Chapter Eight: A gesture of gratitude

It's cold... I open my eyes to a sea of red. I'm underwater...? Looking around the red water, I can see bodies floating around me. O... I guess I'm dreaming... I let the current take me; after all, it's pointless to struggle since I can't even swim. It's... oddly calming to just let everything go and go with the flow of the current. However, I already know that this will only last so long.

Just as I finished that thought, the current picks up and starts forcing down. I start moving faster and faster as I fly past the bodies. Then I fly out of the water, and I'm still falling down. Bellow me, I see a ruined city full of destroyed buildings and dozens of explosions destroying more. It takes around a minute for me to slam into the ground.

I am not injured, and I feel no pain, so I slowly push myself up to my knees. All around me are bodies, fires, destroyed buildings, rubble, and empty bullet cases. My body was covered in blood, and it was dripping off of me and leaving a puddle around me.

"What's the matter? Got nothing to say?" The past me appeared behind me and started to walk in front of me. "Isn't this what you are trying to build. A city built for war." Again, I can't deny what she is saying. "How many people do you think will die, or should I say how many people will you kill?" she asks as she walks around in front of me. She kicks around the bullet cases with each step she takes, making loud metallic noises.

"Not going to answer? Or maybe you simply don't care about their lives?" I can't answer, or maybe I just don't want to answer. She sighs. "Here we are again, trying to do the same thing all over again. What's the point of it all? Does living really mean that much to us?" She looks at me, and her face lights up from the nearby explosions. I... I... don't have an answer.

"Can't answer? All your brilliance, yet you can't answer a simple question, but it's okay. I already know the answer. You fear meeting your family again? But is that really the only reason for you to continue like this? Hmm... Oh, I get it now... YOU JUST LOVE THE CHAOS!"

As she said it, she started laughing and kicked a bunch of bullet cases in the air as explosions went off behind her. The fire illuminated her face, and you could clearly see her large smile. Her laughter was louder than the explosions and echoed all around me. Just as I was in awe of it all, a large object slammed into the ground between us. The last thing I saw was a large fireball, and then everything went black. "Until us monsters meet again."

I wake up drenched in sweat. The morning sunlight is shining through my room's curtains and hitting my bed. Another vivid nightmare and more questions that I can't answer. I can't deny what the other me says, because there is truth to them.

I'll admit that I am a cold-blooded monster and couldn't care less about the people here or who I kill because, in the end, it doesn't really matter; everyone dies. It's only a matter of when and how. The only reason I lived for so long in my past was because I was smart and knew how to play my cards right. "Does living really mean that much to us?" That question echoes in my head and haunts me.

Facing my family again is the only thing I fear, but is that a good enough reason to continue on? Is there another reason for me to live? I shake my head. Thinking about useless things is pointless. I'm alive, there for I must live. That's the only answer that I need. The only answer that makes logical sense.

*Knock knock* The door to my room opens. "Pardon the intrusion, Lenka!" It was Kate who oddly seemed a little enthusiastic about waking me up. "Oh, you're already awake, Lenka. Well, good morning, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Oh, right, I guess today is my birthday.

It's the sixth of Summer One, which is my birthday in this world. The calendar of this world is odd and goes by seasons. There are ninety days in each season, and each season is broken down into three thirty-day months. "Is something wrong, Lenka?" "No, I'm fine. I'm about to get dressed and head down." She smiles, bows, and leaves the room. Well, I might as well get this day started.

I finished my morning routine and sat in the gazebo with Kate, drinking blue rose tea. It''s been about two months since I started my plan to rebuild the city. The clay pits have been producing a steady amount of bricks, and I have started prep work in the city to start building. I was lucky that the citizens liked doing extra work for money.

There was a large number of people in the city working at the mine and clay pits. I hope that they will also want to help with building. Well, I guess all of that can wait till tomorrow. After all, everyone is celebrating my birthday today. I don't care for all the attention, but a day off every once in a while isn't so bad. I look over at the garden, and the blue roses are starting to bud but won't fully bloom until next month.

"Happy birthday, Lenka." Kate sounded very excited as she handed me a gift. "You know you already wished me a happy birthday this morning. Plus, everyone will give gifts later, so why are you giving it to me now?" She smiles at me.

"Well, I wanted to be the first one to give you a present. After all, you've done so much for me, I just wanted to show you that I appreciate you." She said it clearly and didn't fumble her words. Her face wasn't red, and she was looking right at me and not trying to look away.

