Why Do You Always Have to Be Like This

The woman laid in bed staring at the wall with Ren’s arm around her waist, back pressed against his chest, and head tucked under his chin. His breathing was slow, but he hadn’t yet slipped into slumber.

Sakura had spent the rest of that evening thinking about Kindra, the child she had, and the one on the way. How the woman was surprised that she didn’t have children of her own. Her shock over learning just how long the demon had been marked by the angel.

She had obsessively picked over what Ivy had suggested, dissecting and trying to determine the best way to be more vulnerable and intimate and open. Considering the things that were best for her. What would be best for Ren.

A future they could agree on.

She knew what she thought that was.

But it really was a decision that they should discuss and make together.

Vulnerable and intimate.

She could do this.

“Ren,” the vixen whispered, pushing down the nerves that bubbled.

“Hm?” His hold on her tightened.

“We need to talk about something.”

“How many times do we have to have this conversation?” he yawned, only partially aware of his surroundings. “I can’t control it. Just don’t acknowledge it, and it’ll go away on its own.”

“I’m not talking about that.” She paused before taking the plunge. “I was wondering… do you think… should we make a child?”

The rest of man’s body went rigid as his breath caught in his throat. This was not what he had expected. He had been half asleep — nice and cozy— and she was throwing this at him out of nowhere. The man didn’t have time to prepare. She had once again deviated away from every possible option and sent him into a tailspin.

Still, the man wasn’t a complete fool.

There was no way it was going to be this easy.

This fucking woman.

Nothing good would come from this.

Only torment.

He peeked his eyes open cautiously. “You’re still mad about that eye, aren’t you? You’re trying to punish me for not taking you to kill that snow dweller.”

Sakura rolled over. “Yeah, I’m still mad about that,” she admitted. “But that has nothing to do with why I’m asking, and I’m not trying to punish you.” Her eyes narrowed in warning. “Yet.”

“Okay, yeah, sure. So, are you drunk?”

“No!” she pouted, humiliated knowing she would never live that night in Golden City down.

“Then why are you asking?” There was no way he was going to get his hopes up.

Not this time.

He was better than that.

Her fingers found his shirt and picked at the fabric, twisting and unraveling it over and over. “I saw Kindra today in the village.”

“That’s right, she’s still around, isn’t she?” Ren groaned, everything suddenly becoming perfectly clear. “So, what bullshit did she have to spew this time?”

“She asked how long I’d been marked for, and if we had children.”

A smirk crawled up his lips. “Did you tell her I’m incompetent?”

The vixen choked on her uncomfortable laughter. “No! Though she probably assumes one of us is. It’s been years, after all.”

“You’re no fun. You missed a golden opportunity there. That woman would have that information spread to the whole village by the end of the day. Then just imagine the rumors that would go around once you do start pumping them out.”

“That’s awful. Don’t say that. We already have enough problems without making more.” Her smile was luminous as she gazed up at him, her giggles under control. “So, what do you think? Should we?”

He knew he shouldn’t, but his hopes were rising, drifting higher and higher away from his weak grasp. Carefully, his hand crept to her side and down her thigh before testing its way back up, just under her night shirt, ready to venture further. “Is this an invitation?”

And just as quickly as they had risen, did they deflate and crash onto the cold, hard, unforgiving ground below.

“No!” Her smile gone and brows furrowed as she slapped his offending hand and whispered furiously. “What are you doing? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” he snapped back quietly. “You’re a fucking monster, you know that? How else was I supposed to take all that?”

“Not that way. I wasn’t inviting anything right now. I’m just trying to be more intimate and vulnerable with you.”

There was no hiding the disgust that plastered across his face. “What?! What does that even mean? How drunk are you?”

“I’m not drunk, and I don’t really know what it means,” she sighed, her frustration dissipating while her disappointment in herself grew, her voice quickening with the building realization of impending failure. “Ivy told me that I’m afraid, and I should be more open with you. That way I can be more affectionate and honest and not so avoidant. And I’m trying to do that— I really, really am— but it’s not going the way I thought it would. I’m terrible at this, and now…” A large hand clamp around her mouth, silencing her meltdown.

“Alright, it’s alright. Simmer down,” Ren spoke slowly, monitoring the de-escalating frenzy in her eyes as he removed his hand. “Just breathe. Think.” He paused, making the rash decision to push forward. “You know, there are easier ways for us to be more vulnerable and intimate. It doesn’t have to be so difficult.” His voice lowered as fingers plucked at the bottom of her nightshirt, having not yet fully learned his lesson. “Since you’re having a rough time figuring it out, I can gladly show you.” He hissed in pain and pulled his hand back after taking another smack. “If you would just stop hitting and behave!”

Sakura smacked his hand again to drive the point home. “How can you even think that’s an option? Ivy and Zero are right there.”

“No, they’re not. They’re in a completely separate room. They’ll never know.”

“No! I meant sometime in the future. After they’re gone.”

“I’ll make them gone right fucking now,” he growled. “They can go live in the hole. This is my house. I’ll do as I please.”

