Insecurity, a Heavy Piston of Identity

Who would’ve thought!? Izumi, that perfectionist Mary Sue, was Sera’s tutor!? For all the effort I did to stay away from her, she was the one initiating to approach!? I wouldn’t even dare to overthink her intentions, and I couldn’t judge Mom’s decision. After all, this is for Sera.

I sat alone in my computer chair, scrolling over my feeds to hunt for fake Sera profile pages. Sera didn’t understand the full concept of the cosplay industry, more so on how social media works. This is not the time for her page to be published in public.

I also saw how many followers the maidreams cafe gained. However, only an apology post was published. Nonetheless, their meddling was a huge inconvenience; it shouldn’t be a reward. If not for them, Sera might’ve won the competition. Too many too think regarding these first tries, but immersions to the unknown were both risky and exciting.

After a knock, Sera entered the door, her eyes gazed into nothingness like her world was spinning. I sighed and muttered, “Izumi might’ve overdid it. You look like a plant rooted down the ground while drowning in fertilizer.”

“My hands… They’re straining,” Sera said, holding her quivering left wrist. “I don’t understand why those Hiragana characters need to follow a certain stroke.”

I could see her motivation before, but it might be the reason she overdid it. Learning writing is the only way she’ll have clues to go back to her world. If I’m in the same situation as her, I would also rush. “It should be hard, but you’ll get used to it. Like the old sayings from Shizu-sama, with experience comes wisdom. I could see a future when you laugh at your past difficulties.”

“Are you an oracle?”

“Make me curious. Do you have oracles in your world?”

“We have in the past centuries. However, after a great disaster, only the written prophecies were passed down and cascaded to the public. There are only a few, but the well-known ones that are collected by each race conflict with each other’s beliefs. We’re still continuing to unshackle which prophecies were real.”

“Those prophecies piqued my interest, but if we continue the conversation, we might collide with the topic of religion. Moving on, do those prophecies apply when one was transferred to another realm or world?”

“I couldn’t answer that. After all, my family and I have never seen a prophecy happening yet.”

“Oh, right. You’re a family of long-life organisms. I apologize for the question.”

Sera chuckled, her quivering left hand covering her mouth, “It’s alright, Kou-nii. You don’t have to worry about other world problems.”

“There’s still something I’m worried about,” I replied, gazing at her hand. “Though she might be the perfect student in my batch, she was a clumsy teacher.”

“Right! I might be shaking the first time I met her, but I soon realized she was more nervous than I am. You know, the couch also shook the moment you appeared and went up the room. I asked her if she’s alright… She silently squealed a yes. Did something happen between you two?”

“Nothing.” In fact, I swore to myself that I won’t get involved in her again. Those moments that happened while we were kids, they were already far down to dig out. “But you know, Izumi was one of the proteges in our school. I can assure you, you’ll learn from her quickly.”

Sera smiled and nodded. “If that’s you who says it, I trust it. I will do my best.”

“Right. By the way, wanna watch some Anime?”

It had been a week, and the alarms weren’t accompanied with a scream anymore. I woke up, fixed myself for school, and let Sera continue sleeping, though her rest was interrupted by a loud but cute ringtone. After breakfast, I immediately set off from my house. While walking towards school, a quick brushing footstep went louder, then her voice made me halt.

“Kou…”

“I hope you don’t have any other intentions than teaching Sera, Izumi,” I said, continuing my walk. Her tiny voice, which didn’t change since childhood, was the most familiar, yet they’re the ones I wanted to erase in my mind.

“I… I just want to make things clear. I d–didn’t become her tutor just so I could get close to you. Don’t make baseless assumptions! Maki-san personally approached me for her request.”

“I’m not assuming anything, but thanks for tutoring Sera. I hope you don’t get nervous next time.”

“H–How did you know!? Did she tell you?”

