Even When It Hurts

***
CONTENT WARNING: This chapter contains depictions of discrimination and extreme feelings of dysphoria.
***

Nitsuki patiently stood next to Tachibana, gently swaying her arms around as she stared at the crosswalk signal. Car after car whizzed by them, and the drafts of wind they made as they passed ruffled her clothes and hair.

Like usual, she was mostly dressed in unisex clothing: a loose, pale yellow shirt, and a light open jacket. However, today she'd decided to wear something from the 'Yes' pile that she'd purchased back at the secondhand store.

A knee-length skirt, black in color, with a thin leather belt that was looped around the waist. It was a simple piece of clothing, nothing fancy. However, even if that was the case, she'd been a little apprehensive at first about wearing it—mainly because she was worried about what people might think. 

Thankfully though, she remembered she had a wonderful supernatural ability that let her see the future.

She'd tested it out a bit beforehand, checking for any really awful reactions from people in town, and to her pleasant surprise, there weren't that many negative ones. Granted, that was probably because they'd traveled straight from her house, to the bus, and then finally train station—only two people saw them, tops—but still, progress!

It was pretty freeing to say the least. She could feel the way the fabric moved and flowed around her legs when she walked, and it was oddly comforting. She could get used to wearing something like it more often if it weren't for the looks that some of the townsfolk would likely still give her.

She hummed softly and stretched her arms up in the air as she looked around. They were currently in the middle of the city on a late Sunday afternoon—a day after their roadside cleanup. The sky tinged the tall buildings around them in a yellowish orange, and the streets were packed with other people heading to their destinations.

Her attention briefly shifted to Tachibana. He had dressed up a tiny bit more beyond his typical, very casual fashion. Instead of the usual t-shirt, he had a short sleeve, collared shirt, and wore a pair of black jeans. When outlined against the setting sun, he was almost painfully handsome. Like a model in a magazine despite his usually average looking appearance.

You're getting more used to ogling him, aren't you~?

She bit her lip, opting to ignore her brain this time. She’d resolved to get a better grip on it considering how often it'd been embarrassing her as of late.

You can try ignoring me, but I'll always be here. You aren't winning the war~

She coughed, trying to find something else to focus on—like how long the damn crosswalk was taking.

"Tachibana, you sure you pressed the button?"

"Yup, I'm sure," he replied, glancing down to the small button on the pole next to the crosswalk. "Pressed it three or four times actually."

She sighed and softly leaned against his side, shifting some of her weight onto him. They’d been spending a fair amount of their free time recently on community events, and her muscles still hurt a little from yesterday.

"Well, the dumb button doesn't work fast enough. I'm hungry and want to get to the restaurant before they close." She glared at the red light on the other side of the road. "Stupid thing."

"Here, this'll help."

He took her hand in his and gave it a squeeze, and her heart skipped a beat as she looked up at him.

"Um, I mean, it's nice, but how exactly is this supposed to help?" She bashfully smiled and squeezed back, enjoying the warmth of his skin against hers.

"Eh, it's just to make the wait a bit more tolerable."

"In that case, it's admittedly working. But… can we just push the button again? You know, just to be sure?”

His eyebrow raised. “What? You don’t trust me?”

“I mean…” she trailed off. “I’m just hungry.”

He laughed. "Alright, alright, I'll indulge you, Miss Nervous."

"Thank you."

He reached over and mashed the button a few more times. After, he turned to face her with a smug, satisfied grin, as if to say "See, absolutely nothing changed."

*ping*

The crosswalk signal suddenly flashed green, interrupting his premature victory, and a cheerful jingle began to play.

"…" She gave him a look.

"…Shush."

She held back a snort, and the two of them continued their trek to the restaurant.

Their destination wasn't too far away now. According to what Tachibana told her, they'd only have to walk for a few more minutes. It wasn't exactly the fanciest of restaurants—not that she minded at all—but it did require reservations and was a bit on the pricier side. He'd apparently booked a table a week in advance for their date.

A giggle escaped her. That was right. She was on a date.

Sure, she and Tachibana had gone on several outings in the time they’d started dating. But they were pretty much all shopping trips or somehow related to an event they had volunteered for. This was different. This was a real date. Planned in advance and everything!