I guess those meds are working. I took the box, which was very well decorated with blue ribbons, tying the box together. She clearly spent a lot of time on it, and it makes me wonder why she went through this much effort.

Did I really do a lot for her? All I've done is push a lot of work onto her. Well, whatever, I can tell that the anticipation of me opening it is starting to get to her. I opened the box, and inside was a piece of jewelry.

Picking it up, I can see that it was well made. In the center was a big blue gem, surrounded by silver metal in an elegant-looking design. I wonder what the gem was? Most jewelry in this time was made of colorful glass, but this gem seems to be something different. It was a clear blue with a very faint glow to it. Is this an energy crystal?

"I knew you would be interested in it." Looking up I see Kate is all smiles. "That's a used energy crystal that has been cut and polished." So I was right, but wouldn't that mean this is an expensive gift. Even used energy crystals go for a large amount of money, not to mention getting it cut and put into jewelry.

"Kate, you know you didn't have to spend all your money on a gift for me." "I know, but... you've done so much for me that I couldn't help but feel like I needed to." I still don't get her. All I've done was make her work. Hell, looking back on it, the only reason I took her in was to learn about beastkin.

"Have I really done that much for you?" She looked a little puzzled, then went right back to smiling. "Of course you did. You took me in when I needed help the most. You went out of your way to teach me how to read and write. Then you made me your lady in waiting and made this place my new home. You always treat me well and ensure I don't work too hard, and I am now living a wonderful life because of you. The very least I can do for you is use my money to buy you a gift." I don't really know how to respond to that. She doesn't know that I only did those things to benefit me and to justify some of my actions.

"Or maybe you simply don't care about their lives?" That question rings in my head again. Am I really doing this just to benefit me? No, these useless thoughts will get me nowhere, and in the end, none of it will matter. War is coming, and everyone here will most likely die before me, so it's pointless to care about anyone else.

Kate continued to smile as if she knew I didn't have any response to her. A warm summer breeze hits us as I take another sip of the tea. Well, I might as well enjoy this peacefulness while it lasts.

It was around noon, and several citizens showed up at the front of the manor. This is my second birthday here, but no one other than the maids and Father showed up to the last one. I started to walk outside the manor to see why they were here, and when I left the front door, I was bombarded by happy birthdays from them.

Most of the citizens who had been working in the mines and clay pits were here. They seem to be carrying presents for me, but why? I made them work hard for that extra money, so why are they using it on me? I have money and can buy whatever I want, so why are the people of this world so keen on wasting their money? Whatever, they already bought the gifts, so it's pointless to do anything about it now, and it would make me look bad if I scolded them about it.

Godfrey and Leon were in front of them, collecting the gifts in a pile. I walk over to them, and again, they greet me with Happy Birthday. "Wow, Lenka, you sure are getting a lot of presents. Oh, and don't worry. My old man and I got you one, too." Just as Leon finishes, Godfrey smacks the back of his head.

I take it he doesn't like being called old, or maybe it's because Leon acts a little too casual around me. "Thanks, Leon, but shouldn't you be worried about getting a present for Mary." He looks at me with a somewhat panicked face. "Her.. birthday's... soon?"

What do these two even talk about when they are alone? "Yes." "Wait, when is it?" "That's for you to find out." I started to walk away, and I heard him start begging. "Wait, please tell me." His dad smacks him again. "Stupid boy. How do you not know." They start bickering back and forth. Well, it's not my problem.

There were around maybe twenty presents in the pile, and more citizens were coming. I walk over to one of them, who looks somewhat familiar older man, and ask. "Why are you giving me a present?" He looks at me, bows, and then smiles.

"Well, it's because you are helping build a better city for everyone, and you are even paying us to help. That and because of you, the merchant comes around more often so we can spend some of the extra money on things we thought we would never get." I see somehow, my actions have ended up improving their lives. Even know, all I did was pay them to work and buy a few things.

"I see, but why the present? shouldn't you have used the money you earned on yourself or your family?" He looks at me, confused. "I could, but the gift is more of a gesture of gratitude. It's not about the money or the gift. It's about showing that we care about how you helped and treated us."

"...you simply don't care about their lives?" That question rings in my head again. I still don't fully understand the gifts or gestures of gratitude, and I may never will. All of this reminds me of how empty and soulless I have become. In my previous life, nothing was given, only taken.

No one would go out of their way to help someone without getting something in return. Maybe it was the never-ending war that has made me this cold and jaded, or perhaps I was just born this way. Either way, this gift-giving is an odd concept for someone like me to understand.

