Acceptance, Unconditional

Sthuna tensed.

In the wake of the warmth that Eyna’s reassurance had provided him, he had been focused on other things. Admittedly, it wasn't very soldier-like of him. A proper soldier of an Imperial unit would always be on guard. Always questioning. Always watching. But there was a certain comfort in losing himself in the security that the Heartsprings provided. He didn't want to say that it was a game of pretend. He wanted to believe that this was true security.

Eyna’s question was the ice water soaking his scales. Of course, she wouldn't let it go. Of course she would remember the things he'd said. And of course, this question would come up at some point.

She’d make a fine soldier. A magnificent dragon. She had a will of steel. Though if she had been in the Imperial unit with him, he imagined she'd have a bit of trouble with authority. Namely her Keeper…

The thought of Keepers brought unpleasant memories to his mind. Shapes and faces he longed to forget.

He ran a serpentine tongue over his snout. The pearl he’d been playing with, long forgotten, rolled across the stones below. It hit the edge of the little sheltered grove and fell off into the waters below. With a faint plop, the pixie's treasure was lost.

The pixies were going to remember that.

Explaining the details of the Executioner required explaining a lot of other things. Namely, his past. A past that, while not so long ago his living reality, seemed like it had been an entire lifetime away. One he had left behind when he entered the springs.

But beneath Eyna's playfulness and her childlike delight, he sensed a certain gravitas. She wanted to know. She needed to know. And Sthuna would never deny her the truth.

He sat on his hind limbs, tail curled around himself. His voice was low and measured as he spoke. “You saw the Executioner. The one who fought with Father in the fields.”

He realized belatedly that he was now calling Father, Father.

… Something to consider later.

“The Executioner is a high-ranking member of the Arha’Toar army.”

Eyna lifted a brow. “You mean was.”

Sooner caught himself. “Yes… He was.” The word settled oddly with him. The idea that a titan like the Executioner could be gone… It seemed impossible. “He is - was - very important to the military. It was his job to eliminate high-ranking targets.”

“Targets,” Eyna echoed.

“Yes…”

His words slowed as he realized the implications of what he was about to say. How would Eyna, who had grown up, raised around fae beasts, react to this knowledge? That Sthuna had been a part of the very same power that sought the end of her loved ones?

She was watching him with those wide, deep emerald eyes. Hanging on his every word. This was going to hurt her. He was certain of it.

“He hunted many… Fae beasts.” Sthuna held her eyes. Watching for the pain that he knew was coming. “The creatures that were particularly powerful and difficult to access with a military. Creatures such as… Father.”

It was odd. He couldn't quite read her expression. She just seemed to be… Waiting.

He slowed his speech even more. As if teaching a child. “The armies of the Arha’Toar hunt fae…”

He paused.

She paused.

He waited for the tears. The accusations. He braced against it.

Eyna wrinkled her nose. “Is that it?”

Sthuna blinked. “Ah…?”

She folded her arms. “ I already put that much together. It was kind of obvious, you know.”

“It… Was?”

She gave a little puff of laughter at his startled expression. “Uh. Yeah? First of all, the way you acted when you first got here. All the things that you said. Your attitude towards everyone. What - did you think you were being subtle?”

“I…” Sthuna felt a touch disgruntled by how at ease she seemed. “You’re not… You’re not upset?”

“Why would I be upset? Sthuuuuna.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “ You do realize that you haven't truly hurt a single person in the entire time that you've been here, right? Except maybe the honeycakes. Oh. Ah. I guess you also did give Father a bit of a clawful. And you bit me. But that doesn’t count.”

Honeycakes. She counted those as a fatality. Ever since he'd crushed the one, he hadn't heard the end of it.

She tut-tutted. “You're all bark and no bite.”

It was true that he had not hunted any amongst the Heartsprings. But that didn't mean he was harmless. “... I am not.”

“Are so.”

He grunted in response. But he couldn't deny the way that her reaction made him feel. There was no judgement in her eyes. There had never been any judgement. She seemed to simply accept him so openly and freely…

He could not permit it under false pretenses. He simply could not.

Sthuna didn't want to shatter the acceptance she had of him. But he needed her to understand. Even if it meant that she would reject him. She had to understand.

“... I’ve killed before, Eyna. Do you understand? I’ve killed beings just like the ones that live here. My life has revolved around hunting, subduing and sometimes killing fae. I’m not… Like you. My claws…” They reflexively dug into the ground. “They are stained. I’m a harsh thing. A wretched one.”

He was not a gentle creature who had been raised in the soft light of the Heartsprings. He had tasted blood upon his tongue. He had felt flesh under his claws.

She was quiet for many moments. It was just the sound of the waterfall behind them. Falling water in a steady stream.

He hung on her every movement and every expression.

“I don't really know what it means to kill someone. I won't pretend that I do. But if I imagine it…” She trailed off for a moment. Her eyes looked over the curtain of water. “It does seem like a terrible thing.”

Eyna curled her hand.

Sthuna watched her carefully. It was with astonishment, then, that he realized her hands had changed. It wasn't a full change. But they were no longer human hands. Their ends curled in clawed points like a dragon.

“Eyna, that’s…”

She gave a little sound of assent. “Yes… I noticed. I have your claws. That means that mine are stained also.”

He gave a small growl. “No, it doesn’t. Just because you're connected to me does not mean that you have the same… Sins.”

“Maybe not the sins. But I'll still carry this curse with you. And everything it represents.” Eyna straightened. She turned, looking him straight in the eye. “I won’t say that I don’t care that you’ve killed before, Sthuna. I do. It's painful to think about. I think it's probably even more painful for you to have experienced it. And I don't want you to have to do it again. But…” She reached out and gently wove her clawed hands around his tail.

He curled his tail fully around her wrist in response. His silver scales met the expanse of her black ones.

“Even so…” Her voice was soft. “I accept you, Sthuna. I know what I see in you. You aren't harsh or wretched. No matter how much you try to convince me that you are.”

She didn't understand what she was saying. How could she? She hadn't been there in those moments. The taste of death on his tongue. The fury of battle.

His tail tightened around her wrist. “You don't know that.”

“I do.”

“No,” he growled, “You don’t. The whole purpose of the armies of the Arhra’Toar is to destroy. To conquer. And I have been a part of that. I have hunted dryads by tearing apart their homes. I have pierced the wings of harpies from the skies. I have used my acid to chew through the bones of spirit trees. Death follows me wherever I go. You don’t know. You don’t know anything at all.”

He was pushing her away. But at the same time, he couldn't let her go. His tail kept coiling, even as his words grew harsher. All three of his hearts were pounding - for there was a part of him desperate for her to see all, and still accept him.

Please. Don’t reject me. Even if you know. Even if you see the darkness in me.

“Sthuna-”

His voice was low and menacing. Deadly menace laced in it. “This curse. Do you want to know how I acquired it? The terrible things that I did to incur the wrath of a pure being?”

Silence.

Ruby red eyes met emerald green ones.

Falling water and desperate hearts.

Her lips parted.

He watched them with dilated pupils.

She looked at him with an expression as fierce as his own. His little warrior.

“Yes. I do.”