Meeting the Self

As the firelight illuminated the space, giving a bit of warmth, Bard felt his eyes drift. Sen was stirring, rousing. It was still late, and she looked about, before turning and finding him. She stretched and then rubbed at her face.

“Morning?” she greeted and Bard shook his head. The night was still young. As he pointed that detail out to her, the hum of disappointment was evident.

“I’m ready to be up though… I guess this happens when you’ve been sick,” she sighed. She then shifted and came closer to him. “Though that doesn’t explain why you are up.”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Bard said honestly. She pointedly touched her lips, and Bard felt a bit of heat rise in his cheeks as he looked away. He heard her giggle a bit before hearing her move. She was coming even closer to him. She shivered before moving to sit in his lap, despite his protests.

“Nothing’s changed, Bard, so why are you getting sensitive now?” she teased. Bard put his head into his hands. She was right, but that didn’t explain why he was so aware of her. Was that the power of a kiss? If so, he should have fought against that movement with more effort. Though, he wasn’t sure he would have won, and it could have made him even more sensitive. He let a low hum escape with his sigh, and Sen ran her fingers along his side in a tickling motion.

Then, she stilled. Her sudden pause caused him to look down at her face. She quickly closed the distance and returned the kiss he had given her earlier. Startled, he jerked back, but she grinned.

“You were the one who did it first,” she accused, at least, her tone came off that way.

“And?” he managed to say. She smiled before moving her hands to cup his cheek.

“I suppose this is my way of getting you back for that,” she teased. Bard closed his eyes as he moved his head to face a different direction. However, her hands gently pulled him back to face her. “Now, Bard. You were so calm when it came to talking about the future. But a simple kiss, and you become the same embarrassing spectacle I was back then,” she continued the tease in Asternum, jarring Bard as he swapped into the other language. “Why is it?” Her eyes gazed into him, giving him obvious permission to return the kiss. He looked the other way instead, opting to answer her question instead of focusing on her form as she pressed against him.

“I-” his voice sounded off and he cleared his throat. “I traveled with the Catfolk caravans as a young man and…” he paused. It was embarrassing to say it now, but her expectant gaze wouldn’t let him stop now. “Well, I wasn’t very fond of the idea of kissing those I loved. I thought it was gross.”

“Oh…” her words sounded so deflated that it held his attention. “Then. Why did you kiss me?”

“Well…. That’s…. I don’t know.”

Sen was silent and then failed at containing her chuckles. It caused Bard to feel even more self-conscious at this moment.

“Well, did you like it?” she asked, getting her laughter to die enough for her to ask.

“Sen!” he cried out, and then she put her finger to his lips, motioning for him to hush. Her face moved closer, but instead of finding himself in a kiss, she planted one on his forehead. It was tender, gentle, slow; conveying a multitude of emotions that caused him to pause.

“I’ve wondered for a while when you would finally kiss me,” her words were hushed as she settled back down into his lap. “Not on the cheek, but on the lips, like all those married folks I had watched in the village.”

Bard could hear the subtle hint there. It wasn’t normal for her people to kiss, at least not like that. He felt more the fool.

“I planned on asking you first. What do dryads do?” he asked, managing to find his voice. Sen laughed as she leaned her head against him.

“Well, a bit late. As I said earlier. I don’t mind kissing. Though, some of the humans were… a bit much,” she managed to say. “But as to what we do… kissing hands and then putting them together. I think grandfather mentioned kissing on the lips is done… well…” she got extremely nervous and began to fidget. “Oh dash it all! When two do things to make kids, then they kiss on lips.” She had an extreme shake as she shook it off, and this time Bard tried to contain his laughter. There were things that she struggled with, just like him. She pouted as she shifted to look at him.

“Yes, I realize I’m being… childish, silly?” she said. “But we both have things we need to work on.” Bard reached around and embraced her as he nodded in agreement.

“That, we do,” he echoed.

After a bit, she turned to bed and left him to think on the conversation some more before his eyes commanded him to sleep.

He dreamed. Dreamed of sitting around the camp with the caravan. Seeing his old friends was such a delight. Their teasing and banters. But what surprised him was seeing his younger self there. He was with a young Kai, being teased for disliking kissing, and it rubbed him off. Then, the catfolk faded as his younger self looked at him. It was surreal, but what changed was his younger self shouted at him.

“Hypocrite!” he shouted. “Liar. How could you betray me like that?” his younger self accused as he stood in defiance. Bard let out a deep, strained sigh. He had been such an aggressive child, unruly in many ways. “You liked the kiss! You even started it! How could you!”

