A Headache Here, A Headache Back Home

“I can’t believe you were spying on us!” Nika frustratingly shouted.

“No need to thank us. We did it purely out of the goodness of our own hearts,” the girl in front said with a bright smile. This only further enraged Nika.

I took a moment to observe the two girls hanging back. They at least had the decency to look ashamed. The one on the right was the tallest of the group. She had a dignified, regal aura around her as curly blond hair swayed in the wing. It still shone even in her moment of disgrace.

The girl on the left was clutching a book. She was the shortest of the group. Her long, chestnut-brown hair adorned her doll-like face. I felt if I hugged her too tightly, she would break into a million tiny shards. Lastly, there was the girl in front, currently bantering with (or perhaps taunting) Nika.

She was taller than the girl with the book but noticeably shorter than Nika. Still, it somehow was as if she was the one who had a power advantage. She reminded me of a small, energetic, constantly barking dog. I realized that wasn’t the only thing different about her: her light-brown hair was cut short. In my short time in Miklagardia, every other girl I had seen had long hair. I set down my bags to free my hands.

“It’s nice to meet you. My name is John,” I said, interrupting the conversation between Nika and the short-haired girl. I extended my hand out with my palm down for the proper blessing.

The short-haired girl stared at my hand for a few moments. Finally, she raised her own hand high and the air and proceeded to smack mine down with all her might.

I screamed in pain. The other girls, sans Ms. Short Hair, recoiled in shock.

“What the hell was that for?” I yelled at the girl.

“That was a high-five, the traditional Western greeting! I saw it once in a movie. Anyways, I’m Melissa. Nice to meetcha, dude!”

“That’s not how you do a high-five! And they don’t do that for introductions!”

“You don’t?” Melissa asked curiously.

“He’s right,” Book Girl said, “In the West, people like him do handshakes.”

“Oh, that’s lame!”

“Actually, I’m not a Westerner at all. I’m from Ustasia,” I explained.

“They’re all practically Westerners,” the girls echoed in unison. Great, they found the one thing they all agree on, and it’s at my expense. A dark look then overtook Nika’s face.

“I can’t believe you’d do something like that. I should throttle you right now!” Nika shouted at Melissa. She must have remembered her previous anger at the spunky brunette.

“You’d have to catch me first,” Melissa said in a sing-song voice before sprinting back towards the marketplace. Nika gave out a battle cry before pursuing her. The two engaged in a game of cat-and-mouse like in a cartoon. Melissa jumped and ducked over food stands with impressive athleticism, always dodging Nika’s grasp at the last second. This continued for much longer than it should have. Simply watching that chaos made me exhausted, so I turned back to the other two girls beside me.

The blond-haired girl approached me. I extended my hand out like last time. Thankfully, she did a normal Miklagardian blessing instead of assaulting me.

“Tatiana Phanariotes. It’s a pleasure to be acquainted, John. I hope Melissa didn’t hurt you too badly. Please forgive her. She meant no real harm.”

“Well, sure. If you’re asking me like that, I can’t really refuse,” I replied.

I turned to Book Girl and repeated my introductory gesture. Unlike Nika and Tatiana, she elected to only use one of her hands to cover the top of mine.

“Io,” she said.

“I see,” I acknowledged. “Sorry to ask for a favor when we’ve just met, but can you look after my luggage and make sure no one takes it? I have to use the payphone.”

“Certainly,” Tatiana said. Io also gave a small nod.

“Thanks.”

I made my way over to the nearby phone booth. I hesitated before the entrance. I didn’t truly want to call home, but I made a promise. The longer I put it off, the more trouble it would be. I mustered my courage and entered. This thing was ancient; it used a rotary phone. I had only ever seen those in movies before, and now I had to figure out how to use one.

I opened my phone and checked the home phone number I had saved. People in ye olden times may have needed to remember phone numbers, but with the magic of technology, I would never resort to their primitive ways. I threw the change I got from the food stand and, with considerable trial and error, slowly dialed the number, barely remembering to enter the extension number at the beginning.