Her cheeks warmed at the thought of it, and her stomach did a little somersault. She'd never gone on a proper date before. What would it be like? Would it be like how it was in the movies? Or would it be something else entirely?

She wasn't sure what to expect. But one thing was for certain: she was looking forward to finding out.

***

"Ah… I'm stuffed." Nitsuki groaned, rubbing her belly. She leaned back in her seat as the waiter came around and cleared the table.

The restaurant was a cozy, rustic place. Dim lighting and candles set a romantic atmosphere, and the air was filled with the smell of food. The sound of quiet chatter and laughter drifted through the dining room, adding to the warm ambiance.

She sighed contently, letting her body relax into her chair. It was nice. The food had been delicious, and the company was even better—Tachibana sat across from her, looking just as satisfied as she felt.

"Tell me about it. I couldn't eat another bite even if I tried," he said, leaning back as well, "but man was that good."

"It was." She paused, glancing at him. "And erm, thanks for taking me here." Her cheeks heated a bit. "I'm having a lot of fun…"

"Of course, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't take the most wonderful person in the world out to dinner once in a while? Besides, I wanted our first date to be special, and what better way than by indulging in some good food?"

She giggled and rolled her eyes. "Geez, you could tone it down with the flattery a little, you know."

"Eeeeh, but you like it though, don't you?"

"…I do."

"Heh, that's what I thought." He smirked, leaning his head against his fist. "Anyways, the check should be coming soon. I got a bit of a surprise in store for you so I hope you're ready—"

"Excuse me?"

They both looked up and spotted a man around their age, perhaps a tiny bit older, wearing a white apron and the restaurant's uniform: black dress pants and a black polo shirt. He had short, dark hair and a decent looking face, but his expression was cold and stern.

"Erm, hi. Can we help you?" Nitsuki asked.

The man eyed her a moment before… ignoring her?! Instead, his gaze was firmly locked on Tachibana. He then leaned in and lowered his voice to the point where he probably thought she couldn't hear him.

"I hope this isn't too forward, sir, but I just wanted to make sure everything is okay," he whispered in a hushed tone. "We've seen some… unexpected situations recently and—well, if you met your guest online, sometimes people aren't who they seem."

Tachibana tilted his head toward him. "Um, what do you mean?"

"…It's a possibility that your date is a fake woman."

Nitsuki instantly felt her blood turn to ice as she registered what he was saying. She shrank into her seat, her face turning pale.

Tachibana frowned, and his eyes narrowed. "I will give you a moment to reconsider your words," he said in an even, chilling tone. "I am here with my girlfriend. Apologize. Now."

The waiter hesitated, his eyes flicking to Nitsuki. "Sir, with all due respect, I—"

"Apologize. Now. Or are you hard of hearing? We were having a wonderful time until you rudely interrupted us. I'd rather not escalate this any further than it needs to be, but please, keep pushing me if you think I won't."

The waiter's mouth snapped shut and his eyes grew wide when he realized Tachibana was being serious.

"I-I apologize for the misunderstanding. It's just, we've had similar cases in the past where someone's catfished at our establishment." He took a step back and gave multiple deep bows to both of them. "I sincerely regret any offense. Please, forgive me. Do not let my actions dictate the reputation of the restaurant. Again, I apologize. If you would like, I can arrange to have a free dessert delivered to your table as a means of making up for my serious transgression."

Tachibana glanced at Nitsuki, who was still reeling from the situation. "Nia, do you want dessert?" he asked gently.

She barely managed to shake her head.

"No, we're good. Just bring the check." He kept his voice flat. "Please. We'd like to leave."

"Yes. Absolutely, sir. I will have that for you immediately."

With that, the waiter hurried away and disappeared behind a swinging kitchen door, leaving the two of them alone in the dim light.

Tachibana sighed as he disappeared from sight. "Sorry you had to go through that, Nia." His expression softened as he looked to her. "You alright?"

"…"

"Nia?"

"…"

Nitsuki could hear his voice, but it sounded faint, and she couldn't respond. It was like she was frozen in place.

Her heart pounded in her chest like a jackhammer, and her lungs felt like they were being squeezed from every angle as tears welled up in her eyes. The rest of the restaurant had gone blurry and dark, and her hands shakingly clenched the fabric of her skirt.

She could barely breathe.

Why was she so affected by this? She should've been used to it. She'd been called even worse before—

"Nia!"

