Ch 9 Dreams Too Big for Sleep

Every morning, it was like a routine that felt so natural, as if we were meant to walk hand-in-hand forever. Yongsun’s fingers intertwined with mine, warm and steady, as we strolled together toward school. The early sunlight would filter through the trees, casting playful shadows along the sidewalk. Birds chirped somewhere in the distance, their melodies creating a peaceful backdrop as we talked about whatever was on our minds—upcoming classes, weekend plans, or even just what we had for breakfast.

But there was always that moment when we approached the campus, where the world seemed to shift just slightly. I would feel her hand tense for a second, and then, as if following some unspoken rule, we’d let go. It wasn’t out of shame or discomfort—more so out of respect for the place. Some people weren’t too fond of public displays of affection, and though it didn’t bother either of us, we quietly adhered to the norm.

“I don’t care, you know,” Yongsun said one morning, her voice soft but firm. She brushed a lock of hair behind her ear as we neared the school gate. Her eyes met mine, searching, perhaps for reassurance or something deeper.

I shrugged, offering her a small smile. “Neither do I. It's just... how things are.”

Her lips pursed for a moment, then she tilted her head, a teasing glint in her eyes. “Are you not proud of me, Jess?”

I felt a rush of affection for her, the kind that made my chest tighten. I reached out, brushing her cheek with the back of my hand. “Yongsun, you’re the best girl. You know that, right?”

A faint blush spread across her cheeks, but she didn’t look away. “My sister’s going to meet you soon. She’s curious about you.”

“Really?” I raised an eyebrow, a little surprised. I hadn’t met her sister yet, but the idea of meeting more of her family filled me with a mix of excitement and nerves.

“She’s excited. And my mom...” She paused, her eyes flickering with emotion. “She said she loved seeing me in my hanbok, you know, the one you insisted on for Chuseok. She... she said you made it happen.”

I grinned, recalling that day—how beautiful she had looked in the hanbok, how her mother’s face had softened with approval. “I’m glad she liked it. I’d do anything for you.”

Yongsun’s gaze softened. “Thank you for that.” She hesitated for a second before adding, “Oh, and I told them about us. They know you’re my boyfriend.”

Hearing that made my heart swell. There was something so simple yet so powerful in the way she claimed me as hers. “That’s... that’s great,” I said, feeling a warmth spread through me. “I’m glad.”

Days turned into weeks, and as time passed, I found myself reconciling with Mei Lin. It wasn’t easy at first—there was a lot I needed to explain, about why I had been so protective of Yongsun, about why I had kept my distance from others. But Mei Lin, with her calm demeanor and thoughtful nature, understood. She always did.

Her family ran a print shop, a bustling little place where she helped design t-shirts and stickers for corporations, school events, and partnerships. One afternoon, after school, she told me about how Yongsun had spoken to her.

“Yongsun wants us to have a couple shirt,” Mei Lin said with a laugh, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “Her mom’s a designer, so they talked about it. She even asked if I could make one for you two.”

I smiled at the thought, imagining Yongsun excitedly discussing the design with Mei Lin. “That sounds perfect. Think you could make it special?”

Mei Lin’s grin widened. “Oh, I’ve got some ideas. Leave it to me.”

Meanwhile, Yongsun was busy too, working with her adviser on an outreach program for underprivileged children. She and her classmates—Anna, Kate, Justin, Quenneth, Carla, and Annie—were putting their heads together, trying to figure out the best way to make a difference. It was going to be a joint venture between the journalism club and the library club, and Yongsun was at the center of it all.

I admired her so much for that. Even though I knew she wasn’t the most popular or even the most beautiful girl in our batch—Carla and Annie had that title with their stunning looks and quick wit—Yongsun had something deeper. She had this quiet strength, this resolve to make the world a better place, even if it meant working herself to the bone.

But sometimes, I couldn’t help but get lost in my thoughts. Carla and Annie... they were my cousins, and though we didn’t interact much, I knew their fathers were police officers, the only girls in their families. I would catch myself staring at them sometimes, marveling at their beauty and intelligence, but Yongsun would always give me that jealous look, her lips pursed in that way that made me chuckle.

“I’m sorry,” I’d say, nudging her playfully. “You know they’re family.”

She’d roll her eyes, but I knew she wasn’t really mad. Just protective, like I was with her.

Life moved on, and it seemed like everything was falling into place. Quenneth, their class representative, was just as driven as Yongsun, though she wasn’t too keen on dating. Gama, one of our friends, was smitten with her, but she remained focused on her studies. Our school, with its divisions based on grades and electives, felt like its own little world.

Greg and Norbert—or Kevin, as we sometimes called him—were in a lower section than mine, but they were still close friends. We’d hang out, talk about random things, and share in each other's struggles.

Yongsun, though, was pushing herself harder than ever. I could see it in the way she would occasionally cough or look a little too pale. I had told her not to overdo it, and I even spoke to Aimelane, asking her to keep an eye on Yongsun during their classes. She agreed without hesitation, promising me that she’d make sure Yongsun wouldn’t strain herself.

