Totally Normal Life, Pt. 2

I stared at her. And she... just kept smiling.

That same soft, unreadable smile that somehow felt gentle and dangerous all at once. Like she knew something I didn't — with every intention of watching me squirm because of it.

What did she mean by that?

No... I know what she meant. I definitely knew what she meant. But... What did she mean?!

My thoughts were spiraling, ping-ponging between sheer panic and an overwhelming urge to rationalize the situation. To ground myself in logic. To not lose my mind over one line.

There was nothing to grab onto. Nothing to explain away. No joke. No wink. No laugh. Just her voice, calm and firm and sure of itself, delivering an extremely provocative statement that turned my brain into mush.

She's serious.

Dead serious.

And I have no idea how to respond to that.

Then, just as the air around us started to feel too heavy to breathe, she let out a soft giggle and slowly pulled away. Her body straightened as she dusted herself off with casual flair, as if none of what she just said had set me on emotional fire.

"Your reactions are always the funniest," she said, flashing a grin that could either soothe a storm or start one. "I'm gonna heat up some leftover fried rice. Let me know if you want some."

My lungs remembered how to function again as she skipped away. I exhaled hard, slumping back into the couch with a weak laugh.

"Ha... haha... I knew you were acting... Just like you always do."

Total lie. I didn't believe that for a second, but I needed to pretend that I did. For the sake of my own damn sanity.

Just as I began to mentally claw my way back to normalcy, she stopped. Her head tilted just enough for one eye to peek over her shoulder, a smirk curling on her lips like a match waiting to be struck.

"Who said I was acting?"

Then she turned the corner and got to work in the kitchen, doing something I could physically see but couldn't process. I just sat there on the couch — paralyzed, sweating, and quietly losing my mind.

Later, I tried to clear my head by going for a jog in the nearby park. It was just part of my usual weekend workout routine. Jog a bit, do some exercises at home, then hit the gym during the weekdays after class.

It's been like that ever since I started college, about eight months ago. I've been slacking a bit lately. Ever since... Megumi...

Shit. There it is again. That conversation we just had a bit ago. To fully forget about it, I'm probably gonna have to tire myself out.

Right as I was about to continue, my phone buzzed with a notification. I slowed down and pulled it out.

Just like that, my mood dropped.

[Chiaki]: "Hey, Taka! Watcha doing?"

I didn't realize how tightly I was gripping my phone until I forced myself to take a breath.

[Taka]: "Out for my jog. What's up?"

[Chiaki]: "Nothing much. Just bored. It's the weekend, and I've got literally nothing to do. No homework, no plans, and no roommates to chill with."

"Then why not ask that senpai to hang out?" I muttered out loud without intending to, only to realize it a few seconds later. "Whoa... Where did that come from?"

I'd never say something like that to Chiaki, much less even think it. Passive-aggressive jabs were never my style, especially not with her.

[Taka]: "So what are you gonna do?"

[Chiaki]: "No idea. I was hoping you'd know."

[Taka]: "Me? How would I know?"

There was a short pause.

Then, my phone lit up again. Incoming call.

At first, I thought about ignoring it. I could've said I was busy, and she probably would've believed me... but I picked up anyway.

"Hello?"

"Taka!" Chiaki's voice rang out, cheerful and way too loud.

"Y-yeah? How are you?"

"Don't give me that. You've been acting so distant lately. Even your texts feel off. Back then, if I told you I was bored, you'd invite me out for bubble tea or lunch or something. It's like we've become complete strangers in no time at all!"

What the... Is she pouting right now?

"I-it's not like that, Chiaki. I've just been tired and busy lately."

"You said the same thing last time. And the time before that... It's making me kind of sad. Seriously, did I do something wrong?"

"What? No, of course not. I know I keep giving you the same excuse, but... it's the truth. Tired and busy. Not very creative, but that's all it is."

"Hmph... You promise that's all?"

"I promise. Don't worry. I'll take you out when I can."

"Promise me that, too."

"Hah... I promise. So don't worry too much."

The energy in her voice bounced right back.

"Okay! Don't forget, Taka! Or else, I'm gonna get really mad, and you know how I get when I'm mad!"

"I got it, I got it."

"Hehe. So cute~ Okay, bye now!"

"See you later."

Click.

I stood still for a moment, staring off into the park trail. The breeze passed gently, but my thoughts didn't move.

This place is nice. Trees and shrubs lined both sides of the path, their leaves gently rustling in the breeze. A group of middle schoolers jogged past me, laughing and playing around without a care in the world.

The atmosphere was calm, completely at odds with the mess going on in my head.

That was the first time I'd lied to Chiaki. I promised her that being tired and busy was the reason why I've been so distant, which is partially true... but she was most definitely the main reason. 

It was also the first time I didn't look forward to hearing her voice. If anything, I hesitated.

Didn't wanna.

Didn't care to.

That's unlike me.

Still, I'm justified, aren't I? I just don't get it. She's rejected me six times before. I should be used to it, so why is this seventh one hitting me so hard?

No... That's a lie, too. I do get it. I just keep pretending I don't, because there is one question I keep circling back to.

Seven years of friendship. That's a long time, and I genuinely appreciate every bit of it — despite the rejections, the confusion, and all the moments in between. But even so, I couldn't help but finally wonder...

"Did you ever feel the same way about me, Chiaki?"

Silence.

Just the wind and a few birds in the distance. Even if I'd asked her to her face, I probably would've been met with the same empty answer.

She knew how I felt. So why did she hold my hand, say sweet things, and make it seem like I actually had a shot? If she didn't feel the same way, then why not just say that?

Why not tell me the truth before I let myself believe in something that was never real?

"...Why, huh?"

A soft laugh escaped me.

Because she can't. For some reason, she just can't bring herself to say no. She'll go in circles to make excuses, but never say it outright.

And I... fell for it. Each and every time.

It's funny because I couldn't help but compare her to Megumi. If it were her I'd confessed to, she probably would've—

My thoughts came to a halt.

"The hell...?"

Why am I thinking about Megumi right now? She has nothing to do with this.

And yet... her voice echoed in my head. That smug little comment from before, playing on repeat.

"So much for clearing my mind..." I sighed. "Something's wrong with me."

"Shohei~!"

Yeah. Something is seriously wrong with me. Even my head is making her voice sound real when it actually isn't.

"Hey. You ignoring me or something?"

That time... didn't sound so fake.

I turned, and there she was — Megumi no Hana, in all her glory, jogging over. She skidded to a stop, but the momentum was fierce. If I hadn't stepped back, our faces would've been way too close.

Again...

"Yo," she smiled, pulling down her mouth mask to catch a breath.

"W-what the… Megumi? Why are you here? Weren't you eating right before I left?"

"I finished it pretty quickly. Didn't feel like watching videos, didn't wanna do anything except lounge around, but sitting around made me feel groggy, so now I'm here."

"Is that so...? Wait, hold on. Is that... my hoodie?"

She lifted the collar.

"Oh, this? Yep. I saw it lying around and figured it'd be better than mine. You remember that one, right?"

"The big one that basically turns you into a parachute?"

"That's the one. Too much wind resistance, ya know? So, I borrowed yours."

Then, she lowered her head slightly.

"Um… Should I not have?"

"What? No— I mean... It's fine. You can keep it."

Just as suddenly, her eyes lit up.

"Really?"

I instinctively leaned back.

Damn it. There it was again — that thought. She's seriously way too cute when she's like this.

"Yeah, sure. I've got more," I said, turning around. "Keep up. Before I leave you behind."

"Oh! Okay!"