A hand grabbed her shoulder, jolting her out of her trance. She gasped for air, her lungs finally expanding.

"I… I need to use the restroom!" she sputtered out, shooting up from her seat. "S-sorry, I'll be back."

Without waiting for an answer, she quickly stumbled out of the dining room and toward the restroom desperately hoping not to make any more of a scene. Thankfully, it was empty, and she quickly stepped into the biggest stall, locking the door behind her.

The muffled sounds from the kitchen and dining area echoed around her as she leaned against a wall, her knees shaking.

Her vision blurred as tears began to stream down her face, and her chest heaved with each panicked breath.

"Shhh. Shhh. Breathe." She tried to soothe herself, counting to ten as she took slow, steady breaths. But it was no use. The memory of what had happened was seared into her brain. "Calm down. Please. Please calm down. Please."

She couldn't stop replaying it over and over in her mind.

That look of disgust. The whispered words. The way he had ignored her completely and talked to Tachibana like she wasn't even there.

She wrapped her arms around herself as the world seemed to spin. Her breathing was ragged and uneven as she choked back sobs. She felt so small, so insignificant. So dirty and worthless.

Fake woman.

Fake woman.

Fake woman.

She wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear. To vanish from existence. To never be seen again.

Fake woman.

Fake woman.

Fake woman.

Why'd she think she was safer here, outside Hoshimura? Why'd she let her guard down? Why'd she been foolish enough to believe that things had gotten better for her? 

Fake.

Fake.

Fake!

What would happen if she just stayed here? Just stayed here and let Tachibana forget her?

Suddenly, a brief scene flashed before her eyes.

It was the restaurant, right outside the bathroom. Tachibana sat alone against the wall hunched over and his head was buried in his arms. She was still inside the bathroom, refusing to come out—refusing to leave—and he was waiting. And waiting. And waiting…

She gasped as the vision ended and her eyes snapped open.

She slammed her fist against the bathroom stall, sending a sharp jolt of pain up her arm and a dull thud reverberating around her.

Crap, no. She had to get a hold of herself. What was she thinking?! Tachibana was waiting for her—worried about her. The last thing she needed was to make him worry more by having a panic attack in the restroom.

"Get a grip," she hissed to herself. "Breathe."

*brring*

…That was probably him.

She took a deep, shuddering breath as she pulled her phone from her bag.

 >> Are you okay?

 >> I'm outside the bathroom.

Tears welled up in her eyes again as she read Tachibana's message, and her chest constricted painfully. Why did he have to be such a sweet, caring guy?

She wanted to call out for him, to beg him to come in and hold her.

Dummy, you're in the girl's bathroom. He can't do that.

"I-I know. But…"

She sniffled, wiping at her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket as she tried to think of an answer. She couldn't go back out there. Not like this. Not after what had happened. Not looking the way she did.

She steeled herself just enough to text him back:

 > Sorry, I just need a minute.

***

Tachibana sighed, leaning against the wall next to the girl's restroom. The hallway was dim, with the lights overhead flickering every few seconds. A couple of women had given him odd looks as they walked past, but he didn't care.

He was worried about Nitsuki.

He checked his phone, but there was no response. He'd already paid the bill and was ready to leave, but he didn't want to rush her.

*ba-ding*

His phone lit up and buzzed softly as a new message popped up. He nearly dropped it as he fumbled to check.

 >> I'm really sorry about tonight. I ruined our first official date, didn't I?

He frowned. Ruined the date?

 > You didn't ruin anything. Don't worry about it.

He paused, considering his next words carefully before typing again.

 > Can I see you?

There was a long pause before she replied.

 >> Of course you can. I'm not invisible.

"…" He couldn't help but snicker. "Heh. Even when you're down, you're still funny."

 > Yeah. That's why I love you. Now, can you please come out? I promise I won't do anything weird.

 > I just wanna be there for you.

 > Please? (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃

Another long pause. Then, his screen lit up with a new message.

 >> ⊂(･_･*⊂)

He chuckled. Well, that was progress. He hoped.

A minute passed before the bathroom door slowly creaked open. Nitsuki stepped out, her eyes red and puffy, and her cheeks stained with tears. She clutched her bag close to her chest as if it were some sort of shield.