“Don’t worry, Jess,” Aimelane had said one day, her voice gentle but firm. “I’ll take care of her. And if you ever need help... with anything... just let me know. Math, school, anything. We’re all aiming for a better year, right?”

I nodded, appreciating her offer. I wasn’t the smartest guy—people like Mark and Aimelane always seemed to be at the top of the class, while I hovered around the top 15. I knew I could do better if I focused, but my mind was always elsewhere. My heart was always with Yongsun.

And that was okay. Because in the end, she was my priority, and as long as she was okay, I was too.

The rehearsal hall hummed with the quiet energy of concentration, punctuated by the occasional burst of laughter or the soft rustle of paper as lines were rehearsed and roles memorized. Yukiko and Jessa were deep in their practice, their faces scrunched in focus as they went over their scenes. There was a kind of intensity to their work that spoke not just to obligation, but to a desire to get it right. They knew, like all of us, that this was part of the curriculum, something we had to push through whether we enjoyed it or not. But still, there was a dedication there, a spark that flickered in their eyes as they moved through their lines.

We were still young, barely scratching the surface of what it meant to grow up, but it was good to see everyone cooperating, working toward a shared goal. It felt... wholesome, in a way. And seeing Yongsun and Sung Hyo getting along again filled me with a quiet sense of relief. The two of them, one of the few full-blooded Koreans in our school, had bonded lately, which felt like a reunion of sorts. They sat together now, their heads close, sharing earbuds from Yongsun's iPad as if the rest of the world didn't exist. The music seemed to cocoon them in a safe bubble, and I couldn't help but smile at the sight. Yongsun always had this way of making people feel comfortable, like you could be yourself around her.

Sung Hyo, with her hesitant glances and uncertain posture, eventually spoke up, breaking the easy silence. “I’m jealous of you and Jess,” she said softly, though I could still hear her from where I stood a few feet away.

Yongsun raised an eyebrow, pulling one earbud out. “Jealous? Why?”

“I... haven’t made a move on Seongho,” Sung Hyo admitted, her voice almost a whisper. “We don’t have much in common, except the theater club. And... after I was mean to you, and he found out I liked him, he’s been distant. He doesn’t talk to me like he used to.”

Yongsun, ever the patient one, leaned in closer, her face softening with sympathy. “Do you like him enough to do something about it?” Her tone was casual but laced with that knowing sincerity only she could pull off.

Sung Hyo hesitated, her fingers nervously fidgeting with the edge of her script. “I don’t know... I’m scared it won’t work. What if I ruin my chances with him for good?”

For a moment, Yongsun didn’t say anything. She was always thoughtful like that, letting the silence settle before speaking. “If you’re serious about Seongho, I can help. But only if you’re sure about him. I won’t push you into anything you’re not ready for.”

Sung Hyo’s eyes widened, a glimmer of hope dancing in them. “You’d do that?”

Yongsun smiled, reaching out to give her hand a reassuring squeeze. “Of course. But you have to promise me you’re ready. If you really like him, we’ll figure something out.”

At that moment, Yukiko and Jessa, who had been quietly rehearsing their lines, piped up from the corner of the room. “We’ll help too!” Jessa declared, her enthusiasm infectious. “We’ve got your back, Sung Hyo.”

It was a touching moment, seeing how quickly they all rallied around her. There was this unspoken understanding among the girls—a bond that I could only observe from the sidelines, but one I respected deeply. Yongsun, though, took it a step further.

“You know what?” she said, her eyes gleaming with a mischievous glint. “I won’t even compete for the lead role in the play if it means you can be paired with Seongho. You two deserve a chance.”

My eyes widened at that. “Are you sure about that, Yong?”

She waved me off, her expression playful but resolute. “It’s girls' talk, Jess. You wouldn’t understand.”

I chuckled, holding up my hands in surrender. “Alright, alright, I won’t interfere.”

But then, Sung Hyo turned to me, her face tinged with a slight blush. “Actually, Jess, I could use your help.”

I blinked, surprised that she would ask me for anything. “Sure, what do you need?”

“Seongho... he’s been avoiding me lately, but I want to give him something. A letter,” she said, her voice quiet again. “When it’s finished, could you... bring him to me? So I can give it to him?”

There was something so vulnerable in the way she asked that I couldn’t refuse. I nodded, offering her a small smile. “Of course. I’ll make sure he comes around when you’re ready.”

She smiled back, relief washing over her features. “Thank you, Jess. I really appreciate it.”

As I sat there, watching them plan out how to get Seongho’s attention and seeing the determination in their faces, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of contentment. Sure, I wasn’t part of their little plot, but I was glad to see them working together, lifting each other up. Yongsun had this way of drawing people in, of making even the smallest moments feel significant.

And though the days ahead were sure to be filled with challenges—between rehearsals, schoolwork, and the intricacies of teenage emotions—I knew we’d get through them. We were young, yes, but we were learning how to navigate life, one rehearsal, one conversation, one love letter at a time.

