That Wasn't Just Friendship

Night had fallen a while ago upon the city, although the rain still continued to pour. The patter of it against the window had been nearly constant since the early afternoon, and it had shown no signs of slowing down.

Miyami sat curled up on her bed in a fetal position, her mind a whirlwind of thoughts. She had her favorite blanket wrapped around her, and she clutched a small plushie close to her chest as she stared blankly into the dark.

After the emotional rollercoaster of a lunch she'd had earlier, she had taken a quick shower and then retreated to her room for the rest of the night. It had been a rough yet heartfelt one, and she was still trying to process everything.

Her heart still fluttered whenever she recalled the memories of Hinoka's warmth before the outburst, and the way the ponytailed girl's touch had lingered on her back. It had been a little bit frightening, but also exhilarating, and she was still trying to figure out why she hadn't felt more scared.

Why had she let Hinoka hold her for so long without saying anything? It should've made her feel uncomfortable and nervous. It should've made her feel embarrassed and vulnerable.

And yet, it didn't.

Her hand squeezed the fluff of her hedgehog plushie, and the softness reminded her of the moment. The way her heart had pounded in her ears, the way her breath had hitched in her throat. The way her body had shivered as she had tried to control her trembling.

"…"

She shifted slightly in her sheets as her thoughts wandered.

That hadn't been the only thing though. Miyami was still surprised at herself for how bold she'd acted after Hinoka's sudden push—grabbing and pulling her back to the couch to have a talk. That definitely wouldn't have happened a couple of months ago.

It might've helped that she'd recognized something about the pain in her friend's eyes in that moment—doubt, anger, sadness, and something else.

Fear.

Something in her had clicked when she'd noticed that. She couldn't have had Hinoka just leave feeling that. Not after she'd tried to reach out and connect with her.

Miyami's hands echoed the same soothing strokes she'd run along Hinoka's back earlier, and her lips quivered. She could remember the way her body had felt against hers. Strong, lean, and tense.

Miyami had always imagined the shorter girl to be nothing but tough, but the way she'd melted when her hands ran over her, and the way she'd relaxed when she'd hugged her—

A sharp noise escaped her lips, and her cheeks grew hot as her heart rate picked up.

The memory was too vivid.

Miyami's eyes drifted to the bedroom door, still partially open from when she'd gone to the bathroom a while ago.

She wondered how her friend was feeling right now, and if she was okay. The poor girl had looked absolutely exhausted when she'd walked her back to her apartment beneath her umbrella.

Was Hinoka still awake? Or was she asleep, dreaming peaceful dreams?

Miyami's heart fluttered at the thought of Hinoka peacefully snoozing away.

Was this normal for friends?

Miyami clutched her eyes closed for a brief moment, focusing on the fluff of her bed to ground her.

That question had been lingering in her mind since the lunch, and Miyami was still trying to wrap her head around it—was it normal?

She'd never really had any friends, or really anyone close in her life at all, so she had no idea how to answer that. However, if she went with her gut feeling formed from the various literature and media she'd consumed, then it was definitely not what friends would typically do.

So why hadn't it felt strange?

Why hadn't she felt the need to pull away and keep a distance? Why had she instead welcomed the closeness, and why had it felt so… right?

'…You already know. Don't try to pull off the innocent act again.'

"…" Chibi Hinoka whispered from deep within her, and the flush of her cheeks grew stronger. Miyami rolled to her side, her fingers fidgeting with her hair as the rain pattered on.

This was her new life, one where she was going to be brave. One where she would be kind and strong and not hold back her feelings.

One where she was going to be honest.

'Just admit it already. Seriously! We both already know!'

Miyami let out a soft sigh, her eyes tracing over the darkened ceiling as she listened to the rain. There was no point denying her cute, perceptive, and blunt interloper. Not after everything that had happened.

She was in love with her friend. And she'd fallen hard.

***

Hinoka groaned and rubbed her eyes, her brow furrowing as she stared at her laptop in the dimly lit room, her vision blurry from staring at the screen too long. She was hopelessly trying to distract herself from her thoughts as the rain pattered outside her bedroom window.

It wasn't working.

The brown-haired woman looked away from the computer briefly, instead gazing out at the drum of raindrops against the windowpane. The sound of water rushing down the drainpipes echoed faintly throughout her small apartment bedroom where fitness equipment and work-out related paraphernalia lay strewn about.

After that incident, she'd exhausted herself in Miyami's arms until no more anxious tears would come. It was embarrassing to have cried like a child in front of the person she was trying to impress, but she was also thankful that she was there to comfort her through the worst of it.

Miyami hadn't rejected her.

