Volume 3 – Chapter 14: Fragments of the Self

August 16 – 41 Days Left

It went without saying that the morning light barely touched the horizon at this hour. It was soft, and yet muted; it just hung in the air all around the city. The world seemed to be filled with an indefinite stagnation as if it were in between the past and an unsure future: for a few moments, everything felt still—that almost would have been peaceful. Absolute calm was portending the inevitable gnawing feeling in the pit of Kaito's stomach.

Forty-one days on the calendar. Days were counting into the sheer burden every passing second would feel like added weight to the kind they bore.

Kaito was up long before his usual time, just as he was most mornings lately. Sleep had turned to a hollowing absence, an absence that somehow knew better than to give solace. There was really no rest from any of it, no hedge against that ever-renewing tick of the clock.

Kaito sat there on the edge of the bed, staring out of the window. Beside him, Rika was still asleep, her breathing slow and calm. The peacefulness of her body and the storm of emotions within him seemed surreal, almost.

This place is silent, yet the air feels suffocating. As if they were living through the very last moments of a particular story-a story that will shortly meet its painfully tragic end.

And he found himself wondering how much time was left. How much sacrifice time had left, for people to even begin changing their minds and come to terms with their inevitable fate? How much time left did they have to make meaning, to find peace before the end?

He automatically went back to all the conversations they had had over the past weeks, most of them with their families, most uncertain regarding their situations, and the hidden questions they avoided asking each other got louder in their heads. How does one prepare for the ending of the world, really? How does one achieve peace in their mind in facing something as final as this?

Unsaid questions lay heavy between them even when they didn't speak.

He reached out to stroke away a strand of hair from Rika's face. Her skin was warm, but for that one moment, he allowed himself to drown in the comfort of her presence. That too he knew was momentary. Tomorrow wasn't guaranteed to them, let alone next week. Everything was very fragile.

It was something he didn't want to accept for himself, but he knew their love, their bond, was one of the few things that assured him of balance and stability in life. It was not just their affection for one another; it was the quiet understanding between them, reliance built over time, reliant not just for love but for survival.

Rika stirred and opened her eyes. She swung her eyes in his direction; her face bore a kindly look, clouded by the same ideas that darkened in his mind.

"Morning," she whispered huskily, her voice hoarse from slumber.

"Morning," Kaito said gently, his tone somewhat subdued.

She got up from lying down with slow movements, rubbing her eyes. "You woke up early again, huh?"

"Couldn't sleep," he admitted. "Too much on my mind."

She nodded, as if she knew just what he meant. She kept quiet for a while; she held her knees with her arms and rested her chin on them.

"Ever think of what happens after this?" she asked, voice wispering.

Kaito's heart sank. He was also wondering about that but had no clear idea concerning it. The world was too broken to be capable of having any kind of heaven or salvation. There's no grand purpose in the very end of it all.

Yet he knew he couldn't just leave her hanging, nor let silence fill the room any more than it already had.

"I don't know," he said freely. "At times I wonder if there is anything left to hope for. But then I just look at you, and I recall that hope is not always of the future. Sometimes it is just holding onto everything that is real to us right now."

Rika smiled faintly, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "I just want some of our memories to remain. I don't want all these to fade into oblivion."

"It won't," Kaito promised, his voice hoarse with feeling. "Even when it is all over, we still will be here-in everything we have done, everything we have lived through. We will matter. And I will never forget."

She looked up at him, softened by his words, but the doubt never quite left her eyes. Words alone could not erase the fear of what was coming.

They lived in the last days - and as far as fighting it went, they'd have to admit the time was literally running out.

This was the thick and suffocating weight of truth on both of them. They had no option now; they would have to face the music how scary it may be.

The two continued to have silence descend into their morning-they shared no grand conversations nor deep philosophical debates. Just the simple understanding that all they ever knew slipped away, and all they can now do is try to hold as tightly to each other as they can for as long as possible.

Outside, the world continued its slow, relentless downward spiral. But inside, in the quiet moments they shared together, they achieved a degree of peace. It was imperfect, but it was enough.

Kaito had no idea how much longer they had. But one thing was clear—every day that passed was a gift, no matter how heavy the burden of time felt.