“Not with me you won’t.” Her eyes narrowed, a warning to the man. “And don’t you dare kick them out. This is just as much their home as ours, and if they go, I go.”

“Fuck!” Ren inhaled aggressively, holding the air before slowly releasing it from his lungs as he calmed himself while formulating a scheme to his advantage. “Fine. But I want something in return, and you’re not allowed to deny me. It’s your punishment for always tormenting me when I’m always so nice to you.”

The demon pursed her lips, thinking it over. “I don’t think I want this.”

“Tough shit. Lay on your back. Now.”

The woman hesitated but complied as he shimmied down the bed, wrapping his arm around her hips and laying his head on her chest.

“Oh!” the angel exclaimed quietly, his mood instantly improved. “These are very nice. I like these. You did good in growing them for me.”

Sakura rolled her eyes while shaking her head, her arms coming around him as her fingers drifted mindlessly through his hair. “I didn’t exactly have a choice in the matter. They just sorta started growing one day and didn’t stop for a while.”

“Yeah, I remember that day.” Ren chuckled at the sharp tugging of his curls. “You’re always so modest. You really didn’t have to go all out like this though just cause those village girls told you that bigger was better. I would have been just as thrilled with a smaller pair.” He snuggled down into said pair’s softness, nice and cozy once again, and closed his eyes.

“I’m sure you would have.” She smiled and listened to the angel’s steady breathing. He really was a patient man, and it made the guilt pick at her. Just a little. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention to get your hopes up this time.”

“This time?! As opposed to all the other times?”

“Well… yeah. But that’s not the point. I’m trying to apologize and say that I should have thought this one through a little better.”

“Yeah,” he agreed wholeheartedly. “You probably should have. But, whatever, I’m used to it. I can wait. I’ve gotten pretty good at it. If you’re not ready, then you’re not ready.”

“And you’re okay with that?” the woman asked softly.

Ren turned his head towards her and snorted with disdain. “Hell no. It’s fucking awful. I hate it. If it was only up to me, I would have taken you a long time ago. But it’s not just me. It’s you, too, so I guess you get a say as well.” He chuckled as she glared at him. “Glare all you want. You know I love you, and I’ll never make you do something you’re uncomfortable with.” He considered the weight of his words for a moment. “Within reason. You’re still cleaning the coop once we get chickens again.”

Sakura scowled, having hoped she could shirk off that responsibility onto someone else. “I hate cleaning the coop. It stinks.”

“We all have something we’re good at. You just happen to be good at shoveling shit.”

She was good at it, mostly in part to having to always do it as punishment. Practice makes perfect, and she had a lot of it. The woman knew she’d end up doing it, but she wasn’t going to agree to it so easily.

She’d just keep it to herself for now.

The two watched each other, eyes speaking without words. Their past, their present, their future. Everything they had, and lost, and found. The way his fingers snuck up along her body as hers slipped through to join them, his lips brushing against each tip.

The fight.

The desperation.

The obsession.

Two sides of the same coin.

Separate, but together.

They were the darkness.

The flame.

Shadows.

Guiding the way.

Emeralds abandoned sapphires, looking across the room at something not yet there. With a click of the bedroom door, two pairs of feet padded across the floor and escaped from the home.

A mischievous grin overtook the man’s face as he heard the door close. “Oh, I guess you were right. That could have been very embarrassing for them had I not stopped you in time.” Ren pushed himself away from the woman and got up from the bed.

Sakura sat up after him. “Leave them alone, don’t follow them. It’s none of your business.”

“I’m gonna make it my business.” He held out his hand to her. “Come on, just real quick. I know you’re curious what they’re up to this late.”

She was, and that’s why she took his hand and followed him to the door as he opened it ever so slowly, and they peeked outside.

Though it was well into the night, the moon was full and so close that it could give one the confidence to reach out and attempt to touch it. So bright it lit every blade of grass in its soft glow. So loud that it silenced the creek and breeze with its song.

And under it all…

Was a dream.

The gracing of their fingers.

The adorning of their feet.

The way they twisted and swayed, flowed and spun.

Like leaves in the breeze.

Phantoms of the night.

The boy and the girl.

Devil and fae.

Crimson and violet.

The sun and the moon.

A ritual.

A prayer.

A worship.

Two beings otherworldly.

Sakura sighed, breathless, a conflation of every emotion and sensation pooling together and spilling from her eyes. “It’s her dance.”

The one she had witnessed time and time throughout the years.

The one she had never been invited to join.

There was no place for her.

Only Ivy.

But it was never meant to be only Ivy’s.

It was for the one she reached out to, called for, summoned to join.

It was Zero’s.

It had always been.

Both.

Together.

Finally complete.

Ren looked down and wiped away the woman’s tears as she did the same for him. His arms wrapped around her waist as hers went around his shoulders, clutching tightly. His voice soft, barely there, “Come on. Let’s go to bed. Leave them be.” He lifted her and gently closed the door behind them.