And as for me? Well, I’d be right there beside Yongsun, watching her light up every room she stepped into, knowing that no matter what, we’d be alright. We had each other, after all. And that was more than enough.
The late afternoon sun bathed the streets in a soft, golden glow as we walked home from school, the warmth of the day lingering just enough to make the air feel alive. Yongsun and I had fallen into a comfortable silence, the kind where no words were needed, and our footsteps were the only sounds between us. There was a gentle breeze, and every now and then, I’d glance at her out of the corner of my eye. She was tired, I could see it in the slight sag of her shoulders, the paleness of her face that seemed to grow more noticeable with every passing day.

We stopped at the 7-11, our little tradition. She loved ice cream, especially Cornettos, and I loved seeing her happy, even if it was just over a simple treat. I bought one for her, and as she unwrapped it and took her first bite, I found myself staring—probably a little too intently.

“I love watching you enjoy ice cream,” I said, my voice softer than I meant it to be.

She looked up, her eyes twinkling with amusement, and smirked. “You’re such a perv,” she teased, her laughter bubbling up and spilling out, catching me completely off guard.

My face flushed, and I felt the heat rise to my cheeks as I tried to stammer out a reply. “W-What? No, I—”

But she was already laughing, that infectious, melodious laugh that made my embarrassment worth it. I couldn’t help but grin at her, my heart swelling with affection. Even when she was teasing me, she had this way of making everything feel light, as if all the weight of the world couldn’t touch us when we were together.

As we continued our walk, though, I couldn’t help but notice how pale she was, her steps slower, more deliberate. I knew she was stretching herself thin—too many responsibilities, too many people relying on her. And though she always smiled and said it was fine, I could see through the cracks.

Without saying a word, I stopped and turned to her. She blinked at me, confused for a moment, until I knelt down in front of her, offering her my back.

“Come on,” I said, trying to keep my voice light. “Let me carry you.”

She hesitated for a moment, but then, with a sigh, she climbed onto my back, her arms wrapping loosely around my shoulders. I could feel how light she was, too light, and it only made my chest tighten with concern.

“This happens every time,” she whispered, her voice tinged with sadness.

I glanced back at her as best I could. “You need proper sleep, Yong.”

She rested her head against the back of my neck, her breath warm against my skin. “Sleep... sleep takes away my grand dreams, Jess,” she murmured. “There’s so much I need to accomplish. I can’t just stop.”

“You will accomplish them,” I said softly. “In time. You don’t have to rush.”

For a moment, she didn’t respond, and I felt her weight shift slightly as she adjusted her grip. “Is it really okay to do this?” I asked, my voice filled with concern. “You’re taking on so much already.”

“It’s okay, dearest,” she whispered, and I could feel her smile, even if I couldn’t see it. “You’re my North Star, Jess. You guide me... so please, guide them as well.”

I couldn’t help but admire her in that moment—her selflessness, her willingness to carry the burdens of others. She was always thinking of everyone else, even when her own body was screaming for her to rest. It was one of the things I loved most about her, but it was also what scared me the most.

“Seongho likes you, not Sung Hyo,” I blurted out, the words spilling from my mouth before I could stop them.

Yongsun shifted on my back, her silence thick between us. Finally, she sighed. “I know,” she said softly. “But... if she doesn’t try, she’ll live a life filled with regret. I’d rather risk it all for her than watch her wonder what could’ve been.”

I let out a sigh of my own. “If he rejects her, you’ll be in the crossfire, and it’ll ruin your friendship with both of them.”

She chuckled softly. “Maybe. But that’s a risk I’m willing to take. I don’t want her to live in regret.”

I shook my head, though there was a small smile on my face. “Okay, okay. But if Sung Hyo needs help crafting a poem for her love letter, I’m here. And tell her to put everything she wants to say in it.”

“I’ll let her know,” Yongsun replied, her voice softer now, a little more relaxed.

We continued walking, her weight warm and comforting on my back, though I could still feel the tension in her body. The girls had already been planning everything, saying that Sung Hyo would sing to Seongho in private, and that the others would sing along to back her up.

“It’s too grand,” I had told them when they first mentioned it.

Yongsun, ever the optimist, had waved me off. “It’s okay. Let them dream big.”

On the other hand, there was Gama and Vince. “They want to talk to you about the outreach program,” I said.

Yongsun hummed softly. “Gama asked me how to approach Quenneth. He wants me to recommend him to her.”

“And?”

“There’s plenty of time for that,” she replied, sounding almost amused. “Everyone’s focused on the outreach program right now. They’ll have time later.”

“And Vince?”

A mischievous smile played on her lips. “Vince has a crush on one of your cousins.”

I blinked, surprised. “Which one?”

“Annie,” Yongsun said with a grin.

I couldn’t help but chuckle. “You’re going to help with that too, aren’t you?”

“Vince is already making his move,” she said, resting her chin on my shoulder. “They’re both in the library club.”

I laughed softly, shaking my head. “You really do take care of everyone, don’t you?”

She didn’t reply, but I could feel the warmth of her smile, and in that moment, I realized just how much she meant to everyone around her. She wasn’t just my North Star—she was a light for all of us.

As we continued walking, the sun began to dip below the horizon, casting long shadows across the street. And though the weight of her on my back was light, the weight of everything she carried inside her felt heavier than ever.