I left my answer in silence, so quiet that she could only hear the whispers of the blowing wind from the nearby trees. The answer should be obvious. I don’t want to talk to her, more so I don’t want to accidentally utter strange things which involve Sera.

She persisted, “I want to learn more about her. I know she’s from abroad, but how did she know how to speak but not learn to write? What does she like? Was fashion one of her interests? She does look like Maki-san, but why didn’t I see her before–”

“That’s too many questions,” I responded, halting my walk and pivoting at her. She also stopped moving, flinching back. “Why don’t you ask her personally? There are personal things about her that I can’t say. You’re intelligent, and I hope you understand privacy.”

Clasping her hand with respect and bowing, she stuttered, “I–I’m sorry. I don’t mean it that way.”

“You go first. I don’t want any issues.”

Izumi paused for a moment; her doubt cleared for only seconds before she walked past me. She understood the situation. If we entered the school at the same time, I would become the archenemy of the boy population idolizing the Angel.

But her sudden interview made me realize that I should eliminate my pride for a moment. She might be questioning me because knowing her, she was the magnetic person who makes friends by not making a first move. Rather than me ever since we were kids, it would be her second time initiating a friendship with a stranger. This little hint wasn’t for her, but for Sera.

Though we were some distance apart, I followed up with a lowkey shout while she was walking, “By the way, she might have an interest in fashion.”

She came to a halt for a second, a loud exhale of relief echoed through my ears… though her hair hid her face from behind, I think she was smiling.

In the current PE class, we were lined up in the field of the school grounds. Due to the me being the remainder in the boy student’s count, I was the only one partnered with a female. At the last of the file of two, I faced a somber Rise with an inconvenient but automatic stooped body posture. We could feel shared glances from others, followed by whispers we can hear.

“Look. Those two… they might be partners in the future… partners in crime.”

“For there is light in the front, those specifics in the back were complete shadows.”

“Urgh, so gloomy here in the back. They shouldn’t have partnered and skipped the class instead.”

It might’ve irritated me, yet I became immune to it since I was a kid. But seeing her unfazed, even as a woman, amazed me. I would like to make her comfortable with me, but knowing this is what Izumi felt when she tutored Sera, what a huge karma. She broke her stare with the ground only until Mr. Kimura gave us exercises, still wandering her gaze around, avoiding eye contact with everyone.

I wasn’t listening to the instructions until Mr. Kimura called me out. “Sugiyama, I’ll ask again. Are you alright with the exercises provided? You can skip those that will put you in strain. The school doesn’t want to bother your doctor.”

Oh my hell! I don’t know what those exercises are! I could only assure them that it would be alright since I was an athlete before. Raising my thumb up high with confidence, I could only hope this wasn’t some military service training. I felt stronger since I rounded hours of running last Sunday at Akiba.

“A–Are you sure? I–I don’t want to put you in trouble too. You should rest instead.” The soft voice that came from Rise made me drop off my raised hand and stare at her. As usual, she avoided staring at my eyes, yet I could see her fingers fidgeting.

“You’re not looking down at me, aren’t you?”

“N–No… I’m sorry.” There goes her NEET posture again, but I couldn’t judge her since I was the same. I somewhat share some similarities with her, both of our fates were somehow grounded by fate, pushing us within a much heavier piston called insecurity.

I chuckled before commenting. “Just kidding, it’s alright. I’m not offended. By the way, how do the ‘partners in crime’ sound to you? We’re like Batman and Catwoman doing flexibility exercises.”

She didn’t smile warmly though, but before averting her face, I saw her tightly pursed lips curved up. I felt like I lightened the mood between the two of us. Making a joke out of other’s insults was a proven way to share connections… or does it destroy existing ones?

I’ve witnessed that same dull glare again from Izumi on the front row. Though we were separated by a half-class distance, it felt like she was aiming with her eyes at me using some Angry Birds. I wouldn’t bother, since my relationship with her has already been destroyed ever since we’re kids.