The background faded more and more and Bard found himself standing before his younger self. He didn’t know what to say, really. These were all the thoughts he had heard himself as he had kissed. If not for that conversation with Sen at a later time, he would likely be unable to find anything to say. So he felt grateful she had roused before he fell asleep.

“Well, it can be scary. Scary to let someone in so close. To give them a part of you, when we lost our parents,” Bard said, but it felt like he was watching the older version of himself talking with the younger one. A surreal experience. “And that’s really what you’re fighting here. You’ve been scarred, so you lashed out and attacked the simple act of a kiss. Sen is someone we can trust, though.”

“But it’s gross.”

“Those humans and catfolk we traveled with explained it, remember? A kiss is gross, when it’s for just anyone. But it becomes sacred, or beautiful, when it’s kept for the one we can trust ourselves to.”

The younger version of himself was silent. Though, his expression was one of resistance. The older one took him into his embrace and just waited till he stopped struggling.

“You remember, don’t you?” he heard the older one say. “Mother’s kiss before she died. Father and mother kissing before the night of the end. That’s what you are afraid of. Loosing those who you share a kiss with,” the older one said, and that’s when the younger version of Bard froze and stopped fighting.

“Sen is strong. Stronger than you or I with those weapons of hers. And we have Kai too. We don’t need to worry about that anymore, we’ve gotten so many tokens now, and there’s Sal Shefa too. We won’t be left alone anymore,” the older version said as tears rolled down the younger version. “And we are strong, too. We can keep her safe from the shades.”

Bard watched the conversation play a few times, clarifying, reiterating. It looked different sometimes, but always ended with his younger self accepting this new reality. Bard himself laughed a bit. It reminded him of the sort of talks he had with Elder Communication. Had it been so fresh on his mind, that he dreamed it? Still. It wasn’t a bad dream. And bit by bit, he felt himself enjoying watching this journey. Each time, it became a bit easier, a bit more gentle.

Morning came and Bard felt a bit off, but they packed up and climbed up on Kai. As Sen settled in behind him, he forced himself to not react to her touch as she put her arms around him. However, when she shifted and planted a kiss on his cheek, just in front of his ear, he jerked around and looked at her.

She laughed and then patted his head.

Kai’s head turned as Bard pushed her hands away, her laughter pealing in the woods. Bard put on an expression of surrender before petting Kai to signal it was time to go. Kai shook his head, evidently amused with the suppressed vibrations under them. He then took off, heading for the trail to the northeastern end.

Bard was alerted to Healer’s presence as his song grew. They broke through a growth, and he was there, waiting. Bard had Kai stop, and they looked up at the tree. The sudden motions were a bit jarring, but Bard put that out of his mind. Healer’s branches moved to Sen, who smiled and then sang a chipper song, likely explaining she was doing well. She then stiffened behind him as the tune changed, and then put her hand on his forehead.

“Bard? Are you not feeling well?” she asked, and he reflexed away from her.

“I, I’m fine,” he stammered. She didn’t look convinced but removed her hand anyway.

“Well, you don’t have a fever. I think we’ll be fine,” she said at last. Bard had no idea what that was about, but she sang to Healer and then encouraged Kai to get moving while the suns were up. Bard paused Kai, though, a thought coming to his mind as she brought up the shades.

“Healer… Would you consider moving to Sal Shefa? It would appear the shades are looking to overwhelm you here,” he said calmly. Sen’s eye flew wide, but Bard kept his gaze on the Elder tree.

“Too many of the trees here cannot move, but if it came to it, then I will consider it.”

“No promises…” Bard muttered, feeling a bit saddened. He didn’t want to lose another Elder, but it was ultimately their decision. He had expected the answer, but it still bothered him, thinking about the swarms just beyond the reach of his song.

After that brief exchange, Bard had Kai move. Sen had quit her teasing, the reality of their situation whipping that bit of playful energy away. Kai, however, still managed to find times to jar the two together, seeming to enjoy their reactions as they worked to get untangled from each other. One particular romp had Sen thrown to the back, barely managing to cling onto their supplies. She and Bard got back into position, while a shamed face Kai hung his head and waited patiently.

“What’s gotten into you,” Bard asked, and Kai’s head swung around and moved this way and that. Bard sighed, not really wanting to understand, but still picking up on his motions and pawing.

