Day 32: Ava

The sun gleamed through the window, hitting my face. It was morning. Hard to believe all that had happened just yesterday. But no matter how tragic it was, time didn’t stop. Not a second to grieve. Not a second to rest. I sat up and looked around. Leo was still asleep. His cheeks were stained with tears. I could tell that he was crying all night. It was heartbreaking that he still believed their deaths were his fault. It didn’t matter what I said—his guilt wouldn’t let go of him. If only I could do more for him. His eyes slowly began to open and he got up.

“Where are we?” 

I guess so much had happened yesterday he forgot that we decided to sleep here last night.

 “We’re in the lake house,” I replied. He looked around and his eyes widened, as if he had remembered something.

“T-there were supposed to be three people here! Did you end up running into him?”

“Yeah, I found him.”

“Did he get away?”

“No… I killed him.”

Silence. Heavy and still.

“Oh.” Leo looked down and away. Something was stirring in him. “How? How were you able to do it?”

“I just… shot him, I guess.”

“No, I mean—how could you go through with it? Didn’t you hesitate? Didn’t it mess you up? Taking someone’s life like that?”

I paused. “I guess... my desire to live was stronger than my fear of killing." A silence filled the room as I thought to myself, "Remember when we first talked at the café?”

“Yeah.”

“I told you I was scared of the world ending—because I actually care about living. And now... I care even more. After what happened with that man, after you saved me—I value my life more than ever. So if killing is what it takes to survive, I’ll do it. I don’t like it nor hate it, but I’ll do it.”

“You care about your life…” he whispered to himself, his gaze drifting to the window.

“Don’t you?”

“To be honest… I don’t really have a preference.” His voice was soft. Honest. “The night before we met at that café… I was going to kill myself.”

My eyes widened and I stared directly at him. “I had no idea. I’m sorry.” He smiled—an empty, fragile thing. As if dying was the only thing that made sense to him now. He didn’t answer me. I didn’t know what to say after that but I just had to ask, “What made you stop?”

“I saw the news. That the world was ending. And I thought… if the death I deserved was already coming, I might as well enjoy whatever was left before it arrived.”

Deserved? What does he mean by that?

“You were smiling when we met… because you didn’t care if you lived?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“I thought you cared more—because you wanted to experience life before it ended.”

He looked away. “Yeah, no. Sorry to disappoint you.”

I was stunned. Everything about Leo—the way he smiled, the way he laughed—had made me think he valued life more than I did. After hearing about my death, I wanted to give up. But after escaping that attempted assault, I wanted to live even more. I thought Leo would be the same after yesterday. But it was the opposite. 

He nearly died… and gave up. But why?

I had to say something, I needed to say something to cheer him up. But I couldn’t think of a thing.

What can I say? What could help him? Why can’t I be supportive right now? I have to think of something now! He might do something if I don’t. 

“Then what about our bet?” I blurted.

“W-what?” He looked at me, puzzled.

“You said you'd prove life was still worth it—before the nine months are up. That means you have to stay alive till then. No backing out early.”

He glanced away. “Seems like I’ve already won. You’re killing to stay alive. Even with the world ending, you still fight for your life.”

He wasn’t wrong. But I couldn’t let it end there. “I only did it for you. For your family. If they weren’t in danger, I wouldn’t have cared about living.” The lie came out shaky. He caught it.

“Yeah—sure…” He looked down, unconvinced.

I was lying—and he knew it. But what scared me more was how much I wanted it to be true. That I only cared about surviving for someone else. Because if that wasn’t the reason… then what was? Why did I fight so hard?

I watched him closely. He looked broken, like he could give up at any second. I could tell that he was ready to die at that very moment. As I was staring at him it finally hit me. It was because of Leo. “Okay, that was a lie.” I admitted, “You’re right. I want to live. But it’s because of you.”

He didn’t respond.

“You reminded me that life’s still worth fighting for. Even now. Don’t tell me you’ve given up?”

He ignored my question, “Does this mean I won?”

“N-no. Not yet. You only win if you’re still alive at the end of the nine months.”

“Why? If I’ve proved the point, I’ve won.”

“Because if you’re gone, I won’t last either. I find strength in you. So please…” I leaned forward, locking eyes with him. “Live. Just until then. For me.”

“Okay… I’ll live.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. There was something he wasn’t saying, something he was hiding.

After a little bit I told him I had to take care of something. I told him to stay here, rest up, and to try anything. I couldn’t guarantee he wouldn’t attempt suicide... so I made a threat. “Hey, if you try to kill yourself then I’ll—I’ll kill myself.” It was a lie, but a necessary one.

“Why would you do that?!”

“Because—if you die, I would have nothing to live for…” Everything was a lie but those words felt genuine. I guess he felt it too because he agreed and took my threat to heart.

I had decided to take care of the bodies. I knew that he was in no condition to see any bodies, especially the ones of his parents. I dragged all three of the criminals’ bodies to a spot and lit up a match. I was on a plain field so burning it here wouldn’t start a huge fire, just one big enough to get rid of the bodies. Before I threw the match I heard a buzz, it was coming from one of their phones. I walked over to the body and grabbed the phone. It read,

Is everything going well?

