You Understand Nothing

"Hey... Hey kid, wake up! You'd better not be dead!" Rang out a sharp, agitated voice faintly. Any sound around me was being mostly drowned out by the loud, obnoxious ringing in my ears. Everything hurt, from the top of my head down to my aching feet. How I ended up in this state, I can't remember. As I tried to recall previous events, it all came out as a messy amalgamation of shouting and conflict. 

"I swear, if you're dead, then I'll go shoot down that wretched old man myself!" The voice grumbled. Suddenly, I felt a slapping weight of liquid splash down onto my face, soaking up my head and torso. My hands immediately flung to my face and scrambled to wipe off the ice cold water. Darting up, I opened my eyes wide and looked beside me to see a tall, old lady. She had stern, narrow-looking eyes and a look that felt as if it could genuinely kill. A cigarette rested between her lips, but you could catch a glimpse of the old lady's teeth clamping down on it firmly, most likely expressing frustration. She didn't appear familiar, but at the same time, I could've sworn I've seen her before. Wasn't she... a friend of my parents?

"About damn time. Don't go lying back down, or I'll drench you again." She tossed the washtub to the ground, making a loud clatter. 

Placing my hand on my chest, I tried slowing down my fast panting. However, my breathing only grew faster as I began to clearly recollect fragments of the previous moments before I fell unconscious. There was an army. A large army of trolls going through the city's main route. I think it was... "collection day", as they called it. 

The lady pulled a wrinkled, folded up piece of paper from out of her pocket and tossed it onto my lap. 

"This was all that I could find to give you. Considering how abruptly things ended, there wasn't really any chance to ask them if there was anything else."

Something meant for me? Why? And what did she mean by, "Considering how abruptly things ended", as if something tragic happened earlier? After blankly staring at the folded paper for a moment, I picked it up from my lap and began to unfold it. 

"This is..." 

It was an old-looking family photo, greasy stains and wear around the corners of it. The first thing my eyes caught in the photo were my parents, standing there with a smile on their face. In the middle, there stood my eight year old self... But something was off. When did I ever have blue hair, and why did I appear so... feminine? Oddities aside, there were no strange differences about my parents, appearing the same as they always did. Slowly, I gathered more fragments of what previously happened, enough to form a vague gist. A question played on repeat in my head, "What happened to my parents?". I tried to stand, my legs wavering from a lack of balance due to my fatigue. Placing my hand against the wall for support, I walk over the to the old lady, who had left the room to smoke without distractions. 

"Miss... W-What happened to my parents? The most I can remember, it was the weekly collection... There were lots of trolls, and the General as well... M-My parents, I remember them starting a huge fuss over it, something about how the city wouldn't be able to keep this up. They tried fighting back, b-but I can't remember anything from that point on..."

She sat there, not even glancing in my direction. My breathing was shaky, and so was my body. I felt so overwhelmed by nerves and panic running through my mind, that I could fall unconscious again at any moment. Puffing out more smoke from her cigarette, the old lady only continued to ignore my presence. 

"Please, I have to know! Where are my-"

"They're dead."

She took the cigarette out from in between her lips and tapped it against the ashtray. Letting out a sigh, she leaned back in her chair, still not even passing a glance in my direction. 

"The two of them, they tried to put up a fight against the general. It was pathetic, especially for her..." The old lady rubbed the back of her head with her wrist, seemingly irritated by the thought of it. "Of course, they were no exception to the consequences that would come out of rebellion."

It was so blunt, so... emotionless, the way she said it. I couldn't tell whether it was from a lack of caring, or perhaps a cover up for her own feelings welling up. Either way, it pissed me off. As I opened my mouth, readying myself to chew her out for her seemingly apparent carelessness, I fell to my knees. Words unable to leave my mouth, all that came out were sad, choked sobs. 

"Don't hold it against yourself, kid. In that situation, there was nothing you could have done." The old lady said. Despite the unchanging tone of her voice, she let out a somewhat upset-sounding sigh.

The cyclone of emotions within me was too much to bear. I was overwhelmed by sadness, anger, hopelessness... but most prominently, guilt and regret. I clutched my fist hard, my knuckles turning white. 

"Th-That's not true..."

"Hm?"

Sucking in through my clenched teeth, I wasn't about to stay there wailing, as if it were fated for me to be a helpless victim in what happened. 

"That's not true! There is something I could've done! If I were stronger and bigger, I could've helped my mom and dad! Maybe they wouldn't have gotten killed then!" I shouted, pouring my guilt and regret into the what-ifs, and thinking about the alternate possibilities. Possibilities in which my parents wouldn't have to die.

"I'm going to kill them all... I'm going to kill every last one of those trolls! Each and every one of them!" Sniffling and my vision blurring from overflowing tears, I made a vow to myself internally. I have to change, not only for myself, but for the good of everyone. I would never allow another person to fall victim to the trolls again on my watch.

"That way... nobody has to feel what I'm going through right now, ever!"

With a large gasp, Bennett woke up.

"What... was that?" He said, panting heavily. It was if he was sucked so far into his dream, he completely forgot to breathe. Sitting up, he placed his hand on his forehead. With a slow, long exhale, he steadies his breathing.

"...?"

From in between his legs, a black, featureless head turned towards Bennett. It watched him attentively, giving off a feeling of concern.

"Oh, Noir..."

Reaching his hand forward, Bennett gently patted Noir's head and smiled.

"Don't worry, I'm alright. Just had a strange dream, is all."

