Crimson

“You’re useless!”

When I opened my eyes I found myself in the black space again.

“Get out of here!”

I turned around to see the same exact red blob from last night.

It’s the same words as last time, I thought, why is it always those words?

But then the blob says something different.

“You can’t do a single damn job correctly, can’t you?”

“All you had to do was one thing. One thing!”

“How could you overlook something so important?”

“I… I was just trying to help!” I suddenly shouted, but just like before I didn’t know why I said that.

The response felt natural—almost as if it was scripted in a sort of way like I was a part of a play and couldn’t leave.

This is another dream again, isn’t it? I thought.

I wasn’t as naive as I was the first time I experienced it—I knew it was a dream this time around. After all, it was kind of easy to tell when it was almost an exact replica of the first one.

I expected it to at least vary a little past the things it was saying, especially with everything I experienced today, and all the things I saw, but despite all of it, I was put in the same black space as the night before with the same exact red blob saying almost the exact same mean things.

If you’re going to talk bad about me at least give me some context, I thought, at least tell me exactly why you’re so angry at me.

“...they don’t want you here anymore. It’s best that you moved away.” the blob continued mumbling, “you’ve always said you wanted to go to Tokyo right? Take this as your opportunity to go. Leave everything behind and never return.”

Tokyo? I thought, where was that? And why did I want to go there?

“Why do I want to go to Tokyo?” I asked the blob, hoping to get some answers, “who is it that doesn’t want me here?! Where is this ‘here’ you keep talking about anyway?!”

I got angrier and angrier and become more and more frustrated as the blob keeps spitting out random things, however, it remains unfazed and doesn’t stop.

“...find a good college to pursue what you always wanted to do.”

“What is it that I always wanted to do?!”

“Find a way to make a living. I’m sure there's at least one job out there you’ll be good at.”

“I’m sure of that too! Why wouldn’t there be?!”

“Forget everything that happened here, and move on.”

“I don’t want to forget what happened! I want to know more! Why won’t you tell me what happened?!”

Suddenly, the blob grows a pair of large arms and roughly grabs me by the shoulders. Its form and shape grew larger and larger until it loomed over me menacingly.

“EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT! ALL YOUR FAULT! IF YOU NEVER CAME HERE NONE OF THIS WOULD’VE HAPPENED!”

Shocked by the sudden aggression, I try to break free from its slimy arms, but it roughly holds me there and continues shouting.

“THE BOSS SHOULD’VE NEVER OFFERED YOU THIS JOB! YOU’RE AS USELESS AS THEY SAY YOU WERE! YOU MAKE EVERYTHING WORSE!”

“But why…? What did I do?!” I shouted, still trying to break free from its grasp, “Why are you so angry at me?!”

“YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I’M SO ANGRY?! YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID WRONG?!”

“Of course I do! I want to make it up to you!”

“YOU CAN’T! ...I CAN’T—WE CAN’T!”

We?

Suddenly, the blob begins to shift and transform even more, this time shrinking taking the shape of a figure I knew all too well.

Me.

It took the shape of me.

Its form wasn’t the only thing that changed however—its color did too. Instead of being red, blob-me was now blue, and had a calm expression on her face.

“You can’t just apologize to something that no longer exists. Besides, didn’t he tell you that it’s best that we forget it all?” the blob-me said, “the old place doesn’t exist anymore. Let’s just enjoy our time in Tokyo.”

“But who is this ‘he’ you keep talking about? What is this ‘place’ you keep mentioning? And what happened there? Where is Tokyo? Is that where my current location is in the real world?”

“...Wow… we really forgot about him too huh…?”

“If you would just tell me, I would remember.”

“I could… but it’s best that I don’t. It would only make things worse, seeing as we got an eviction notice.”

I didn’t understand what an eviction notice had to do with that, but I continued asking more questions.

“Then what about this ‘place’ you were yelling about.”

“Like I said, it’s best if you forget about that too. And let me make it clear that it wasn’t me—it wasn’t us—who was yelling at you about those things; it was the people who lived there…”

“But why? Why would they say those things?”

“Because they were angry. Angry at us. Angry at what we did.”

“But what did we do?”

“...I told you to forget about it.”

“NO! I won’t! I want to know! I want to know what I did to make them angry! I want to stop having this stupid dream! I want to be able to dream about other things!”

“...That’s a lot of ‘wants’ for someone who wanted nothing more than just to not be bored a few days ago.”

This time I had no response. Blob-me was right. I had changed—that was for sure—and it was probably for the better too. I didn’t hate the way that Emuru had changed me, but still, it hurt to be wanting so many things I couldn’t have.

Blob-me silently thinks for a moment, before slowly looking back up at me and giving me a look filled with so much anger and hatred that it caused me to flinch back a little.

“Fine! You want to know?!” she shouted, “you want to know so badly?!”

“I do!” I shouted back, matching her energy.

“You’re not ready for it!”

“I am!”

“You’re not!”

“Try me!”

“Fine! …Fine…! But don’t say I didn’t warn you…”

Suddenly, blob-me begins to turn back into the red blob from before, except this time, not only was it bigger and much more menacing, it was also more monstrous in form.

“IF YOU HADN’T COME HERE—If you hadn’t come here–! She would’ve… she would’ve still been with us…”

Suddenly, I felt a strange liquid begin to ooze down from the ceiling, slowly dripping down and splattering onto my face. Upon taking a bit of it off and examining it, I noticed it was red.

What is this…? And who is this ‘she’ the blob keeps talking about?

The viscous liquid continued to ooze faster and faster until it began sprinkling down like little raindrops, slowly filling up the void around me as I noticed it starting to pool up around my feet.

Afraid, I frantically looked around for a place to escape to, but the void was endless as it was small, with no place to escape to despite seemingly having plenty. The red liquid continues to fill up the space until it reaches up to my neck, and I was forced to tilt my head up a little to prevent myself from drowning. It was at this point that I felt an overwhelming sadness loom over me, combined with the sudden urge to start crying.

“It’s all my fault,” I suddenly said, my mouth moving on its own as tears begin to stream from my eyes, “All of it—everything. Everything is my fault. It’s my fault. It’s my fault, it’s my fault, it’s my fault it’s my fault it’s my fault it’s my fault it’s my fault it’s my fault, it’s my fault! It’s my fault! It’s my fault!”

I kept screaming and screaming it over and over again, uncontrollably on repeat, unable to stop myself until the space around me completely filled up with the red liquid and I began to drown, silencing me as my lungs filled up with the rust-flavored substance.

Submerged within the deep confines of the water, I suddenly felt a hand reach over to me and grab me on the shoulders.

It was blob-me.

“See? I told you we can’t handle it. It was best to live in an illusion after all—but I suppose someone already ended up helping us break out of it anyway didn’t she?”

I remained silent, the wave of emotions swirling inside me like a relentless storm.

“Stay with her,” blob-me continued, “and maybe you’ll become strong enough to handle the full truth one day. Once you do, I’ll return once more, and we can both move onto doing what we’ve always wanted to do.”

Blob-me gives me a gentle push, and I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean of red liquid, until I hit what felt like the bottom of it all—a soft, cushy feeling.

A familiar feeling.

A feeling that told me that my eyes were actually closed the whole time.

Grudgingly, I opened them to find myself back in the real world.

I had finally woken up.