I could hear the dial tone. Oh man, the dread in my heart was only getting heavier by the second. The phone finally connected. Time to do or die.

“Hey Mom, I—”

“John Caesarea!” screeched the voice othe other side. Yup, this was the woman I had to reluctantly call my mother. “Do you have any idea how worried your father and I have been?”

“Liste—”
“Do not interrrup—”

“No, I have a good expla—”

“John! You will—”

“Shut up!” I hit the wall of the booth in frustration. A loud resounding echo rang out, and I could see cracks forming in the wall. How flimsy was this thing?

“Let me talk for God’s sake,” I continued. “Alright, I got here just fine, but my phone doesn’t have any reception. The international plan isn’t working, and I haven’t been able to find a virtual SIM card. I’m almost at the university, and I have to run if I want to make the orientation. I’ll make a Wi-Fi call to you later once I get to my room.”

“I knew that you buying that stupid Cosmic phone would mess things up. We told you that that phone plan was bad.”

“No you didn’t you stupid hag! You guys forced me to get it because they were ‘trusted partners of the family business’ or whatever! I just got an upgrade with it.”

“Do not use that tone with me. As your mother, I want you to show me some resp—”

I angrily hung up the phone. Enough things had gone wrong today. I didn’t need this additional headache. I casually made my way back to the group, but I could only see Taitana and Nika. Nika was clearly worn out from her earlier chase, visibly panting with every breath. Both of the girls had an air of worry about them.

“Is.. everything… alright, John?” Nika asked with concern. Whoops, I thought I wasn’t being that loud.

“Huh? Oh yeah, I was on the phone with my mom. Sometimes our discussions can get a little heated,” I said.

“Your mother! You talk… to your parents… that way?”

“I know things are different in the West, John,” Tatiana said.

“I’m from Ustasia,” I interjected.

“But a Miklagardian child talking back to their parents like that is unthinkable. You’d have to be very brave to even conceive of attempting to scream like that at your own mother.”

“Scream? No, no, you have it all wrong. We were talking over each other, and I had to somewhat raise my voice to get my message across. Like I said, it was only a little heated.”

“If that’s what you call a little heated, we need to ban you from ever joining the fire department,” Melissa snorted. “And Tati, it’s not about being brave or Western. That’s just the natural Ustasian temperament. I saw it in a documentary once. Don’t you remember the joke about the shepherdess and the Ustasian?” Melissa laughed. Were Ustasians considered a type of wild beast in this country? I could hear Io softly chuckle as well. Where on earth were those two?

“Melissa!” Both girls shouted. It must be one of those kinds of jokes.

“Hey, Melissa, what’s the joke about the shepherds and the—Are you seriously going through my luggage right now?” I furiously asked. Sure enough, I had finally found Melissa and Io. Both of them were squatting down toward the ground, rotting around my electronics bag. Melissa was messing around with my earbuds while Io was twirling my laptop charger around her fingers.

“Sorry John, I tried to stop them, but you can already surmise the futility in that action,” Tatiana said with an apologetic smile. I can’t be angry with you with a smile like that, but I’m sure you could’ve tried a little harder!

“Nika, you said Mikalagardians were an honest people,” I cried.

“Well, the vast majority… of them are at least,” she awkwardly said while taking another breath. Her eyes darted back and forth, dead-set on avoiding my gaze.

“I take offense to your baseless accusations!” Melissa shouted as she jumped up into a standing position and pointed at me. “You asked us to look after your luggage, and we’re looking at it right now! And you also wanted us to ensure that no one took your things! Well, how could we do that if we don’t know what you have! Someone could sneak something out under our noses, and we’d have no idea. So when you look at all the facts, we’re only doing what’s required to fulfill your request. That sounds pretty darn honest to me!”

Io clapped in applause at Melissa’s declaration while nodding enthusiastically. I could only moan in anguish. If this was what the average Miklagardian considered honest behavior, then I’d hate to see their dishonesty.