“I see… I suppose you’ve waited a long time… but for now, we need to get as far as we can,” he said back. Sen touched his arm and he looked back. Her confusion spoke volumes. Bard urged Kai on and began to explain. “Kai and I traveled with the catfolk. During that time, I got to see how the catfolk showed their affections, to an extent…” he said, touching the bridge of his nose between his eyes as he let out a long sigh. “And I mentioned it last night, but after seeing the humans kiss, I found it gross.” he hesitated. “He’s been waiting to tease me ever since.”

Sen had a smug look as she rolled her eyes.

“And what about now?” she asked.

Bard opened his mouth to reply a few times, a sound coming forth, but no words. He looked away. He had walked into that, unintentionally.

“I’m still…” he let out a long sigh. Sen jabbed at his side and he refused to give her the reaction she was likely looking for. “I’m still working on it. Last night, I dreamed.”

Sen sat up and then tilted her head in pondering.

“I got to talk with my younger self and I realized I was mostly scared. Scared of loosing those I shared a kiss with.” Her laughter did not help. “I realize it’s sounds funny now, but as a kid, it was a pretty big deal.”

“Sorry,” she sputtered, gaining control of her reactions. “I admit, I admire you,” she said, her hands resting on his sides. Bard tilted his head so he could barely look back at her. Her gaze was on the passing landscape. “You seem so much more mature and controlled. And you work on your problems with such ease. I envy that.”

“Oh. I see. Well… maybe put it into perspective with age. Father mentioned I would live a lot shorter life, so it’s normal to assume that I need to mature faster than you do.” Her fingers gripped his clothes a bit tighter. “If I had to place an age on how you behave vs the age of the humans I’ve met… I’d say you are somewhere around eighteen, when we first met, though you’ve matured, perhaps a twenty two-year-old.” She then shifted behind him, and he turned to look at her. Her eyes held a type of gaze that made him freeze. Emerald eyes boring into him, telling him something that he couldn’t quite hear yet. After a bit, she looked away and sighed, her gaze ahead of their path.

“So young,” she tsked. Bard shrugged. “And you… that would make you old, you realize. Your maturity sometimes borders on what my father is like, but your actions seem to say somewhere around three hundred years.”

Bard hummed at that. Him being twenty-eight now, and she was the equivalent of a twenty two-year-old, he would have assumed about two hundred years or so, not three hundred.

“Why the jump in age?” he managed to ask, after a lapse in the conversation. Sen seemed a bit thrown off, but after explaining, she gathered her thoughts and spoke up.

“Well. I think my grandfather said it once. Humans age at a fairly consistent rate, while we dryads slow down until it's near the end of our days. It’s a problem in the war, because humans can predict how fast they can learn and adapt, while we dryads have a more flexible growth. Three hundred is just the average. You could be like some of the three hundred fifty-year-olds I’ve met and had court me.”

“Court you?” Bard sputtered, Kai lost his footing.

“Sure. I was the daughter of the equivalent of a chief. Some tried to pursue me for my family and potential power, others just to have me as a trophy. Of course, most were under the impression that since I wasn’t in charge, they could guide me to create their ideal outcomes. Uncle Keith chased them all away,” Sen commented, and Bard coughed as he shivered. “So you can imagine how refreshing it was to meet someone outside the people I grew up around, who just got to know… me.”

“Sounds rough,” he managed to say, and he felt her rub her face against his back.

“Why do you think I wanted to marry you? You were the first who met me, and didn’t make a big deal about lots of things. And you were so cool and collected, even when they were hunting you down.”

Bard let out a laugh at her comment. It was sincere, if not a bit childish sometimes. Her motions behind him, and her hands appearing just on the side of his vision to help her tell the story, only made it more cute.

“So… Bard? Did you… did you like the kiss?” she asked. He could almost feel her embarrassment, and it reminded him of their earlier conversation of when dryads kiss.

“For a show of affection, it was… nice.” He managed to say, keeping his thoughts in a different direction.

“Well, I liked it,” she said and Bard felt a smile form on his face, but he didn’t say anything else. As they rode, his mind still kept tabs on her movements. Whenever he looked back, he could almost sense it, that same energy that goaded him into kissing her. And every time, he looked forwards, choosing to ignore it as best he could. With each passing hour, he found himself more the fool he had so childishly chastised as a boy. But perhaps that wasn’t so bad.

Kai’s ears flicked and Bard focused on the ride. Shades and battlefields would be along their path this time, but, they were running out of time. With only four days left, they would maybe just barely make it.