Hello?

We’re on the way. We’ll be there in a day.

Shit, people are on the way here. I quickly threw the match and started running to the house. If people are coming then I have to do this quickly. On the way to the house, I was stopped by Leo.

“You’re supposed to be resting right now.” I told him.

“What are you doing?” His voice cracked with confusion and something close to fear.

I was hesitant to answer at first, but I knew I couldn’t get away with lying. Especially with my blood stained hands. “I’m—getting rid of the bodies.”

“Alone?”

“Yeah, you’re in no condition to help out with this.”

“I told you I was fine.” He was lying. “Besides, I caused their deaths. So I want to be the one to bury them. Or at least help...”

I was reluctant to let him help out at first. But I caved, it was his parents after all. He had a right to bury them. “You sure you’ll be able to handle it?”

“Yeah, I can do it.” He sounded unsure yet a little determined. Hopefully doing this will give him some comfort to replace the guilt.

“All right then. I just burned the bodies of the criminals so we can head to the house for your parents. By the way, more people are on the way here. I saw a text from one of their phones saying that his friend would arrive. So we have to be quick about this.”

“Okay, let’s go then.”

We rushed to the house and up the stairs, each step heavier than the last. When we reached the second floor, silence met us like a wall. The bodies lay there, untouched—as if time had frozen around them. I looked at the bodies and felt a wave of sadness rushing over me. These people were so kind. They didn’t deserve to die this way. I felt my eyes welling up, but I couldn’t cry. 

Not right now, I need to be strong for Leo.

We hovered over the bodies not saying a thing. Leo broke the silence first. “There’s a shovel in the shed. Can you start digging? I… I want to be with them a little longer. Sorry if I’m asking a lot.”

“Yeah. Of course. There’s no need to apologize.”

I found the shed, grabbed the shovel, and started digging just beyond the tree line. One shallow grave. Not deep enough, but that's all we had time for. By the time I finished, Leo had brought his mother down—carrying her like something sacred. He laid her gently in the first grave and disappeared inside again. I dug a second beside the first. His parents deserved to rest together. By the time I was done he still hadn’t come down. I walked back in the house and asked him if he was okay. He said that he was but it didn’t sound like it. I waited a few minutes then he returned with his father. His arms were shaking from the weight, or maybe the grief. After lowering the body into the second grave, he raised the shovel. He froze, unable to pick up any dirt. I walked over to him and placed my hand on his shoulder, “Let me do it,” I said. He thanked me and he sat on the porch steps, knees drawn to his chest. I filled the graves. When I finished, Leo stumbled over and fell to his knees, sobbing into the earth. Begging them to forgive him. He still felt like he killed them. I tried comforting him saying that it wasn’t his fault. But my words had no effect.

We eventually washed off the blood and left the house. Leo seemed to have calmed down a little, but he was in no condition to drive. I told him to grab his stuff so we could leave. As he left I noticed two white vans were parked outside—left behind by the men who attacked us. Inside were gas cans, food, and water—more than we had left. I decided to take their van. I remembered there was a key on the ground when we headed back into the house to get Leo’s parents. I walked back into the house and there it was on the ground. Fortunately, I hadn’t burned the keys along with the body. I turned on the car and the gas tank was full, so we definitely had to take this van. It was the best option we had.

I then grabbed some clothes we would need and headed over to the barn. I needed something stronger than the old rifle. I found a better weapon for me and Leo and stocked up on ammo. I grabbed a few more guns and a good amount of ammo before leaving. I also noticed that there were two bikes and a camping tent in the barn so I grabbed that too. I put it all on a cart to drag then started to head out. But before I decided to leave I turned over to the barn. 

No one should have access to all of that, especially those dirty criminals’ friends.

I lit up a match to throw it into the basement with all the guns. I wasn't concerned about starting a dangerous fire this time. I would rather deal with that than a bunch of murderous scumbags.  I walked back to the van and placed all of the things I had grabbed into the van. Leo finally made his way back with a backpack which seemed to be full of clothes and he put that into the van too. We now have a decent amount of food, clothes, gas, and weapons. We should be set for a while. Leo offered to drive but I just told him to rest. We finally left his home.

Hopefully Leo can leave the guilt—along with his home—behind. 

He asked if we should stop by the town and if we should rest there but I didn’t think it was safe. If someone in town told the criminals about the weapons, they were probably after them too. And I doubt it was for self defense. So we just drove in a random direction, away from his hometown. Leo fell asleep quickly. I guessed he had used up all his energy crying. As soon as he fell asleep I couldn’t hold my tears back anymore. Tears started rushing down my face. I wish I could’ve gotten there earlier to save Leo’s parents. I wish I had gotten there earlier to save Leo from all this pain. If only I had arrived earlier…

We drove for about five hours before I spotted a campsite. I looked over at Leo, he was still asleep, so I couldn’t ask if he knew how to camp. Still, wasting gas felt stupid, so I turned around and headed for the site. Pulling in I see some picnic tables and a trail. The trail was big enough for the van so I drove down that trail. I didn’t want to be far away from the car so I drove a little into the forest. I parked the car and looked around. It was quiet. It was perfect.

We can rest here for now