"Strange" was an understatement. It was familiar, as Bennett remembered the moments of the past that unfolded in his dream clear as day. On the opposite note, something was... off about it. Not only were there those odd differences, such as his blue hair and different appearance, but there was this odd feeling as he was in the dream, as if he were detached from reality or didn't belong. It was hard for Bennett to explain in his head, but he wasn't about to start dwelling on it. Looking up as he sat on the bookstore's roof, he gazed at the starry night sky, with the moon's radiance glowing down on him peacefully. It was one of the few things that remained harmonious despite these rough times.

"Hey Noir, do you think that there's a place far out there, away from any calamity, war, or injustice, that's waiting for us?"

"..."

"Well, that is true. It probably has it's own habitants already, but you get what I mean! Somewhere that'll accept anyone, no matter their appearance or status, and let them freely live their lives to the fullest! No room for oppression, worries, or any of that nonsense B.S..."

Bennett can't help but chuckle at the thought. It sounds ridiculous, but at the same time, it sounds so ridiculously pleasing that he wants to keep believing so.

"Cause' if there is, I wanna see it."

"..."

As Noir spoke, it was as if it struck Bennett by surprise. A question, so testing and almost appalling to him, he completely froze for a moment, unknowing of how to answer. After several long seconds of silence, he sighed and stood up.

"Please don't go testing me this late, Noir. If you keep doing so, it'll make me even crankier when I wake up tomorrow."

The shopkeeper's bell jingled, alerting Granny. She yawned, the events of the day having taken a toll on her energy reserves.

"Welcome back. How was your nap?" Granny asked Bennett in a somewhat teasing way. After living with him for several years, she can easily tell when Bennett's woken up on the wrong side of bed.

"My nap was just fine, thank you. I feel super revitalized." Bennett replied sarcastically, smirking. He peered through the slightly open door to the back room, and noticed Lancelot fast asleep, sprawled out on the floor like a dead animal.

"So even if I wanted to, guess I wouldn't have been able to keep questioning her after all." Bennett let out a slight chuckle, quietly as to not accidentally wake up Lancelot. He walked over to his glaive, which was lying against the wall. His hooded coat hung against the sharp edge of the blade. He unhooked it and put it on.

"And where are you going at this hour?" Granny asked, crossing her arms questioningly.

"I'm going to do a round of the city, make sure nothing sketchy is going on late at night when barely anyone's awake to catch it." Holstering the glaive with the sash, Bennett turned to leave.

"That's unusual, even for you. Stay in for the night, get some actually good sleep for once." 

"If I don't go, then who will?"

Narrowing her eyes, Granny let out a sad puff of her cigarette. 

"Would it kill you to lend this old lady some proper company for once? Yes, you are to thank for the girl being safe, as well as keeping troll activity in the city to a minimum... Still, you shouldn't go acting like you carry the world's weight on your shoulders."

As Bennett was about to reach for the entrance door's handle to leave, he stopped in his tracks. 

"You're still young, stop trying to be a superhero. Even if times are extremely rough nowadays, you should live these years to the fullest before you become old and rotten like I am."

Having struck a nerve hearing Granny's words, he turned around to meet Granny's eyes with both anger and an underlying vulnerability in his.

"If you haven't noticed, the world's weight is on my shoulders... " Bennett clutched his fist. "Day by day, the trolls run rampant, causing nothing but suffering in their path. And who's there to stop them? Me and only me! Nobody around here puts in the same effort I do!"

"I understand how you feel, Bennett, but you're far too full of y-"

"You understand nothing! My mom and dad died because I didn't have the strength to stop the trolls when I needed it most! You can't stop me... There's nothing you can say to convince me, either." Long ago, Bennett decided he wouldn't let his life be fated by his weakness any longer, and he wasn't about to let that change for him any time soon.

Turning back around, he reached for the door handle. As his fingers made contact with it, he heard the cocking sound of a shotgun. 

"We both know you aren't going to shoot", Bennett said with a scoff.

"I will if I need to." Granny retorted, the shotgun steadily aimed to Bennett's leg. She mentally prepared to herself to pull the trigger on him if Bennett as much as took a step forward.

"You pull that trigger, you'll seriously injure me, and you'll wake up the girl. There's nothing positive that'll come out of that." 

Granny furrowed her brow, and her teeth began clenching hard against the cigarette.

"Enough! Enough with being a stubborn, delusional child! I have no idea what's gotten into you, but I don't like it one bit! I've grown tired of your short naps, your protein bars, and above all, you putting your life at risk daily! You have so many years ahead of you. You need to take care of yourself, maintain your youth as best as you can! Why won't you just quit all of this nonsense!?"

"...Quite bold words for someone who claimed they were going to quit smoking a few weeks ago. Keep it up, and you'll probably die sooner than I will."

"Y-You little... That has nothing to do with this!" Not having expected Bennett to make a comeback with something so personal, all Granny could do was let out a sigh, unsure of how to respond any further. In utter silence, she watched as Bennett left without another word. She dropped the shotgun, and crossing her hands on the register table, she pressed her forehead against them.

"M-Maybe it's best if I pretend I didn't hear anything..." Lancelot whispered to herself, having woken up from Granny and Bennett's argument.

Her eyes welling up with tears, Granny murmured in a shaky voice...

"That boy... If he dies, I have nothing left..."

As Bennett stood at the dark main route of the city, only slightly illuminated by the light of the stars and moon, he took his mask out his coat's pocket and put it on. He then threw on the hood of his coat, being sure to cover his notably striking red hair fully.

"Noir, candle." He whispered, a dark, shadowy candle manifesting into his hand. Despite the small flame at the tip being a deep, pitch black, it illuminated the surroundings brightly. Taking continuous slow steps forward, he observed every visible nook and cranny around him carefully, being sure to stand ready for the arrival of any threat.