Chapter 32: It’s too late for that Rin.

They all returned to headquarters, and a strange, tense feeling hung over everyone there.
Their exhausted bodies sank onto the seats…
Ten days had passed since the Battle of Bial…
Yet…
Their bodies were still weary,
Their wounds still wrapped in bandages,
They still couldn’t sleep at night.
And now Arni was threatening them with another enemy…

Mika, sitting next to his brother, said, “What did that man mean…? Why does he talk in riddles?”
Ayk replied, “I don’t know… There’s a lot we don’t know…”

The members of the squad were scattered around that common room. Rin was on the couch across from the door, eyes on it. Elir sat waiting for Nier.

Rin—one who looked like he hadn’t slept in days—stood in front of Elir unsteadily and asked, “Can I talk to you for a bit?” Elir looked at him but didn’t respond.

Ren’s voice trembled sadly, on the verge of tears, “When I saw you kill that man… with cold blood… I thought you were a monster… How can you kill a soul that easily? But… when…” He clenched his fists, then said, “When my own weapon pierced a body, too… I haven’t stopped… I haven’t stopped shaking ever since… Is that how you felt? When you killed your first soul?”

Elir leaned his head back against the couch, answering with indifference, “No.”

Rin stared at him, shocked. Elir continued, “I didn’t feel anything at all.”

Rin said, “Elir…” But Elir stood up, moving away from him. Rin repeated weakly, “How, then… If you won’t tell me… how do I deal with this feeling…? How do I go on, knowing my weapon tore through all these bodies…? How do I sleep at night?”

He stood in front of Elir, continuing, “I want to sleep, Elir…”

Elir gave no answer, and no one else knew what to say either. Rin collapsed onto the couch, sobbing, “I don’t even know what’s right anymore. Those men… Was it right to kill them? Weren’t they people too?”

Mika, clearly emotional, said, “What are you talking about, Ren? Did you take a blow to the head or something? It doesn’t matter who they were—if they come to kill some of the scum who lived miserable lives… They deserved every hit they got on their damned bodies!”

Ayk interjected, “Mika…”

Mika shouted, tears glimmering in his eyes, “But—Skiki… What did she ever do to anyone? What did she have to do with any of this?!”

Ren, feeling helpless, said, “I’m sorry… I just… I don’t know what to do…” He looked at Elir, tears streaming down his face, “How do I get rid of this feeling, Elir?”

Elir turned to him and spoke flatly, “You saved Nier’s body, and for that… Nier is here now. So—I have my word… I will protect you… I’ll stand beside you in battles… I’ll repay that favor. But… I don’t care how you feel, or what you think, so don’t expect me to bat an eyelash if I see you getting killed right in front of me.”

Ren’s eyes widened in shock, and he backed away in his seat. Everyone around them stared at Elir, stunned and in disbelief. Sol shouted, “What is wrong with you, you bastard?! Everyone’s in pain here! Why do you have to be like this?!”

Sabana yelled at Elir, “Is that how you talk to your commander, you Black Soul?!” She drew her weapon, saying, “Do you need a little discipline, or do you think I’m afraid of you because you have wings now?!”

Ayk stood up, putting a hand on Elir’s shoulder, “Listen… I saw this man running through the flames to retrieve your friend’s body… So you could say goodbye to him. Don’t speak like that to someone whose friend literally owes him his life!”

Elir looked at him briefly, then said with a questioning look, “You smell of blood…”

Ayk took a step back, startled and embarrassed, eyes wide as he stared at Elir. He’s saying these things… so calmly… He doesn’t mean to hurt them, but every word out of his mouth pierces their hearts.

Seeta approached Ren, who was still crying on the couch. She asked, “Are you okay?” Rin looked up at her, unable to speak. Seeta continued, “I don’t really know what to say to you, either…” She raised her trembling hands with a tearful laugh, “Look… My hands haven’t stopped trembling either… Because I killed my own mother with these hands… They’ll never stop shaking, But… eventually it passes… That feeling will pass…”

Sabana turned her face in discomfort… Rin looked at her in surprise, “How…?” Seeta merely smiled at him and stood up. She then turned to Elir, still smiling, and abruptly slapped him hard across the face.

Mika sprang up in alarm for her, but Seeta spoke in a shaky voice, “We were all in pain… We could barely move… But the only thing we thought about when the fire inside Nier awakened… We all suffered for your sake… our heart broke for you.. And Commander Ren… He suffered the most for you… So… Don’t make things harder on all of us…”

She stared at Elir for a bit, tension clear on her face. Everyone watched anxiously. Mika moved closer to Seeta slowly, worried about her safety. All eyes were on Elir’s face… They all held their breath awaiting his reaction…

It was blank, devoid of emotion— as if he was gazing into the distance at nothing in particular. Yet… they couldn’t help but feel a looming sense of danger… Silence weighed heavily on the room… Seeta stood facing Elir… Mika was next to her…

But… Elir moved—he stepped away from Seeta and left the room. Everyone felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted from their chests.

Mika said to Seeta, still anxious, “Seeta, have you lost your mind or what?? Half the people in this room were screaming for that boy to be executed because they feared him! What were you thinking??”

Seeta, her eyes still on the door through which Elir had left, answered, “He didn’t seem… He didn’t seem angry… Or like he was about to do anything…”

Mika said, “What do you mean?” Looking at him, confusion clear on her face, Seeta said, “He was looking at me… as if he couldn’t see me at all.”

Mika ran out of patience, “What are you talking about?! You don’t know what he might do!” Seeta’s voice sounded distant, “He wasn’t seeing me at all…” She glanced back at the door again… She didn’t feel scared, nor threatened by Elir— but rather something even worse… How could he look her in the eyes… and not see her?

Sol, fear creeping into his voice, said, “That’s what I’ve been saying! That kid is dangerous! Even his own kind can’t trust him—So how can we trust this emotionless, coldhearted Light?! It’s insane! President Arni has really lost it!”

Ayk replied, “He’s harsh, but that doesn’t mean we should just let him die! It’s not like he chose to turn into a Light! I saw it with my own eyes!”

Sabana said, “There’s no use talking about it now… President Arni agreed to keep him around.”

Sol slammed his hand on the table in anger, “Hasn’t he learned anything? Two hundred years have passed, and he hasn’t learned a thing!!”

Next to him, Berko stared at Ren, who was slumped on the couch. Berko spoke with disdain, “Look at you… Groveling before a Black Soul… Degrading yourself… How much lower will you sink?”

Ren, despondent, said, “I don’t need this from you right now, Berko…” Berko shouted at him, “What you need is to wake up!! Have you forgotten who you are? You’re a human soldier! You’re the commander of these hybrid monsters!! Know your place!”

Rin paused, then replied, “You know what I need right now?” He looked at Berko and shouted, “I need my damn best friend!!”

Rin pounded his chest, “I needed you in that battle—and you left me all alone! I need you now!! And you’re leaving me all alone! Am I no longer your loyal follower who believes in everything you say? Is that why you don’t want me now??”

Berko looked at him, unable to answer. What could he say…? How to respond to something like that? He finally muttered before leaving the room, “Your best friend? It’s too late for that, Ren…”

Ren’s eyes followed him as he walked out the door. Ino watched Rin go with a look of sorrow. A strange feeling overcame all of them… It left a bitter taste in their mouths. A few minutes later… They all left the common room, heading to their bunks.