Tachibana quickly pulled her into his chest on pure instinct. She froze in his arms for a moment before relaxing and letting her head rest against him.

They stood there in silence, neither of them saying anything.

Tachibana didn't mind though. He could feel her warmth, her breathing, and her heartbeat. He loved her so much. He wanted her to feel that, even if his words weren't enough.

She sniffled, and her body trembled. He rubbed small circles on her back, hoping to comfort her.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled against his shirt.

He frowned, pulling away slightly so he could look at her properly.

"You don't have anything to apologize for, okay? It wasn't your fault."

She nodded slowly, her gaze still downcast.

"Let's go home, shall we?" He squeezed her shoulder gently.

She hesitated, her hands tightening around the bag. "I… don't really want to go back to Hoshimura right now. Not yet. It's too soon." She inhaled a sharp breath before continuing. "Besides, you said you had something planned after dinner."

He blinked a couple of times. "You sure? I'm fine with just calling it quits here. We don't have to do anything if you're not feeling up to it."

Nitsuki shook her head.

"No. I'll be fine. I'm good."

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you certain?"

"Yes. I want you to sweep me off my feet and show me a good time." She looked up at him with a wobbly smile. "Please?"

His heart melted at the sight of her face. He couldn't resist those pleading eyes.

Darn it. She was so cute.

"Well… alright then. As long as it doesn't make you feel uncomfortable," he finally conceded, holding his hand out. "You sure though? You don't have to force yourself—"

She took his hand in hers. Her skin was cold and clammy, and her grip weak.

"I'm sure. Let's have some fun."

***

Tachibana glanced at Nitsuki who sat in the train seat beside him, her head resting on his shoulder, and a massive bag stuffed full with various different plushies they'd won rested between her legs. Her hair tickled his neck, and she smelled faintly of sweat and conditioner.

He smiled softly.

After they left the restaurant, they had caught a cab and headed straight for the crane machine arcade. He figured that since they'd never really had the chance to restock her army of plushies, she'd appreciate getting a bunch of new ones. Plus, she had always liked games like these from what he could remember.

And boy had he remembered right.

Understandably, when they'd arrived, she still hadn't quite cheered up. However, the moment they walked into the large building, and she saw all of the machines lined up in neat rows, filled with all kinds of different toys and goodies, it was like a switch had been flipped in her brain.

She turned from a sad, teary mess into the same competitive, fiery, and hilarious woman he'd fallen for in an instant.

It was adorable. She was adorable. The way she pouted and complained whenever she got close to nabbing something, and the way she'd cheer and pump her fist in the air when she did get it. She'd even started trash-talking him a little bit. The best part, though, was seeing her smile and laugh again. It made his chest tighten in the best way possible.

The sound of her laugh alone was worth every last yen they'd spent—and there had been a lot. He'd blown nearly thirty thousand in total. It was almost scary how quickly the coins disappeared.

Although perhaps not quite as scary as how good Nitsuki had suddenly gotten around halfway through. 

His eyes hesitantly wandered over toward the six equally stuffed bags under his other arm.

Yeah. She was pretty good. Terrifyingly good. He was certain that the people who ran the arcade would've probably banned them had they not spent so much money.

He remembered how she'd 'locked in' on those darn things—it was like she'd entered a zen state. She'd close her eyes for a minute or two, but once she opened them again, she'd instantly nab the prize in one fell swoop.

She'd gotten over ninety plushies compared to his ten that way. It was ridiculous—unreal! It was like she had some sort of special ability that let her predict where and how to grab the item.

It was also kinda hot.

"…" He looked over to her and imagined her cackling evilly while rubbing her hands together as the coins drained away from the machine. All the while, she'd have that signature smug grin on her face that he just absolutely wanted to—

His cheeks heated as he prematurely cut off that line of thought. No. Bad Rikuo!

He glanced at her once more. She was sound asleep now. Her mouth hung slightly open, and her chest rose and fell rhythmically with each breath. A small bit of drool had dribbled down her chin and onto his shirt.

Aaah! Why was she so cute?!

He looked around the mostly empty train car, making sure that there were no prying eyes, before cautiously pulling out his phone.

They still had a little while longer until they arrived at their station, and what better way to spend it than by taking a few pictures of his sleeping beauty?

He just hoped she'd never look at his camera roll.