Chapter 16: Fear

When Zophie got out of the shower, I could hear her bare feet pattering against the flooring. She peeked her head into the living room from the hallway, her wet hair falling down her body.

“Do you have another towel?” The one she’d brought with her to the bathroom was wrapped around her torso, covering her modesty, I noticed. Something about looking at her like that stunned me for a second. “Asmo?” she prodded.

“Uh, yeah.” I’d often shower after working out, after all. “Let me go get it.”

As I walked past her, into the hall, and headed to my bedroom, she was quick to follow me. I could see her in the corner of my eye, holding the green towel up with one hand, all while water dripped down her hair in rivulets across her upper body.

As we entered the bedroom, she spoke up again. “Maybe we can get a hair dryer, too? Or,” she quickly corrected herself. “Not if it’s too expensive.”

“No, I’ll get you one tonight— with the toothpaste.” I agreed easily. My piles of mortal money wouldn’t do me any good, anyway.

“Asmo?” she questioned, just as I was rummaging through my closet for a towel.

I looked back to acknowledge her.

“Thanks,” she said simply, but with an outstanding amount of warmth.

“Yeah.” Turning back to the closet, I quickly grabbed another towel for her and then handed it over.

Captivated, I watched as she used it to squeeze the water out of her hair. Then, with more elegance than the situation deserved, she wrapped her hair up in the towel, wearing it almost like a hat. The end result looked kind of silly, but I still just stared at her.

“Everything okay?” she asked.

For a moment, I didn’t know why, but then it clicked. “Oh yeah, sorry for staring.”

Her face blushed before she grabbed ahold of my arm and began dragging me out of the room. “That’s okay!” she said, trying to cover up her embarrassment. “But now I’m going to get dressed so it’s time for you to leave!” she rushed the words out.

With a click, the door closed behind me.

***

Just as I’d suspected she would, Zophie made us lunch, and we hung out after that, too. Mostly watching what she called ‘retro’ movies on the VHS. About halfway through, I noticed she’d snuggled up next to me on the couch, her body snugly fit into my side. I wrapped my arm around her, then, allowing her warmth even closer to me. With our height difference, her head easily rested on my shoulder. She practically melted into me.

We were running out of things to watch, though, since she didn’t want to bother with any of what she called ‘action flicks’. I added movies and a better TV to the list of things to buy later.

For dinner, she made some kind of broccoli and beef stir fry, which reminded me of the time I spent in East Asia… of where I met Hannya. In some weird, limited, messed-up way, Hannya and Zophie were similar: they both had managed to get me to eat mortal food.

Then, it was time for me to go out shopping, since she’d need her toothpaste before bed. After I let her know I’d be heading out soon, she followed me to the front door. As she began putting on her shoes, my entire body tensed up.

“What are you doing?” I asked her pointedly.

She furrowed her eyebrows. “Uh, is something wrong?”

“Where are you going?” I asked right back.

“I thought we were going shopping?” She looked just as tense as I felt. But, I got the sense it was for a very different reason than mine.

“You should stay here. I’ll pick up everything we need.”

Her face fell, and she looked at me with a deep disappointment. “Oh. I thought we were going together?” her voice shot straight to my heart, and suddenly I felt like an asshole.

Here I was, telling her she couldn’t come with me, even though she’d been looking forward to spending more time with me. And, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to spend time with her.

“Zophie, remember why I had you come live with me in the first place?”

“Because of Michael, right?”

“Yeah. If you go out, you might be in danger.”

She frowned, thinking my words over. “I don’t think that’s right, Asmo. Won’t I be a lot safer with you, rather than staying home all by myself?” I noticed the moment another idea brought itself to her. “And besides! You probably don’t even know what a Dee-vee-dee player is, how will you know what kind of entertainment to buy?”

“I’ll figure that out.” I waved her concern away. “This is about your safety.”

“And I’m saying I’ll be safer with you,” she stubbornly replied.

This felt like the first time we’d truly been in disagreement. Her face looked confident now. Despite looking up at me from her shorter height, I could see a strong spine in her. I had to mull over her argument for a bit, weighing her words. Would she be safer in the heart of my domain or with me directly? I was loath to let her go out at night at all.

“You can’t smother me, Asmo,” she said, just as strongly as before. “I’m glad you’re protecting me, but it’s endless misery to worry over me to such a degree— for both of us. I’ll feel trapped here at home, and you’ll slowly grow more and more resentful of the fact that you’re trampling on my feelings.”

Her words struck a chord in me, and I had to look at her differently after that. Gone was the sweet, naïve girl who went along with anything. Instead, here stood a woman of spine, who’d make sure the ones she loved didn’t do something self-catastrophic. And that’s what it was, I realized. She didn’t care much about her own feelings; to her, the most important part of this was how much my own actions would hurt me. At her core, that’s what Zophie was: selfless.

I could feel my resolve slipping, her words getting to me. But, still, my fear for her safety was overwhelming. I had to refuse. “No, Zophie, it’s too dangerous,” I said firmly, my voice sharp even to my own ears. “You’re staying here.” My words felt... hollow, like even I didn’t quite believe them.

Her face fell, hurt flashing in her eyes. But, she must have noticed how reluctant I was. “Asmo, you can’t lock me away like some fragile thing. I’m safer with you, and you know it.”

I clenched my jaw, fear warring with her words. “Michael’s out there, Zophie. I can’t lose you.” Even just the thought of it – the thought of her brightness vanishing – I couldn’t do it.

“And I can’t lose you by letting you smother me. We’re in this together, right?”

I rubbed at my face and especially over my eyes. When I opened them to look at her again, I reluctantly agreed with her, all of her points coming through to drown out the fear. She was right, even if my worry disagreed. “Fine. Let’s go together.”

She smiled up at me, hopping to the coat rack and putting on her jacket.

“And I don’t expect you to always listen to what I have to say— you have some good points.” I paused for emphasis, “But, if danger comes after us, you will listen to what I say. I say hide behind me, you hide. I tell you to run, you run. Got it?”

She nodded, easily agreeing. Then, with a skip in her step, she danced right next to me, reaching out and pulling my arm into her chest. She hugged it. “Got it!” She felt so soft, pushing into me.

And yet, a bone-deep tension still wound its way through me. I wouldn’t go back on my word now, but that didn’t mean I felt comfortable with the thought of her going out at night— even if we would be together. But, to her earlier point, would leaving her all alone in my domain really be any safer? At least if she was with me, I could actively protect her.

Then, so quick that it left me reeling, she pushed herself up onto her tip-toes and kissed my cheek. I stood there in mild shock, not quite putting together what had happened right away. Still hugging my arm, she leaned further into me, and I had to keep her balance for her even as my heart raced. Her face flushed red again, and she had to look away from me.

“You won’t regret this, Asmo. Thank you for listening.”