Joy Wrapped in Guilt

The following days were the best of Roe’s life. They spent their nights in a small cave off the coastline, lulled to sleep by the crashing waves – or for her, drifted off into short naps. The two of them alone in a dying world, but together they ignited and felt alive. An occasional anomaly would stalk the sands, its hideousness in sharp contrast to the serene scenery of the beach. Roe and Alec would stay hidden, not moving an inch or making a sound, as the monster passed in search of blood. When unlucky, a whiff of their scent reached its nose. What came after was a frenzy – but in a fight, two was better than one.

Other times, the weather would pick up, and they knew what it entailed. They would rush back into where they called “home,” sheltered from the heavy silver rain and catastrophic winds that made the outside into a sandstorm. The cave was safe, their intertwined bodies warming each other, while Alec rubbed her back and whispered stories into her ear.

“Oh, wow – look, Roe! Isn’t that lucky?”

It was a tree. An apple tree – aka, a goldmine. Both of them starving, they rushed to it like it was their hero. Climbing onto the closest branch, they gathered every apple in sight. Roe felt the slightest bit of shame, holding onto the belief that Guardians should behave more composedly, but her appetite was practically screaming at her. The aftermath was “indecency.”

“We should make something together,” said Alec.

“With just apples? How?”

“Apple soup, apple jam, apple… Porridge?”

“So, basically, just apple mush?”

“Well, come on, we have to try it once at least! Isn’t it part of the whole ‘marriage experience?’”

“Maybe, but most couples aren’t hiding out in some cave in the middle of nowhere…”

He gave her that innocent, puppy-like look, and she could no longer deny him.

Using a campfire and marine shells for barely-sufficient bowls, apple mush was the exact result. A weirdly squishy texture, a burnt taste, and it was the most ridiculous endeavor ever… Yet somehow, the “meal” was pleasant, and with Alec – she’d take it over anything.

However, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows.

There she was, “honeymooning” with her new husband, while Seris needed their Guardians. Even after so long away from home, her previous identity, the thoughts that constantly lingered in the back of her mind… Were impossible to brush aside. While they delved into deep conversations, her tribesmen and women were plotting strategies against anomalies and violent civilians. Whenever they locked lips, the others underwent the kiss of death.

“You’re worrying again, I can tell,” Alec would say.

“I feel so selfish. And disgusting.”

“Be honest with me, Roe… Do you regret this?”

“No. That’s not what I’m trying to say.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” he said with some hurt. “Then, do you at least want to go back now?”

“No, that’s the other thing… I’ve turned into some coward.”

“You? A coward? That wouldn’t be true in a million years. You’re the bravest person I know.”

“If I’m so brave, I shouldn’t feel so threatened by Elder Dulcie. I don’t know what my problem is around that woman.”

“Let’s see… An all-powerful Reaper has it out for you. I think any reasonable person would be at least a little cautious.”

Roe gave an exasperated sigh, falling back onto the sand. “Then I guess I want to be unreasonable. An idiot, no less.”

The apprehension towards her didn’t come from nothing. Roe was good at reading people, a trait her mentor always said was one of her best. Whether it be through the eyes, the way someone carried themselves, the mannerisms in which they spoke – Roe could learn many things. And what she learned from Dulcie…

Was darkness.

It didn’t matter what she said or did. It could be a simple “good morning,” or even something kind like helping up a person who had fallen. The darkness was always there, and combining that with her power equaled a hunter in wait.

She was glad she stalled in giving Yohan his bronze pin. After getting Steph’s letter, she trusted no order from her, not even for access to Highland. Yet even though it had been months, she still had the pins tucked away, figuring they’d be useful in the future – the two of them would eventually have to return to Section 1 once the fire reached, unless they were content with dying before necessary.

As much as she loathed it, unable to separate Highland Pass from Dulcie, she knew it’d be convenient for travel if it ever came down to it. But when, or if she went, Roe would have protection… The purple roses.

“Alec, do you remember the lady I bought those flowers from?”

“Yes. What about her?”

“She said where she found them… Bottom of a cliff, south from that town.”

“Annnd, you want to go all the way back there to see if there’s more, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“If those Fliers see us and try to start trouble?”

“We’ll avoid the town. I just need those roses.”

Alec made a conflicted look. It was a week away, and such a trek with few supplies would be beyond burdensome. But his weakness made a request, and it was impossible to reject her – that, and she’d just sneak away if he said no anyway.

“If it’ll ease your concerns, then fine… We’ll get every purple rose in Section 2 if we have to. But if we pass out doing it, which we probably will, remember this was your idea! … I’ll still love you, though.”