Kindness

Live for myself? What did that even mean? I stared at the bracelet a bit while I walked away. All I had ever done was for someone that wasn’t even real. That consumed all of my thoughts. Even when I was a child. Everything was ending and wasted everything on something completely pointless. What have I been doing?

Whatever living for myself meant, I think that had to be better than what I was doing. I guess I need to figure out what I want.

I made my way back to the house of Eresil and Yumie. They did give me their names again and I could actually remember them this time. I may not remember leaving the Wastes clearly, but the last few hours I did. The haze looked to be finally lifting. I would really use that to focus.

Being away from armies, battle, deserts and mysteries felt refreshing. There wasn’t anything complicated here. I could just sit and gather myself. The small bed of flowers out in front with a large tree gave a nice comforting place to sit. Shade from the sun was welcome after months of finding any way to shelter from it.

“Announcement! Good day, Miss!” a cheerful voice called out. It was a young woman waving to me. Not anyone that I remember seeing wandering. I guess everyone was just really friendly in this town. I’m not unfamiliar with this much attention, but it usually required me presenting myself as a Speaker rather than just existing. It was a little of a strange feeling. But not unwelcome. I think.

I waved back trying to smile, but not finding it possible. Too many things still weighed on me. I looked back to the flowers. What was I going to do? How long should I stay? I can’t live off the kindness of others for long. I need to do something with myself. But what? What should I do now?

Immediately my mind went to my parents. I should naturally return them. But Cathlin more or less kicked me out of the village. When I left, I thought I’d return soon, but I’ve walked and talked to enough people to understand better now. If I returned I’d just be a problem for him. Provided he was able to keep the lie to everyone, he wouldn’t want me risking that. Even if all I did was stay home.

A sigh came out of me as I laid back catching some of the sky. Was I even welcome back? Of course my parents would, but how far could I really go? Would he just invent another reason for me to leave? What should I do?

Nothing got resolved under the tree. It just provided me with some necessary comfort and time. It was the first time in a while I didn’t have to think too much about understanding some grand conspiracy or something. A personal question felt about all I wanted to take on for now. I could manage that.

The day passed in the end. I didn’t see the need to rush to an answer. The more important question was what I was going to do about staying in the town. I didn’t feel comfortable with just doing nothing, even if the idea was appealing. They just didn’t know what I had been through. And I couldn’t tell them. I had to return their kindness.

For now I just helped around the house with odd chores. Anything that made myself useful. The warm smells of baking and another voice that wasn’t barking orders or trying to worship felt like a relief. I could stay here for a while. It felt welcoming, truly.

In the afternoon I sat out against the tree once more. Waving to those that passed by, the day looked better than the last. Perhaps a little normal labor was what I needed.

The next day, I found myself helping with repairs to a neighbor’s house. A recent storm had damaged part of the exterior. They hadn’t fixed it yet since it wasn’t critical, but they were finally getting around to it. With Eresil aiding, we made short work of the repairs. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as grueling work as I expected. Why didn’t I feel so tired from it? All I did was read books all day. Manual labor isn’t my usual activity.

It felt good though. I wiped away the bit of sweat I had and looked back to Eresil’s house.

He patted me on the back. “Now there’s a good smile! That cloud finally lift, Eshikra?”

“Maybe it has.” I nodded and started walking back. As we made it back, a few passing people waved and smiled to us. Returning the kindness I went back inside.

After dinner concluded, I looked up from the meal to the couple. “I think I’m going to stay a little longer. You know somewhere I could rent to work or something?”

“You can stay here as long as you like, Eshikra.”

“I don’t want to keep imposing on you.”

Eresil smiled and took his wife’s hand. “There’s a few houses that she can use.”

“I don’t need that much, just someone with a spare for travelers or something.”

“There is the temple.”

“I’d prefer not to trouble them.”

My fast reply stunned them for a moment. “Then a house should work. No one will be bothered by it. We’ve had a few leave in recent months, so you can use that.”

“Leave?”

“To return to family in other towns. You know how it is.”

“Yeah…” I guess if they’ve abandoned the house to return to family, then that wouldn’t be a problem. It’s not like I’d be using the house for long. Just until I figured out what I wanted to do with what time remained.

The following day, Eresil showed me over to one of the houses that he mentioned. It looked so well maintained that I would have thought someone still lived there. There was even furniture around, which I guess made sense. They probably didn’t have the means to take it all with them. They could only take what they could carry.

“What you think?”

“I’m surprised. I sort of imagined an empty house. I wasn’t looking for much, this is more than I needed.”

“We all pitch in to keep the place looking nice. Everyone helps each other and looks out for one another.”

“It’s very kind of you. Especially after it’s been abandoned.”

“This town is our home. Everyone should be happy living here.”

Like before, he said it with such a strong smile. It was hard not to grin a little back. They all had a very strong warm presence. It was hard not to get swept up into it. The Wastes felt so long ago now. Ministra, Gerth, Cathlin, everything just disappeared. It didn’t matter. I was doing this for myself. I nodded. “I think this will work until I know what I want to do. Thanks!”

“Glad to hear it! Yumie’s working up a meal for you. Let’s tell her the good news and we can get you set up with something to cook on your own!” He almost seemed more eager than me. But I followed as thoughts of anything else faded from my mind. Rest and recovery was all that I could see now. This would be perfect.

A care package from Yumie and aid from my new neighbors got me on my feet. There was a bit of weirdness with the house being fully furnished, like I was stealing someone else's home. But they were gone, not returning. And as I kept telling myself, it wasn’t going to be forever. Even if they did end up changing their minds. I wouldn’t be here if they returned.

Days passed into a week, as I just relaxed. Sometimes I kept to myself just enjoying the silence. Though most times, someone would come by to invite me out to help or just want to share a meal. They were all very welcoming. I found it hard not to be smiling more around them.

Sitting outside, I saw Forne walking up to me with a large basket of food. He was the neighbor a couple houses down. I helped him the other day with his broken door. Though today he looked oddly jittery, though still smiling. “Eshikra, I g-got some food for you. Thought y-you might be running out.”

I wish I could pay for it. Work had been my only answer and they were all kind to provide that solution. So food wasn’t hard to come by. But I was getting guilty of all of the offers. This was too much food. I felt the weight of the basket in my arms pull me down a little. “Forne, this is too much. I’m alone. I couldn’t possibly eat all this.”

“It’ll keep for a week for the most part. It’s thanks for the door.” He fixed me with an intent stare that insisted.

“If you say so. Thanks!” With my acceptance, he hurried off looking side to side at no one. I wonder if something was bothering him. I didn’t see him for the rest of the day.

In the late morning, the day after, I walked over to Forne’s home carrying some baked sweets I made with some of the food he gifted me. I figured thanks could go both ways. But Ethie waved to me as I crossed by her home. “Eshikra! Out for a walk today?”

“Sort of, I was going to see Forne.” I motioned with the food I had in my hands.

“Oh, I’m sorry, he left this morning. Went to family in Berent, the village to the east.”

Huh? He just left without a word? Was that why he gave me so much food? Was this everything he had on him? But why did he seem rattled? What changed for him?