Leaving a Single Sound

Emotions tend to run high in any situation. People can rarely, if ever, make a choice based solely on logic. They are not robots or golems or inanimate objects coming to life. Each of them simply has a bias, one that defines their tainted ego.

Tension, environments, and memories also enhance these biases. The meaning of murder changes wildly if it is for fun or revenge. In the end, it only serves to cloud judgement, not that it is a bad thing.

Even I am not immune to my emotions after living hundreds of lifetimes. Although most of my decisions are rational for my fake body, a stray thought or bit of nostalgia can easily cause a feeling to manifest. That juxtaposed nature can only make me a hypocrite.

That leaves…

Tick.

I turned around at the familiar words pouring out of a young girl’s mouth. A noblewoman stared back, not meeting my gaze, with a horrified expression. Her cherry red dress, complimenting her hair, had been sullied by the tunnels of an underground passageway. She was simply trying to escape the purge with her dying brother, but compared to the man who accepted the unstoppable end, she wanted to continue living. A strange sentiment given she would die soon, but a welcome one.

“Put your sword/gun down,” the noblewoman ordered from my memories. Andrea, on the other hand, was struggling to stand straight. She gripped the handle hanging just outside the train as her face paled. It was probably the result of my actions and the illness, though the illness was taking a greater toll.

Tick.

“Why?” I asked, my mouth opening before my mind finished processing. I didn’t have to listen and stop, but my past and delusion always had a strong hold over me.

“Huh? What do you mean why? You were about to kill someone!” Andrea yelled, confused for some reason.

“But he asked to die. It isn’t like I’m trying to kill him in cold blood. He just wants to stop his suffering a bit earlier,” I responded. This wasn’t like a year ago where there was still some reason to live. The end was about a month away, and most of the people here wouldn’t live past the week, Andrea and Robert included. I could tell that their conditions had begun to rapidly deteriorate. It was obvious even at this moment; she couldn’t hide her labored breaths.

“I… but I thought…” Andrea struggled to formulate her thoughts. She took a few moments to heave. “You help people, so why are you letting him die like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like… well… resigned, instead of happy. With how much you helped us, why are you doing nothing more for him?” Ah. I understood what she was getting at. Andrea probably thought I was some savior. Although she knew she would die, it would at least be with a smile on her face. But what about everyone else in the train station? Why didn’t I do the same for them? Well, I could say it’s because he already accepted everything, but the answer was much simpler.

Tick.

“A whim.”

“A… whim?”

“Yep. It was simply a whim.” How many lives had I tried to save? How many of them died before me? I was but a clockwork doll, left here to observe the end of the world. I could not change its fate, nor could I save anyone. It didn’t matter whether the other person’s life turned out for better or worse, the outcome was the same.

And so, like before, everything I did was the result of a fleeting thought. A common memory or a delusion was all it took. Sure, I tried to provide guidance, but I wouldn’t hold my tongue if it led to their death. It was all a whim. That was why I shouldn’t be called a savior. Even as a doll, I was just as selfish as any other human.

Andrea didn’t know what to say. After all, I doubted she understood my choice, not that I was going to explain. She had to accept me for who I was, not for who she thought I should be. I would be a bit sad if she rejected our partnership over this trivial spat, but that was–

“Then shoot me as well.”

Tick.

“...do you understand what you’re saying?” I questioned, my voice low.

“Am I not allowed to accept my end too?” she smiled with a strained, yet cheeky grin.

Needless to say, I was flabbergasted.

So, I laughed. I laughed as hard as I could. It was a ridiculous response. A crazy one. And at the same time…

“What about you Robert? I can see your head from down here.”

Robert came out of the passageway, scratching his cheek with a slight cough. “Well, I prefer to die naturally like my village, but I won’t stop you.”

“Are you sure? I’m basically murdering everyone here.”

“On a whim, right?”

I laughed again.

Tick.

I turned my gun from the raggedy man to Andrea. Her petite body shook, knowing what would happen next. Still, she brushed her long chestnut back over her shoulder, meeting my golden clock eyes with her light blue ones. The school clothes she once wore were nowhere to be seen. Instead, she had on a casual outfit, making her average looks slightly better. Her grin hid a mix of emotions behind that soft facade.

There was no memory. There was no delusion. There was no overlap.

It was Andrea. A girl who lost her friend. A girl who kept moving forward until she willingly decided to step off stage. She would become one of my memories, delusions, and overlaps – one that impacted me more than the others. I wasn’t sure why; I just knew.

“...it was a real pleasure, you know,” I said with a smile.

“Yeah, it was.”

“Anything else you want to say?”

Andrea seemed to think for a moment, her complex facade melting into one easy to read. Then, with a snap of her fingers–

“Nope!”

“...I should’ve known. Then, good–”

“I prefer ‘see you later’.”

“...then, see you later.”

“See you–”

Tick.