Chapter 21

I went to the lab to help Raul analyse some samples from Charon. He smiled when I came in, and I began to work right away, since he had explained to me the day before what his objective was. I preferred working this way, working in silence rather than the chatter that required me to allocate some of my processing power to participate in it.

“You are so efficient, Rea”, he said as he looked at my holo screen.

I smiled at the compliment. It was rare for a human to compliment me in a way that made sense to me. Most of the time they tried, I would scan my database to decode the intention behind their words, since they didn’t make much sense to me. Raul was an exception, almost an anomaly, and as much as I was used to the human way, I really appreciated that he made an effort to learn Android culture. It was probably as difficult for him to understand me as it was for me to respond to human interactions that, for most of the time, didn’t carry any significant meaning.

“If you based the observation on your own performance, you should run some diagnostics”, I said instinctively before my systems reminded me that he was a human and would not understand the joke.

To my surprise, he laughed. According to my systems, there was only a 9% chance that he would understand it and a 3% probability that he would find it funny. He looked at me, wiping tears from his eyes, and smiled,

“Ernesto always told me the same.”

Of course, I thought. It was an old joke, so he must have heard it many times from his friend. I wondered if Raul experienced anomalies with Ernesto. If so, it would indicate that the problem lay in our differences and therefore probably could not be solved. But if they managed to stay friends despite it, maybe there was a contingency plan for such situations. Without any other leads to follow, I decided to investigate the possibility.

“How did you two meet?”, I asked.

“In an art exhibition.”

I looked at him, surprised. He didn’t seem like someone who cared much about art. He must have noticed my reaction and said,

“It was a charity thing.”

I nodded.

“Ernesto donated some of his paintings to it, and we started to speak somehow.”

Raul smiled at the memory. It surprised me to hear it. Most of us Androids tended to pursue careers in science or engineering, where our advantages helped us to excel. An Android pursuing art was a rare occurrence.

“What did he paint?”

“I will show you.”

He reached for his pad and showed me the colourful paintings Ernesto had made.

“Those were his favourites.”

“They are beautiful”, I said, looking with fascination at the vivid, dreamy landscapes.

“He said they represented his feelings”, Raul smiled.

His feelings? But how?, I wondered. Could you really put all those unnamed emotions into something as concrete as a painting? I looked at them again and let my systems analyse them. I could identify their emotions with 94% accuracy. Was this the way to understand what I felt? No, I discarded the idea. To reach this level of proficiency, I would need to dedicate at least 450 hours to it. Time I definitely didn’t have.

“Do you like them?”, Raul asked.

“I do… I like how they make me feel”, I smiled.

They were almost like those old Persian poems that Amin sang in the shuttle. There was no way of understanding them, even when my cognitive systems ran at full capacity, but they stirred something in me every time I heard them and calmed my emotions, rebalanced my systems and brought peace.

I considered the possibility of putting all those unnamed emotions into words rather than paintings. My Farsi was sufficient enough, and I wouldn’t need to spend countless hours of practice before I was able to do it. I was not sure if it would help me or not, but there was no harm in trying. I smiled, happy that I had found another lead to investigate. I could not estimate the probability the experiment could have in solving the anomalies, but it was better than nothing.

“Thank you, Raul”, I smiled. “You are such a good friend”, I added softly, after estimating that it was the best way to show my gratitude.

He smiled back.

“You too, Rea”

Later in the evening, I went to the biosphere and sat on the grass. Holding my pad, I thought about how I should start my experiment. What words should I choose to express something I could not even name? I sighed, overwhelmed by the endless choice of metaphors my system provided me with after my initial inquiry. Writing a poem wasn’t that difficult, but writing a poem that would express those unknown feelings that stirred in me every time Eva was around was a bigger challenge than I had anticipated.