You and Me

~~~

Hey. I guess there are a few changes, twenty years later. The train is now white and red instead of just only red. The fare is pretty much the same, it was 250 yen for a one-way ticket. Yeah, the train was the same but it had been refurbished.

Speaking of my observations, it seems to be a recurring theme that nothing has really changed fundamentally. Just a splash of paint. Yeah, there are, quite obviously, a few new things. If you’re lucky you could get some of the newer trains, or whatever, but I’m not a train otaku so it’s nothing more than a nice surprise. At the end of the day, the services are still the same, the stations look even the same. Just different colours. Some spots look like they haven’t even changed for 50 years! Benches are even more worn out than they were back then. Hell, the corrugated iron walls are rusting and discoloured. This is at Kuroda Station, just by the mall.

Is this… is this going to be the lost half-century? We can’t have 4 lost decades, right?

Think about it.

Everything our parents and adults told us… was still ongoing? I mean, I don’t hear as much political discussion as one once did so publicly but, at the same time I mean, really? It’s honestly saddening.

I see Ayami and Airi having fun. They’re laughing at each other’s corny but honestly funny jokes. Despite that, I just can’t make myself enjoy what’s present. I mean, to me, what was present was before they were even born. Technically they’re older than me, but from a chronological standpoint, I am older than them. I don’t even have an ID on me right now. Would anyone listen to me?

Listen. I’m as curious as anyone who time-travels to the future is. I want to know what happened to my family. Do I come home? Are there two of me? But if there were two of me, wouldn’t that mean that I travelled back? Was I preparing for this? Or is this a future timeline, assuming many things, where I don’t exist? What about my friends? Did they succeed? Did they win? Do they have kids?

Questions, questions, and questions. And I shouldn’t want to know the answer lest I cause some insane paradox. But, me being here is already a paradox? Yet, the world hasn’t exploded - or at least it doesn’t feel like it.

So, it’s not wrong to think these thoughts? My head feels like it could explode into a million pieces. It’s graphic imagery but these thoughts are heavy enough to crush me down to the ground and leave me a red mist. The thoughts are intrusive enough for me to imagine it. I’m seriously about to lose it.

“Hey. I’m not feeling so well, Ayami-san. Can we just stay in the station for a bit? I know we just got here but I’m just feeling sick.” Why did I ask Ayami-san?

“Sure thing! We can just chill for a while. Stare at the pretty skies for a while, no?”

Why did I let her know? There’s just something about Ayami that I really can’t put into words. It’s not love because we just met. It’s not even a onee-san feeling, considering how time shenanigans are. I just felt... like I needed to tell her something. I wouldn’t say we’re family, but she’s definitely become more than a stranger. I mean, I was having a blast talking to Airi earlier in the train car, but I don’t feel like I need her. Could it be? Is this my anchor?

No. There’s no way. A strange girl with pink hair has upgraded from my saviour to literal reason of being. No way.

“So, you okay?” She asked me.

I shook my head rapidly before replying, “Eh. I’m feeling a bit better.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear it. We’re just trying to cheer you up, you know.” Ayami stood off the bench and stood in front of the sun. “Don’t you think it’s too early to be looking like you’ve given up?”

Given up?

“I mean, I know what you’re trying to say but don’t worry, I’m not going to give up.”

She looked like she wanted to plead with me. “Really? Because you look like you have truly given everything up.”

I could feel a slight watering of my eyes. “No. I’m… I’m fine now. We can just go to the mall. I’m sure there are new things to experience there.”

Airi jumped in front too. “Yeah! Let’s just go to the mall! I heard they’ve got some new VR headset experiences and I need some new clothes too.”

Let’s just go. I don’t even know what VR is but I don’t care.

~~~

The AEON.

My watery eyes had barely even dried before I stepped into what appeared to be the palace of shopping.

I’ve been told that shopping culture was in its heyday back in the 2000s. It also turns out I know this mall by a different name.

Diamond City Kirio.

