Volume 3 – Chapter 34: The Weight of Choices

Date: 4 September

Last 26 Days. 

The days merged and so did their thoughts, each moment hazy with uncertainty and lingering doubts. The collapse of the world has somehow been turned into something tangible-an almost physical presence surrounding every corner of their lives, even in the momentary silence. Yet still, there is urgency-a kind of understanding that whatever this moment demands of them would define the rest of their journey.

Kaito was up early, gray light filtering through the window casting its long lines across the room. There was a certain unnerving quality to the quiet even in its stillness. Slowly he put himself upright, his mind still stumbling over the questions it carried into the night. Rika lay beside him under blankets, her body being caved in by sleep, the only activity in the room being the steady rise and fall of her chest.

He could not help but consider the future. Or more accurately, the lack of one. The term "ending," which had always seemed distant, though approaching, now became inevitable daily. Yet through it all, they continued to fight-they continued to cling to something proved at times impossible.

But there was something different about it now, something more. The words Kanna had spoken kept echoing in his mind: "It's not really about the end; it's about how we live." The idea seemed quite simple, yet in the face of such immeasurable depths of despair, it was quickly thereafter reduced to a fragile thread. Could it really matter?

Rika stirred beside him and fluttered her eyes open as she followed the dim light. She smiled softly at him when she caught him sitting there lost in thought.

"You're thinking again," she said softly.

Kaito sighed and sunk back against the wall, making eye contact with her. "Yeah, I suppose I am."

Rika sat up, and the light refracted in her eyes, reflecting a sadness that had become way too familiar over the last few days. "What about?"

"Everything," Kaito said. "About why we keep going, about what happens after all this. "I don't understand anymore why we are fighting."

She was silent for a long time, putting his words together in her head. "I think it is not what we are really fighting over, Kaito. I think it is about who we are fighting for. And right now, that’s us. It’s the people who are still here with us."

Slowly, Kaito nodded, but still, doubt lingered in his thoughts. "But what if it is totally useless? What if we delay the inevitable?"

Rika held his hand, her fingers enmeshed in his. "Maybe it is bound to happen. Maybe everything comes to a point where it will do so. But that does not mean we must go meekly. We can make what little time we've left count. We can live, fight what matters, even if we do not know what's out there next."

With a glimpse, Kaito realized that there was hardly anything in a long time he had felt-Hope. It is not much, but it is something, and maybe this is all they needed-a little something to hold onto in the midst of all the madness.