Practicing the Speech

Slowly but surely, I got used to this new life. Not only was I doing my lessons with Meike, Sören and Ulfret, but also speaking the language became much easier. At least when it came to day-to-day conversations.

Workshopping my speech at the engagement party was a wholly different story. The air in the library was stuffy, even though we had opened all windows. And while the cries of the seabirds outside could have been calming, right now, they only distracted me.

"Again," Ulfret said. "Your pronunciation is not quite correct."

The paper I kept in my hand was already wrinkled from me holding it so much. But I kept doing it, reading the words and their red annotations.

"I am honored to live together with such a wonderful woman," I read out loud.

My ears were burning. It wasn't something I would say, but it sounded proper, and was one of the things Ulfret had suggested as we started working on it. I just felt perfectly stupid, trying to express what I was feeling for Nela, while also adhering to their customs. It felt hollow.

"I vow to honor her every day of my life, through the good times as well as the dark time," I ended.

"Good, good." Ulfret nodded.

It was always a bit concerning how his words didn't match his expression. His brows were always furrowed, and I had never seen him smile. But as long as he said it was good, I was going to believe him.

"Read it again."

I sighed. Then, I took the paper again, but before I could say the first word, he snatched it from my hands.

"No. Try it from memory."

"That's not what you said."

"It is what will be required of you. Simple memory work. You can do it, ne?"

I rolled my eyes. "I will try and do it. There is already so much that I have to remember..."

"But I believe in you. You can do it." Ulfret nodded. "You're making good progress."

He really was unbelievable. One second, he looked like he was going to murder me for pronouncing a word the wrong way, and then a moment later he was praising my progress. Not that it really felt like progress to me, at all.

But now that I actually had to remember the words, I couldn't pay much more mind to more pressing matters. I would think about that stuff later, then.

"We are gathered here," I recited. "To celebrate a new union."

This part was easy. I had read over the words again and again, the only sentence in the whole document that wasn't marked red every time Ulfret corrected it.

It was traditional. It was like a border framing my speech. It was useless, but also comforting.

The words after that were much harder. They didn't feel like something I would say. I mean, I wouldn't do this whole speech anyways if I didn't have to, but I especially wouldn't use those words.

"Nela is my dear," I continued, blushing harder. "She is the light of my life, the support under my feet, the wind in my back."

Those were all nice and pretty words, but they were also cringe. Really, if I wanted to say something about Nela, I would call her kind, cute, adorable even. I thought of our evenings together, of how wonderful she looked like when she slept. She was messy and sometimes chaotic, but she cared a lot about those around her. And with me, I got the special privilege of seeing her real, vulnerable side much more often than others.

"And... uh..."

I lost the thread. I shook my head, and tried to remember what came after that. Should I mention my first meeting with her now, or was there another sentence about her good qualities? Or do I have to praise myself as her husband-to-be now?

"And I will stay by her side," Ulfret continued.

"Right. And I will stay by her side. My love for her is as vast as the ocean."

Cringe. Cringe, cringe, cringe. It sounded horrible, and I couldn't help but feel embarrassed as the words came out. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

They could be nice words, but they weren't my words. It was enough for the ceremony, sure—but they felt wrong, somehow.

I knew this was for the Queen to accept me, but an engagement party was also for the two people getting engaged, right?

Even though we spent every moment together that we could, walking, talking, gaming, even though I was much more comfortable with her touch, I still had problems putting my feelings into words. But I wanted to show her my love, as well. I was progressing with the engagement ring, but would that be enough for her? I couldn’t help but feel uncertain, with everything. But in this moment, it really wasn't helpful.

"Leo." Ulfret reminded me. "Come back to reality, please."

"Ah, I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He waved his hand. "Just focus on the speech."

I tried to, but no matter what I tried, I just couldn't remember the words. I stumbled through the next few sentences with Ulfret's help, but they all sounded so wrong, so childish and yet so stilted in my ears.

The door to the library opened, and I immediately ceased my attempt at gathering together the next sentence. And I was right to do so—after all, there was only one person who touched my shoulder so tenderly.

"How are you two doing?" Nela asked.

"Great," I said, at the same time as Ulfret's "Terrible."

"Oh."

"We are making good progress," I glared at him, "You just told me so minutes ago."

"Well, yes," Ulfret nodded. "But your memory is solely lacking."

"I'm memorizing too many things at once!"

"Then stop doing that. Focus on the important things."

"Urgh..."

It was the same thing I had heard from Meike and Sören before. Focus on the dinner etiquette. Focus on learning the rhythms, the dance steps. Focus on learning the language and the speech and everything else. Focus, focus, focus.

"Well? How does it sound?"

At her words, I blushed again.

"You'll hear at the engagement party," I muttered.

"What? But I want to hear you now!"

"Uh..." It was hard to say no to her when she looked at me like that. I shot Ulfret a message for help. Couldn't he do anything?

"You know you'll hear his words at the party," he said, and on the inside, I sighed. "He has to practice a lot until then."

"Fine..." She pouted, but then winked at me. "You're going to do great, I'm sure!"

"Thanks, Nela." I rubbed her hand on my shoulder. It was nice to know at least someone believed in me. And still, it only rekindled that desire to show her my love, my way.

She inched closer to me. When we were together, alone or with close confidantes, she really liked to be close to me. I didn't mind—no, actually, I liked having her by my side. She was something like my rock, anchoring me here. I didn't want to leave her side.