Chapter 18 – Personal Fear

October 28th 2027 11:03

Pov was—not fine.

Physically, she was fine. The slam on the control panel wasn’t too severe. Her temple really hurt, a bit wet with her blood, but it was not life-threatening. Mentally, she was not fine. This whole situation scared her. Because as this ship was going away, that meant Pov was farther away from Carrie, and that meant that she was… alone…

No, no, no, no, no! I don’t want this!

Lying on the floor, she couldn’t stand back up. Because the boat was in motion and that made things difficult. Because her head was spinning and that also made things difficult.

I’m scared.

Her breathing was ragged. Her heart was thumping out of control. It felt like she was drowning inside dark cold water, where she was being pressed from all sides. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t move. Couldn’t think.

She hated being alone. Hated it to death.

The calamity, the end of the world on 32nd December, hardly mattered to her. When she was alone like this, all by herself, it felt like the world had already ended. Like the earth had shattered to pieces, like the atmosphere had been sucked out by space, like darkness had swallowed light.

I don’t want to be alone…

She curled herself into a ball. Protecting herself from this world’s end. But it was no use.

Someone please get rid of this. Someone. Anyone.

‘Carrie…’ she muttered.

Bam!

She appeared at the door. Like a hero.

‘Carrie…!’ Pov exclaimed. More than happy to see her.

‘Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go,’ she said, in a hurry. She was dripping cold sweats.

Now that Carrie was here, a light in the darkness, Pov started to calm down. And she realized… Carrie was in a vehicle. She was currently fighting her fears. ‘Carrie… I’m sorry…’

She, of course, didn’t care about her apology. Carrie immediately wrapped Pov’s arms on her shoulder. Before she lifted her up, Pov managed to grab the luggage which she had packed. With the last of her strength. Carrying it with her. ‘We’re going to jump.’

‘Wha—’

Carrie started running. Pov on her shoulder.

Is this even safe?! Pov questioned, but deep down she knew the answer: of course not.

They jumped over the railing. If Pov decided to do more of this freefalling thing, to experience more of this sensation of having the content of her stomach rising because gravity happened, then maybe she would start developing fear toward hei—

Splash!

The water was suffocating. Forget heights. She would develop fear of water at this rate.

With freefalling, at least Pov could tell which direction was up and which direction was down (although left and right did get vague somehow). However, submerged inside this flowing river like this, she couldn’t get a sense of direction. Which way was up? Which was down? And were her directions for left and right working?

In this darkness, Pov would’ve been scared. But her arm could feel Carrie. Could tell that she was there beside her. Holding tight so that they weren’t separated.

Pov had told countless people about her fear of being alone. Lots of people exploited her after knowing this flaw of hers. Some would say that they understood—but would later find it a hassle to help her. So far, throughout her life since having adopted the fear of being alone, Carrie was… the only one who understood her.

Perhaps it was because she had the same intensity of fear (though toward something else).

Also, when was it that someone would go through such lengths to help her fight against her fear of being alone? Carrie had gone up the ship, despite being deathly afraid of being in vehicles, because she had promised not to leave Pov alone.

Words can’t… describe my gratitude.

Carrie swam toward a direction. Then, they rose out of the water. Air never felt this great before. Took a lack of air to be able to sincerely appreciate how good it felt to breathe.

Carrie grabbed the edge of the river, pulling them up. In Pov’s hand, she still had the luggage. In hindsight, she should’ve let that luggage go, as that thing could have drowned them due to the weight. But all was well that ended well.

Once out of the water, once their breath was caught up, Pov got directly to the point.

‘Carrie, thank y—’

Slap!

Pov’s cheek was burning.

‘You!’ Carrie’s eyes were filled with rage. ‘I told you to never force me into a vehicle!’ Then, not being able to contain her emotions, of having been on the ship, she broke down and cried.

‘I-I’m sorry, Carrie.’ It was her fault. If only she wasn’t pressing buttons. ‘I really am. Please don’t cry. You’re making me want to cry.’ She herself had just experienced what it felt like to confront her own personal fear. Dreadful. How could she subject Carrie to something like that? How much strength did she have to gather to confront her personal fear of vehicles like that? She did that for her. ‘I’m really sorry.’ Tears were welling in her eyes. ‘I-I really do.’

Beside the river, Pov and Carrie both cried. For different reasons, but they both cried anyway.