you sure? Do you want to talk—”

“I said I’m fine.” I got up and began walking.

“Where are you going?” my father asked.

Until he asked, I didn’t know myself, but as soon as the question was posed, I knew the answer. “To talk to Shemman.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him exchange glances with Bekah. “I’m not certain that’s a good idea, Rakel,” my father said slowly. “As soon as we open the portal, you won’t be seeing him anymore.”

“All the more reason for me to say goodbye now.” This old disagreement was making me angry. The anger felt good; it kept me from focusing on the things Liah had said. Wondering if she was right.