Desolate Reflection

I had trouble sleeping the night Anon went home. One of those restless, tossing-and-turning nights where nothing feels quite right. Maybe something else was bothering me, but I chose to blame it on whatever supernatural forces happened to exist in this world.

“Curse you, god.” I muttered.

It was a childish reaction, but I was frustrated, so I decided to curse whatever divine being might be responsible.

“See you later…”

I whispered the last real words I'd said to Anon, feeling the discomfort swell until I finally pushed myself upright in bed.

“How stupid can I be?! I met a guy for one day and now I’m head over heels!”

I grumbled to myself, kicking my legs in irritation until they tired out, eventually collapsing face-first onto the mattress. My cheeks flushed, again. That was happening way too often today.

“Well…it’s not all bad.”

His final words echoed in my mind as I remembered the way our eyes met. He didn’t say much, but somehow I knew exactly what he was feeling. His eyes were so gentle.

His eyes were so soft.

“I wonder if that stupid god had something to do with these feelings…”

“What did you say?”

Out of nowhere, Amy appeared by my bedside, staring me dead in the face.

“Amy?!”

“Yeesh, aren’t you loud.”

“What are you even doing here?!”

I was already sitting up, baffled as she casually took a seat on the floor.

“I just witnessed a breakup, or something like it.”

“And? Why do you care?”

“Because I want to help you.”

Her words caught me off guard, not because they were strange coming from her, but because of the way she said them. I did see Amy as a friend, but maybe I had kept her at a bit of a distance. Hearing her speak like that only made it more clear.

“What do I even need help with?” I asked, idly playing with the ends of my hair.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Amy shot back.

“…”

“You’re confused about your feelings.”

“…”

“Why is that?”

She probably already knew.

“Didn’t it all happen too fast? I mean, when I think of my parents, it took them a while to really fall for each other.”

“But you fell in love in a day.”

I looked away, cheeks heating up again, and gave a small nod.

“What’s wrong with that?”

Amy tilted her head like she genuinely didn’t understand the issue. I guess to a love god, falling hard and fast was just…normal.

“What if it’s not love, though? Not in the way people usually mean it.”

“What else could it be if not love?”

“I’ve never had a boyfriend.” I said, holding my legs close to my body. “What if I just love the idea of being in love, not the person himself?”

“Oh.” Amy looked down towards her feet.

“Love, lust, infatuation…they all blur together. I fell hard and fast, but what if I completely misunderstood my own heart?”

“…Yeah. Reaching out for something, but pulling back to protect yourself.”

There was a softness in her voice that made her sound like a child. Her expression dimmed, and I could tell she was remembering something painful. On instinct, I reached out and gently patted her head.

Amy flinched at first, but let it happen for a moment.

“Hold on!”

After a minute, she jumped up and glared at me, pouting.

“I’m here to help you! Not the other way around!” Her face had turned a deep red.

“It just felt right.” I replied.

Trying to regain her composure, Amy crossed her arms and struck a more serious pose.

“The point I was getting at is that there’s no easy way to find out.”

“So I just let these feelings run wild?”

“Whoa there, calm down, Romeo. I said don’t suppress them, but let time do its thing.”

“Huh?” I tilted my head, confused.

“Think about it.” She said, tabbing her temple. “If your feelings stick around, you’ll notice patterns. Wanting to be together all the time, dreaming of a future together, even small things will make it clear. Give it time.”

“Starting a family seems a bit…much.” I replied nervously, holding my hands forwards as I avoided eye contact.

“How did you jump to that?” Amy muttered, exasperated.

“I-I do get what you’re saying…it’s easier said than done.”

“Maybe you are just horny.” she replied with a look of faux disgust.

“I’m not! I’m just…scared.”

“Of?”

“Anon.”

“I’m telling him.”

She was halfway out the window when she said it, and I immediately pulled her back in.

“I was joking!” Amy winced, rubbing her arm.

“My bad.”

“But you’re just worried about his feelings towards you?”

“Yeah, when he described his girl friend, she’s the polar opposite of me in every way. What if I’m not his type?”

“I’d say just ask him. He acts like a puppy around girls like you anyway, but yeah, that could get messy.”

“A puppy?”

“Snap out of it, girl.” She snapped her fingers in front of my face.

“Sorry.” I mumbled.

“And what’s with the sappy attitude? I didn’t take you as such a pessimist.”

“I’m just worried.”

“So I’ve heard.”

Amy sighed, clearly unsure what to say next, and finally plopped down beside me. Her voice softened.

“Love’s harder for girls. Not always, but it feels that way more often. I just want you to know you’re not alone in this.”

“Amy…”

“Your mom probably went through something similar. And you’ve got those two friends at school if you ever need to talk. They can't go running off and blab to Anon afterall.”

A light chuckle escaped my throat as I looked over to Amy. “Plus I’ve got you.”

Amy blinked, clearly surprised, before turning red and dramatically flopping backward onto the floor.

“How about this!” she said, flipping her hair like a diva. “I’ll tell you a big secret if you can figure out the emotion in your heart.”

“Figure out the emotion in my heart?”

“Whether it’s love, lust, or even infatuation! All of it can be found with time.”

“…thanks, Amy.”

Maybe I was cutting the time short between us, but I wanted to express my true feelings for her. Amy on the other hand just scratched the back of her head as she turned red once again.

“Guess I’ll see you later.”

Amy paused for a moment before speaking.

“I’ll give you a hint about your future before I leave.”

This suddenly caught my ear.

“A night of festivity will surely smack some sense into you.”

And with that, she leapt out the window into the night, leaving only the echo of her final words behind.

“Oh…and, thank you.” Amy muttered.

With that, she made a grand leap and disappeared into the night.