The Ki kanji is for Kisogawa, and the Rio is Spanish for river. That fact was also on Ayami’s phone. I’m not sure why she has that web page downloaded but apparently the “internet can be accessed as long as you have data!” I don’t know what data means, but hey, I’ll assume you just downloaded the .html page. I still doubt that these current times can have people search up on the internet for anything yet the place looks like this.

We scouted past the sea of cars from the station.

Once we arrived, I was immediately surprised. Things have changed. The AEON looked pristine. It was marble-like white all throughout, the crystal shine reflecting everywhere. This was, to be frank, my first good impression of 2024. I originally wanted to walk fast to ease the loss but now I actually wanted to try out things in this mall.

Although, that said, I could still smell the chemicals that were left over to both polish and clean the floor. To me, I was astounded. How could shopping online beat this experience? Every time we went past a store, it was a serious jaw-dropping moment. To think at how they’ve almost perfected the stimulation needed for me to enter. If this is the experience in real life that is losing to the internet? Then I would probably put myself in debt if I went on a computer. Don’t give me any of those devices!

We went past a pleasant and charming bakery. It’s… it’s funny to say but the smell is nostalgic. How beautiful is it that the smell of bread and sweet treats can still last for decades? It’s like it hasn’t changed a day. Time really is an illusion in some aspects. It’s like I forgot what year I was in.

There was a shoe shop that was selling every style under the sun. It seemed like fashion stayed until I was told that it’s trendy to be ‘2k.’ That stings a tad bit. Your youth’s era is now co-opted by, I suppose, our children.

What I noticed is that… music is less Western? I used to hear a lot of both Western and homegrown RnB in the background. You could not beat Japanese urban music in the charts.

Yet, all I’m hearing is just weird Jpop. That’s not to be an insult, it’s just very unique and different. You don’t even hear any English words. Not a single English word has been uttered or heard in any music whether it be in-store or in the wide walkways. It kinda… Well, it kinda bothers me to be honest. It’s weird missing a whole cultural trend just to back to full circle but without the music.

It had been us walking for hours. Maybe we stopped at a shop once in a while. Time was both dragging on and simultaneously instant. I just let Ayami and Airi have their fun. Every shop visit was essentially being thrown into a blender and coming out onto the next. So many goods, so many songs, the couple just pointing out anything they wanted. I feel like a third wheel on a date. Guess I’m still tagging along twenty years later.

Ultimately, our last destination was a bubble tea shop but, even then, we left the shop after ten minutes on a cosy sofa.

“Why is everything so bright?” I asked Airi-chan. She seemed to shrug and say, “I don’t know but it’s cool, no?” I couldn’t help but nod in agreement.

As for Ayami, she seemed slightly deep in thought. After a few staggered walks, we found a spot on the second floor to sit down on the floor. That’s right. Just sitting on the floor. Things haven’t changed, have they?

“Are you enjoying your… bubble tea?” I asked Ayami.

She gave a quick gleam before saying, “Obviously? Otherwise, I wouldn’t have bought it!” Then she pulled her eyelids and pointed her tongue out. Rude. I was thinking we as a species finally moved away from childish behaviour in 2024.

Just playing, it’s nice to see people still do childish things.

“So, what next? I can’t stay in that hotel forever.” I was direct, but sadly I had to.

What can I do?

She seemed to caress her chin whilst staring at the opposite shop. Her eyes seemed intently focused.

“Hmm…” She said, before turning around to me. “You could probably stay around mine. I’ll just tell my parents that you’re homeless or something.”

Wow. You must either have the strongest sense of security or you’re winging it. And if I were to guess, it’d be the latter option.

Then Airi popped in. “Or you could stay at mine!” She jumped in as if she was cheering for the school team. “I don’t really care as long as I have a place.” I could see Ayami verbally exclaiming “Tsh.”

“If you didn’t care then you would just sleep on the streets!”

That’s not exactly what I meant when I said I didn’t care.

“I guess I’ll have to defer to my seniors. You tell me what to do!” I stood up and then sarcastically bowed. Ayami laughed for a bit and then straightened my posture out. “Don’t be a weirdo now,” she said.

You know, I like Airi and all, but honestly, I’d rather be with Ayami.

“Sorry Airi, but I think I’ll go with Ayami because she offered first.” I clapped my hands and apologized.

