Mistakes

For two long years, the civil war had raged on. I was thankful that my King’s Deputy was competent enough to lead the army and also drive the usurpers to exile before they reached my land. The most I was tasked to do was to report back to the Deputy of any damages or enemies, which there were none.

The war destroyed trade and route safety though, which put my people at risk of increased bandit attacks. I opened a new regiment to act as a security force for the commonfolk along the reopened trade routes, simply called the patrol corps. The new conscripts were merchants, commodity farmers, maids, and much more who lost their jobs during this petty noble squabble. They were not soldiers yet, so I had them as light patrolmen who would carry information to the main army instead of using them as fodder, like other nobles would.

I had not heard back from my love, nor could I send a letter to her. Everyday felt like being drawn and quartered, and put back together to experience the pain again the next night. I realized that she was the one who carried me through my severe depression with her love letters. I realized that I depended on her love, not even knowing who she was or what she looked like. Unfortunately, that was my weakness. I was always depending on someone’s hard work to help myself. I had to learn to be more self-reliant if I wanted to protect my realm.

Thankfully, my Thraliga expedition was not noticed. Lord Asshole and other the nobles blamed the usurpers for the lack of monsters and Thraliga. Some of his commonfolk sent for me to sell them Thraliga due to a massive shortage of the supply they had from the north. Because I had slain a majority of the monsters in the forest, however, bandits had sprawled throughout it, making travel between the trees just as dangerous as before. This deterred Wechia’s commonfolk from harvesting their own Thraliga. I had to correct my mistake, and I gave a large portion of Thraliga in bulk back to those commonfolk.

To earn the Thraliga back, I had to compile another hunting party, and kill the bandits to correct my mistake. Out of hundreds of bandit parties, only a handful survived and fled the forests. However, they had plundered most of the Thraliga, and I was left with nothing until the next winter season. I had completely failed my people.

***

A few months after focusing my attention on rebuilding my trade economy while punishing myself for my mistake, a new messenger bird landed in my chambers. I had not paid attention to the bird coop in a long time, and the bird startled me to the point of drawing my sword. The envelope looked oddly familiar, and in no time, I rushed to open the letter. It was her.

“My Dearest Beloved,

I want to deeply apologize for the long while without a letter… I am aware that it was your turn to send me a letter, but it was my responsibility to check for your safety. The war pushed my family to settle in another area, and I believe the invaders had shot down my messenger birds, so I had to find and train new ones. My heart ached and ached everyday for a miracle that your next letter had made it to me despite the chaos…

I wish for a world that stops its wars to support its people… All of this killing and neglect will destroy us from within.

How has your tavern been? I know that things have been difficult with the trade routes completely blockaded, and I am so worried about your business… If you need money, I can send you a few gold coins to support you… just please request whatever you need…

I again apologize, for this letter will be a short one. I have no time and I must take care of my mother and my community. We are still in danger and we have to keep moving to survive.

Take care, and I hope to hear from you soon, my dearest love.

Your Beloved”

There were many familiar and unfamiliar emotions that exploded in a wave, like the ocean waves drowning a man who could not swim. As much as I wanted to stay independent from emotional responses, I had no intention of ignoring my feelings this time. I sobbed from morning to the peak of sunlight, and then I sobbed again after the passing of twilight. I longed for her to write back, but to read that she and her family were suffering so much… It was a twisted version of the Underearth that allowed pleasure and pain to morph into one blade and stab me right through the heart.

She still believed that I am a tavern keeper, or perhaps a commonfolk, which somewhat explains her secretive language. Letters between commonfolk would have been ignored by these particular usurpers. However, if she was a noble, it would cause massive controversy among the nobility, since high-borns could not engage in romance with low-borns. That was the twisted world we lived in. Perhaps I should reveal who I was in the next letter. That would hopefully open the dialogue of protecting her people. Despite being a Barony, my realm was as powerful as a typical county.

Despite her suffering, she offered to help me by sending gold. This selfless woman could not be any kinder. At this point, it was sorely clear that she was of high-birth: offering gold coins without hesitation, the recognition of war tactics, the ability to train messenger birds. In fact, that piqued my curiosity. How was she able to train a new bird to fly to my keep without having to imprint the location of my keep or myself? What technique was she using, and who else knew how to do this?

Perhaps I lost myself in my thoughts more than my drink. It was clear that she wanted nothing but a sign that I was alive and well. I would hide my identity once again, like the coward I always was.

“My eternal love,

My heart and my soul pains to hear about your struggles during the war. I have spent much time sobbing after reading your letter.

Please do not worry much about my financial situation… I have done well with the tavern, and I was able to save much gold to rebuild what I have lost. It should be me to offer you help this time. I want to send for you, and bring you to the town to protect you and your family from any more conflict. I do not want to witness your people constantly fleeing from war and other dangers with no safety in sight. Please, I beg you with all of my existence and all of the gods’ essence, let me send for you.

The lord of the land has helped our people. He is a reasonable man. If I am not enough, let me convince him to protect you. I swear to you that you will be safe no whenever you are here.

Please send back as you receive this letter… I love you too much to allow your suffering any longer.

Your beloved,

Marcus”

Tears dropped down my face as I frantically composed this letter. I had to save her, as she saved me before with her letters. Why did I choose to hide myself again? I was afraid that she would stop writing back to me, knowing that I was lying to her this entire time. However, in a life and death situation like this, any human would accept any form of safety, regardless of the source. Would she still accept an offer from a noble during this time?

Again, my selfishness had pulled me back into my dark place again. This time, I could only be patient with her choice, especially if she was the sole person making decisions for her people. She had to evaluate the risks to her people if she made a wrong judgement call. She may know who “Marcus” was, but her family and her people might not, especially if it was an affair with a commonfolk, or even another noble.

I sent the letter off with the new bird, praying to the God of Luck that it survives this time. The letter would probably arrive late, knowing that my love and her people had most likely moved locations again. This would be the most important test of my patience thus far in my life.