A Dream Sweeter Than Reality

Mahiru has this dream that always comes back to her.

In the dream, she is a little girl, her tiny hand firmly clasped in her grandfather’s. Her small body is filled with a strange sense of familiarity and comfort, as though the moment is both new and deeply known – like a memory she hasn’t lived. She stands in a place she doesn’t hold any memories of. A place she hasn’t seen before. A place she shouldn’t see.

The sky above is clear, dotted only with a few small, billowy clouds. They hold an innocent white colour and appear incredibly fluffy, reminding her of the wool from the sheep she gets to pet every day back home.

She knows this place isn’t very far from home, and yet, it almost feels like she’s crossed into another world entirely.

“Is this really the West, Grandpa?” Mahiru looks up at her tall grandfather, her eyes filled with the purest form of curiosity.

“Yes, Mahiru, this is where I come from,” he says with a tinge of nostalgia in his voice.

Mahiru turns around incredulously, finding only the cold, unyielding wall behind her back. No matter how far she looks left or right, all that fills her vision is this giant stone wall separating her from her home. She doesn’t know how she managed to get past this insurmountable obstacle. Yet, standing here, she knows one thing for certain: she’s exactly in the place her heart most desires.

She squeezes her grandfather’s hand even harder, as if she was afraid of losing him in this unknown land.

“Come on, Mahiru, I’ll show you around.”

Looking him in the eyes, she is blinded by the absurdly bright sun hanging above his head, but she can still make out a faint smile on his face. Then she nods lightly, unable to produce any sound.

The warm breeze caresses their cheeks as they move further away from the wall. Mahiru doesn’t look back now anymore. She’s finally aware that she can leave her past life behind.

As they continue to walk, more beautiful spectacles appear in front of Mahiru. The saturated green of the grass fills her vision, more intense than any colour she has ever experienced. The sound of children cheerfully running out of a high-modern school building reaches her ears and echoes through her mind. Proud parents walk hand in hand with their children, smiling from ear to ear.

Intense feelings start to bubble up in Mahiru’s chest. She has never felt like this before, so she struggles to put this sensation into words.

“Grandpa… I think my stomach hurts.”

Her grandfather crouches down to her level, then runs his hand through Mahiru’s strawberry-blonde hair, his touch warm and reassuring.

“No, I believe what you’re feeling right now is joy. It’s the purest, sweetest feeling we humans are able to experience, but it’s also very difficult to grab. Especially where we currently live.”

“What do you mean?” An invisible question mark appears above Mahiru. Her young mind is too innocent to fully grasp the weight of her grandfather’s words.

“You will understand when you’re older. But whenever you’re sad, just try to remember this place. This is where everyone can truly become happy.”

Mahiru still doesn’t really understand what he meant, but the burning sensation in her body is stronger than her questions, so she lets out an involuntary cackle.

When she looks up at the sky again, the sun has disappeared behind the horizon. A transparent pink blankets the world around her and the stars shine brighter than any street light.

Then, she senses something touching her foot. Something small, yet solid. It’s a white football which must have rolled across from a grass field nearby.

“Heeey, want to play with us?” a boy around her age shouts, waving his hands at Mahiru.

She looks at her grandfather with big eyes asking, Is this really okay? She can’t believe a stranger would really want to play with her.

“Go on, you don’t need to worry. Everyone here is very friendly, I promise you. Go ahead and join them,” he replies with a smile, nodding in satisfaction.

She picks up the ball and lets out a high-pitched “Yes!” before approaching the boy and his friends. She starts playing with many different children, girls and boys, young and old, tall and short. Despite being so different in appearance, they are all united by their happiness.

Mahiru has never felt like this in her life. The bright lights and colours all around her shine down at her, telling her to keep running. Every step feels like pure freedom, the world alive with energy. She is so happy that tears well up in her eyes, spilling down her cheeks until they drop on the grass.

This is where everyone can truly become happy.

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When Mahiru woke up, she immediately experienced the sensation of her face pressing up against the soaked blanket of her bed. It was evident what had happened during her dream, but she couldn’t believe how she could fall asleep at such an important time.

“Mahiru? Are you done changing? We’re waiting for you,” a deep manly voice came shouting from the hallway, followed by a few knocks and the creaking of an opening door.

“You still haven’t finished? What have you been doing this entire time?!”

Her father was now standing in front of her, clad in a fashionable red uniform and angrily knitting his eyebrows together at the sight of Mahiru lying in bed.

“I’m sorry, Father. I will get changed right away,” she replied without any hint of an emotion.

“Don’t tell me you feel asleep. I swear, what am I going to do with you?”

This time, he lowered his head and brought a hand to his forehead. It was the typical sight of unfiltered disappointment that Mahiru was just too used to seeing.

“I’m sorry, Father.”

“Sometimes I really wonder why you couldn’t just be like your older siblings. Listen, Mahiru, today’s the first time you will be seen in the West. People over there must perceive you as the unapproachable princess of the Watanabe household. Just for today, please don’t act up.”

Mahiru bit her lower lip. Her, a princess? It was true that she was the youngest daughter of the chief of state, but there was no way on earth she could see herself as a princess. No one had ever asked her if that was what she truly wanted. She hadn’t chosen this path. She’d simply been born into it, handed a role she never asked for.

Despite her anger, only resigned obedience managed to escape her lips.

“Yes, Father. I’m sorry, Father.”

“Make sure to wear the red dress we have prepared for you. We’ll be waiting at the entrance. Hurry up, and don’t you dare fall asleep again.”

Her father turned around, then shut the door with a loud thump.

Mahiru let out an involuntary sigh and cast her eyes to the dress her father had mentioned. It sat on a stool, as if it had always belonged there, waiting for her. It had carefully been placed there this morning, long before she had fallen asleep again.

The dress was a deep crimson red, the signature colour of her family. Soft fabric rippled in the light, adorned with delicate lace and a ribbon cinching the waist. It came to just below her knees, leaving parts of her legs uncovered. Mahiru knew it had been crafted just for this special occasion, yet she could only feel a wave of disgust rising at the mere sight of it.

When will I finally experience that happiness? she thought as her eyes wandered to the family portrait beside her bed. The photo was taken many years ago, when Mahiru was only six years old and her grandfather was still alive.

What would he say if he was here? Would he really allow all of this to happen? Why did he have to die in that accident only shortly after?

As Mahiru stared into his eyes, she clenched her fists and clicked her tongue, turning her attention to the dress again.

“I know you would never want me to wear this,” she whispered softly before thrusting the dress to the floor.

At the time, Mahiru had no way of knowing that her seemingly insignificant act of rebellion would ultimately change countless lives forever.