She laughed and said, “No worries, Toku-kun. I would’ve been very surprised if you wanted to go with me. You and I know that the true OTP is you and Ayachii~!” Oh, what a cheeky character.

Ayami started to tinge red slightly but I’m pretty sure I became a tomato. Despite how I am, I think you could easily read my face and know what I’m thinking. I guess that’s why Ayami comforts me from time to time.

“So, your offer still there, Ayami-san?” She smiled and said. “You love saying obvious things. Why would I leave a time traveller homeless? Plus, you’re cute so of course I’ll have to save you~!” She delivered all of this with a straight smile and wink. Is she trying to capture my heart? We’ve only known each other for two days!

“You two really are devils, eh?” I just had to hit a comment before I blushed. That said, Airi was laughing as soon as I finished and pointed out that my redness had spread from my cheeks to my forehead.

Come to think about it… she does remind me a bit about Hirano Riko, my old dear friend. I guess that's why we connected well. At least on my end.

Hirano Riko…

I wondered for a moment.

How was she?

Is she alive?

Doing well?

Then I had a blast from the past.

~~~

Snow fell. It was winter of the first year and we were heading into a new spring.

It didn’t feel like that.

My jacket was bruised with all the melting snow that laid rest. For too, my hair also met the same fate. I was a genuine loner. My parents kept fighting but still stayed together for the outside world. The house was something I really wanted to avoid. Even now, as I remember it as relatively a few months ago, I had already internalized it as an old memory. Like a scratched film roll playing.

I was sitting on a bench near Ichinomiya High. My school. There was one girl I saw that had long black hair. She was known to be short-tempered so I avoided her. Hirano-san. She had this attitude of, well, fuck everybody. I kept my distance.

Yet, I still found myself staring at her. She appeared to be reading a thick book as the snow fell. I couldn’t help but think how odd it was. School was coming to an end and the exodus started to welter.

And still, she stood there unbothered. I… I just walked up to her and spoke up.

“Hey, Hirano-san.” That was the first time I spoke to her in months.

“Oh. Tokuyama-san. What is it?” She said somewhat abruptly.

I kinda panicked and said, “Do you wanna hang out after school?”

I never ever expected her to agree.

“Sure.”

“How does a family restaurant sound?”

“Good.”

And, that’s how we became friends.

~~~

Later on, I started actually getting along with some of the people in my class. I loved football so, of course, I hung around people who enjoyed it too. By the time the first year ended, I had more friends than what I could count on my fingers.

I lied earlier. I had been to the AEON multiple times with different people. Sitting on the floor, of course. I had fun with everyone.

Despite that, I kept the same family restaurant visits with Hirano. Our first time, we just sat in silence. Maybe I said a few awkward comments and she would go, “I see.”

She would nod along. Then, I saw over time that she became more sociable. It turned out that her attitude was just imagined by everyone. She was ultimately a sweet girl who was scary.

As she became more sociable, our friendship became lively.

Honestly, it was as if we were dependent on each other.

And, that was because it was.

“Hey, Takuya-kun. I realized that we’re close because our families suck.”

“I mean look, our families suck but at least we have each other.”

Technically to me, this was just three months ago, but even now the aspect ratio of my memory just feels small. It’s like cinema. I can’t relive it properly.

The restaurant visits kept on happening in frequency.

And then one day, we did it. In a toilet. Out of the blue.

That part in my mind is so blurred.

And then, we did it again.

And again.

The more I remember the more it jumbles into a complete and utter mess.

It’s not a movie anymore.

It’s ripped pages of manga flying through the serene winds.

I figured already by the third or fourth time that it wasn’t love. Just two lonely individuals going at it against the world. Riko knew too. I don’t think we cared anymore.

There was one time I remember very clearly. As if the aspect ratio slowly returned to real life. We were in the middle of the act and I said, "I love you.” She said, “I love you more.”

Now. I realized I lied again.

We did love each other.

I think when I was at Umegae Park, I wanted to call her after going to the toilet.

Now, she probably has a family of her own.

The memories began to burn into the shopping mall.

~~~