It was around evening, and a lot of citizens wished me a happy birthday and dropped presents off. I still don't know how to feel about it, but I guess if they like me, then it will be easier to control them. I was reading in the study when Kate walked in. "Lenka dinners ready."

I followed her downstairs into the dining room. When I walked into the room, I was greeted by Annabelle, Mary, Kate, my Father, Godfrey, and Leon. "Happy birthday!" they all shouted. There was a cake as well as a bunch of food on the table, and the presents were gathered in a pile on the side of the room. They all looked at me, somewhat confused. Were they expecting me to show some type of emotion or be surprised?

"Thank you all for today," I said as I bowed to them. They seemed to accept that as a response. "Let's all sit and enjoy this wonderful food." my Father said. I sat in my usual chair, Kate sat to my left, and Leon sat to my right, which was odd; usually, my Father sat there, but today, he was sitting on the other end of the table. Then again, I guess the middle chairs are used by important people. It's not like I know this world's noble etiquette.

"This foods great! I should come here more often." Leon said while still eating. "Show some respect," Godfrey said as he smacked him. My Father laughed at this while Mary stared at him with an annoyed expression. Kate was devouring her food, and Annabelle was staring at my neck.

"Lenka, where did you get that beautiful necklace from?" She said it with a teasing tone and had that devious smile on. "It was a gift from Kate." Kate's face turned bright red, and Annabelle's devious smile grew.

"Wow, I don't think anyone can top that present," Leon said, and his Father was facepalming and clearly resisting the urge to smack him again. "It's not about the gift; it's about showing gratitude," I said. I know I'm just copying what that old man said, but what he said probably wasn't far from the truth.

We all finished eating, and Annabelle brought out a cake. It wasn't anything fancy by modern standards, but it was a delicacy, considering sugar is hard to get. Personally, I didn't like it. It was too sweet for me, but Kate, on the other hand, enjoyed it so much that she was almost crying. The others also seemed to enjoy it. Maybe I just have an odd taste? Then again, most food here tastes bland to me anyway.

"Kate, why don't we take a look at some of the presents you got?" my Father said. "Okay." I walked over to the pile and started inspecting them. Most of them were not wrapped and were some kind of cheap items like smoked meat, ink, and quills. Granted, it was from our citizens who only recently have gotten an extra source of income.

There were a few that stood out because they were wrapped or at least in a box. I took one of the smaller boxes and opened it. Inside was a fountain pen. I wasn't aware that these would even exist yet.

"That gift is from my mother and me," Mary said. "You always write so much that we asked the merchant about better quills he said that he could get a writing utensil from the elves." That would make sense for the elves to have some better advancements than we do.

"I see. Thank you, Mary and Annabelle." I grabbed another box that was slightly bigger and opened it. Inside was a preserved blue rose inside a glass container with tiny energy crystals surrounding the blue rose. "That one is from me." My Father said.

"It was your mother's most prized possession. I don't know how it was made or how she got it, but she used to stare at it for hours." How sentimental, but I think I get it. At night, I imagine that it would glow like the night sky covering the preserved blue rose in a faint blue glow.

The last present I grabbed was a large object wrapped in burlap. I opened it to see an old, somewhat used sword. "That's our present," Leon said. "It's my old training sword. I was thinking that you're around the age where you can start training how to use the sword. Well, if you're okay with someone like me training you?"

Almost everyone in the room seemed annoyed with Leon, except for Kate, who didn't seem to understand why everyone was upset. I guess they think a sword for a girl is unladylike and is an unfitting present, and his offer to train me is crossing some line. Well, I personally don't care about ladylike elegance, and the gift is useful. I may know a lot about modern warfare, but I am not well-versed in this age of combat, so it could be a valuable learning experience.

"Thank you, Leon. I will take you up on the offer to train me, but I warn you that I may be unable to hold back." Everyone was somewhat stunned by what I said, which I don't get. They should have known by now that I don't exactly fit into their idea of noble elegance. "I knew you would like it. I'll swing by around dinner time to help train you."

It's pretty odd that Leon is offering to train me and not his Father. I wonder if Leon has some other reason for training me. Maybe he wants to talk about Mary? I unfortunately don't really know enough about Leon to understand his intentions, but from what I do know, he doesn't seem like the person to have any ill intent. Well, I guess I will find out tomorrow, but I can tell Mary seems to be very pissed off at him, which I don't get. Mary will now get to see him more often. Whatever, at least some of these presents are useful and this day wasn't all bad.