Her lips quivered slightly as she thought of that moment. The way the girl had reached out and hugged her, the way she had been able to feel her heartbeat against her chest. Her warmth, her scent, her softness.

Hinoka always had the impression in her mind that she needed to be the strong one, the one who was always in control and could protect those around her—to show that she wasn't someone to be tread on. After all, that had been the trait that'd drawn the few flings and fleeting friendships she'd had in the past before her impulsiveness inevitably drove them away.

But Miyami was different, wasn't she?

Hinoka closed her eyes, and she was briefly transported back to their walk in the rain. The way their fingers had intertwined beneath the cover of the umbrella, how Miyami's hand had squeezed hers in a comforting gesture, and how the slightly taller woman had leaned in close as they'd walked together.

There'd even been a moment where some weird guy had been tailing them and eyeing her, but Miyami had glared back and pulled her in closer, eying him in return until he'd eventually disappeared out of sight.

That feeling of being the protected for once…

It made Hinoka's heart race.

She let out a frustrated noise and glanced around her room, as her old aircon stuttered a bit.

Miyami wasn't just cute, adorable, and insanely brave. She was a woman with a heart that beat for others, a hidden warrior who had faced down her own fears and was now protecting someone else from drowning in them.

She was a hero.

Hinoka's hero.

"Damn it…" Hinoka cursed softly, her cheeks burning red with emotion. She was in too deep. Way too deep. Her fingers ran through the fabric of her pillow and dug in, her teeth biting down on her bottom lip, especially as a memory of Miyami brushing back her bangs at her front door flashed through her thoughts.

She wanted to see the girl again. She wanted to hear her voice, her gentle words of reassurance and care, and the sound of her birdish laugh.

"…!" A sudden surge of impulsive recklessness came over Hinoka, and she threw aside her blanket, reaching for her phone. Perhaps Miyami would humor a call and try to talk for her. Just the thought of her high and soft voice was making Hinoka's heart race even faster.

Her hand diverted into the mattress. No. No, she shouldn't. It was way too late. Miyami was probably sleeping. The poor woman had already spent the whole afternoon entertaining her and her emotional rollercoaster.

UGH! Why was she such an idiot?! Why was she always doing the stupidest things, like pushing her friend off her couch?

Hinoka shook her head, her thoughts a mess. This was stupid. She was tired and emotionally drained, and her mind was running wild.

It'd only been a week since they'd met. There was no way she was actually in love. It was just an infatuation, an attraction to someone who'd been there for her in a time of need.

Yes, that was all. It wasn't like Miyami had somehow broken through her cactus-like exterior on literally the first day they'd met and taken root in her heart, causing her to backslide back into old habits. It wasn't like she'd actually fallen head over heels in love.

Right?

Hinoka's hands clenched tightly at her sides. The urge to call, to text, to do SOMETHING was overwhelming her, and it felt like her chest was about to burst.

She glanced at the phone in her hand when a suddenly great idea came to mind.

Hold on, hadn't Miyami mentioned something about a game she'd been playing in the quiet moments during lunch? Something called 'Fiery Emblem: Idols'? It had sounded super nerdy, but that was pretty cute in of itself. Maybe she could find something interesting in there to take her mind off of these thoughts.

That would work. Yes. That was a much better use of her time than calling up a kind soul in the middle of the night and waking her up. And who knew? Perhaps Hinoka could use this as an excuse to spend more time with Miyami, talking about the game and making her laugh.

She quickly unlocked her phone and looked up the name of the game on the store, installing the colorful icon and launching it once it finished.

A sudden swirl of cheerful lights, epic music, and fantastical characters filled her phone. The game's logo was displayed in the center of a stylized stage, and a host of idol singers stood behind it.

"Hello, and welcome to my castle, Producer!"

Oooh, this was so cute. No wonder Miyami had mentioned the game, even if it was only briefly. It was right up her alley, and Hinoka could picture the shy, introverted girl spending hours on this app.

This was perfect. She had found a healthy outlet to channel her raging emotions. All she had to do was dive into the story of the game and learn about the characters. Then, she could start conversations with Miyami and get to know more about her.

Yes. Yes, this was exactly what Hinoka needed—

Her eyes squinted a little as she saw an advert banner abruptly pop up.

Huh. 'New Player's Special Sale: 50% off on a 10-roll gacha ticket bundle. Guaranteed to pull a 5★ character!'

"…"

Hinoka blinked. The showcase idol reminded her of Miyami. The black-haired girl on her screen was smiling brightly, her eyes sparkling with joy as she held a microphone with a heart-shaped handle.

The resemblance was… uncanny. They had the same hair color, the same eyes, the same shy yet bright personality…

Her finger unconsciously moved to tap the purchase button.

*ding*

'Purchase complete!'

"…"

"SHIT!"