Remembrance Became Acceptance

“Naoe! You’re not just meant for that! You were meant for happiness and love! You don’t have to believe them anymore!” screamed Hazuki as Naoe’s cries echoed through the trees.

Remembrance had broken her psyche. As Hazuki clung to her within the gusting storm, Naoe’s screams raged louder and louder until they seemed to overpower the wind itself. Her propagation vial rattled in its harness from her hip and Hazuki feared it might shatter.

“Naoe! Please come back! Come back!” Hazuki screamed as he almost fell over.

Desperation overtook his thought process and Hazuki made the split-second decision to press his hand to her chest.

“Shinji! Help!” he shouted.

Shinji seemed to understand instantly and began to chant as he removed the small curved stone from his jacket pocket. Arthur, Sayane, and Matsumoto joined Shinji at the edge of the cyclone.

Then the leaves began to glow.

“Do not stop this journey of hers!” Guji commanded from the tree.

Hazuki paused and looked to Guji, whose voice rose above the winds. Guji’s hand was extended. He was muttering silently. As he spoke, the winds began to calm and the leaves turned iridescent and then hung in the air without falling. Naoe’s crying screams were all that was audible, and now that they were not competing with the gusting wind, their intensity was even more heartbreaking.

“What do I do?!” Hazuki begged Guji.

“Nothing, besides being with her,” said Guji.

After a moment, Hazuki understood. In his heart, he knew that Guji was right.

“She has to believe it on her own. I can’t convince her. She has to convince herself,” said Hazuki in quiet understanding.

Guji nodded. Hazuki relinquished himself to merely hold Naoe as the rage and despair tore through her like typhoon winds. His lips gently rested on her forehead and he closed his eyes. Naoe lurched and twisted in gnarled hate as she howled into the sky. Through it all, his hands stayed on her back and waist.

Deep in her mind, Naoe was now alone in a moonlit forest. Her clothes had been replaced with the dirtied, oversized kimono and haphazard belt from her past. Now her hair was matted and her skin was dirtied. A broken torii gate bent lopsided over the entrance to a straight path. Naoe stepped through. Dead cedar trees lined the path on both sides. Each tree had a face carved into its trunk. Naoe knew most of them. They were the faces of all the aeons she had spared. Faces of those who never knew her. Some that did. Some who were kind. Some who were indifferent to her but loved the tree. Decades and decades of faces who were allowed to live full lives.

Naoe began to understand. The aeon cycle existed because all those years ago when she was a child alone behind a guarded fence, she had prayed so many times that someone else might be condemned and outcast instead of her. Unanswered prayers had been sent out in desperation that someone else might become the target of the villagers’ fury, and she would be freed. In time, those prayers had stopped, but the desire never left her heart. All she had ever wanted was to be told it was no longer her time to be punished.

But her kindness would have never allowed another to be cast aside like that. Even if the guards had arrived with another sacrifice, she would have never agreed to leave the hut and subject another to such cruelty. This loop of longing for release and the desire to not sacrifice another carved itself into her very mind until her bloody pact with the tree transported her into a new form of existence and accidentally created the aeon responsibility.

Emi’s face was the last tree carving. Beyond that, on her left, was a single tree with no face yet carved into the smoothed wood. This was where Hazuki’s face was to go. Or hers. At the end of the path was her tree. There it stood, beckoning and waiting. Beyond her tree was a grove of dead plum trees, already lost. Already gone.

On either side of her tree were two ghostly figures that Naoe knew were her and Hazuki. It felt as though the tree was waiting for her to decide which one would have their face carved into the remaining tree. Would Hazuki be the last aeon to not take the burden, condemning her to fade away from exhausted defeat? Or would she finally relinquish the burden, breaking this aeon cycle of isolation and allowing a new cycle to be born at the expense of condemning Hazuki to be alone and potentially forgotten just as she was?

“I’m sorry. I can’t do that. Not to him. But, I can’t do this anymore,” Hazuki whimpered to the tree, that stood in silence.

It did not feel like the tree was angry or disappointed. Naoe sensed it was as tired as she was.

“Maybe fading away would be nice. Even if there’s nothing beyond this waiting for me. Oblivion would be a welcome rest,” Naoe whispered as her hand reached the trunk.

The soil was wet at her feet and when Naoe looked down she realized it was stained deep red. It was the remnants of her blood. She wasn’t frightened. Instead, she stood her ground and looked back to the tree as the shadow figures of herself and Hazuki stood like guardians beside her.

“Thank you for always being there. You were my only friend for so long. I will cherish your company forever. You helped me know I deserved companionship. And you kept me here long enough to meet him,” Naoe sniffed as tears formed in her eyes.

“If I had merely died when those soldiers cut me down, I would have died never knowing the kindness or love of another human. You helped me see that. It took quite some time, but it was worth it. And maybe, Hazuki needed me to be there for him. You let us both have that. Thank you so much,” she said as she embraced the tree once more.

“I know now; through you and Hazuki’s help, that I wasn’t cursed. I wasn’t a monster. I was just a child alone that needed someone. But I am not that child anymore. I can let that go. I can be at peace.”

The petals of the blossoms began to fall around her in quiet grace. Dozens of petals landed on her head and shoulders, adorning her in their pink delicacy. Her robe billowed and began to dissolve in a flurry of flowers until it faded and transformed into the kimono she had worn for all those years under the tree. Her hair was cleaned and her headpiece returned.

“You wanted me to know I could be beautiful too, that’s why you gave me this when I was reborn. Thank you,” Naoe said as she looked at her familiar clothing.

With that, she stepped back and faced the two shadow figures. Around her, the dead trees had rotated so that all of the carved faces were now watching her.

“I cannot be the caretaker anymore. This is goodbye. I pray all of you found peace and rest in your life and afterlife. I do not harbor any resentment towards you anymore. Farewell,” she said with a bow.

Once she bowed, the trees began to dissolve into dark ash that drifted softly away until only her tree remained. The shadow figures stood waiting. Naoe faced her shadow, and it bowed in understanding and slowly faded into her body. Hazuki’s form was left beside the tree.

It didn’t speak. After a moment, it held out its hand like Hazuki had so many times before. Naoe embraced the figure and it began to fade away along with her now barren tree. Everything faded and Naoe returned to her body in the real world.

Her screams had finally stopped, and for several minutes she had only sobbed. As her consciousness returned, she felt Hazuki against her. They were knelt down on the damp soil now. Hazuki’s hands were trembling from strain but they were still against her back and waist. His lips were still firmly pressed against her head as her body was pulled tightly against his. Wet streaks along his face held remnants of tears. Naoe’s ribs felt as though they might have broken from the screams.

Her tears stopped and her hand found his chest and face. The touch pulled him from his trance and he flinched to look at her.

“Naoe?” he asked.

“I’m here. I’m here. I’m back,” she whispered.

Hazuki let out a trembling sigh and pulled her even closer as his body relaxed. Matsumoto, Sayane and Arthur let out claps of joy and ran forward to join them. Soon the group was enveloping the couple in a warm embrace. Even Shinji joined after a moment. His hand found Naoe's back and rubbed it with soft elderly understanding. Beside them, Guji approached and patted Hazuki on the back.

All the world was quiet now.

Naoe looked up to Guji.

"I want to end this. Please tell me what to do," she asked.